Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars

VioletRays

I was speaking to someone at one of the venues we are considering to ask if the "gratuity fee" for services such as bar, valet parking, catering, etc. covers the tip. He said it does go directly to the staff but most clients still give "cash" tips and that they also will have tip jars at the bar, coat-check, valet area, and restrooms. I had expressed that I did not want my guest to feel compelled to tip and was told that most wedding venues operate the same way. I have never remembered seeing a tip jar at any wedding I've been to. I had posted earlier about gratuity and service fees which prompted me to ask each venue about what that covers as all the venues we've priced include an 18 or 20 fee over and above the quoted rate. So this venue then recommends a per person "cash" tip from us and then tip jars. Is this really standard? And isn't the tip jar a big etiquette faux pas, asking my guest to tip for services? 

itzMS

Tip jars are not a good idea. Guests shouldn't have to pull out their wallets at any point during your reception.

I would recommend asking about your venue/tipping customs in your area on your local board
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kmmssg

I'm not aware of it being standard.  Tell them they must include in the contract that there will be no tip jars anywhere during  your reception as you are already paying a gratuity fee.  If they won't agree to that, take your business elsewhere.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto everything kmmssg said.  Your guests can tip any bartender, coat check person, or valet on their own free will.  They don't need to see a tip jar out.

courtski2004

This is a good thing to know beforehand. In the middle of our reception, my mom saw that the bartender had a tip jar out and asked them to put it away. It was a hosted bar with beer and wine, and it was just tacky. If they are getting a portion of the gratuity anyway with the service fee, they can do without their tip jar for one night. Just because they feel it is 'common practice' doesn't mean it is okay.

yoshijo

I've never seen a tip jar but it is really common in my area to tip the bartender after you get a drink. They are definately not cash bars, but everyone just tips the bartender.

VioletRays

I'm going with crossing them off the list. Looking at bar alone, We're paying X amount per person for an open bar, they are charging us 18% gratuity, then we give each of the bartenders a cash tip and they put out a tip jar for our guests to tip as well. That's triple tipping in my book.

[Deleted User]

Since gratuity was included in the contract we specifically said NO tip jars whatsoever !
They should honor your request

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gratuity-tipping-tip-jars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d760597-c3d4-4c08-a7a0-becb699a0740Post:c20afe87-64e6-4bc8-b00c-745310ad89cf">Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen a tip jar but it is really common in my area to tip the bartender after you get a drink. They are definately not cash bars, but everyone just tips the bartender.
Posted by yoshijo[/QUOTE]

I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I have also never been to a wedding without tip jars. As a guest I rarely carry cash, so unless H has cash with him, we usually don't tip. A tip, like a gift, is never required, and I figure usually the bride and groom are already paying plenty.

I personally wouldn't cross a venue off the list over this. If having a tip jar is a deal-breaker for you, ask if you can pay a flat gratuity just for the bartender and not have the jar out. But if the venue is perfect in every other way, I don't see it as a huge deal.

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gratuity-tipping-tip-jars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d760597-c3d4-4c08-a7a0-becb699a0740Post:12ca64e1-a6e4-479a-b688-370e01e985d0">Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars</a>:
[QUOTE]The only weddings I've ever been to with tip jars out were cash bar weddings.  This would be a dealbreaker for me, personally.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  If I'm paying a gratuity fee, I better not see a tip jar.  Our band, etc doesn't have gratuity included, but we will tip them.  If they had tip jars out I would be upset.

loca4pook

I am not sure how standard it is,  but I do know that one of my venues  I reviewed requires a "fee" if I did not want a tip jar....I started asking the next several venues and none of them had tip jars.

Summer2011Bride

I've never seen a tip jar at a wedding and would be put off by it.

Now, we have been to open bar weddings where, if we've been back for many drinks and liked the bartender, we've given him a tip at the end of the evening. But again, that was OUR decision to do so. Guests can still individually tip if they feel the want or need. You are right in that tip jars shouldn't be out though.

Lisa50

Whoa ... tip jars at your wedding?  I don't think that's such a good idea.

Sharpschruter22

My university internship was as an event coordinator at a snooty winery in St. Louis. The venue gave the option to brides to have tip jars in place of service fees to the bar tenders. Speaking as a bartender during a few of the events, I walked out of there loaded. When the venue collected service fees for the bar as well as tips for wait staff, employees were lucky to see 15 dollars of that on a bi weekly pay check. Pretty sick. Of course everywhere is not the same, but it would be nice of you to give a cash tip to servers and bar staff at the end of the night. If it is included in your contract, then feel free to forego it, but know that that money will most likely barely reach the staff. Edit: I am not advocating a tip jar. I agree that it is not appropriate, but if you don't have one, it would be nice to tip your bar tender at the end of the night.

