MOH is off the grid

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:a783afb2-0f47-4a76-9c56-d0818380f628">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]I could feel you struggling, buddy. :) Wah wah wah, gimme a reason why this person is so horrible. 99.9% of my friendships are worth more than 385 dollars. Who calculates how much a bridesmaid costs you anyway. THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIENDS, and you're worried that you'll have an extra flower bouquet to pay for? What in the sam hell.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I don't calculate what a friendship/bridesmaid is worth. But when someone suggest kicking out a bridesmaid, people always say the bride has to pay that person back for her dress, shoes, etc.

So why is the reverse not true? Why is it just ok to give the bride the shaft?

I've been a very good friend. My bridesmaids haven't had to do a thing for me. But if they abandoned me on my wedding day without even a word and it wasn't an emergency, you can bet your ass they wouldn't be my friend anymore - and at that point, I would care about the money.

crfische · April 2011

Huh. Well then.

regan117 · April 2011

Like I said, it was a hypothetical. I never said I valued money over my friends. All I did was ask a question no one ever seems to acknowledge - expense - because I was curious if anyone had considered it.

I will reiterate: I wouldn't kick someone out, and if they needed help (personal, financial or otherwise), I'd be there for them. But if they don't respect me enough to tell me they're not going to show up to be in my wedding, when they told me for past year that they would, then they were never a very good friends to being with.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:a783afb2-0f47-4a76-9c56-d0818380f628">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]I could feel you struggling, buddy. :) Wah wah wah, gimme a reason why this person is so horrible. 99.9% of my friendships are worth more than 385 dollars. Who calculates how much a bridesmaid costs you anyway. THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIENDS, and you're worried that you'll have an extra flower bouquet to pay for? What in the sam hell.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that... would never cross my mind. I mean, I get having a budget, but the money I paid for my WP (which included clothing) was kind of a drop in the bucket compared with the entirety of the completely unecessary party I was throwing for myself. I mean, if you want to get down to brass tacks, I can't blame someone else for "wasting my money" when I had a traditional wedding/reception.

Snippylynn · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:8c5cfa00-b091-4c7e-978a-722ecb8f1317">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : I don't calculate what a friendship/bridesmaid is worth. But when someone suggest kicking out a bridesmaid, people always say the bride has to pay that person back for her dress, shoes, etc. So why is the reverse not true? Why is it just ok to give the bride the shaft? I've been a very good friend. My bridesmaids haven't had to do a thing for me. But if they abandoned me on my wedding day without even a word, you can bet your ass they wouldn't be my friend anymore - and at that point, all I would care about was the money.
Posted by regan117[/QUOTE]

Really? You think you'll just go back to a former BM and friend and say "Hey, since you ditched my wedding, you owe me X amount" and that's not going to make you a super douche?

Keep going though. I'm taking copious notes on how not to behave.

nda_roxybabe · April 2011

Wait, wait, wait....a certified letter?! Hahaha
Did you make her sign a contract to be in the wedding or something?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:53889fdb-61d5-4e00-bf6b-d8f525ee6b5e">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : Good point. I guess it just varies from person to person, and depends on the level of friendship, budget, cost of the wedding, etc. Like, I know my own personal cost wouldn't necessarily be someone else's. And I do agree, it is unforgivable to kick out a WP member. But you know your friends well (well, at least you should if they're your bridesmaids)...and usually you can tell if something is wrong or if they're not "into" being in the wedding. I'd just hate to think that if I had a feeling about someone, that I would follow the advice here and keep her around, and then be out all that money (and a friend) come my wedding day. Because honestly, I think if my best friend agreed to be my bridesmaids and then just didn't show up on my wedding day and it wasn't because of an emergency - we probably wouldn't be friends anymore. Deserting a bride on the day is just as bad, and friendship-ending, as kicking someone out of your wedding. I actually had a bridesmaid drop out 3 months ago, for financial/personal reasons. And thankfully she came to me about it, and we're still friends and she is coming as a guest. But if she had known she didn't want to be in the wedding and couldn't afford it, didn't tell me, and then didn't show...we probably wouldn't be friends.
Posted by regan117[/QUOTE]

Well yeah, but I doubt people get to the point where everything is hunky-dory up until 3 days before the wedding and then, out of the blue, someone doesn't show up. Unless you have a huge blow out within that time frame. And if someone doesn't show up, they're either a really crappy friend (though I'm not sure how you could not know that) or you are partially to blame.

