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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Drink Tickets
A friend of mine that is planning her wedding is thinking of doing drink tickets to cut down on costs. I think this is horribly tacky and a very bad idea. Is there a way to tell her this without it sounding like I'm a jerk and critizing her wedding?
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Re: Drink Tickets
Unfortunately, there's not. But you could tell her about the forums on the knot and how helpful they've been.
But I have to agree that there isn't any "nice" or "tactful" way of saying so. You may have to be blunt: "Friend, I'm afraid that your guests are going to be upset and annoyed when they're charged for drinks. If it's really important to you that they have access to alcohol at your hosted event, you're going to need to pay for it. Otherwise, you need to serve only what you're willing to pay for."
[QUOTE]When all is said and done, doesn't it tend to even itself out? Non drinkers vs heavy drinks?
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]
<div>That was what I was thinking as well. I know it really it was pretty evenly distributed at my wedding. I suggested limiting the amount of what she was serving and asking the venue if they would limit the bar. She said she wanted to check into the drink ticket thing. I've never been to a wedding where this happened and I can see it being a huge mess and being stressful to those that come to the wedding. </div>
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
[QUOTE]It is horribly tacky, but I agree with everyone else.<strong> It may be just as tacky for you to bring it up.</strong> I don't think there is anything wrong with commenting if she is asking for your help or advice. I would say "you know, you might save more money by just offering beer & wine to all of your guests, and then you don't have to worry about trying to keep track of passing out drink tickets. And then your guests won't get fussy when they run out of tickets"
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>I was afraid of the bolded part. I know planning a wedding can be stressful and you feel like every idea you have is being torn apart so I didn't want to do that to her. I did suggest the wine and beer idea because that is a definite way to save money so here's hoping the logistics of it is too much for the bar to want to handle. </div>
[QUOTE]Why are drink tickets considered tacky? I'm truly curious, I'm not advocating for one or the other....The venue that I am planning on having my wedding at actually suggested drink tickets. Why would a venue suggest this as an option knowing it's a social faux pas? My groom's side is handling all of the alcohol and they are leaning towards open bar, but I have never heard of drink tickets being tacky...What about not having any alcohol at all? Is that considered tacky if the bride and groom don't drink at all? (sorry op! I know I am getting slightly off topic)
Posted by diamondaze[/QUOTE]
Drink tickets are for office holiday parties, not hosted events for your friends and loved ones. The venue doesn't necessarily care if you are committing an etiquette error, so they will give you all of the options they have.
Not having liquor at all is not tacky. If you want a dry wedding, it's certainly fine to do that. What IS tacky is asking your guests to pay for what is being served, or cutting them off after 2 drinks. You wouldn't give drink tickets for a coffee or a soda, would you? Or say, I'm sorry, you had your allotted glasses of iced tea, you can't have any more unless you pay for it. Liquor is no different.
And hosting a wedding reception is no different than hosting any other party or gathering in your home. You wouldn't ask your guests to stop drinking the wine on the table if they already had 2 glasses. And you wouldn't say "the chicken is free, but if you want lobster, please leave a $20 bill at the door. Guests should never have to open their wallet at your wedding. Host what you can afford, and don't offer anything that you can't afford.
ETA: Liatris and I are sharing a brain today.</div>
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
Can someone please explain why the magic number is 2? 2 drinks for a 4-5 reception? Really? If your are going to do drink tickets can't you up the number to 3 or 4. One drink every hour or so. Not 1 every 2+ hours.
[QUOTE]I get the drink ticket thing is tacky but I have to be honest if the choice was drink tickets vs. cash bar I would go that route every time. I have been to two weddings with drink tickets. Each person got two - they were with your namecard. Those that didn't want them threw them in the middle of the table and others could use them for drinks. Worked out well. I didn't buy a drink all night. There wasn't a logistical nightmare in any way. It was simple and straightforward. And it meant the bride and groom could know exactly their costs ahead of time.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
The only choice is not drink tickets vs cash bar. Think. It is no bar, open bar, beer and wine, beer and wine and signature drink, beer and wine including champagne, and more. The bride and groom know their dollar total with all the aforementioned. The only time I have been hosted with drink tickets is at professional events or meetings.
[QUOTE]I get the drink ticket thing is tacky but I have to be honest if the choice was drink tickets vs. cash bar I would go that route every time. I have been to two weddings with drink tickets. Each person got two - they were with your namecard. Those that didn't want them threw them in the middle of the table and others could use them for drinks. Worked out well. I didn't buy a drink all night. There wasn't a logistical nightmare in any way. It was simple and straightforward. And it meant the bride and groom could know exactly their costs ahead of time.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
There is no way those tickets would have lasted more than five minutes at a social function in my circle. People would have horded the ones that got thrown into the middle right away.
I guess you just have to know your friends and family to know if this would work out well.
