Mean ppl :( *vent*

iaep09

I went to the Not Yet Engaged board, because I do not officially have my ring yet although everything is already planned out. I quickly came back overhere.. those poeple on there are just plain mean! And most of them are already married and are just being mean to the girls that are still waiting for the proposal. Anyways just needed to vent, it made me so upset.

indigopsyche

Odd that there's married women on the Not Engaged Yet board - seems counter-productive to me to have a board like that and make it a hostile environment. 

I've noticed that this board seems rather quiet - I hope it picks up eventually though.

audrewuh

You don't make them angry unless you do something stupid... I'm on the NEY board as an NEY-er. Yes, there are some women on there that are engaged and married and they have been there longer than you can imagine. You've got to lurk before you post. 

I hope you find a happier place on TK!

ravenray

So if you don't have a ring and you aren't engaged... why do you have ticker with your "wedding" date? 

I think there is a big difference between being mean and not letting you indulge in your fantasies.   How old are you??

HULU

I agree with audrewuh on this one. The girls there are actually great, and it IS nice to have engaged (and even married) members joining in on the discussion, because they have experience and can help you if you have any questions. Everyone was NEY at some point and just because they're engaged/married now doesn't mean they didn't go through the same process as someone who's truly Not Engaged Yet. If they weren't there, the whole board would be filled with daydreaming girls, building up one another's unrealistic expectations, and telling each other what they want to hear, instead of trying to talk them back to reality when they start thinking everything is going to be perfect.

I encourage you to give NEY another chance. Yes, sometimes girls can be brutally honest or snarky, but there's really only one thing that will stir up the hornets nest, and that's (in some form or another) mentioning that you're already planning a wedding when you have no reason to be. (There's actually a topic at the very top that cleary states "Read First"... and it will tell you what to expect if you're posting on the NEY boards for the first time.) If you're not engaged, you don't need to be wasting the time you should be spending on your relationship on a wedding that may not happen for several more years, or at all. If you're more concerned about getting married than you are growing the relationship with your boyfriend, who's to say he'll even want to marry you at all, especially if you tell him your planning his future without any of his input.

On the other hand, if your boyfriend DOES want to commit to you in the regard and you both agree you want to get married, then consider yourself engaged. Any of the girls on NEY will  tell you that an engagement isn't about a ring, it's about a commitment to one another. If your boyfriend isn't quite ready, then give him time and continue loving him and building a relationship with him.

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:01e429c1-a938-47d4-8596-bf60af37de1c">Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]I went to the Not Yet Engaged board, because I do not officially have my ring yet although everything is already planned out. I quickly came back overhere.. those poeple on there are just plain mean! <strong>And most of them are already married and are just being mean to the girls that are still waiting for the proposal</strong>. Anyways just needed to vent, it made me so upset.
Posted by iaep09[/QUOTE]

Not true!  and like the other girls said, maybe lurk for a bit and then come back and reintroduce yourself :)

indigopsyche

I'm glad to get insight into that board - honestly I didn't join the Knot until I'd already been engaged for over a year. I just wasn't that into wedding planning since we're having a three year engagement. 

Now I'm curious about what set all of this off.... *goes to lurk on NEY*

tuarceatha

I think it is kinda mean to talk about people behind their back. Just sayin'...

indigopsyche

Y'know I think this is the most action this board has seen in awhile. So does anyone from NEY want to post the link so those of us here can see what's up? 

(ok, I'm just really curious now)

HULU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:10430e2c-a517-4ad0-aa10-cc1d20022d30">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]Y'know I think this is the most action this board has seen in awhile. So does anyone from NEY want to post the link so those of us here can see what's up?  (ok, I'm just really curious now)
Posted by indigopsyche[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If I'm not mistaken, I think the thread was deleted after the OP received replies she didn't want, which we call a DD (dirty delete). I could be mistaken, but I believe that's what happened.

</div>

indigopsyche

Oh that sucks - I hate when that happens. Especially if you're going to try and drag others into the argument - at least let us see the "mean" comments for pete's sake.

indigopsyche

I popped my head in and lurked for a bit - y'all seem rather normal. I tend to lurk on lots of boards since I just don't have the time to dedicate to one board - although I think it is awesome to see the close friendships that develop in different boards. 

Honestly I only check this board once a month at most - I just happened to check it today.

iaep09

I haven't deleted anything. We are already planing the wedding and already have a date. I just don't have my big ring yet so I do not technically consider myself engaged. I never posted anything on the NYE board. I just read another post were people were commenting just like ravenray, asking people how old they are an such. I am 28 by the way. Well educated, and well traveled. I do not think it is nice when people have to make comments like that and put other people down. I am for a more positive encouraging environment. The ticker I had I didnt even now I had by the way, just saw it yesterday, I was trying to figure out how to use this site years ago and I must have accidently put it on there.

