Maryland-Baltimore

FI Family Issues...Help!

My wedding is two months away and the problems are now beginning. My FI's sister is refusing to come unless the best man is booted out of the wedding completely, (they dated...in high school). Now I hear his brother won't come unless his girlfriend (who I don't know) is allowed to come. His brothers a groomsmen, and we can't afford to lose him, but I'm so offended his attendance comes with circumstances. Not only that, but we're on a budget, so we only invited guest's spouses and long term relationships. His brother's only been dating this girl for 1 month or so! I feel unfair inviting her and not the other 50 boyfriends/girlfriends of my guest. What do I do!!
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Re: FI Family Issues...Help!

  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're being put in that situation! I'd let your fiance handle his sister altogether, maybe with some conversation she can let go of her personal issues towards your fiance's best man since the day is for you guys. I can see how it's irritating that your fiance's brother insists on bringing his girlfriend of just 1 month but since he's apart of the wedding party I'd probably just let him bring her. I'm sorry they're bringing these issues up so close to the wedding!
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  • edited December 2011
    Explain the +1 situation to the brother and tell him you'd love to meet her some other time.  If he doesn't agree, your FI can tell both your FBIL and FSIL that they will be truly missed if they opt not to attend.  Weddings can go one with one less WP member.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks guys. I think we'll have to further discuss this with his brother. I think his sister is now out of the question, after she decided to tell him she was cutting him out of her life...via facebook, while he was deployed. As far as the brother, maybe we can work it out so that they can come...our guest list might need some shifting. Ahh, the complications family members bring. Thanks for the helpful input!
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with tayylor that the WP should be allowed a +1, especially if everyone else will have one.  I don't think he should DEMAND to have one, but I would probably let it slide if you could swing it.  As for the sister - I would definitely defer to your FI.  I wouldn't get involved in that situation whatsoever. 

    A word of advice: Weddings can bring out the worst in people, but you can't let family drama rain on your parade.  Try to play the gracious hostess as appropriate.  This is one (very important) day of your life, but you will be family and friends with these individuals for years to come.  Don't let wedding stresses ruin your relationships.  Try to be accomodating, but know your limits and hopefully the people that care about you will understand.
  • jflaniganjflanigan member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe I'm too rigid or something, but I don't think anyone, WP or otherwise, is entitled to invite someone to your event. That's the equivalent of inviting guests to someone else's party. Especially if you have made it a rule not to add +1s for other guests.

    However, I'd probably talk it over with your fiance and see how he feels. If you think telling his brother no is going to cause an undue amount of stress for you, then it might be easier to go with the flow for your own sanity. (For the record, it would tick me off though and I'm not sure exactly what I'd do.) At any rate, if the sister is off the list and you end up letting the borther bring his girlfriend, at least you haven't increased the overall guest count. She can have the sister's spot I suppose.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs that you should let FI handle his sister.  She's being a brat, plain and simple.

    In terms of his brother, I see both sides.  I don't think that anyone is entitled to bring a date, wedding party or not.  However, it is his brother, and if it is going to keep the peace, and is affordable, then go for it.  DH's brother was dating someone when we were putting together invitations and working on th guest list - and my mom was adamant that she shouldn't be invited (or at least get her own invite)since they had only been dating for a couple of weeks and he doesn't exactly have the best track record with girlfriends.  Long story short - they weren't together by the time invitations were mailed and we had hers sitting on our dining room table for a couple of weeks.  If you can swing it, invite her - it might not even be an issue when it comes time for the wedding.
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  • edited December 2011
    I do think it's rude for the brother to demand to bring a date, but as a hostess I think it's easier to let this one slide, and you do have the excuse of saying he's in the WP if anyone else complains that THEY weren't allowed to bring dates.  He may not even realize he's being rude, because people who've never planned a wedding don't realize the cost and the stress that goes with planning a guest list - he probably just feels like it will be awkward if he's the only single one in the group. 

    Since he does have a girlfriend, even if only for a short time, I would make it work.  It's not like he's just trying to bring some random girl just so he's not by himself.  And a month is long enough to get pretty serious, so he may genuinely feel like his girlfriend should be there.
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  • strawberrycrzstrawberrycrz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else, that the brother should be allowed to bring a date but I think it's rude for him to demand one.  I would just let FI deal with his sister. 
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  • edited December 2011

    Just my general opinion- try not to let people dictate their demands to you and push you around unless they plan on paying for the wedding. I don't think YOU are out of line with anything, they are- in which case I would politely find a way to ask them to grow up and chill.

  • edited December 2011
    Personally I think the brother is out of line.   I do agree with all of the pp that the easiest thing to do would be to give in, but realistically, I don't know if I would be able to do that. It might be helpful to have your FI explain to his brother the date situation and for him to tell him how important it is for him to attend the wedding.  IMO, the brother needs to get over his petty bs!  GL!
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