Help?

shanding4787

I’m in need of a little help ladies. I’ve posted on here before about my situation, and since it’s not getting any better, I want to take a different approach. My parents can’t help out with our wedding financially (which I’m perfectly fine with) so I want them to help out in other ways..well mainly my mom, my dad just wants to walk my down the aisle lol. She was going to make all the bouquets for my bridesmaids but it’s been a never ending battle with my future in laws about doing fake flowers and I finally just gave up. I need as many ideas as possible for my mom to help out with because as of right now my future in laws seem to be taking over everything and I want to give my mom as much to do as possible since she’s starting to get her feelings hurt…suggestions? So far the only thing I can think of is the programs since my mom made them for my sister’s wedding and still has the template saved.

[Deleted User]

Can she help run the rehearsal(tell everyone where to stand and when to walk, etc).  Can she do the groom's cake maybe?  Can she do some different flowers like the ceremony flowers?  Help you make the favors? Help you shop for bridal party gifts?  Help you taste the cake?  Host an inexpensive bridesmaid's luncheon and/or bridal shower?

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:4857bfe1-d804-49e4-8cf8-ec002776023ePost:4f9c3baa-681b-45b2-afb1-c6dcd7137f27">Re: Help?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can she help run the rehearsal(tell everyone where to stand and when to walk, etc).  Can she do the groom's cake maybe?  Can she do some different flowers like the ceremony flowers?  Help you make the favors? Help you shop for bridal party gifts?  Help you taste the cake?  Host an inexpensive bridesmaid's luncheon and/or bridal shower?
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

My aunt aka wedding coordintor/wedding nazi, is handling the rehearsal but the rest are good ideas! Thank you :)

vk2204

Take your mom with you on wedding related outings. Keep her in the loop on everything. She doesn't necessarily need to DO something, just make her feel included. Ask her opinion on things, even if your FMIL is the one doing it, make sure your mom's suggestions are heard, ya know? That is all I have right now, I will try and think of other ideas.

ChiGirl2013

If it's causing your mom to have hurt feelings, then it's time for your FI to tell his mom to back off.  The last thing you want is for one set of parents to hate or resent the other for "taking over."  Better to nip this in the bud now, rather than have another 9 months of arguments and hurt feelings.  Sit down with your FI and "assign" half the duties to his mom and half to your mom.  If your FMIL can't respect the fact that your mom wants to be involved in her own daughter's wedding planning, then that's incredibly disrespectful on her part and that needs to change.

As for the flowers - if your mom wants to do them, then your mom WILL do them.  If your FMIL isn't paying for the flowers, she has no say.  This is YOUR day. You do what YOU want.  If she doesn't like it, that's too dang bad.  She'll get over it.  If your FMIL IS paying for the flowers, can you maybe order them from fiftyflowers.com and have your mom arrange them? 

As for more ideas for your mom, can you have her put together a bathroom basket or help you with a newsletter/goodie bags for your out of town guests?  Can she help you assemble favors?  Can you pair her up with your photographer and make sure that all of your "must takes" get taken that day - the photog isn't going to know who is who if you just give them a list.  Maybe your mom can help round people up.  If you're doing non-floral centerpieces, your mom could help with that.  She can help with your DIY projects if you have any.  Is she computer savvy?  If so, have her create and maintain your wedding webpage.  Bring her with you when you register if your FI is OK with that.

What if you turned your mom into your wedding planner?  She can call to confirm everything a month before, then again a few days before, and handle any little last minute things that pop up.  Bring her with you for your hair trials and for your mani/pedi a few days before the wedding.  Make it a girls' day.  In my family, we always have someone hold a "card bag" that we put all the loose cards into so they're not laying around.  (I was at a wedding where the card box was stolen, so my family doesn't do card boxes anymore.)  Maybe your mom can be in charge of the card bag and of getting any boxed gifts packed up at the end of the night.

Spunky414

Who's paying for the flowers? I get letting go if it's not a hill you want to die on, but if the inlaws aren't paying for it don't give them that power. It sets a bad precedent. Otherwise you could go through a wedding checklist, see what you already have done and right down what you think mom would be interested in helping with. 

Neither sets of my and FI's parents have been super involved or really expected to be. We talked about our top choice options with them and then let them know when we decided.They don't have to have jobs or be at every meeting to know what's going on.