Are bpics too risky?

foolforfood

We had a dinner party with a bunch of couples last weekend and the topic of bpics came up.  I personally think that bpics are rather bizarre.Anyways, a lot of the guys had surprising responses.  They said it's a bit risky to have the photographer have rights to the images.  They wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that a third party has access to the private photos.  The other guys simply did not get the value of whole concept.  They thought it was a rather dumb idea.  Now, I don't hang out with prudes - most of them are what you would consider to be former jocks and frat guys.Now, I don't know if it's ever happened, but what if the photog's hard drive or flash drives are stolen?  Personally, I've accidently lost a couple flash drives over the years, so I assume it could also happen to a photog.I know we're not Paris Hilton or anything, but most of you are working professionals that care about your reputation.  So my question is, does this risk concern anyone????

EKobrenski

It concerns me, I actually asked about it like 6 months ago.  For me, if the pics somehow got into the hands of anyone career-related, my career would be over (at least for a long time).  I think it's one of those things where you have to think about the probability of it happening and see if you are comfortable with the risk. If I do do them, I'm going to ask about what precautions are taken to avoid the situation.

erilouboston

You know fool, this is exactly why I didn't end up doing them. Well, that and contacting 3 photogs didn't work out (2 unreturned emails, 3rd was booked) - I took it as a sign that I shouldn't have them done. The only reason I really wanted to do them in the first place was because, one, I don't imagine being this thin for the rest of my life (not that I'm super thin now or anything...) so it would be nice to document. But two, I could potentially have a career with a high profile, if things work out - not a celebrity or anything - but someone who would need credibility. I kept thinking - what if they did surface somehow, someday? A ton of my friends have done them, and I fully support the girl empowerment and loving your body, but it's just an individual decision. That, and FI wouldn't really be into them. I know him, he'd flip through and say "that's very nice honey" - but he's got the real thing, if you know what I mean. (Again, I'm not knocking anyone who's done them, I just think it completely depends on who you are, and who he is, etc.).

EKobrenski

Eri- FI kind of said the same thing- it's not something new he hasn't seen.  I guess if I were a librarian or something haha.

foolforfood

I know!  When it first became big, I told DH about it.  He scrunched up his forehead and said, "Ew, why the hell would anyone do that?" I feel like the women get a lot more of out the bpic experience than the guys.  Unless of course the SO is stationed overseas and he needs some sort of...stimulus....Also, what if your grandchildren come across the book in 50 years?  Kinda crazy, IMO.

erilouboston

Kobs - yeah, you just have to know your guy. I mean, it's not that he wouldn't enjoy seeing beautiful, sexy pictures of me - it's just that... I don't know how to say it appropriately, so all I'll say is, he'd look at them once, they'd get stuck in a box somewhere and never seen again.

erilouboston

Fool - I should have added to my post "somewhere never seen again... until the grandkids go through the attic when you kick it."

junelley

That is a good point, about the photographer having the rights to the images and the risks involved.  I was actually contemplating if I should do the b-pics as FI expressed interest in it.  I think that the reason I'd get them down would be to have something to look back on when you are older and "admire" how young and better you look for both the husband and wife.  Of course he'd appreciate looking at them now, but I would worry about where to hide the files/prints.  I surely don't wants anyone else to see them.  I didn't think about the risks and just assumed the photographers would be responsible with them without thinking the risk of disks getting stolen.  Oh, boy.  Lots to think about.

