Everyone is driving me nuts with suggestions/opinions

TheFutureMrsLehtomaa

HELP! Between my Fiance, my future in laws, and my parents this guest list is insane.  We wanted a small-ish wedding (60), our venue holds 90 and now somehow the guest list is at 100! My dad wants me to get out of the contract and find a bigger venue but I love the one we have booked!

I am this close to calling my future mother in law and my parents and chewing them out and cutting the list down to 70 and sending out save the dates TOMORROW without consulting anyone.

Don't want to offend family, but this is OUR wedding....if they want to see all these random aqquaintences and neighbors maybe they should throw a dinner party on their own time (and own dime!)

HELP-how to handle this? PS Fiance is no help with this....leaving it up to me

batfacepattermonth

If they really are just random acquantances and neighbors, you're absolutely right and in a calmer manner, stick to your guns and do just that! Heck, offer to help plan the dinner party after the wedding! Good luck!

Edit: I assume since you said "on their own dime" that you're paying for the wedding yourselves.

Loopyseven

Who is paying?

A lot of people split the list into thirds.  You and your FI pick 1/3,  your parents get 1/3, and his parents get 1/3.  Give them a headcount limit.  If their list is higher than that headcount tell them if they don't cut it down, you will.  Your FI needs to be on the same page as you and he should handle his family.  If your FI is not supportive of this, than you need to sit down with him and figure out why not, and get onto the same page.  You two need to present a united front on wedding planning matters. (And life decisions in general).

divadancer11

You are correct it is your wedding....are you paying for it on your own? If so you have the control!!! I would give them a total number count and then they give you the names. GL!!!!!

OliveOilsMom

Also, to add to what the PP have already advised.  Don't let anyone try to convince you that inviting the 100 people will still be ok since the venue holds 90 and usually only 80% of people invited, attend.  You must assume that everyone invited, will attend!  Or you could be put in a huge bind just a month or less before your wedding!

If you and FI are solely paying for the wedding, then tell your parents and FI's parents how many people they can invite.  If they give you more than their limit, then tell them sorry, you must cut x.  Also, do not accept their money if they offer to pay for the extras.  That could lead to more problems down the road!

Good Luck!

mollyehren

Well I would talk to the parents and make it EXTREMELY clear that at least 10-15 people need to be cut in case you get 100% attendance, which in smaller weddings happens alot

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everyone-driving-nuts-suggestionsopinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00578912-2f2f-435e-85f6-34d35b780766Post:08407a68-790b-4596-8924-41dd9170208f">Everyone is driving me nuts with suggestions/opinions</a>:
[QUOTE] PS Fiance is no help with this....leaving it up to me
Posted by TheFutureMrsLehtomaa[/QUOTE]

This is a bigger problem than the guest list. Why isn't he "helping"? I put that in quotes because it shouldn't even be considered <em>helping</em>. It's his wedding too and his family is part of the problem, therefore dealing with it is his responsibility, not a favor he should be doing for you. Why is he putting this all on you? Does he do this a lot?

Birdie1483

As far as STD's go, my advice would be to only send them to your must haves. That will leave you wiggle room with the rest of the guest list so you can add/drop as you need and don't have to worry about getting stuck inviting a certain number. We have a lot of brides come here upset because they've sent out STDs to their entire guest list and then want to make cuts down the road. It's easiest and best to not pigeon hole yourself so early.

Kate61487

I'm with Ziti.  The first thing here is getting FI on the same page as you.  You said "WE wanted a smallish wedding"  which implies that FI was with you there, but now suddenly he wants a 100+ guest list?  Is he adding people to the list constantly or is he just refusing to argue with his parents?  You two need to be in this together; HIS suggestions/opinions should not be "driving you nuts" because it's his wedding too.

Get on the same page with FI.  Decide what # you want to be the max.  Keep in mind that a 90 person venue limit doesn't necessarily mean that all 90 can comfortably sit WITH a gift table, cake table, dance floor, DJ booth, etc.  If you decide on, say, 70 and your combined list is 50 people then each set of parents get 10 invitations to allocate to their friends/family you don't already have on the list.