Confessions/Rants/Vents?

[Deleted User]

My vent is that I am depressed yet again this year about not having any money to buy presents and not being able to be home. H and I also had a little fight the other day and I was upset about that.

I am off for the next two weeks and none of it is PTO. My job (except for the kids) sucks. All the money the program rakes in and we get no vacaction, personal time, health insurance (which I really don't need bc we have H), but you get the point. Grr.

kikibaby

I'm the food thief in our relationship. 

I used to work at a hotel and we never closed- obviously.  Man, working holidays sucked.  Holla for a government job where I get everything off!  Woot!!

**Amoro, sorry I spelled Allen wrong earlier

JanoBean75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:0b025019-a774-44a3-94f0-f7bd6075a461">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Winter coats are necessary. ;)  H had a total breakdown over the weekend because he's so upset over our money situation.  He said that he didn't know why I stayed with him because things have been so rough.  Poor guy.  I snuggled him for a long time after that.  He's just really depressed.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]


My H is the same. He's making less at his new job (by a lot), but I told him we'd make it happen. His new job is almost remedial in the sense that it's all so simple. There's no more violence, racism, etc. like at the job he left. But he's convinced he's a failure and doesn't know why I'm with him. Um...because I married him and not his wallet?

Hietaro

I'm aggravated because FI already had to effing work Thanksgiving Day [meaning we didn't get to eat until 2am on Black Friday because he works 4pm-1230am with a 45 minute commute], he has to work the same shift on Christmas Eve so I'll be home alone all friggin' day, and he will probably have to work New Years Eve, as well. We wanted him to be off for NYE, but I just bought him a present that will require him being off on the 27th and he doesn't know it yet. So I don't know if I wanna have him ask off two days next week.

I'm also aggravated because the only person in our families that congratulated FI and I on our engagement was his mother, and even she had a snarky comment because "if we wanted to wait and tell someone in person, we shouldn't plaster it all over facebook." I'm sorry, I didn't realize changing our relationship statuses to Engaged is plastering it all over Facebook.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:6e15430d-a1ae-442e-a488-f73ddb5592aa">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm aggravated because FI already had to effing work Thanksgiving Day [meaning we didn't get to eat until 2am on Black Friday because he works 4pm-1230am with a 45 minute commute], he has to work the same shift on Christmas Eve so I'll be home alone all friggin' day, and he will probably have to work New Years Eve, as well. We wanted him to be off for NYE, but I just bought him a present that will require him being off on the 27th and he doesn't know it yet. So I don't know if I wanna have him ask off two days next week. I'm also aggravated because the only person in our families that congratulated FI and I on our engagement was his mother, and even she had a snarky comment because "if we wanted to wait and tell someone in person, we shouldn't plaster it all over facebook." <strong>I'm sorry, I didn't realize changing our relationship statuses to Engaged is plastering it all over Facebook.</strong>
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

Well, she has a point.  As soon as you do that, it updates everyone in your friends list, so yes, it IS plastering it all over FB. 

kikibaby

If he doesn't work til 4, wouldn't it be easier to celebrate before he goes to work, rather than at 2 am when he gets home?

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:6e15430d-a1ae-442e-a488-f73ddb5592aa">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm aggravated because FI already had to effing work Thanksgiving Day [meaning we didn't get to eat until 2am on Black Friday because he works 4pm-1230am with a 45 minute commute], he has to work the same shift on Christmas Eve so I'll be home alone all friggin' day, and he will probably have to work New Years Eve, as well. We wanted him to be off for NYE, but I just bought him a present that will require him being off on the 27th and he doesn't know it yet. So I don't know if I wanna have him ask off two days next week. <strong>I'm also aggravated because the only person in our families that congratulated FI and I on our engagement was his mother, and even she had a snarky comment because "if we wanted to wait and tell someone in person, we shouldn't plaster it all over facebook." I'm sorry, I didn't realize changing our relationship statuses to Engaged is plastering it all over Facebook.
</strong>Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

