how to deal with mom in law?

court4608

Hello ladies!

I'm in a difficult situation? I am close to th groom's family, his mother is more of a mom to me than my own. Here lately she doesnt seem very interested or excited to help plan wedding things? And, she offered to buy the wedding invitations, had me return the ones I already bought and is now not paying for new ones? Do I approach her and ask what is going on or just sweep it under the rug and continue planning with my bridesmaids?

vk2204

Personally I would just let it go for now. Are you including her in your planning and sharing ideas? Maybe she feels left out and thats why she wanted to pick the invitations?

court4608

Yes I have been thats whats throwing me for a loop! -___- I ask her opinion about everything and she hasnt ever gotten overly excited about our wedding or anything like that, shes happy but does not really show it? but when I decide to take things into my own hands she gets offended! Its a touchy situation i'm guessing?




In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-deal-with-mom-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:f9f5c8a2-9222-497a-b106-0d2e2fdc8360Post:cabfacfc-81e8-4364-bb8b-32a2c8aef87f">Re: how to deal with mom in law?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I would just let it go for now. Are you including her in your planning and sharing ideas? Maybe she feels left out and thats why she wanted to pick the invitations?
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

ChiGirl2013

All you can do is tell her when your appointmens are, ask her to go, and ask for her opinions.  If she gets her undies in a wad, that's HER issue, not yours.  She is a grown woman and if she's not mature enough to tell you if/when you do something that upsets her, that's HER problem.  Include her as much as you can and if she CHOOSES not to participate, she can't say it's because you never asked.  Whatever bug she has up her butt will either eventually make its way out, or she will realize that her attitude is causing her to miss out on a lot of the planning.

Invite her, offer, etc but don't stop the planning just because she wants to throw an adult-sized temper tantrum.

court4608

totally there with you, I just hate stepping on people's toes.. wedding planning should be exciting and a time to be happy and I've been trying to find that "happy median" for us to agree on things but I feel like shes bucking me every step of the way! Your words were very encouraging though! I often need to be reminded that this day is nothing other than about the groom and I and keeping the peace shouldnt always be my job!




In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-deal-with-mom-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:f9f5c8a2-9222-497a-b106-0d2e2fdc8360Post:ca0f921c-9f28-4e1b-9bbf-4c65d7c7a859">Re: how to deal with mom in law?</a>:
[QUOTE]All you can do is tell her when your appointmens are, ask her to go, and ask for her opinions.  If she gets her undies in a wad, that's HER issue, not yours.  She is a grown woman and if she's not mature enough to tell you if/when you do something that upsets her, that's HER problem.  Include her as much as you can and if she CHOOSES not to participate, she can't say it's because you never asked.  Whatever bug she has up her butt will either eventually make its way out, or she will realize that her attitude is causing her to miss out on a lot of the planning. Invite her, offer, etc but don't stop the planning just because she wants to throw an adult-sized temper tantrum.
Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]

vk2204

My mom is kind of doing the same thing with me. There are certain things that I KNOW I want and how I want it. But with those things she keeps mentioning how I should do it differently or how I should try this or blah blah blah. It was seriously frustrating because I am so not good at making decisions and the ones I had made she wanted to change. I had to put my foot down and tell her no mom this is what I want and it isn't going to change. And then I would change the subject lol.

People have different ways of showing their enthusiasm. Keep including her in your plans and if she starts to act up again let your FI deal with her. Good Luck!

abbyizzymommy

Normally I would say let it go, but with the invites I would bring it up, only because she had you return the ones you bought....... I think that deserves a conversation

ChiGirl2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_how-to-deal-with-mom-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:f9f5c8a2-9222-497a-b106-0d2e2fdc8360Post:d2d77a52-f292-42ad-a785-a82a6244ded6">Re: how to deal with mom in law?</a>:
[QUOTE]totally there with you, I just hate stepping on people's toes.. wedding planning should be exciting and a time to be happy and I've been trying to find that "happy median" for us to agree on things but I feel like shes bucking me every step of the way!  :
Posted by court4608[/QUOTE]

My mom has not shown a single ounce of happiness or excitement about our wedding plans, so I get ya.  It hurts.... a lot.  In fact, although my family ADORES FI, there are very few people who are supportive or showing any excitement at all about the wedding.  Nobody asks me how things are going or anything like that.  When I offer info, all they do is complain.  So yeah, I hear ya. 

A good friend of mine, who has been married about 5 years, told me something that helps me feel at least a little better.  She told me "There is nobody on this earth who cares about your wedding as much as you do, so don't expect them to match your level of excitement."  I keep reminding myself of that when I get down about not having support.