One of the reasons people are willing to go to weddings is because drinks are "free." When guests can't handle their drinking habit and are going to be rowdy, expectations need to be in place. I think tickets are a way to set that clear expectation that my wedding day is not a Free-For-All alcoholic extravaganza.
so for that reason... is that considered tacky when you are doing it to not only protect your fiances, but from guests getting too drunk and extremely rowdy?
[QUOTE]I didn't say those were the only two options. I am well aware of the many options. I myself hosted a full open bar. I was simply giving my experience with the option. There was no confusion, people were happy, the bride and groom saved money by allowing those who don't drink to pass on the tickets to those who drink more. No idea why it was 2 drinks. That's just what it was. Maybe they looked at their guest list, said we can afford X and the division made it 2. <strong>And seriously - your social group would never do such a thing? Dramatic much?</strong>
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
Not dramatic. It's the truth. We have open bars at every social event. 1st birthday party? Open bar. After funeral reception, open bar. Baby showers, open bar. BBQ, Sunday dinners, whatever. There is always an open bar. I've never once attended a family/friend social event that did not have an open bar.
Being a good host is very, very important to us. So we find venues where we can be a good host. That includes good food and free drinks.
Doing drink tickets for drinking restriction reasons doesn't really work. People who want to get plastered will find a way (bring a flask, take tickets from people who don't want, etc) regardless. The best way to curb people from getting out of hand is talking to the staff at your venue ahead of time so that they can cut people off or kick people out if necessary.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Drink Tickets : Not dramatic. It's the truth. We have open bars at every social event. 1st birthday party? Open bar. After funeral reception, open bar. Baby showers, open bar. BBQ, Sunday dinners, whatever. There is always an open bar. I've never once attended a family/friend social event that did not have an open bar. Being a good host is very, very important to us. So we find venues where we can be a good host. That includes good food and free drinks.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
My group is very much the same. I've never been to a social event (especially a wedding) without either open bar or tons of beer and wine so that you can drink as much as you want that way. Drink tickets seem very odd to me at events that are either not work events or events that I've bought a ticket to (charity events, etc).
[QUOTE]I'm not advocating for or against using drink tickets, but the thought crossed my mind, and now I'm wondering: how is giving someone a specific amount to drink different than giving them a specific amount to eat. <strong>Does that mean a plated meal is tacky because you're giving them a specific amount of food?</strong> I know there has to be a difference, I'm just not seeing it right now. At least with drink tickets, they would have the option to buy more drinks, whereas if the plated meal isn't enough, they don't have the option of buying more food.
Posted by Gumby68[/QUOTE]
People eat 2-3 times a day. A meal should easily keep someone full for a few hours, at a minimum. People will typically drink much more often than they eat, especially at a party. If your plated meal wasn't enough to actually get someone full, it would be just as rude as limiting how much they are allowed to drink throughout the evening.</div>
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
[QUOTE]I'm conflicted with this one and am considering it.in my situation, am worried about people drinking too much and ruining my wedding day because I have two relatives who are obnoxious and embarassing to be around... even with 2 glasses of wine. My aunt (bipolar and an alcoholic) RUINED Christmas Eve and held my entire family up from going to Christmas Eve mass because she drank too much. if she couldn't behave herself on that day... good lord, what can I expect from her AND another family member on my wedding day? One of the reasons people are willing to go to weddings is because drinks are "free." When guests can't handle their drinking habit and are going to be rowdy, expectations need to be in place. I think tickets are a way to set that clear expectation that my wedding day is not a Free-For-All alcoholic extravaganza. so for that reason... is that considered tacky when you are doing it to not only protect your fiances, but from guests getting too drunk and extremely rowdy?
Posted by JBee85[/QUOTE]
Honestly, in your situation, I would just have someone keep an eye on your aunt and ask her to leave or have someone take her home if she gets obnoxiouis. You are seriously going to limit what your your entire guest list can consume because of one crazy aunt or one or two family members?
The "expectations" that need to be in place, are removing someone from the scenario if they act like idiots. Just like at a bar. If one person acts out, you kick them out. You don't shut down the whole bar.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
[QUOTE]Doing drink tickets for financial reasons is tacky. There are other ways and places to cut costs (as many people said, beer and wine only is totally fine). Doing drink tickets for drinking restriction reasons doesn't really work. People who want to get plastered will find a way (bring a flask, take tickets from people who don't want, etc) regardless. The best way to curb people from getting out of hand is talking to the staff at your venue ahead of time so that they can cut people off or kick people out if necessary.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]
<div>We gave our bartender total control of the bar area. If anyone was thought to have had too much, we gave her complete freedom to cut them off and hand them bottled water. This only really happened to one person at the wedding and we were lucky enough to have good friends that quietly escorted him to the car when they realized this had happened. </div>