Nebraska-Omaha

Personal Attendant...thoughts?

Hello Nebraska ladies

I'm from a small town about an hour south of Lincoln.  I am thinking about making one of my friends my personal attendant.  I know she would be so good at helping me do things (if I asked her...not that I plan to do so...a LOT of things can be done by myself).  Every wedding that I have been to has had a personal attendant but I posted a comment about it in the Bridal Party board and I got a whole bunch of back lash!  A lot of those ladies thought having a friend be your personal attendant is the most awful thing that you could do and that you shouldn't have one unless you pay for it.  They said it's so rude to have your friend go around gophering all day for you and be your "personal slave".  I personally don't see it like that.  I want her help but not with being my slave.  She has already expressed an interest in helping with flowers and I know she would make a great personal attendant.

Are you guys having one?  Do you think it's wrong to have one?  I always thought it was really common.  At least in Nebraska...

Re: Personal Attendant...thoughts?

  • HuskerfanzHuskerfanz member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I did not have one for my wedding.  I know they are common in our area but that doesn’t make it a necessity.  If you are organized, there really isn’t anything that you should NEED anyone to do.  If you are worried about things getting done, then hire a DOC but I wouldn’t ask a good friend of yours to work.  If you want to have her around while you are getting ready, that’s great.  Just invite her to hang out with the rest of the girls.  Or, just ask her to be a bridesmaid…you don’t have to have even sides.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BabyFruit Ticker
    TTC #1 since 08/11 IUI#2 = BFP!
  • edited December 2011
    I have been a personal attendant three times this past year, for some of my very good friends. I did not EVER feel like a gopher, or a personal slave. For the most part, I helped as I was asked (and offered to help a lot more), but was basically just an extension of the bridal party (for two of the weddings...for one I actually had specific tasks). I think it's a great way to honor your friend(s), and a great way to include them in your big day. Like you already said, it isn't in any way a strategy to get them to follow your every command and boss them around all day. If you feel like including your friend, and feel like she will be a helpful hand, nerve-calmer, shoulder to lean on for your big day, by all means, include her. 

    *PS* I have been one of two personal assistants, one of four personal assistants, and one of three personal assistants. Personally, I am having two. Not that I feel I need two HELPERS, but because I didn't want to have an overwhelming number of bridesmaids, and wanted to include my friends in another way. 
  • edited December 2011
    Its completely normal is our area!!!! : ) And I think it's a great way to incorporate friends....no worriesl!  And oh my goodness some people are so rude in the wedding boards that arn't local...wow lol
  • edited December 2011
    I do not think its rude...I have lived all over the US, on the east coast, west coast down south now midwest...and its true there are varying opions on everything bridal and ettiquette and what not. I have noticed here on the knot some people have extremelly high opinions and will definately voice it..lol.... I think what it boils down to with everything to do with your wedding is this..its YOUR wedding and your Fiances wedding. You decide what works best for you and your family and friends and dont let anybody elses opinion change that.

    I think its a great idea. I think if the friend really wants to do it then why not. I think it would be a different story if shes not really up to the idea. I myself want one too but am having trouble figuring out who to ask. I am planning my own wedding but can only stretch myself so far and on the wedding day I dont want to be worrying about every little thing. It would be nice to have someone there to help me out!

    I think if you thank her in a special way with a small token of your appreciation...maybe even toast her for how much you appreciated her help during the reception I bet she will feel very special.

    GL and from reading your post I think you know what you want to do. So do it! =0)
  • edited December 2011
    Omg thank you both!!! I totally agree some of those people are a little rude...I'm trying not to get offended :)  but it is nice to get an outside nonobjective opinion from someone who isn't involved.

    Jena, thank you so much for your post, you share my same exact thoughts!  I know I don't want her as a bridesmaid but I do want to include her and I know I'm not going to go all bridezilla and make her my slave, because, no that is not what a personal attendant is for.  I also think it's so weird that those people have never heard of one!
  • edited December 2011
    no problemo!! =0)
  • edited December 2011

    The girls on the other message boards are very rude.  They don't like it if you even mention having your bridesmaids or family help you with anything.  If your friends & family express their interest in helping, then its perfectly acceptable to give them tasks.  I'm having a personal attendant, as an extension to the wedding party, but also because she knows FI's family & friends very well, growing up in the same small town, so she will be able to assist the photographer & church wedding coordinator with who needs to be where & in what pictures.  I've also asked others in the wedding party what tasks they want to help with...sometimes they beat me to it and ask what it is they can help with (example, my guest book attendant even wants to get a invitation party to help out...her suggestion, not mine).  And giving someone the title "personal attendant" doesn't mean you are going to put them to work...its just a title & a person to help calm your nerves.  People are overly sensitive to titles & the thought of putting someone to work for your big day...its not work if they want to help...

    Lesley and Casey I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance, A church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, He said one that would make me his wife. ~Author Unknown
  • edited December 2011
    Oh my moms best friend would be a great idea!! shes great with events in Ca.
  • akardiscoakardisco member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oo man, I'm sorry you posted on the wedding party board :( they're always so mean about that stuff!! Around here, every wedding I go to has at least one personal attendant. I will be having one for sure, possibly two. I really don't plan on asking them to help with anything. I just want them around on the big day, and they kept offering to help with things, so it worked.

    Definitely have one if you want. I don't see anything wrong with it. If you were going to give them a huge list of duties, then I would say hire a DOC. But it sounds like you have similar thoughts as far as making them an extension of the wedding party.
  • akardiscoakardisco member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    O! And welcome to the board! Not sure we have seen you here before! What's your wedding date?
  • edited December 2011
    GOOD FOR YOU! :) It's your day, and you do whatever you want...and whatever is going to make you a happy bride! 
  • e.barkleye.barkley member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm having one for my wedding because...
    1. She loves planning and is super organized
    2. Although she is a very dear friend to me - I ran out of room for her to be a bridesmaid, and really want her to feel more a part of the big day.

    That being said - she is going to act as a bridesmaid and be a part of every thing a bridesmaid does, except she doesn't have to purchase a dress and stand at the front of the church for the ceremony.

    She is loving being my personal attendant and feels very special that I asked her to do that for my wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    June 11, 2011 :)
  • RokkanenRokkanen member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am having one.  I don't really think of a PA as a slave - just someone else that can be there to provide moral support on the day of.  My attendant is one of my good friends and I know that when the BMs are worrying about their dresses and hair she will help me with my details.  I think it's an honor to be asked to be a part of someone's wedding.  I'm getting mine a gift and she is included in all the perks like RH dinner and the trolley...
  • lisa5556817lisa5556817 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong with having a personal attendant!!! I asked my soon to be sister in law, and she was thrilled. You need someone to help take the stress off of you on your big day.You don't want to be running around trying to make sure everything is taken care of.  I'm going to give my personal attendant a list of little things to do for me (making sure centerpieces are set up correctly, etc.). 
  • deb84deb84 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong with having a personal attendant or Brides helper.  I am going to be a brides helper in my friend's wedding this May and am SO excited about it!  And I plan to have one or two for my wedding in the Fall of 2011.  I know my friends and their personalities...if I thought it would offend them I would never ask-but I know it won't-they will be excited to be a part of my big day so I plan to ask.  I want someone I know will be organized and help keep me calm as I tend to be very emotional. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Photobucket
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards