Wedding Etiquette Forum

Faux Pas

2

Re: Faux Pas

  • I have a stupid question, mostly because I've never purchased a drink at a wedding before. What would happen if you just walked off with the drink? Not intentionally stealing it, but just walked off before the bartender asked you for money. Would they chase you down? And what if you already drank it but have no cash? Or would they add it to the bride and grooms bill?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:9ba81b6c-285f-4751-b569-e92823bcca19">Re:Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a stupid question, mostly because I've never purchased a drink at a wedding before. What would happen if you just walked off with the drink? Not intentionally stealing it, but just walked off before the bartender asked you for money. Would they chase you down? And what if you already drank it but have no cash? Or would they add it to the bride and grooms bill?
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    Honestly no idea.  The situations I've been in they give the price<strong> as</strong> they set it down so it would be pretty difficult to sincerely accdientally walk away without paying.  I'd guess if you tried the bartender would probably call out after you and if you kept walking it would just be completely mortifying as this guy is yelling at you for the $4 you owe for the drink in your hand. 
  • In Response to Re:Faux Pas:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Faux Pas:I hate FB posts about the wedding! All I ever did was say "in one month I marry my best friend!!". People who post every detail and invite people over Facebook drive me nuts. Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]


    Me too. I have had a few people post on FB asking when/where we plan on getting married and I always reply with "Fall of 2014". I refuse to blast it all over FB when I know we can't invite everyone on both of our friends lists and I'm not inviting half of my extended family. I even had to tell my sister to keep quiet about it on FB and at her upcoming baby shower. The family can find out when my sister posts pictures from my wedding after the fact.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:95d797e8-97b7-451d-b5cc-52175b36d0de">Re: Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong>I think the most COMMON one is adding registry info to invitations.</strong>  I think the one that makes me cringe the most is a dollar dance or anything similar to that.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    What is the proper way to handle the registry info?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • This isn't really an etiquette breach. I'm just still bitter about it.

    Last year my best friend was set to get married to... well... a jerk. Even she knew it didn't have potential, but she wanted her PPD so I stepped up to help. I was set to be a bridesmaid and volunteered to make her wedding cake and cupcakes for free. Her birthday was a month before her wedding, and I see on FB that she had a big birthday party at her house with ALL of our mutual friends and her family. When I asked what happened, she said "Oh, well FI said he didn't invite you because he didn't want any drama." Oh. Okay. The drama he was referring to was me telling him to shut up when he was talking about child molestation - I work with kids. At the time, I was talking to social services about concerns I had about a little boy I had practically raised. I wasn't good enough to come to her birthday party but it was okay for me to be in her wedding? I backed out and we haven't spoken since. 

    Yep, still bitter.
    image
  • I was asked to be a bridesmaid once when I was in college, and I threw my friend an engagement party, received my save the date, and that was the last I ever heard from that girl. She never again answered my calls, or contacted me in any way. I actually ran into her now ex-H and apparently she basically flaked out on her marriage in the same way. Just up and left one day. Sad, but unfortunately, maturity isn't all that common. 

    I was at a wedding one time where there weren't enough chairs, but I didn't side-eye the bride. She didn't find out about it until after the ceremony. Apparently she'd paid the venue to rent extra chairs, and they dropped the ball. She was horrified, justifiably so. 

    Other than that, thinking back, the weddings I've been to have been pretty lovely. My friends must be really etiquette-wise. Maybe they're former Knotties. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:14cee099-6a82-4242-8dac-de65cd0f859d">Re: Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Faux Pas : What is the proper way to handle the registry info?
    Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]

    Word of mouth/your shower invites/your wedding website. Showers are gift-giving events, so registry info is appropriate. Many people get wedding gifts, but you should never make it look like you ASSUME they will give you gifts. People should go looking for registry info, not be forced upon with it.
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
  • In Response to Re:Faux Pas:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Faux Pas: What is the proper way to handle the registry info? Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]


    To spread it by word of mouth, if someone asks you, the groom or any of the parents or BP. You can also put information on the website, if you have one, and include a card with directions, hotel information and the website address.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • So your wedding website doesn't go on the invitation itself, but on the enclosure card, correct?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:50108cea-a0d5-404a-923b-0ad8f5246052">Re:Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Faux Pas: To spread it by word of mouth, if someone asks you, the groom or any of the parents or BP. <strong>You can also put information on the website, if you have one, and include a card with directions, hotel information and the website address.</strong>
    Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

