Advice on announcing your engagement to everyone

kateguess22

Hello everyone, I am asking this question on behalf of my friend. Thank you in advance for your help. She asked me about how she should go about annoucing her engagement to everyone and I offered to get some advice on here.

So obviously, I know that she should start with calling the parents, then siblings, then grand-parents....but here are our questions.

1.) She lives close (ish) to her mom, sister, brother, grandma and FSIL. Should she make a point to go see them to tell them in person?

2.) Her FMIL lives really far away but should they call her or tell her on Skype? Does it matter?

3.) She has lots of Aunts, Uncles and Cousins who she does not talk to regularly at all. She doesn't even have e-mail addresses for all of them at this point. She does have many of them on facebook and talks to them from time-to-time on there- but not all of them are on facebook. Should she ask her mom to get her all of their e-mail addresses so she can send them e-mails? Can she send a mass e-mail if it is only going to a group of relatives who are from the same family? Can she tell some on facebook in a PM? Is it okay that she doesn't phone them (she really doesn't want to phone them since they never speak on the phone.) She could ask her mom to please call them all for her but she's worried because her Mom isn't the greatest at this kind of thing and may procrastinate or put off telling some people. Can she ask on facebook for the cousins and aunts that she does tell to please spread the word to the others? Are written engagement annoucements a better idea to send in the mail?

4.) Can she tell her friends in a text message or should she make sure to phone them? Is it okay to tell friends some friends the news via facebook? When is it okay to update her status on facebook? (She uses facebook frequently and like me only has her good friends and relatives on there, not strangers or old aquaintances. Could she send them a PM to her friends on facebook to tell them the news (not her best friends?) She doesn't have all of their e-mail addresses and current phone numbers since they always talk and make plans on facebook. But she could probably get them (by asking on facebook for them) if that is best.

5.) When she gets her engagement announcement in the paper, is it okay to scan that and share it on facebook and share in her status that their annoucement is in the paper today?

6.) Are there any suggestions on what to say or not to say when she does get to share her engagement on facebook? She would like to change her status to engaged and possibly update her status as well.

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-on-announcing-your-engagement-to-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0da74699-13ae-4e09-8a63-734940b1ac1ePost:d5772532-f333-4b2b-b471-efa30d8da909">Re: Advice on announcing your engagement to everyone</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I never thought about any of that. We called our parents and then updated facebook. Woops.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]



Same. And sent texts.

StephBeanWed61502

We got engaged in Arizona, we are from NY, our immediate families are in NY, our extended families are spread out all along the east coast, and our friends are scattered across the country.  It was completely not possible to call everyone.  We called our parents and siblings, sent a text to close friends/cousins, then updated Facebook.  As far as I know, no one got bent out of shape about it.

RachelR0282

I told my parents in person and some friends.  FI's parents knew because he kept the ring at FIMIL & FFIL's house. Most people found out by word of mouth and facebook.  I have a huge family so the word speads fast.  Other's found out by facebook because my aunt hinted at it before I could change my status.  I had to tell my MOH over the phone because she lives an hour away and didn't want her to find out on facebook.  Never thought the etiquette about telling people we were engaged.

tracym77

Same here.  Engaged in London so we only called our parents (both  families knew it was coming though).  We then texted very close friends (like those who ended up being in our WP), and after getting in contact with with them we updated our Facebook the next day.  Word spread from there.

I get that your friend is trying to do the right thing but she's really overthinking it.  Extended family, especially those that she doesn't seem to be close to, will understand she can't call, text, email every person individually. She needs to just relax and enjoy being newly engaged.  This should be a fun time! Save the stressing out for later.

Loopyseven

Wow... your friend is WAY overthinking this.. Call anyone who would be upset to find out on facebook (parents, siblings, BFF's etc) then post on FB and move on.

Starfish0116

Well, FI took my dad to lunch earlier in the day to tell him and then he asked me that night. So technically my dad already knew. I have a feeling he told my stepmom but I can't be sure. They were the first people I called.

FI called him mom right before he did it, and then we called her together after the fact. We called my mom, and the grandparents and my aunt I'm close to. My BFF already knew (she tied the ribbon on the flowers) but still got a call.

