Wedding Etiquette Forum

Asking guests not to wrap gifts for a shower

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Re: Asking guests not to wrap gifts for a shower

  • I don't think it's rude to request unwrapped gifts. I think it's rude to say how to wrap a gift, like with recycled paper or something, but having no wrapping doesn't inconvenience anyone.
    In my family, showers just for our side end up being about 70 women. For my sister it was like an assembly line where she really wasnt unwrapping it, just taking off the paper and passing it on. I know the older generation in my family loves watching the gifts being opened, but it took a long time. We had bingo to keep people occupied, but the older guests really couldn't hear and were taking the game still very seriously and that just made it more entertaining in some ways haha. For my cousin's shower she requested unwrapped gifts and I thought it was great. They know what they are getting and you can see what they requested on their registry if you really need to see all their gifts, but I personally don't care what place setting they chose. It left more time for interactive games and mingling.
    I have also been to smaller showers of about 20 people and in those instances I always thought it was nice seeing her open the gifts. So I guess I could go either way, but don't think it's tacky and appreciate it in bigger crowds.

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    mordaz58
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-guests-not-to-wrap-gifts-for-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:016d3394-50fb-44a1-a687-105e57ef31b6Post:936aeae2-34bd-4ef2-879e-6cc43a199bdc">Re: Asking guests not to wrap gifts for a shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking guests not to wrap gifts for a shower : I was at a shower where they melted the candy bars and made people eat it off of diapers.  My love of Hershey candy bars nose-dived.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Um, Joy? This is the worst game ever. I just...I can't even...I mean, that's insanely gross!
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  • this is not in response to the wrapping thing...I think I would be a little put off if someone asked me not to wrap a gift...

    but I have been at 2 showers where upon arriving you take a question and then ask it aloud when the bride is opening your gift...the party planners had asked the FI the question...it was entertaining and it kept the guests "involved" during the gift opening process...just an idea!!! 
  • That’s strange to me. I’ve never heard of it. I agree that the fun part (to me) is watching her open gifts. Well, that was the fun part for me to do! :D I have been to a few showers that were very large (150+ guests) and they didn’t open the gifts. We’d be there all week.
  • The point of a shower is to bring a gift.  I like to watch the person open the gift.  I spend a lot of time and put a lot of thought into purchasing a gift, and I spend a lot of time wrapping it just so.  To be told not to wrap it is an insult and takes half the fun out of it for me.

    As far as games, I'm with the rest of y'all.  I hate them.  Bingo is the ONLY bridal shower game I like.  If I have to play that damn toilet paper bride one more time I think I'll scream.
  • Ettiquette wise, I think the proper thing to do would be to unwrap your gifts at your shower, per usual.

    Personally, I'd be psyched if I went to a shower and didn't have to watch the bride/mom to be open gifts.  I'm usually totally bored watching someone else open gifts.  I saw their registry, I bought something from it.  It's not really a surprise.  
  • I have also never even heard of this as the point of a shower is to open gifts. I think it is a little lazy, I have been to showers with huge guest lists that open gifts very quickly. I love bridal bingo, it is the only game I like, it definitely is fun to do while gifts are being opened.
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  • >>A lot of showers in my area are 100+ people, because generally all immediate family (grandmas, aunts, cousins) are invited from both the bride and groom's side, and when your mom and dad may both have 7-12 siblings, that adds up fast, and that would just be one side of the family.

    What you describe is not a shower.

    An engagement party can be hosted by the bride's parents to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family.

    And the groom's parents can host an engagement party to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.

    THOSE are parties with all the family members:  siblings and grandkids and everyone.

    A shower is supposed to be hosted by the MOH, and assisted by the BMs, and the guests are supposed to be the bride's very closest friends who are not in the BP, plus like her mom and grandmother.  That's IT.  Not hundreds of people.  See below:

    Bridal Shower: Who's Invited to a Bridal Shower?

    Q.

    My matron of honor asked me to give her a bridal shower guest list. Do I invite all the women who will be invited to the wedding or just close family and friends?

    A.

    You don't have to invite every woman who's invited to your wedding (think of the expense for your bridesmaids if you did!). The guest list should include your closest female pals and relatives (and your fiance's mom and sis).

  • If I have learned anything from this wedding process is that every family/bride does things a little different, so just take a deep breath and proceed with what you feel most comfortable with and accept that not everyone behaves the same.  :)

    I requested no wrapping of gifts for my shower because I wanted to encourage less waste, and said so on the invite (it was hosted by my mother so I had a little more say in it!).  I understood that my request strayed from the norm and not everyone would participate, but most people embraced the idea.  And It still took a while to go through all the cards and gifts!  Then my FMIL asked guests at the shower she hosted to do the same because she said she like the idea so much.  People came up with creative ways to "wrap" the gifts.  
    We also did wine tasting instead of games - lots of fun!

    I have been to other showers (big Italian family ones) where the groom, groomsmen and/or bridesmaids were in attendance and promptly opened gifts as they arrived, and displayed them on tables across one side of the room.  After lunch guests were able to continue visiting while viewing the gifts from all the guests.  




    mordaz58
  • I'm not sure why this would be seen as rude. The point of a shower does not have to be sitting around whilst the bride opens gifts. To me, that can get boring quick. How is it even remotely rude that she wanted to spend time with people who've traveled to see her, AND have generously given her a gift? 

