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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars
I was speaking to someone at one of the venues we are considering to ask if the "gratuity fee" for services such as bar, valet parking, catering, etc. covers the tip. He said it does go directly to the staff but most clients still give "cash" tips and that they also will have tip jars at the bar, coat-check, valet area, and restrooms. I had expressed that I did not want my guest to feel compelled to tip and was told that most wedding venues operate the same way. I have never remembered seeing a tip jar at any wedding I've been to. I had posted earlier about gratuity and service fees which prompted me to ask each venue about what that covers as all the venues we've priced include an 18 or 20 fee over and above the quoted rate. So this venue then recommends a per person "cash" tip from us and then tip jars. Is this really standard? And isn't the tip jar a big etiquette faux pas, asking my guest to tip for services?
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Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars
I would recommend asking about your venue/tipping customs in your area on your local board
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This is a good thing to know beforehand. In the middle of our reception, my mom saw that the bartender had a tip jar out and asked them to put it away. It was a hosted bar with beer and wine, and it was just tacky. If they are getting a portion of the gratuity anyway with the service fee, they can do without their tip jar for one night. Just because they feel it is 'common practice' doesn't mean it is okay.
They should honor your request
[QUOTE]I've never seen a tip jar but it is really common in my area to tip the bartender after you get a drink. They are definately not cash bars, but everyone just tips the bartender.
Posted by yoshijo[/QUOTE]
I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I have also never been to a wedding without tip jars. As a guest I rarely carry cash, so unless H has cash with him, we usually don't tip. A tip, like a gift, is never required, and I figure usually the bride and groom are already paying plenty.
I personally wouldn't cross a venue off the list over this. If having a tip jar is a deal-breaker for you, ask if you can pay a flat gratuity just for the bartender and not have the jar out. But if the venue is perfect in every other way, I don't see it as a huge deal.
[QUOTE]The only weddings I've ever been to with tip jars out were cash bar weddings. This would be a dealbreaker for me, personally.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Agreed. If I'm paying a gratuity fee, I better not see a tip jar. Our band, etc doesn't have gratuity included, but we will tip them. If they had tip jars out I would be upset.
June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!
Now, we have been to open bar weddings where, if we've been back for many drinks and liked the bartender, we've given him a tip at the end of the evening. But again, that was OUR decision to do so. Guests can still individually tip if they feel the want or need. You are right in that tip jars shouldn't be out though.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars : I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I have also never been to a wedding without tip jars. As a guest I rarely carry cash, so unless H has cash with him, we usually don't tip. A tip, like a gift, is never required, and I figure usually the bride and groom are already paying plenty. I personally wouldn't cross a venue off the list over this. If having a tip jar is a deal-breaker for you, ask if you can pay a flat gratuity just for the bartender and not have the jar out. But if the venue is perfect in every other way, I don't see it as a huge deal.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
I'm also from CT as Ali is, and every wedding I have been to has had tip jars out at the bar. Most of these weddings were not cash bars, and I'm sure most of these weddings charged a gratuity to the couple (all of the venues that I looked into did). I think that if there were no jar, many people would still leave a dollar for every round of drinks being ordered. I wouldn't side eye a tip jar at a wedding since it's customary around here, but this seems to vary in different locations.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars : I'm also from CT as Ali is, and every wedding I have been to has had tip jars out at the bar. Most of these weddings were not cash bars, and I'm sure most of these weddings charged a gratuity to the couple (all of the venues that I looked into did). I think that if there were no jar, many people would still leave a dollar for every round of drinks being ordered. I wouldn't side eye a tip jar at a wedding since it's customary around here, but this seems to vary in different locations.
Posted by tanyamary627[/QUOTE]
I agree. I have seen them at weddings around here and wouldn't necessarily think badly of bride/groom....My venue said they don't have one, but i certainly wouldn't have ruled it out if they DID have one...
If the venue wants a gratuity, that's one thing, but it should be in your contract that they are not to pass any of their costs onto the guests.
[QUOTE]Me, I think cash bars and tip jars are both not okay. Guests should not be paying for any of the costs of their hospitality. If the venue wants a gratuity, that's one thing, but <strong>it should be in your contract that they are not to pass any of their costs onto the guests.</strong>
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
I don't look at it as passing a cost on to the guests. People forget that tips are completely optional. Trust me, I am a firm believer in tipping. Unless I get abysmal service, I almost always calculate 20% of my bill and then round up to the nearest dollar. However, if I'm at a wedding and I didn't carry cash, and a bartender pops open a beer and slides it across the counter to me, I'm not going to lose sleep over not being able to tip him. Even if there's a tip jar in plain sight, I'm not going to worry about it. And for those guests who are put off or offended by a tip jar--well, they don't have to tip either.
It WOULD bother me to have to buy my own drinks at a wedding because like I said, I don't usually carry a wallet, just a tiny wristlet or clutch with a lip gloss, mints and my camera. So cash bars are not okay with me at all, because it would pretty much mean no drinking for me. But I really don't see how tip jars are as big of a no-no as cash bars.