Um...I don't think this is unreasonable.  Always make the important phone calls before making a status update.  Seriously.  That seems pretty basic.  Your fourth grade 3-legged-race partner shouldn't get this information before your own mother. 

kikibaby

Annnd, yeah, we waited to update FB until all of our family/close friends knew.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:596d1acd-ab51-46a0-b6a4-3b336d073b40">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're having our office Christmas party from 3:30 to 5:30 today. Which means we don't have to work for those 2 hours we would normally work. Which means I'm annoyed with coworkers who are going on lunch breaks. We're having the party catered with Italian food. Yeah, I'll be hungry, but if need be, I'll grab a snack. I'm not going to disappear for an HOUR when I basically get a free 2 hour pass later in the day as well. <strong>Most of my coworkers are salaried, so I guess they can do what they want, but this also happens when people come in late or leave early due to Dr's appointments or whatever. Uh, if you were out for 3 hours this morning, why the hell are you leaving for lunch? Eat at your damn desk and work through it. I have no idea how well most of them do their jobs, but part of doing your job well is how others perceive you are doing your job.</strong>
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

OMG THIS. My boss is salaried. I ADORE her as a person. LOVE HER. Hate her as a boss. She didn't come in until 11 this morning because her 4 year old nephew had a christmas program at school. When she got in, she had to call the world and say how cute he was.

She didn't start doing work until about 12 - then her first words were "what are you working on?" That annoys me to no end. Yes, I'm often knotting. No, I'm not ALWAYS working, but hey, neither are you. Don't bug me.

Hietaro

It's actually easier for me to stay up late and have that whole time he's at work to make everything. But I'm not making any kind of special dinner on Christmas Eve, so I'll be sitting at home alone doing absolutely nothing.

And we wanted to tell them in person. We live 4.5 hours away from them, so it wasn't going to be until the holidays that we told them. She didn't even see it, it was a friend of hers that came across my FI's status.

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:9aca6dc1-699a-4e5a-b140-a4dc317f3870">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's actually easier for me to stay up late and have that whole time he's at work to make everything. But I'm not making any kind of special dinner on Christmas Eve, so I'll be sitting at home alone doing absolutely nothing. And we wanted to tell them in person. We live 4.5 hours away from them, so it wasn't going to be until the holidays that we told them. She didn't even see it, it was a friend of hers that came across my FI's status.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

But you can't understand why she's upset that her friend knew before she did? 

annakb8

Still, you could have called her. I don't live anywhere near my parents so when I got engaged I called them. It could have been 6 months before I saw them in person. We waited a few days to put stuff on FB so we could make sure all the important people knew first.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:b4612ab3-d92e-41bd-96a1-7c6f6aff2035">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mery, what if people take sick leave for their appointments? Do you still think they shouldn't take a lunch break?<strong> I am probably the only person in my office that doesn't eat lunch at my desk and I don't feel guilty about it at all. We technically get an hour for lunch and I am never gone more than 30 minutes anyway.</strong> Years of working in real archives made me too scared to eat around documents so that is my excuse.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Are you salary? I don't get paid for my lunch time so they MAKE me take it. Even if I sit at my desk I still won't get paid for a half hour out of my day. Dumb.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:9aca6dc1-699a-4e5a-b140-a4dc317f3870">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's actually easier for me to stay up late and have that whole time he's at work to make everything. <strong>And we wanted to tell them in person. We live 4.5 hours away from them, so it wasn't going to be until the holidays that we told them. She didn't even see it, it was a friend of hers that came across my FI's status.
</strong>Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

That doesn't make it better..."We wanted to tell you in person, so we told everyone else first and made you the last to know."  Still crap.  

Lesson learned.  If you don't want everyone to know, don't put it on the internet.    The internet is a cruel mistress. 