I asked a friend to be a BM. She never followed up, really. She didn't get measured or order a dress. So I was out $0, she was out $0 and everything simply continued as normal. She was invited to the wedding. She showed up. We're still friends. I have no idea what her reservation was, but let's just say it didn't surprise me. The fact that she "dropped out" had no bearing on the actual WEDDING itself. I was more pissed off that she never talked to me about the sitution. She simply took herself out of the wedding by inaction.

Having an extra bouquet or her name in the program (which you don't need to use) would be the least of my worries.

marinabreeze · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:53889fdb-61d5-4e00-bf6b-d8f525ee6b5e">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : Good point. I guess it just varies from person to person, and depends on the level of friendship, budget, cost of the wedding, etc. Like, I know my own personal cost wouldn't necessarily be someone else's. And I do agree, it is unforgivable to kick out a WP member. But you know your friends well (well, at least you should if they're your bridesmaids)...and usually you can tell if something is wrong or if they're not "into" being in the wedding. I'd just hate to think that if I had a feeling about someone, that I would follow the advice here and keep her around, and then be out all that money (and a friend) come my wedding day. Because honestly, I think if my best friend agreed to be my bridesmaids and then just didn't show up on my wedding day and it wasn't because of an emergency - we probably wouldn't be friends anymore. Deserting a bride on the day is just as bad, and friendship-ending, as kicking someone out of your wedding. I actually had a bridesmaid drop out 3 months ago, for financial/personal reasons. And thankfully she came to me about it, and we're still friends and she is coming as a guest. But if she had known she didn't want to be in the wedding and couldn't afford it, didn't tell me, and then didn't show...we probably wouldn't be friends.
Posted by regan117[/QUOTE]
But just because a particular WP member isn't a "wedding" person doesn't mean they'll no-show to your wedding. Not wanting to plan or attend pre-wedding parties, or not wanting to stuff envelopes or hear the bride talk about wedding 24/7 (not saying you or the OP are demanding any of this, this is just in general), doesn't equal no-showing for the wedding itself. Even for those who are not super-weddingy people, people generally get that weddings are a big deal, particularly if you are in them.

I think that is very problematic if a WP member just no-shows to a wedding without it being an emergency of some sort. I agree with you there. But I don't think that you can judge whether or not someone will no-show on your wedding day by how "into" the minutae of wedding stuff they are.

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:cc12acbc-9ef1-4ba0-82a9-ff993f98a427">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : Really? You think you'll just go back to a former BM and friend and say "Hey, since you ditched my wedding, you owe me X amount" and that's not going to make you a super douche? Keep going though. I'm taking copious notes on how not to behave.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

No, I wouldn't do that. And I never said I would, so putting words in my mouth isn't necessary. But at that point, if that person is no longer my friend, the money would be a source of anger for me. So like I said before, I can see a person't concern, from a financial standpoint, if they have a feeling a bridemaid isn't going to show up. That is all. No more, no less.

And I would never have this problem, because no matter how you want to try to portray me for asking a hypothetical question, I am not a b*tch and I am a very good friend. All I was doing was playing devil's advocate - throwing a new issue into the mix of standard "if she doesn't show up, she's taken herself out of the wedding party" responses.

crfische · April 2011

It's just really funny to me.

If my bridesmaid didn't show up, my first thought wouldn't be "that little bitch. what the hell. I'm gonna get my money back from her!!! :: shaking fist :: "

It would be, crap. what happened? Is she ok? What's going on?

Not, hoooooweeeeheeee, homegirl owes me 385 dollas, the whore. FRIENDS OFF.

and if it was a friend that I felt was a good enough friend to ask to be in my wedding, I'm 99 percent sure that whatever happened to cause her to not be there could be worked out somehow or other.

Your wedding does not equal your life.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:8c5cfa00-b091-4c7e-978a-722ecb8f1317">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : I don't calculate what a friendship/bridesmaid is worth. But when someone suggest kicking out a bridesmaid, people always say the bride has to pay that person back for her dress, shoes, etc. So why is the reverse not true? Why is it just ok to give the bride the shaft? I've been a very good friend. My bridesmaids haven't had to do a thing for me. But if they abandoned me on my wedding day without even a word and it wasn't an emergency, you can bet your ass they wouldn't be my friend anymore - and at that point, I would care about the money.
Posted by regan117[/QUOTE]

But... why? It's already spent. It's not like if she reimburses you you'll be able to upgrade your appetizers or something. The wedding is over. That money was part of the wedding budget. Let it go. See it as the tax for finding out the hard way that you weren't as close as you thought you were.