    Include that info in the invitation, but not the actual registry info.  Got it, thanks.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • In Response to Re:Faux Pas:[QUOTE]So your wedding website doesn't go on the invitation itself, but on the enclosure card, correct? Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

    Correct. The invite lists the hosts, guests of honor, date, time and location. The enclosure cards will list "extra" info like hotel room blocks, website, directions. Most invites I receive have the invite, RSVP card/envelope, and extra info card.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • In Response to Re:Faux Pas:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Faux Pas:In Response to Re:Faux Pas: Include that info in the invitation, but not the actual registry info.nbsp; Got it, thanks. Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]

    It would be a separate card from the invite, but yes, all that can be included in the envelope with the invite.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • In Response to Re:Faux Pas:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Faux Pas:IDK if it's an etiquette breach to put it on the invitation per se.nbsp; Our enclosure saidPlease join us for dinner and dancing immediately following Mass at Venue Name and addressDirections and hotel information can be found at <a href="http://www.ourweddingwebsite.com" rel="nofollow">www.ourweddingwebsite.com</a> Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    The weddings where they included website info right on the invite, had been super casual weddings.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • edited February 2013
    A family friend's daughter is having a PPD in another country, not telling anyone it isn't legal and that they are getting married in the states before. And then, after all of that, still having yet another reception when they get home. I think she's overdoing it.

    Getting invites sent to my mom's house on her invite when I haven't lived there for ages.

    Money dances, making your bridesmaids do a ton of work- not asking, just expecting. Also- not receiving a thank you card.

    I got one invite that said on it the registry information, said please where cocktail attire- I think your guests can figure that out, and then said- Please don't bring in outside alcohol. FI and I were like, what kind of friends do they have if this is what they have to warn??

    Honeymoon registries as well- I hate seeing that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My FH and I went to a wedding last August for a college friend of his. The invite said "Adult Reception to follow" but had probably 10 kids there. The wedding was the weekend after FH's bday and the groom said on his wall post to FH something like, "Happy Birthday P! Have a drink or 10 on me Saturday, or rather on FOB!" The only hosted beer, wine and soda but had cash bar for everything else. They had a gap, and most friends went to a local bar for drinks and apps. They had no food at the cocktail hour, the bride's aunt was a "hostess" and she wouldn't let people in the reception room until the couple went in, so the lobby area was a clusterfluck of people. Despite living with my FH, we were just dating at the time but had started the process of having my ring made, they invited me as "and guest". When I RSVP back with both of our names on the card, I was still B.P.'s Guest on my escort card. Our roommate was the same wedding and within a month, they sent him a thank you card and we still have yet to receive one.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • I was in a WP in AZ in April.  Our dresses were green velvet.   If that was not bad enough, it was a 2pm mass and a 3 hour gap.   After the ceremony we all stuffed into a limo to go take pictures at the venue.  Okay.  After sweating our buts off outside we were summoned to the room by the MOB.    Then we were told we had to setup the reception.  In our dresses and tuxedos.   Moving tables, chairs, setting the table. EVERYTHING.   

    I was so pissed.  They gave us no heads up.  Worst part was my parents have money.  They offered money to help and they said no because it was the "bride's family's responsibility".  My parents would have happilly given them money to hire people to do the setup and breakdown.  AND because they were the only ones who had the venue that day there was no need for a gap other than making us set it up.  My parents would have paid for it to be setup so the reception could have started as soon as the wedding was over.

    They did let my parents pay for the bar.  Now my parents were living in Norway at the time, so they needed help with finding the bartender and stuff.   So the MOB hired a bartender to start at 6pm.  That is the same time as the guests.  So my dad had to setup the bar because (1) the bar needs to be setup before the guests arrive and (2) he was completely embarrassed that the WP had to setup the reception and he thought we all needed a drink (he was right).
        