Hietaro

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:2c6b7faf-980a-4c2c-b5a3-5ae6de530075">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : But you can't understand why she's upset that her friend knew before she did? 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
No, I do understand that, but she didn't have to say something snide like that. It's not like we were flaunting it to the whole world. That friend isn't even a friend of his on facebook, so it's not like that person got an update. They just snooped on his page. Like I said, we really wanted to make it special and tell them in person, not make it cheap over the phone.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:9aca6dc1-699a-4e5a-b140-a4dc317f3870">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's actually easier for me to stay up late and have that whole time he's at work to make everything. But I'm not making any kind of special dinner on Christmas Eve, so I'll be sitting at home alone doing absolutely nothing. And we wanted to tell them in person. We live 4.5 hours away from them, so it wasn't going to be until the holidays that we told them. She didn't even see it, it was a friend of hers that came across my FI's status.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

That's such BS.  I 'd be pissed too. Stop trying to make it seem like less of a deal that it was.  Just take the high road and apologize.

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:dd8507bf-e77a-4fa9-85ea-599bf98695a0">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : OMG THIS. My boss is salaried. I ADORE her as a person. LOVE HER. Hate her as a boss. She didn't come in until 11 this morning because her 4 year old nephew had a christmas program at school. When she got in, she had to call the world and say how cute he was. She didn't start doing work until about 12 - then her first words were "what are you working on?" That annoys me to no end. Yes, I'm often knotting. No, I'm not ALWAYS working, but hey, neither are you. Don't bug me.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

How is this any different than an hourly person taking 4 hours off unpaid, or her using half a day PTO?
As a formerly salaried person, that is one of the perks of being salary.  However the downside was I needed to be there 1-2 hours before everyone else started and be there hours after everyone left.  All the time, no.  But more than often enough I worked 70 hour weeks getting paid for 40 hours.

Did the hourly employees see all the hours I put in, no because they were only there for 40 hours.  In fact, part of my job was to make suret hey were there for only 40 hours.  And hey, if their task didn't get done in their allotted time, guess who got to finish them off for free?

Damn straight I took time off to go see my neice when I could.

Hietaro

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:2aacf754-57a0-44a5-898d-69a45cd2ccef">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : That doesn't make it better..."We wanted to tell you in person, so we told everyone else first and made you the last to know."  Still crap.   Lesson learned.  If you don't want everyone to know, don't put it on the internet.    The internet is a cruel mistress. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE] Yeah, I guess if you put it that way. But this isn't the only thing she's been snarky about. She makes comments like that all the time, it's just her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that we got at least one congratulations from someone in our family [my family didn't say sh*t to me when we told them, though at the same time I'm not on the best terms with my family], she just could've been nicer about it and said "I really wish you guys would've just called me and told me instead of trying to wait."

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:b43cf422-7936-499c-a3e7-6c8b990347ce">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : No, I do understand that, but she didn't have to say something snide like that. It's not like we were flaunting it to the whole world. That friend isn't even a friend of his on facebook, so it's not like that person got an update. They just snooped on his page. Like I said, we really wanted to make it special and tell them in person, not make it cheap over the phone.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]
OMG.  IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THEY SNOOPED.  Jebus.  If you wanted to tell them in person- great.  Don't change your status because obviously, everyone can see it!

Brick wall brain. You haz it.

kikibaby

I don't think there's any arguing this, because you sound pretty darn sure you did nothing wrong but... if you do ever realize that you were wrong, you should apologize to her.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, my H is interviewing for a position and they asked if he wanted to move to Berkeley. I guess I should have applied to Cal. (Not that I'd get in.) He could really use a new job, hopefully with a signing bonus, but he can't take it unless it's in LA, NC, Boston, or portable. Preferably the latter.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:b43cf422-7936-499c-a3e7-6c8b990347ce">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : No, I do understand that, but she didn't have to say something snide like that. It's not like we were flaunting it to the whole world. That friend isn't even a friend of his on facebook, so it's not like that person got an update. They just snooped on his page. Like I said, we really wanted to make it special and tell them in person, not make it cheap over the phone.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

I'm sure she's glad you chose to tell everyone else and didn't cheapen the moment for her by making that phone call.  