I just think people should be supportive of one another. If someone does not like the way another person plans her wedding, it that does not mean that they are immature, stupid, or "indulging in fantasies".

I have introduced myself on this board. I was one of the first ones to take part in this board since I have been planing my wedding for forever. Just cause I myself do not consider my smaller ring to be an official engagement ring, does not mean that I am going to get married on the date that I already set. I already have venue, dress, flowers etc.
 
I am not talking behind anyones back, just venting to anyone on "my" board who would listen. Apologies if this post offended anybody. I was just shocked and appaled by some of the comments a girl was getting.

iaep09

I am glad I could stir up some action on this board


I can't find the post that set me off. I have been to NEY when I was truly NEY, back in 2007, yes we've been together for a long time. I did not post anything this time, I was merely reading another persons posts and the comments she was getting were not nice. I really wish I could track down that post again. I rarely post on these boards cause most people are very good at typing comments and such that they would not in a million years say to a person if they met them face to face. I am just straight up honest, but I still believe you can have some class and stay away from bullying.


HULU, I know it is not about the ring. However, everyone always asks to see my ring whenever I call him my fiance and such. so I just stopped saying I was engaged cause other people put such emphasis on the ring, it is just a pain trying to explain to people how you can be engaged without a ring.

indigopsyche

You have a date set, you're planning, but not engaged because your ring isn't big enough? Seriously? Geez now I know why you thought those gals were mean.

Guess I'm mean too because I think that once you have a ring - any ring - you are engaged. And from what I've seen, the regulars offer honest, blunt advice. Don't like it, don't read it. 

iaep09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:f659b2f0-e8eb-4406-9501-96a90ace63e1">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]You have a date set, you're planning, but not engaged because your ring isn't big enough? Seriously? Geez now I know why you thought those gals were mean. Guess I'm mean too because I think that once you have a ring - any ring - you are engaged. And from what I've seen, the regulars offer honest, blunt advice. Don't like it, don't read it. 
Posted by indigopsyche[/QUOTE]

I didn't say that the ring size matters. I have a promise ring right now, and it looks nothing like an engagement ring so other people (not myself), do not consider me engaged yet. To us we're am practically already married just need the piece of paper :)

indigopsyche

My mom's e-ring is a sapphire and diamond band - looks nothing like an e-ring. And who gives a flying crap what other people think of your ring or your engagement status? If you consider yourself engaged, then you're engaged. Tell those who doubt that you're not materialistic enough to demand a large ring for an engagement and watch them stammer. (Not that I'm saying having a big ring is materialistic, but it makes for a good comeback when dealing with snotty people). Personally I go into why the complex structure of beryl minerals makes them less common than simple carbon as to why I don't have a diamond.

Also - what the heck is a promise ring? I remember girls in high school having them but never really understood what the point was.

iaep09

I am not from America, so was not familiar with the promise ring concept until the lady at the store told me it was one. I have heard it's something teenagers do though. I assure you I am not a teenager.

My ring is just kinda childish looking cause I've had it since I was 22. Most poeple smile really big and pat me on the head and tell me it's so cute and adorable. I am pretty over wearing it, but its the only ring it got and I do love it

 I really enjoy your explanation  "the complex structure of beryl minerals makes them less common than simple carbon as to why I don't have a diamond" I will use that one in the future for sure...

Your mothers ring sounds beautiful. I love sapphires.