VioletRays

Thank you ladies for all your input. I am going to at least put this venue to the bottom of the list. The gratuity fee is non-negotiable, and from the conversation I had it appears that they will not entertain the idea of removing the tip jars. I cannot allow tip jars at 4 different services at my wedding. If my guests want to tip on their own that's one thing having tip jars to me, is asking them to tip. And then them telling me on top of that I should be tipping an additional amount. If all the other venues do operate the same way I will reevaluate, but for now this sounds excessive to me.

tanyamary627

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gratuity-tipping-tip-jars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d760597-c3d4-4c08-a7a0-becb699a0740Post:e8a6eb6a-a857-4b6e-a41b-4b9f998b4aae">Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars : I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I have also never been to a wedding without tip jars. As a guest I rarely carry cash, so unless H has cash with him, we usually don't tip. A tip, like a gift, is never required, and I figure usually the bride and groom are already paying plenty. I personally wouldn't cross a venue off the list over this. If having a tip jar is a deal-breaker for you, ask if you can pay a flat gratuity just for the bartender and not have the jar out. But if the venue is perfect in every other way, I don't see it as a huge deal.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

I'm also from CT as Ali is, and every wedding I have been to has had tip jars out at the bar.  Most of these weddings were not cash bars, and I'm sure most of these weddings charged a gratuity to the couple (all of the venues that I looked into did).  I think that if there were no jar, many people would still leave a dollar for every round of drinks being ordered.  I wouldn't side eye a tip jar at a wedding since it's customary around here, but this seems to vary in different locations.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gratuity-tipping-tip-jars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d760597-c3d4-4c08-a7a0-becb699a0740Post:b2633509-df3f-405b-90a3-c6a742eb854b">Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars : I'm also from CT as Ali is, and every wedding I have been to has had tip jars out at the bar.  Most of these weddings were not cash bars, and I'm sure most of these weddings charged a gratuity to the couple (all of the venues that I looked into did).  I think that if there were no jar, many people would still leave a dollar for every round of drinks being ordered.  I wouldn't side eye a tip jar at a wedding since it's customary around here, but this seems to vary in different locations.
Posted by tanyamary627[/QUOTE]

I agree. I have seen them at weddings around here and wouldn't necessarily think badly of bride/groom....My venue said they don't have one, but i certainly wouldn't have ruled it out if they DID have one...

Jen4948

Me, I think cash bars and tip jars are both not okay.  Guests should not be paying for any of the costs of their hospitality.

If the venue wants a gratuity, that's one thing, but it should be in your contract that they are not to pass any of their costs onto the guests.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gratuity-tipping-tip-jars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d760597-c3d4-4c08-a7a0-becb699a0740Post:0b35a528-6836-48a3-8f43-005e5f1d6f76">Re: Gratuity, Tipping & Tip Jars</a>:
[QUOTE]Me, I think cash bars and tip jars are both not okay.  Guests should not be paying for any of the costs of their hospitality. If the venue wants a gratuity, that's one thing, but <strong>it should be in your contract that they are not to pass any of their costs onto the guests.</strong>
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

I don't look at it as passing a cost on to the guests. People forget that tips are completely optional. Trust me, I am a firm believer in tipping. Unless I get abysmal service, I almost always calculate 20% of my bill and then round up to the nearest dollar. However, if I'm at a wedding and I didn't carry cash, and a bartender pops open a beer and slides it across the counter to me, I'm not going to lose sleep over not being able to tip him. Even if there's a tip jar in plain sight, I'm not going to worry about it. And for those guests who are put off or offended by a tip jar--well, they don't have to tip either.

It WOULD bother me to have to buy my own drinks at a wedding because like I said, I don't usually carry a wallet, just a tiny wristlet or clutch with a lip gloss, mints and my camera. So cash bars are not okay with me at all, because it would pretty much mean no drinking for me. But I really don't see how tip jars are as big of a no-no as cash bars.

kmsst48

I feel like if it's totally appropiate to do a tip jar IF YOU WANT ONE. I mean listen, my crowd is a bunch of drinkers, talkers and jerkfaces but they tip because they know this. The jar is there, tip if you want, don't tip if you don't want to. You treat my guests amazing, I'll tip you. We just went to a foood tasting through our caterer and the food was amazing. I tipped the server - why? Because she worked hard, did a good job and was nice to us. People who work in service jobs live off their tips. Coat check, bartenders, bathroom, valet - someone does a service, you tip. The gratuity is added on, that's def part of the tip but if they treat your guests amazing why not throw a little something extra at them? Servers make very little, even in banquet halls. You have a 20% gratuity and it's split amoung the entire staff... doesn't add up to much in the end. Be generous in life - it's too short not to. Do what you can afford and if you don't like having tip jars - just don't put them out. Just my two cents.