evseidl

Soo... from someone who's had them done.... I agree with each and every comment.  In the end, however, I have to believe that a photo is a photo.  So what if your partiall nude?  Turn on general cable, it's usually alot worse.  I still have all these reservtions since doing mine (and in all honesty, I'm not even all that thrilled with mine--which makes the reservations worse in my head....) and while I won't publically come out that i've done them (at work, I mean), if they were to surface- so they surface.  I'll just deal with it when it happens.  In the off chance I'll be some great celebrity (99.99% chance of that NEVER happeneing, haha), i'll have enough money to hire a PR first to take care of it anyway.   I know, I know, I sound cavalier with me saying "i'll deal with it when it happens," but honestly, it's true.  You can be a congresswoman and still cut off an old lady on the highway. hahaFor those considering them.... if you want them, do them.  Photographers (the reputable ones) have all kinds of passwords and locks on their equipment (hard drives included) so your partially protected there.  While I care about my professional career-- these photos would never ruin it.  Not in a million years.  It may cast a different light on me, but it certainly wouldn't leave the organization--- my boss isn't going to introduce me to a customer and say, "oh, by the way, this is Liz B* who posed partially nude about 6 years ago, now, how many licenses of software would you like to buy from us today?" Such a personal choice.  Do it if it feels right.  

FtMrskram

The way I feel is everybody has a life outside of a career.  I am a professional, but if I found b-pics of my superior, that would not make me have less respect for her.  Whether you are a cashier at the local supermarket or the CEO/President of a company you still (should) be able to live your life to the fullest.I plan on doing them for the 1 yr anni and I think the hubby is absolutly going to love them!!!  I really think it would be something he looks at more then once.  Many professional have posed for Playboy as well as PETA ads and we don't think any less of them, for some, we commend them.As for if my kids find it 50 years from now.  I know they say DAMN MOM...you look hot!!!  Your kids are going to see you naked sometime in your life and this is just a very tastful way to show it.In todays world people plaster their whole life on Myspace, Facebook, twitter...I think these sources can be way more detrimental to your career.

erilouboston

FtMrskram - agree 100% about facebook and myspace. I'm thinking of canceling my accounts after the wedding. And twitter scares the bejesus out of me - when did life swing from keeping your private life private, to everyone running around like they are in their own reality show, posting updates every time they take a leak?

BostonBride919

I also think it's just not a big deal... I guess if you have fully nude photos it's a different story but most of mine are just sexy photos or implied nudity, not really showing much more than a lot of "normal" pics when you really think about it. If you are a teacher or aspire to be a politician, I think it's a no brainer to just not do them. But for most jobs, I don't think they would have any impact. At least not unless you are sending them around at work or something like that I would hope a photog is not carrying them around on flash drives or anything like that, but I think they are safe on my computer.

evseidl

oh man: In todays world people plaster their whole life on Myspace, Facebook, twitter...I think these sources can be way more detrimental to your career.This couldn't be more right on the money.

BostonBride919

LOL erilou... That is so true about the status updates. It's nice to be able to stay in touch online, but things are getting a little crazy

evseidl

Erilou:  I just sniffed my hair.   I thought you should know about it.

erilouboston

Lizzie - good to know, I was waiting on the edge of my seat! Amber - right? I understand the concept of these networking sites, and it is nice to reconnect with people (I suppose) - I personally have a list of a hundred "friends" that I haven't spoken to since they friend requested me. I just think as a society, we went from guarding our privacy, to overexposing ourselves, and it feels like it happened over night. And yet some people still want to have it both ways... I guess I shouldn't really say anything, I do have a blog...

FtMrskram

It is scary.  One of the hubby's little cousins is obsessed with the Jo Bro's, she has already met them 3 times because of their twitter updates...it is just crazy.  You can find anybody, at anytime of the day and know exactly what they are doing.  This scares me...me posing half naked on a bed does not...

EKobrenski

yeah, part of me wonders that with this becoming kind of the standard thing to do, people might just shrug their shoulders at it.  I guess it depends on your career.  The people in my field are very...traditional.  I haven't ruled them out, but it's a concern.

erilouboston

And just so everyone is aware - no network, no computer, is ever 100% secure. Personal computers are at the top of easy hacks. So just FYI - it's probably really rare to get hacked - and it's not like the average person should even lose sleep over this or anything, but no digital data is ever truly hidden, or secure. Email for example, crazy easy to get a copy of... everything that is sent online can potentially be made public. We just had a huge issue with our secure forms (at work) recently because the MA government has instituted new regulations for dealing with data because of these issues.