HULU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:58e38635-0216-41ba-9fee-b09407b003ef">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't deleted anything. <strong>1) We are already planing the wedding and already have a date. 2) I just don't have my big ring yet so I do not technically consider myself engaged. </strong>I never posted anything on the NYE board. I just read another post were people were commenting just like ravenray, asking people how old they are an such. I am 28 by the way. Well educated, and well traveled. I do not think it is nice when people have to make comments like that and put other people down. I am for a more positive encouraging environment.<strong>3)</strong> <strong>The ticker I had I didnt even now I had by the way, just saw it yesterday, I was trying to figure out how to use this site years ago and I must have accidently put it on there.</strong> I just think people should be supportive of one another. If someone does not like the way another person plans her wedding, it that does not mean that they are immature, stupid, or "indulging in fantasies". I have introduced myself on this board. <strong>4)</strong> <strong>I was one of the first ones to take part in this board since I have been planing my wedding for forever.</strong> Just cause I myself do not consider my smaller ring to be an official engagement ring, does not mean that I am going to get married on the date that I already set. <strong>5) I already have venue, dress, flowers etc.</strong>   I am not talking behind anyones back, just venting to anyone on "my" board who would listen. Apologies if this post offended anybody. I was just shocked and appaled by some of the comments a girl was getting.
Posted by iaep09[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1. Then you are engaged.</div><div>2. Then you shouldn't be planning a wedding. Otherwise, you're rendering the whole point of engagements pointless.</div><div>3. I can honestly say I've never heard of accidentalally opening your signature panel, and accidentally copy+pasting a ticker you've accidentally created.</div><div>4. So, you've initally put a lot of time and effort into planning a wedding, and he still hasn't proposed? Why should he? You've basically already said he's going to marry you, why should he waste his time with formalities?</div><div>5. What you lack, is a groom. And until you have one, this whole planning process is pointless and a waste of time. It's one thing to gather ideas and keep them in mind, but to plan to the point that you're wasting money or time for a wedding that may not even happen.</div><div>
</div><div>I understand how not having a ring would make you feel "less engaged" or not "official", but you have to remember that it's not about the ring. Rings are just material posessions. If your friends/family ask to see it, tell them that you've decided you want to look together, or that he wants to save up money to get you something really nice. Whatever the case, it's really not as uncommon as you might think. My stepmom was married a year before she got the engagement ring she really wanted. In the meantime, she wore a simple, cheaper ring that didn't cost hardly anything. It made it feel more official to her, but at the same time, gave her something to show others. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you involve your SO. He needs to know, especially since he's part of this life you're planning ahead.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div><strong>Edit: A "Promise Ring" is like a "Pre-engagement" ring. It's kind of something that teenagers who weren't "old enough" (parents words) to get married. Where an engagement ring says "I promise I'll marry you", a promise ring is more like "I promise I'll say ask when you ask me to marry you". It's usually worn by girls who want to feel close to being engaged. They feel it validates the "seriousness" of their relationship for some reason. I'm not judging, I had one when I was younger, and that was why.</strong></div><div>
</div>

HULU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:9e8b66f5-c411-4358-a557-283f8fffe826">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not from America, so was not familiar with the promise ring concept until the lady at the store told me it was one. I have heard it's something teenagers do though. I assure you I am not a teenager. My ring is just kinda childish looking cause I've had it since I was 22. Most poeple smile really big and pat me on the head and tell me it's so cute and adorable. I am pretty over wearing it, but its the only ring it got and I do love it :)  I really enjoy your explanation  "the complex structure of beryl minerals makes them less common than simple carbon as to why I don't have a diamond" I will use that one in the future for sure... Your mothers ring sounds beautiful. I love sapphires.
Posted by iaep09[/QUOTE]

<div>The lady at the store kind of sounds a bit snotty. A promise ring is not a "style". A promise ring can be any ring. It's the circumstance it's given under that makes it a promise ring, or in another case, an engagement ring. An engagement ring does not have to be a diamond solitaire. As a matter of fact, one of our regulars on the NEY board has a band for her engagement ring, and it looks absolutely beautiful.</div>

indigopsyche

HULU - from what I'm gathering, she already has a ring, and is thus engaged. Said ring seems to be a placeholder until something more suiting her personality can be acquired. Since said placeholder ring is something that others have told her is socially inadequate, she's stopped referring to herself as engaged to avoid the hassle. 

Personally I think you should tell those who question your engagement status based on your ring to take a flying leap. 

And this post is now moot since I've seen HULU's latest response. Meh.

iaep09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:bc7ebb9e-2812-4bc4-953a-274031876bde">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mean ppl :( *vent* : 1. Then you are engaged. 2. Then you shouldn't be planning a wedding. Otherwise, you're rendering the whole point of engagements pointless. 3. I can honestly say I've never heard of accidentalally opening your signature panel, and accidentally copy+pasting a ticker you've accidentally created. 4. So, you've initally put a lot of time and effort into planning a wedding, and he still hasn't proposed? Why should he? You've basically already said he's going to marry you, why should he waste his time with formalities? 5. What you lack, is a groom. And until you have one, this whole planning process is pointless and a waste of time. It's one thing to gather ideas and keep them in mind, but to plan to the point that you're wasting money or time for a wedding that may not even happen. I understand how not having a ring would make you feel "less engaged" or not "official", but you have to remember that it's not about the ring. Rings are just material posessions. If your friends/family ask to see it, tell them that you've decided you want to look together, or that he wants to save up money to get you something really nice. Whatever the case, it's really not as uncommon as you might think. My stepmom was married a year before she got the engagement ring she really wanted. In the meantime, she wore a simple, cheaper ring that didn't cost hardly anything. It made it feel more official to her, but at the same time, gave her something to show others. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you involve your SO. He needs to know, especially since he's part of this life you're planning ahead. Edit: A "Promise Ring" is like a "Pre-engagement" ring. It's kind of something that teenagers who weren't "old enough" (parents words) to get married. Where an engagement ring says "I promise I'll marry you", a promise ring is more like "I promise I'll say ask when you ask me to marry you". It's usually worn by girls who want to feel close to being engaged. They feel it validates the "seriousness" of their relationship for some reason. I'm not judging, I had one when I was younger, and that was why.
Posted by HULU[/QUOTE]