    Is it because she said the word "gift"? Brides are supposed to pretend that they aren't getting gifts (other than when they set up their registry).

    It sounds like another made up reason to get butthurt to me.
    jenniferursmordaz58
  • kek5073kek5073 member
    10 Comments
    edited September 2012
    I have to say that I've been to a dozen showers and only ONE bride actually opened her gifts. The rest were display-no game-cocktail-Friday night showers. Around here, that's the norm. My shower had 70 people there, both sides of both our families. Once again, that's normal for this area. I think weddings/showers are done differently depending on the circle/area. Edit to add: I had 3 full hours at my shower to go around to each person individually and thank them for their gift and being there. I enjoyed that more than opening up 7 sets of towels.
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  • I've never been to a shower with more than 30 people there, so maybe I've just never had to suffer through three hours of gift-opening, but I think telling people how to wrap (or not to wrap) the gifts they're bringing is rude.

    Besides, I'm assuming the OP would still go through the gift "opening" process, but the hostess would just hand her the unwrapped gift so she could acknowledge it? I just had my shower this past weekend, and I can honestly say it took MAYBE five extra seconds to unwrap the gift before admiring it, thanking the person who bought it for me, and passing it to a BM to place beside her. Also, without any rude prompting, many of my guests gave gifts in an open basket, a gift bag, or an unwrapped box with a bow on it.

    I think it's rude to request unwrapped gifts for any reason, whether it be for time-saving or environment-saving purposes. If those attending the shower want to be "green," they can certainly use Sunday comics or recycled paper to wrap the gift.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-guests-not-to-wrap-gifts-for-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:016d3394-50fb-44a1-a687-105e57ef31b6Post:0fb649ac-3843-478c-ad11-c70874ea65d1">Re: Asking guests not to wrap gifts for a shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking guests not to wrap gifts for a shower : If I can ask, then what are you planning on doing at your shower if you aren't going to open gifts. Yes, It's slightly nerve-racking, but the point, as PPs have said, is to shower the bride with gifts.
    Posted by amymaysa[/QUOTE]

    No the point is to shower her with good luck and happiness.
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  • cdevacdeva member
    First Comment
    edited January 2014
    UGH. The POINT of a shower is to SHOWER the mom- or couple-to-be with LOVE NOT PRESENTS.  I also think it is disgraceful people are judging the size of the shower - mine will be a jack-n-jill so my husband can participate and we are expecting 100+ people (MOSTLY CLOSE FAMILY).  Additionally, party traditions are culturally influenced, whether it be size, activities, etc. 

    That being said, NO I DO NOT think it is rude to ask politely for unwrapped gifts, especially in the context of a large shower. I have NO EXPECTATIONS of gifts but should people bring them, I would like to acknowledge all of them without making my guests crazy. A happy and joyful reaction is not given for pretty paper but in gratitude for the person who took their time to pick it out for us.


    Like a newborn baby, we'd prefer gifts in the buff,
    A bow on top is sufficient enough!
    So if you choose to bring a gift for the parents- to-be
    Please skip the wrapping while saving a tree! 

    mordaz58
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    cdeva said:
    UGH. The POINT of a shower is to SHOWER the mom- or couple-to-be with LOVE NOT PRESENTS.  I also think it is disgraceful people are judging the size of the shower - mine will be a jack-n-jill so my husband can participate and we are expecting 100+ people (MOSTLY CLOSE FAMILY).  Additionally, party traditions are culturally influenced, whether it be size, activities, etc. 

    That being said, NO I DO NOT think it is rude to ask politely for unwrapped gifts, especially in the context of a large shower. I have NO EXPECTATIONS of gifts but should people bring them, I would like to acknowledge all of them without making my guests crazy. A happy and joyful reaction is not given for pretty paper but in gratitude for the person who took their time to pick it out for us.


    Like a newborn baby, we'd prefer gifts in the buff,
    A bow on top is sufficient enough!
    So if you choose to bring a gift for the parents- to-be
    Please skip the wrapping while saving a tree! 

    That poem is terrible.  And yes, the point of a shower is to give physical gifts to the bride or mom-to-be.  It has been this way for a long time, where traditionally, the bride was moving from her parents home into one with her husband and needed THINGS to start her home.  While love can take you a long way, it's not going to blend up your morning smoothie.
    kmmssgdoeydo
  • cdeva said:
    UGH. The POINT of a shower is to SHOWER the mom- or couple-to-be with LOVE NOT PRESENTS.  I also think it is disgraceful people are judging the size of the shower - mine will be a jack-n-jill so my husband can participate and we are expecting 100+ people (MOSTLY CLOSE FAMILY).  Additionally, party traditions are culturally influenced, whether it be size, activities, etc. 

    That being said, NO I DO NOT think it is rude to ask politely for unwrapped gifts, especially in the context of a large shower. I have NO EXPECTATIONS of gifts but should people bring them, I would like to acknowledge all of them without making my guests crazy. A happy and joyful reaction is not given for pretty paper but in gratitude for the person who took their time to pick it out for us.


    Like a newborn baby, we'd prefer gifts in the buff,
    A bow on top is sufficient enough!
    So if you choose to bring a gift for the parents- to-be
    Please skip the wrapping while saving a tree! 


    THAT is a horrible poem/idea and should not be used.
    OliveOilsMomdoeydo
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