NWR: Racial differences in Advances

emilyinchile

What does IAWTC mean?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:0168277b-25e1-4f2a-a0fd-8134434f5ec2">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to NWR: Racial differences in Advances : Wow...talk about thinking highly of yourself..this takes it to a whole different level. Are you really that gorgeous and showstopping that this is even that big of an issue for you?
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

Seriously, do you not get cat calls on the street? I live in an urban area. It happens a lot. You either ignore it and don't look frazzeled... or I guess you can get into it. I have a friend who yelled at a guy once, "Why the hell do you think it's okay to say that to me?!" He freaked!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:2f790be1-e796-4549-8606-c063937d4455">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]What does IAWTC mean?
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

I Agree With This Comment.

emilyinchile

Katie, again missing the point. You and 2010Bride have clearly never lived in a place where you regularly get cat-called. It has nothing to do with how hot you are (or think you are).

ETA: I also find it a little ironic that advice about thinking less of yourself is coming from someone whose username declares that she is awesome.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:80394fbc-47c2-4958-805a-37bdd6bde33c">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, well it looks like this was taken the wrong way.  I apologize for offending anyone.<strong> I'm African american myself and have mostly dated white men. I also grew up with 2 white adoptive parents.</strong>   It's a geniuine question and I never meant to offend anyone.  Lots of non wedding related topics are posted on this site, so I thought it would be a fair place to ask the question and get honest answers.  I didn't ask out of ignorance, but rather out of genuine curiosity.  I guess I made an incorrect assumption....
Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]

Is this somehow supposed to make us overlook the fact that you made a sweeping racial statement?  Like "ohhhhh, she's black so it's okay."  And why in the hell would other black people find you somehow "discriminatory" against them because you don't acknowledge them hollaring at you?  You sound confused as f*ck.

emilyinchile

FYI, I am not crazy, katieisawesome quoted OP's original post and then added something about how OP should stop thinking so highly of herself and yes, OP is insane. I didn't think quoting her post would be necessary, but she has apparently added "unable to defend her posts" to her list of qualities.

Meg1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:e47050b7-fd32-4570-952a-22aa29afa48c">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]Katie, again missing the point. You and 2010Bride have clearly never lived in a place where you regularly get cat-called. It has nothing to do with how hot you are (or think you are).
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

This.  I know I took issue with OP's treatment of race, but her overall question of street harassment has nothing to do with how you look and everything to do with the objectification of women, which is largely a cultural thing.  And it is a big deal (not saying people should feel offended if they don't, just that those who *are* uncomfortable/offended by it are not wrong).

You can read more about street harassment <u><a href="http://www.ihollaback.org/">here</a></u> and <u><a href="http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2011/0418/Street-harassment-of-women-It-s-a-bigger-problem-than-you-think">here</a></u>.


Edited: trying to get the links to work.

ahhhitsshannyn

Wow, worded completely weird but I think I see where she is going with this.

OP, I do not think it is a race thing, it it probably more cultural and varies by region. I live in an area where there is every race imaginable, and when I get cat calls it is likely from Hispanic or white, rarely black men. I do not think it is fair to lump them into one, because hey, they are all men, and if they see a pretty girl walk by they will react in whatever way they want to. Some men will cat call, some men will smile, or some men will just avoid eye contact. Everyone is different. Just like if I am in a certain mood, I can brush it off, joke about, avoid eye contact, or yell at them, which I have done all of these things at one point or another.

Whether or not is offensive to them or not by you avoiding eye contact, I do not really care. If someone is staring at me and making me uncomfortable, I do not give a shiit if I am offending them by not ogling back at them. Hopefully they will think I am a biitch and they will give up.

ahhhitsshannyn

Dont worry Emily, I saw it!!!

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:bc6e9b74-322a-4948-af17-9e2dcb916ac6">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances : Is this somehow supposed to make us overlook the fact that you made a sweeping racial statement?  Like "ohhhhh, she's black so it's okay."  And why in the hell would other black people find you somehow "discriminatory" against them because you don't acknowledge them hollaring at you?  You sound confused as f*ck.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Actually, your questions are confusing as f*ck to me.  I was asking about cultural and racial differences, because I've never heard neither the questions asked nor the asnwer to such a topic.