I have to say, after my wedding, I could not have cared less about how the money was spent. We had $x for the wedding. We spent it. We pulled off a good wedding. (I had a friend tell me last night, over 6 months later, how much fun it was, yet again.) Is it sort of painful looking at the overall amount we spent? Sure. But it was worth it to us. I'm not going back in my mind and saying, "Was the $543.62 we spent on flowers actually worth that amount, or should we have stuck with $400 on the nose?" I mean, really, what's the point?

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:7dd0bb30-1292-4369-bef6-17b84a5d6cdd">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]It's just really funny to me. If my bridesmaid didn't show up, my first thought wouldn't be "that little bitch. what the hell. I'm gonna get my money back from her!!! :: shaking fist :: " It would be, crap. what happened? Is she ok? What's going on? Not, hoooooweeeeheeee, homegirl owes me 385 dollas, the whore. FRIENDS OFF. and if it was a friend that I felt was a good enough friend to ask to be in my wedding, I'm 99 percent sure that whatever happened to cause her to not be there could be worked out somehow or other. Your wedding does not equal your life.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I believe I specified, if it wasn't an emergency. As in, if nothing was wrong and nothing happened - she just didn't show. Yes, if something was wrong, I'd be concerned and worried. But if I found out 3 days after my wedding that she had gone away with her boyfriend for the weekend I'd probably be pissed and it's likely we wouldn't be friends anymore.

HandBanana · April 2011

I think I am overreacting calling her vindictive. I'm really hurt and do not understand. These are my other posts.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2011-weddings_vent-grumble

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2011-weddings_moh-hurt-upset

Just a few things. She has also made some caddy coments about the BM dresses being ugly which didn't bother to me till now. She also (when still in communication) blamed the BM for the not planning of the b party and lied saying BM was ignoring her calls/texts/emails. She then oddly CCed my cousin on some emails when my cousin isn't even involved in the WP. My cousin doesn't get along with my BM which may be why but so weird and such a bully thing.

I found out after the one post that she had only started planning the b party after FI texted her and she had sent my mother a wordy email saying she had "dropped the ball there goes the ball, it is rolling away from me now, I can not catch the ball, it is gone" I felt bad originally because I could understand, I'm a HORRIBLE procrastinator but now it isn't even procrastinating.

Snippylynn · April 2011

I understand that you're trying to be devil's advocate Regan, it's just that all your points are douche one's. When you start boiling things down to money, I just think it shows an overall lack of real concern or understanding on the friendship.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:20525e16-f4ec-4634-9b10-915d02495640">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : But just because a particular WP member isn't a "wedding" person doesn't mean they'll no-show to your wedding. Not wanting to plan or attend pre-wedding parties, or not wanting to stuff envelopes or hear the bride talk about wedding 24/7 (not saying you or the OP are demanding any of this, this is just in general), doesn't equal no-showing for the wedding itself. Even for those who are not super-weddingy people, people generally get that weddings are a big deal, particularly if you are in them. I think that is very problematic if a WP member just no-shows to a wedding without it being an emergency of some sort. I agree with you there. But I don't think that you can judge whether or not someone will no-show on your wedding day by how "into" the minutae of wedding stuff they are.
Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

Ditto. Only one of the 6 people in our WP is actually married. Both my BMs are not super girly or super wedding-y. One actually went out and decided to buy a pair of heels for my wedding because she didn't own any. Neither had been in a wedding before. They had no idea what had to be done for the wedding, let alone how to help, though they vaguely offered. However, they were both super supportive because they are my closest female friends.

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:3c1c9dfe-0601-43f9-86bd-af1884a42299">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : Well yeah, but I doubt people get to the point where everything is hunky-dory up until 3 days before the wedding and then, out of the blue, someone doesn't show up. Unless you have a huge blow out within that time frame. And if someone doesn't show up, they're either a really crappy friend (though I'm not sure how you could not know that) or you are partially to blame. I asked a friend to be a BM. She never followed up, really. She didn't get measured or order a dress. So I was out $0, she was out $0 and everything simply continued as normal. She was invited to the wedding. She showed up. We're still friends. I have no idea what her reservation was, but let's just say it didn't surprise me. The fact that she "dropped out" had no bearing on the actual WEDDING itself. I was more pissed off that she never talked to me about the sitution. She simply took herself out of the wedding by inaction. Having an extra bouquet or her name in the program (which you don't need to use) would be the least of my worries.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

No, I agree with you. I rarely talk "wedding" with my bridesmaids unless I have a question about something. We all go out as a group weekly and the wedding usually isn't even mentioned, and many times, if it is, they mention it. I haven't had them help me with favors, or invitations, or programs, or anything like that...my fiance, my mom and myself have done all of it. So a "non-responsive" bridesmaid wouldn't annoy me at all. I kind of meant the other end of the spectrum...like someone who was purposefully just being an ass.