junelley

I am not so worried about the career part.  Everyone's got their own private life, and it's not scandalous to pose for your husband, is it?  I am generally pretty private and I want to avoid the awkwardness in case they were discovered. lol  My parents found my sister-in-law's b-pics by accident, and they are very traditional and conservative so that was... interesting.. lol

foolforfood

All good points.  I just wanted to point out that it is constitutional for your employer to terminate you based on your after work activities.

jenwindy

Good question, Fool. It does make you think. Evseidl and FtMrsFram said it all for me. There are worse things out there than a few classy, artistic sexy photos. B-pics arn't taboo in my world so long as they're tasteful. Porn on the other hand... ehh... too much for the world to see. I always wondered why people made and kept sex tapes of themselves. In all reality, maybe there isn't much difference soft and hardcore nude pics but I think society frowns on one because the girls are selling their bodies out for money. The other is intended as a gift to a husband.Sorry if that just totally doesn't make sense... I have to head out shortly and typing in a rush. :)Btw, I was also going to mention PETA, too. My sister posed nude for them and the family was fully supportive of her cause and actions.

Scarlet856

That's the thing about at will employment. If you have a contract or are in a Union that's a different issue.

eouellet

Not concerned, don't really care. They are sexy, tasteful photos - not a porn flick. I actually showed them to my friends, my younger sister, even my mom. There is nothing scandalous about them (mine anyway.) Oh, and my husband absolutely loved them. It had never crossed his mind that bpics even existed, so he was so surprised and thrilled. The book is not something he would use for extra stimulus or anything if he were alone - he just loves the photos of his wife looking beautiful, and he says it reminds him how lucky he is

foolforfood

So are you guys saying that you would feel ok if the bpics (in varying degrees of nudity) fell into the hands of your employer?

jkepros

Lots of good points...I think it really just comes down to personal preference.  I've thought about it, not thought about it, haven't really decided.  Actually knowing me, I'll probably set up the tripod randomly one day and take my own pics--I did some pics once for a bf like that and they turned out awesome (they were all B&W nudes, but were all backlit, so they turned out basically as outlines/shadows...you couldn't really see anything graphic, and they looked really arty).  Totally not worried about my career in any way with regards to b-pics though.  My friends probably have more scandalous things on their camera phones than any b-pics I'd ever do.  And I agree with pp's about facebook/myspace being more harmful than anything--I can't stand the idea of twitter and think many people's constant updates are WAY out of hand.

jkepros

So are you guys saying that you would feel ok if the bpics (in varying degrees of nudity) fell into the hands of your employer? I wouldn't feel okay about it...actually I'd probably throw up a little and freak out....BUT in reality, it wouldn't be the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and I would deal.  I've worked in my current job for a number of years and happen to know about all kinds of gossip and risque behavior of the employees....honestly, if it doesn't interefere with your daily work, they don't really care, and tend to turn a cheek.  I'd be embarrassed, but wouldn't be fired.  And I think (depending on your profession) most employers would react the same way.

foolforfood

Actually, I think a lot of the comments and posts on TK are more scandalous than the things on FB...

eouellet

I'm not saying I would actually SHOW them to my employer, but it's not something I'm worried about or that affected my decision to give them as a gift to my husband. First, I'm not too worried about them getting to my employer in the first place. They are not on my computer or any flash drive that I ever take out of my house. Second, I just don't feel like they are racy enough that I would be worried about my career. I mean, I've seen magazine spreads that are more suggestive.

FtMrskram

I wouldn't care if the pics got leaked out to an employer.  I google my employees before I hire them to see if there is anything out there on them.  If I were to find bpics on the internet, it would not make their credentials any better or worse. I don't really think alot of employers would terminate an employee because of it.

foolforfood

Also, someone brought up the point that photogs would be careful with all their files.  I know at at least 1 local photographer who traveled for a destination wedding, checked in all her equipment on the plane (per the airline rules), and became the victim of theft.  Also, I agree with erilou that nothing that travels by electronic means (email, website, etc) are ever completely safe.