    My parents are really great hosts and ask the MOB is there was anything they liked to drink.  They requested 2 bottles of a certain (expensive) Croatian liquor because "it was a very popular drink with their family". NBD to my parents. They were happy to get it. Well only the MOB drank this special liquor.  Because it could not be returned to the store and my parents could not take it back to Norway, they had to leave it with the bride's parents.  To this day we think  they requested the liquor knowing my parents would buy it, it would not be drank and they could take it home. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I went to a tiered wedding with a head table, dollar dance, and no thank you cards.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding in June 2007.  II was a broke college student, and found out on the way home for Labor Day (September 2006) that the bride and one of the other bridesmaids went to DB to "just look" at BM dresses.  They selected a dress that they loved and decided it was the one.  No input from the rest of the BMs, regarding the dress itself or the budget.  Bride tells me that while I'm in town for the weekend I need to go to DB to order my (unflattering, $180) dress.  I told her that I didn't have the money to order the dress this weekend, and she said that I could apply for a DB credit card to finance it.  I was uncomfortable doing that, but I caved to keep the Bride(zilla) happy.

    NER, but a few months later in January 2007, Bride called the day before my birthday to ask if I wanted to go to a Bridal Show with her tomorrow.  I said that I'd rather not, because not only was it my birthday but I was currently at the hospital with my grandfather, who was on his death bed (and died 5 days later).  She was pissed and "hurt" that none of her BMs wanted to go with her.  I still love my friend, but I can't believe how thoughtless she was during her engagement.  Very entitled.
    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickersFollow Me on Pinterest
  • In 2004, my FBIL got married out of state. FI was the best man and we flew out for the wedding. During the reception, my FI was seated at the head table while I sat with their cousins and other family members I barely knew. I was really uncomfortable with the whole thing. 

    Thing is, FI and I had been together since '99 and got engaged before his brother so it's not like it wasn't a serious relationship. 

    Not a faux pas, but a couple years ago when my cousin got married (groom) his bride took so long getting to the ceremony site (arrived by horse drawn carriage) that I thought she wasn't coming!
  • I've got some good ones.

    My ex-boyfriend got married last  year. One of my BMs and her boyfriend are still good friends with him so I found out some details.

    Apparently they did not register anywhere for actual gifts and had printed on the invitations "No Gifts Please" and then also listed the website in which they used to register for gift cards. (I had no idea something like that even existed.)

    Second thing - this ex and I still have a few mutual friends. We have one friend, we will call him Bob, that just happens to DJ on the side. He asked Bob if he would DJ the wedding and Bob said he would rather just come as a guest and enjoy the wedding. Apparently Bob was then told "well I'm sorry but we are having a very small, intimate wedding and you aren't invited. We just wanted you to DJ"
     
    Side note - we did NOT ask Bob to DJ our wedding.

    I know the registry info is not supposed to go on any invitations but I have never ever been to a shower were the registry cards were not included with the shower invite.

  • I hate ceremonies where you can't hear what's going on.  I can't read lips from half way back in a church for an hour.

    A 2nd cousin of mine got married when I was in highschool and when we got to the reception there wasn't a table for 10 of us.. They set up a normal table for some family and then my sister, cousin, and I got to sit an an akward little table shoved off in a corner.

    Not really anyones fault but my sister got married a year ago outdoors in the beginning of September which was over 90 degrees and facing the setting sun so the whole WP was sweating to death and squinting. The icing on her poor cake melted before they even got to cut it.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    J + A [4-15-13] + JJ [1-22-14] 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:ff384f34-1ff5-4ca6-83a4-ef8e15a52094">Re: Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE] We have one friend, we will call him Bob, that just happens to DJ on the side. He asked Bob if he would DJ the wedding and Bob said he would rather just come as a guest and enjoy the wedding. Apparently Bob was then told "well I'm sorry but we are having a very small, intimate wedding and you aren't invited. We just wanted you to DJ"   Side note - we did NOT ask Bob to DJ our wedding. I know the registry info is not supposed to go on any invitations but I have never ever been to a shower were the registry cards were not included with the shower invite.
    Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    Poor Bob! My brother and his friends are in a band and they offered to play a short set at my wedding, and I am sending each one a full invitation to the wedding with SO or plus one. What a crappy way for your ex to treat a friend. I'm glad he's your EX!