Like I said, I am being hypothetical here. I wasn't speaking about anyone or anything real or specific. So someone randomly not showing up because she "forgot" or just wasn't in the mood probably wouldn't ever happen. But it isn't impossible.

crfische · April 2011

My head hurts in here today.

nda_roxybabe · April 2011

Eh, I can get being frustrated about money, being on the other side of that equation. When I had just spent over $500 for an airline ticket for my BFF's wedding and she practically kicked me out over something silly I was pissed. That was a lot of money to me.
However, if I were the bride and I chose to pay for everyone hair and makeup and the normal cost associated with hosting a wedding (reception meal) that I would have to do that at my own risk. It would just be a loss, it wouldn't be great but hey, it is what it is. Especially to get upset over the lost cost of a meal is so petty. Like someone (fish? Snippy?) said, what are you going to call up all the no shows or the No rsvp-ers and demand the money back.

Snippylynn · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:41bb3b8b-3c6a-41d6-8a2d-bd7567937529">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I am overreacting calling her vindictive. I'm really hurt and do not understand. These are my other posts. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2011-weddings_vent-grumble" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2011-weddings_vent-grumble</a> <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2011-weddings_moh-hurt-upset" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2011-weddings_moh-hurt-upset</a> Just a few things. She has also made some caddy coments about the BM dresses being ugly which didn't bother to me till now.

Well, if you're making them all carry golf clubs around, I'd say that was appropriate.

She also (when still in communication) blamed the BM for the not planning of the b party and lied saying BM was ignoring her calls/texts/emails. She then oddly CCed my cousin on some emails when my cousin isn't even involved in the WP. My cousin doesn't get along with my BM which may be why but so weird and such a bully thing.

I don't understand how cc'ing someone on emails is bullying when they are in regards to parites?

I found out after the one post that she had only started planning the b party after FI texted her and she had sent my mother a wordy email saying she had "dropped the ball there goes the ball, it is rolling away from me now, I can not catch the ball, it is gone" I felt bad originally because I could understand, I'm a HORRIBLE procrastinator but now it isn't even procrastinating.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

WTF? I hope you realize that at least half of what you've written here makes absolutely no sense and kind of makes you sound insane.

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:eea783a2-3c0d-4930-b901-f0f1c0c8d49d">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : But... why? It's already spent. It's not like if she reimburses you you'll be able to upgrade your appetizers or something. The wedding is over. That money was part of the wedding budget. Let it go. See it as the tax for finding out the hard way that you weren't as close as you thought you were. I have to say, after my wedding, I could not have cared less about how the money was spent. We had $x for the wedding. We spent it. We pulled off a good wedding. (I had a friend tell me last night, over 6 months later, how much fun it was, yet again.) Is it sort of painful looking at the overall amount we spent? Sure. But it was worth it to us. I'm not going back in my mind and saying, "Was the $543.62 we spent on flowers actually worth that amount, or should we have stuck with $400 on the nose?" I mean, really, what's the point?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

No, I would never demand money back. I was just saying it would be such a waste...I don't know. I'm not trying to be a douche. All I know is if someone abandoned me at the last minute for no reason other than not wanting to wear a dress, I'd be hurt, and at that point, all the money that was spent would just be salt in the wounds.

mica178 · April 2011

Okay, kids, let's get away from this theoretical stuff. OP, we gave you advice. Take it or don't. Regan, $385 is a lot of money, but weddings are so darned expensive, really, you're going to find out that you wasted money somewhere, and I'd be more busy sweating the loss of a friend that I thought was close enough to be in my WP than the loss of cash.

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:47b183bf-4ca4-4e96-929c-12294e79dff9">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, I can get being frustrated about money, being on the other side of that equation. When I had just spent over $500 for an airline ticket for my BFF's wedding and she practically kicked me out over something silly I was pissed. That was a lot of money to me. However, if I were the bride and I chose to pay for everyone hair and makeup and the normal cost associated with hosting a wedding (reception meal) that I would have to do that at my own risk. It would just be a loss, it wouldn't be great but hey, it is what it is. Especially to get upset over the lost cost of a meal is so petty. Like someone (fish? Snippy?) said, what are you going to call up all the no shows or the No rsvp-ers and demand the money back.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

Exactly! There's costs on both sides. I'd never kick someone out. If I did, I'd be a total jerk and they'd be demanding I pay them back for the dress, travel, etc. So if the coin were flipped, while I would never demand to be paid back, I can't deny I'd be really pissed about the wasted money. Just like a kicked-out BM would be pissed about wasting money on a dress, etc. and getting the boot from a wedding.