Of course he is involved with planning the wedding, he picked the colors and he is even helping me pick out the dress. We make all of our decisions and planning together whatever it is regarding, school, work, etc. Hence, the non proposal part, we decided together that we are going to get married, and picked a date, venue so forth. Maybe he will propose when he gives me the other ring, maybe he won't. We'll see. He already said it seemed kinda silly to propose since we've already decided to get married.


My ring means something special to me, so I guess I should just stand my ground whenever people comment on it.
 
I also get a lot of comments about the date being so far away, which I am sure a lot of people can relate to, but thats a whole other story.  

iaep09

I love how this post became an analysis of MY relationship by HULU, who obvously judging by the ticker is not getting married in April 2013, and indigopsyche. Very interesting.

tuarceatha

I just saw that Golden Corral is offering a chocolate foundation. I think THAT is super interesting (and gross).

indigopsyche

Darlin once you actually explained what is going on, I stopped criticizing. Unless you count me telling you to stand up for yourself as criticizing - I didn't mean it as such since I've dealt with flak for my ring as well. As for a non proposal, I can understand that as well - if you already feel like you're married, then why not go ahead and get married? Besides, isn't it awesome when the guy gets in on the planning?

But I can emphathize with the wedding date being so far off - mine is too. Mainly because I graduate with my BA in a week and want to take the next year for my FI and I to get out on our own. 

Oh and I really dislike chocolate fountains - I feel like too many people double-dip and there's too many issues with cross-contamination for people with food allergies.

tuarceatha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:3253f9ab-d1da-48a8-abb3-9808317b0ae5">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE] Oh and I really dislike chocolate fountains - I feel like too many people double-dip and there's too many issues with cross-contamination for people with food allergies.
Posted by indigopsyche[/QUOTE]

Omgosh and with strangers at the Golden Corral!

tuarceatha

p.s. one week til you graduate! AH! almost congratulations!

indigopsyche

Yea - I only share food with a select few people... that fountain would mean sharing with everyone who has dipped into it ewwwwwww.

And I am so happy dancing over graduating. I'm also kinda sad since I finally have a great set of roommates, only to leave them after a semester. Right now my graduation gown is hanging on the back of my door to remind me why I'm slogging through this last round of exams. That and I'm pretty sure my FI and family would kill me if I didn't graduate. 

HULU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_mean-ppl-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:62993d11-5baf-4ab1-bfa1-5bbd9b38da08Post:64759772-39f3-4a3c-b4fe-f2aff14a3617">Re: Mean ppl :( *vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how this post became an analysis of MY relationship by HULU, who obvously judging by the ticker is not getting married in April 2013, and indigopsyche. Very interesting.
Posted by iaep09[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well, this post IS about you? Isn't it? Or is it about NEY? I could honestly comment on either. Your pick.</div><div>
</div><div>I think what it comes down to is, you need to make a stand for one thing, whether it's to say "I'm engaged" or "I'm not". If you can't figure out which, then you need to slow down and figure it out.</div><div>
</div><div>If you're engaged, then say you are, be proud you are, and don't give a flying flip what anyone else tries to tell you. Your SO obviously loves you and has intentions to marry you, so go with it.</div><div>
</div><div>If you're going to make a stand that you're not engaged, because you don't have what you would consider an engagement ring, then you shouldn't be worrying yourself with a wedding, because nothing is guaranteed.</div><div>
</div><div>Your flip-flopping between the two is what's wracking everybody's brain and making it seem very strange that you're planning a wedding without being engaged. An engagement is an engagement, no matter how long. You could be engaged for 3 months or 3 years. Your engagement is no less legit just because it's over a year from now. Anyone who tells you different is just a fuddy-duddy.

</div>

iaep09

I graduate in a week two... two more finals and then I'm done! I don't get to walk until the summer though, our uni only does ceremonies during the summer.

Thats one reason for our date being so far off too, I want to take some time to relax and plan and not stress too much about school during this amazing time in my life

Then I start my masters/credential right after the wedding. Yay more school!*sarcastic* It has to be done.

tuarceatha

haha you can do it!

iaep09- early congrats to you too!