After that we just changed facebook statuses. 

achiduck

We got engaged on a Tuesday evening and called our parents to tell them -they then called the Aunts and Uncles who spread the news to the cousins. We called our closest friends and sent private FB messages to any other friends we wanted to tell before updated our FB relationship statuses.

We already had plans to get together with FIs mom on Wednesday so we did that and FSIL and FI's grandmother came as well. We went to see my Dad and SM on Thursday. 

We were satisfied that by Friday everyone important knew and we updated statuses.

Jaridds68

I think it's really nice your friend is trying to think of everyone, but like a PP said, I think she's overthinking this. I'm from a large family (60 first aunts/uncles/cousins combined) so we called our immediate families and grandparents first. We both already had our family's emails so we then sent out three mass emails - one to his fam, one to mine, and a third to our friends. 

It sounds like your friend is concerned about the immediate families finding out in an 'equal' way, this would have been an issue w/ our families (my mom likes to read into things) so we kept it simple and just called them after FI proposed, even tho his dad was still at work a few blocks away. Later we got to see some family members, and skype with others. I would urge your friend to keep it simple.

NOLAbridealmost

Maybe I suck, but I called my mom, my best friend, and then updated FB for everyone else.  It's too many phone calls! (and my phone was on international roaming....so there's that). 

lindseyann410

Yeah, you're making this way too complicated.  I called my mom, sister, and dad, texted friends, and then just let it go from there.

Why would your "friend" need to you post this for her?  If she's told you, then she's already announced it to someone.  I'm not sure why there needs to be a middle man in this process.

bunni727

We called parents, I texted friends saying "I'm gettin' married, bitchezzz," and then updated facebook.

mica178

We told parents and grandparents in person and called all close relatives and friends.  After that, news just flowed.  At some point, I posted a picture of H and me on FB where you could vaguely see the engagement ring.  That was as much of a FB announcement as I felt like making.

Meghannsix

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-on-announcing-your-engagement-to-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0da74699-13ae-4e09-8a63-734940b1ac1ePost:d5772532-f333-4b2b-b471-efa30d8da909">Re: Advice on announcing your engagement to everyone</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I never thought about any of that. We called our parents and then updated facebook. Woops.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

Me too.  I think I called my best friend who introduced us, or it might have been a text if she was working.

specialk84

H proposed the night before Thanksgiving. We called my parents, then had dinner with his best friend and his wife. That night, I called my grandmother, who then spread the word to my extended family at Thanksgiving dinner (they live across the country). 

I called my cousin on Thanksgiving and asked her to be my MOH. Later that day, we went to H's family's Thanksgiving get together, and we told his entire family there.

That night, we changed our FB statuses. I'm pretty sure H wrote something really cheesy.

hoffse

Make her calm down.  If she's this worked up over announcing an engagement, planning a wedding is going to flip her out.

And BTW: announcing an engagement in the newspaper is fine, but it's usually done a couple months before the wedding.  I doubt she wants to wait that long.

tpender13

I did this wrong. He proposed, I called my best friend and nobody else right away because it was kind of late. Then I updated my Facebook status from "Surprise dress-up date night!" to "I had no idea that surprise date night was going to include a proposal! I said yes. "

H's dad and stepmom saw FB that night, I called my foks the next morning. Nobody seemed put out by the way they found out, but if I could do it differently I would have not updated Facebook until we'd called both of the parents.

pinkbunny8385

We got engaged and told my gram face to face. A few days later we told him mother. Then we updated fb.

Tami87

I called my parents (who knew FI was going to ask), FI called his parents. I called my grandparents. My MOH and one of FI's groomsmen were with us so they found out in person. I texted most of my friends, there may have been one or two people I called. Sent out an e-mail to aunts, uncles and cousins who I had e-mail addresses for. Waited a day and then updated facebook.

MJandDL

I was able to call my parents (and leave voicemails since they were in bed and already knew), my sister and my best friend (who also knew, fiance can't keep a secret!) before my phone died. And I sent a text with a pic of the ring to my future bridesmaids/close friends. After that we waited for his family and a group of friends they were with at Disney to get back from the park they were at and told them all in person. We didn't update Facebook until we got home a couple of days later but a friend posted something the night of and everyone else figured it out and our pages were full of congrats before we could announce it.

She doesn't need to overthink this! You just call/text anyone you want to tell yourself before you post it on Facebook.