ETA- I just saw your other post.  Seriously, some people just aren't confetti throwers, and finding out through a third party may have had a part in that.  Don't let it bother you...she's your mother, she'll smile on your wedding day and maybe cry. 

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:2bd2288d-eaab-490a-a392-26716bf9a00c">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : Are you salary? I don't get paid for my lunch time so they MAKE me take it. Even if I sit at my desk I still won't get paid for a half hour out of my day. Dumb.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

Yeah I am. But it was weird when I started they told me "everyone gets an hour for lunch everyday so we just go to the cafeteria pick something up then go back to our desks to eat" which seemed like a pretty contradictory statement to me.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:5cd4220c-1cc0-4b72-b87b-b4b3edcc30e0">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : I'm sure she's glad you chose to tell everyone else and didn't cheapen the moment for her by making that phone call.  
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

HA! hahahaha

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:893384f8-e8e2-43d6-a603-ec022af374b4">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents? : Well, she has a point.  As soon as you do that, it updates everyone in your friends list, so yes, it IS plastering it all over FB. 
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

I agree. That's why we waited to change it until we had told key friends and family members. It's not that hard to NOT change it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:9aca6dc1-699a-4e5a-b140-a4dc317f3870">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's actually easier for me to stay up late and have that whole time he's at work to make everything. But I'm not making any kind of special dinner on Christmas Eve, so I'll be sitting at home alone doing absolutely nothing. And we wanted to tell them in person. We live 4.5 hours away from them, so it wasn't going to be until the holidays that we told them. She didn't even see it, it was a friend of hers that came across my FI's status.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

We waited over a month, until I saw my mom in person. I ended up telling my father on the phone, though, because I didn't want to wait 4 months.

Edit: And putting it on FB IS putting it out there for the world to see. Even if his FB is on lockdown, I assume he has some childhood friends who might mention it to their parents, who might mention it to FMIL...

Hietaro

Jesus Christ. Gods forbid anyone on here be upset about something that y'all don't agree with. For your information, we did apologize right away. It wasn't intended to be like that. We didn't mean for it to come across like that. We were just very excited about it and didn't think it would make any difference because she never uses her facebook anyways and he's not friends on there with anyone she knows. We weren't thinking of it in terms of "telling everyone else first" because all of our friends (on facebook) already knew we were engaged without a ring. We were just waiting to get the ring to tell our families so that they could see we were serious about it.

pumpkinpumpkin

Hietaro - something about you screams "ridiculous" to me.
Your family needed to see a ring to know you were serious about getting married? Hoookay then.

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:c31ecb54-a632-4b4a-a9a0-d177d373e5de">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Jesus Christ. Gods forbid anyone on here be upset about something that y'all don't agree with. For your information, we did apologize right away. It wasn't intended to be like that. We didn't mean for it to come across like that. We were just very excited about it and didn't think it would make any difference because she never uses her facebook anyways and he's not friends on there with anyone she knows. We weren't thinking of it in terms of "telling everyone else first" because all of our friends (on facebook) already knew we were engaged without a ring. We were just waiting to get the ring to tell our families so that they could see we were serious about it.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

Ah, right, the "unofficial engagement." 

You need to calm down.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionsrantsvents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:038260de-fa34-4fc1-9baf-321334487a14Post:c31ecb54-a632-4b4a-a9a0-d177d373e5de">Re: Confessions/Rants/Vents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Jesus Christ. Gods forbid anyone on here be upset about something that y'all don't agree with. For your information, we did apologize right away. It wasn't intended to be like that. We didn't mean for it to come across like that. We were just very excited about it and didn't think it would make any difference because she never uses her facebook anyways and he's not friends on there with anyone she knows. We weren't thinking of it in terms of "telling everyone else first" because all of our friends (on facebook) already knew we were engaged without a ring. We were just waiting to get the ring to tell our families so that they could see we were serious about it.
Posted by Hietaro[/QUOTE]

I don't think I understand why you expect complete strangers to validate the bad decisions you made based upon your less than stellar judgment.  That's really not how this works.