So, I'm sorry, but I don't understand your questions, so I don't know how to answer.  It doesn't make sense to me.  Sorry.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:87eaf78e-172c-4e14-8d92-f0056918c43b">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>FYI, I am not crazy, katieisawesome quoted OP's original post and then added something about how OP should stop thinking so highly of herself and yes, OP is insane.</strong> I didn't think quoting her post would be necessary, but she has apparently added "unable to defend her posts" to her list of qualities.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes. And it had a smiley face at the bottom, which everyone knows makes it better.</div>

emilyinchile

Thank you all for having my back. Next time I will be faster on the quote button.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:582783b5-c5ee-45ae-855e-fa71297f318c">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances : Actually, your questions are confusing as f*ck to me.  <strong>I was asking about cultural and racial differences</strong>, because I've never heard neither the questions asked nor the asnwer to such a topic. So, I'm sorry, but I don't understand your questions, so I don't know how to answer.  It doesn't make sense to me.  Sorry.
Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]

No, you were asking if the black dudes who hollar at you will somehow be "offended" when you ignore them.  In fact, these are your exact words:

"Is this offensive to those groups of men?  <strong>Does it come across as discriminatory and/or rude when I obviously try to avoid certain groups of men because their obvious advances make me uncomfortable?</strong>"

Yes, when you avoid all groups of black people because some black dudes hollar at you it is discriminatory.  When you avoid groups of black people that are in the process of hollaring at you, it's not discriminatory.  And by assuming that it's somehow "discriminatory" is stupid.  Just because they're black doesn't somehow make them any different than other stupid dudes out there who like to catcall.  There.  Okay? 

Moneypenny424

Nuggs, she acknowledged that she should have said "cultural differences."

Moneypenny424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:6037c9dd-72d7-4966-9246-29fc492c5b17">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances : No, you were asking if the black dudes who hollar at you will somehow be "offended" when you ignore them.  In fact, these are your exact words: "Is this offensive to those groups of men?  <strong>Does it come across as discriminatory and/or rude when I obviously try to avoid certain groups of men because their obvious advances make me uncomfortable? " Yes, when you avoid all groups of black people because some black dudes hollar at you it is discriminatory.  When you avoid groups of black people that are in the process of hollaring at you, it's not discriminatory. </strong> And by assuming that it's somehow "discriminatory" is stupid.  Just because they're black doesn't somehow make them any different than other stupid dudes out there who like to catcall.  There.  Okay? 
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this.  I personally wouldn't care what obnoxious men thought if they were catcalling and I crossed the street.  Now, if I just automatically crossed the street whenever I saw a group of black men, that IS offensive.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:2d5f313c-339c-4a5a-b5aa-c543f4ae64aa">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]Nuggs, she acknowledged that she should have said "cultural differences."
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

Yeah, well, I'm still pissed off.  PISSED OFF, I TELL YOU.

Moneypenny424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:ec89b0ea-d3f3-4c4f-affa-e9e8d367436a">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances : Yeah, well, I'm still pissed off.  PISSED OFF, I TELL YOU.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I know--my initial response was a big "Oh HELL NO!"

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-racial-differences-advances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:058037f5-ab66-4944-b968-b3c16d1936fbPost:ec89b0ea-d3f3-4c4f-affa-e9e8d367436a">Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Racial differences in Advances : Yeah, well, I'm still pissed off.  PISSED OFF, I TELL YOU.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I think everyone gets that you're pissed off....

Beachy730

I'm with Emily on this, and anyone else who said it's a cultural thing.  I used to work at a restaurant downtown where I grew up, and I used to get really uncomfortable at some of the things men would say to me.  Yes, many of them were black men, but it wasn't because they were black.  There were also white men and other races that would make ridiculously bold statements to me.  I hated the comments and pick up lines and whatever else you want to call them that I would get, some even going so far as to say that with my booty I had no business dating a white man becuase he wouldn't appreciate me.  Talk about a bold and judgmental statement.  But to say that it's all black men or hispanics isn't the case at all.  

As Nugget said, ignoring an entire race of men because of how some act towards you is racist, but ignoring any men that are cat calling and making you feel uncomfortable is completely acceptable.  

mica178

OP (and katieisawesome), I suggest that you both stop posting on this thread and hope that it dies out.

Edited to correct name of poster.

emilyinchile

Mica, do you mean katieisawesome? Because if so, I think that advice could go for her in the thread scottswife posted too.

thesuninherhead

I seriously hardly ever get cat called... and not because I'm not smokin', ha, but because it's really not done here. I might get a car horn honk if I'm walking by a busy road, but I think most guys here understand that it's completely inappropriate to wolf whistle/comment/etc. If I were to walk around some of the less nicer parts of town I might get a few slimy comments complimenting me on my outfit or telling me to smile, but they're usually pretty harmless. 

We're a very multicultural city, so I don't think it's about race so much as cultural norms... and the guys who live here understand that it's not appropriate to behave that way (or for the most part, anyway).