HandBanana · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:173751db-31be-4c9b-9034-cb2553fc4e42">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]HandBanana, I think Snippy got the idea that you picked your MOH based on what she could do for you from my own statement saying the same. I came to that conclusion because of this in your OP: In Response to MOH is off the grid : If i misinterpreted this, I'm sorry. But could you explain this a little more? Also, one other thing, In Response to Re: MOH is off the grid : I still fail to understand what specifically you're afraid will happen to where she'll try to ruin your wedding. Bowing out of a prewedding party, getting butthurt over b-party planning, or even failing to pay your mom back (which I agree is really shiitty of her) isn't the same as no-showing or causing a huge scene at your wedding. Please help me understand because this is what I'm not getting, and that's why I'm kind of wondering if you're conflating "wedding" with "friendship."
Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

I suppose you are right. There really isn't anything she could do other than be in pictures. She can't stop me from getting married and that is the only thing that could ruin the wedding.

The other BM has two jobs, full time grad student, and other responsibilites that cause her major stress. MOH didn't help stuff invites because she didn't want to and as I said when I asked her and she said no, I don't even want to do it so I totally understand you saying no to doing it.

regan117 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:b21b2b1d-36af-4a38-a368-83f3447b2f44">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, kids, let's get away from this theoretical stuff. OP, we gave you advice. Take it or don't. Regan, $385 is a lot of money, but weddings are so darned expensive, really, you're going to find out that you wasted money somewhere, and I'd be more busy sweating the loss of a friend that I thought was close enough to be in my WP than the loss of cash.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Yes, I agree with you. I'd never not be upset about the loss of a close friend. I was just saying, that after time, and after I started to get over the initial sting, I'd probably be pissed about the money too.

I'm done. No more hypotheticals from me.

Snippylynn · April 2011

Why the hell are you talking about "covering" for people in your first post you listed? Why do you have to cover for a BM whose dress is too small, or an MOH who didn't attend your bachelorette?

Also, YTF is your FI texting this girl and getting involved? Why is your MOM involved, why is your DAD involved?? Are you 12? Grow the hell up.

You sound like you're totally creating this whole thing and making it worse by letting it go through other people. If your mom called me to tell me to "do my job" I'd fuuck around with you too, tbh. My own mother doesn't even speak to me like that.

nda_roxybabe · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:5a657b49-22c0-43d7-9479-9e6c0a7fac38">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]Why the hell are you talking about "covering" for people in your first post you listed? Why do you have to cover for a BM whose dress is too small, or an MOH who didn't attend your bachelorette? Also, YTF is your FI texting this girl and getting involved? Why is your MOM involved, why is your DAD involved?? Are you 12? Grow the hell up. You sound like you're totally creating this whole thing and making it worse by letting it go through other people. If your mom called me to tell me to "do my job" I'd fuuck around with you too, tbh. My own mother doesn't even speak to me like that.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
This. I got really lost with that whole bit.

HandBanana · April 2011

MOH originally contacted my mom about dates for the shower and continued to send her long emails where she complained about BM. The contact continued because my mom planned the bachelorette party. My dad is not involved but is angry at how hurt I am. Yeah. I don't know where you are getting my mom telling her to do her job but thank you for reading. She committed to planning the b party, didn't do it. Yes, people asked where she was a lot last night. I did not lie about where she was and "cover" for her but I also did not tell anyone what was going on.

ETA: BM and my mom have kept what they can from me as far as the emails and her not responding to any attempts of communication with them for the past 4 weeks.

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

Holy drama llama! It sounds like you get a kick out of starting all this crap.

Good luck with that.

Snippylynn · April 2011

That's not what it sounds like. You're just one giant drama llama.

Have fun with your wedding.

Snippylynn · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-off-grid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:066cb0da-511c-4328-bd0a-7796ce7b74bePost:9e760cbb-f87c-4f8e-a8fc-c2912fc171a9">Re: MOH is off the grid</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy drama llama! It sounds like you get a kick out of starting all this crap. Good luck with that.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Ha! :)

MOH is off the grid

Re: MOH is off the grid

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