    I also find that most shower hosts include registry cards. I actually appreciate them. I know I'm going to always buy the couple a gift from the registry so why make me go through an extra step to ask for this information? Could it be that this rule of etiquette is changing? Or it's a regional thing? I mean the stores wouldn't make them if nobody was using them, right?  I gave the cards I received from the stores I registered at to my MIL and MOH, who are hosting my 2 showers. Since they are the hosts of these events, I told them it was up to them whether they wanted to include them. It's not my place to make these decisions on behalf of others.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:ff384f34-1ff5-4ca6-83a4-ef8e15a52094">Re: Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know the registry info is not supposed to go on <strong>any </strong>invitations but I have never ever been to a shower were the registry cards were not included with the shower invite.
    Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    The registry info is not supposed to go on/in the WEDDING invitation, because it looks gift grabby and like you're assuming everyone will buy you a gift.  It is totally acceptable to put registry info on/in a shower invite; as a shower is a gift-giving event.

    And to the other PP - the stores give those cards out because they couldn't care less how tacky you look to your family, they just want more people to come into their store.  Don't let anyone who's making money off the idea they're supporting influence whether you think it's etiquette appropriate or not.
  • At the last wedding I attended, I was a bridesmaid.  The bride didn't ask about budget for the dress and I ended up and with a ridiculously unflattering $300+ dress.  I was seated separately at the head table away from my FI.  All the drinks at the head table were "open bar" but all the other guests were provided a cash bar.  I felt so bad for FI when he had to ask me for some cash after dinner was over so he could get some drinks.  The couple also cut the cake, fed each other said cake but never served it to the guests. I didn't get a thank you card for the gift FI and I gave the couple either but because it was a close friend I'm just pretending it must have gotten lost in the mail. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed24f2-d197-46a8-98bf-d1ca611481f6Post:31c369eb-ad13-4e7c-bb13-a2719f43b46b">Re: Faux Pas</a>:
    [QUOTE]  <strong>They requested 2 bottles of a certain (expensive) Croatian liquor because "it was a very popular drink with their family".</strong>
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    Was it Slivovitz, or "The seven noble grasses"? :-P

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm not sure mine counts because I ended up declining but my cousing asked me to be a sponsor in her wedding and contribute $500+ for her venue. She was having sponsors for EVERYTHING. food, drinks, dress, music, venue, church fees, invitations, you name it. Oh and not only was it a cash bar; NO drinks were covered by them. You had to pay for soft drinks too.

    She got mad at me and delivered the invitation 3 days before the wedding because we refused to give her money.

  • SIL's whole wedding weekend still takes the cake for me.
    1. She asked me at the rehearsal dinner to do a bunch of crap for her during the wedding (basically made me her personal attendant w/o the title) and never thanked me (I wasn't a bridesmaid-which I'm not upset about but basically I was her bitcchh for the day with no recognition)
    2. She excluded H's uncle who has DS and hates to be separated from his parents (H's grandparents) from the family table and he was uncomfortable all through dinner
    3. She tiered her reception. Didn't even invite the grandmother of her nephew (who was also the ringbearer) to dinner even though this grandmother was watching him during all the down time
    4. She hosted NO beverages that evening. Not even soda or beer.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    I was in the bridal party at my friend's wedding. She had a sweetheart table and a table for just the bridal party. As in, no dates.
    She texted me about ... two weeks? before the wedding and asked me where I wanted my bf to sit. I texted back, "with me." Her mom, another dear friend of mine, calls me and starts reaming me out that it's "tradition" to have the bridal party sit together and that's what she did at her sister's wedding blah blah blah.

    Screw tradition.

    Also, she didn't invite a mutual friend's boyfriend because no ring, no bring. (I guess I was an exception because I was in the bridal party?) Well, they ended up getting engaged two weeks before her wedding and the bride still didn't want to invite him, but we (me and a fellow bridemaid) talked her into it. This is why the "no ring, no bring" rule is nonsensical. They were just as serious before they got engaged. The only difference was that they could finally start planning their wedding.

    image
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2013
    I dearly love my two cousins but I'm still a bit annoyed about how they did invitations. I did not receive an invitation to either wedding but was included in my parent's. Despite being out of the house for several years and living 1500 miles away on top of that, thy both KNEW that no one in my family would be able to attend except me yet still did invitations that way. Also, neither cousin has sent me a TY for my gift and it's been 7 months. ETA: the one cousin dragged me up for the bouquet toss even though I was engaged. I went along with it because I didn't want to cause a scene. I just stood there and watched the other girls dive for it. Sorry for the lack of formatting. I'm on mobile.
  • I've only been to two weddings that I remember. Some of these stories sound awful!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards