Bride keeps flower girl dress?

Kn310

I'm a bit perplexed...our grand-daughter (5) was asked to be in my nieces wedding as a flower girl...the MOB and bride selected the dress....paid for the dress (although flower girls mother had no issue paying for it).. And then announced that the flower girl could not keep the dress that the bride and MOB wanted it back. I've never heard of such a thing. Is this common? (they wont be able to return the dress -- it is being altered a bit...and was bought on final sale... Still cost 160.00). Pls note that the wedding is out of state so the family of the flower firm is paying for plane tickets, car, and hotel accommodations. If it weren't too late to back put...she would..in a heartbeat!

[Deleted User]

They want to back out because the bride has asked to keep a dress that she paid for? Am I understanding that right? That's a bit dramatic. IMO, if the bride paid for it, it's her dress.

crash2729

I wouldn't say it's common....but she is paying for it so technically she has the right to keep it. 

But honestly, why would she? What would she do with it?

Kn310

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:c87b9eaa-8f48-42c1-8075-ebfee96eb23e">Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]..?
Posted by Kn310[/QUOTE]


Just find it a bit unconventional.. Considering the cost of the trip itself..it would have been a nice thank you..

[Deleted User]

Yes, it would have, but they didn't offer and it doesn't change the fact that backing out over it is childish.

crash2729

Seriously? 

Why DD? 

NOLAbridealmost

The bride doesn't keep the flower girl dress even if she paid for it in my opinion.  That's weird.  I didn't get here before the DD, but backing out over something like that is also pretty petulant.

Kn310

No one backed out..... Wanting to and doing it are not one and the same. There are other familial issues as well as financial...the mother recently lost her job while she was 8minths pregnant with teins and there are some other situations which affected everyone's family having to do with a death. I am paying for the trip so that the flower girl can attend. So childish? Seriously?

[Deleted User]

Yes, seriously. You didn't share the other stuff in your OP. How the hell was I supposed to know there were other circumstances going on?

If  you are close enough to someone to be in their wedding, to back out of it over a damn dress, is childish. Period.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:80424a76-aceb-4df9-ba84-581a612ed82a">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]No one backed out..... Wanting to and doing it are not one and the same. There are other familial issues as well as financial...<strong>the mother recently lost her job while she was 8minths pregnant with teins</strong> and there are some other situations which affected everyone's family having to do with a death. I am paying for the trip so that the flower girl can attend. So childish? Seriously?
Posted by Kn310[/QUOTE]
So it sounds like the bride did the FG's mom a favor by buying the dress. <div>She should say Thank you. </div><div>
</div><div>Maybe the bride wants to sell if after to recoup her cost. </div><div>Not what I would have done but it's the bride's right.</div>

Kn310

I believe I said... If it weren't too late to back out.... Never said she backed out.

[Deleted User]

I know you said that. That doesn't take away the fact that she obviously considered it and would back out if she could. THAT IS CHILDISH.

Kn310

Actually I had planned to buy it all along and the B and MOB knew it and would call me to ask questions..I was just waiting for the bill no matter what the dress cost which is what i told them. The bride doesn't plan to sell it...she bought a couple of the same dresses..I just think it is all a bit unconventional...I guess I'm just too old fashioned and believe In The etiquette of 'yesterday'. The family of the flower girl will not be at the wedding...I couldn't afford to fly every one. On another note..I still have the flower girl dresses I wore when I was one...50+ years ago...that my mother kept for me. My.grandchildren like to play dress up...gives them joy...and makes me smile!

J&K10910

Maybe she wants it for sentimental value.  Maybe she plans to make a baptism gown for her first child out of it.  Maybe she wants it preserved as a keepsake.  You know, from the wedding she's about to have?

[Deleted User]

I agree it's a little strange, but I don't know that it has anything to do with etiquette. Have you asked the bride why she wants to keep it?

Kn310

Possible...but I thought Catholics baptized children as babies...or has that since changed? If it is still the same, then the dress would be way too big...but it's a nice thought and a positive spin.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:c87b9eaa-8f48-42c1-8075-ebfee96eb23e">Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a bit perplexed...our grand-daughter (5) was asked to be in my nieces wedding as a flower girl...the MOB and bride selected the dress....paid for the dress (although flower girls mother had no issue paying for it).. And then announced that the flower girl could not keep the dress that the bride and MOB wanted it back. I've never heard of such a thing. Is this common? (they wont be able to return the dress -- it is being altered a bit...and was bought on final sale... Still cost 160.00). Pls note that the wedding is out of state so the family of the flower firm is paying for plane tickets, car, and hotel accommodations. If it weren't too late to back put...she would..in a heartbeat!
Posted by Kn310[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you for reposting.  </div><div>
</div><div>And to answer you: no, it's not common to ask for the dress back.  I actually think that's pretty tacky in my opinion. </div><div>
</div><div>But it is also incredibly CHILDISH to even <em>think</em> about backing out of the wedding because the kid can't keep the dress at the end of the day.  I'd understand being pissed off and not wanting to travel to the wedding if they removed the girl as a flower girl and just wanted her to be a guest or something.  But just because she doesn't get to keep the costume?  Come on. </div>

[Deleted User]

Maybe not baptism, but first communion, definitely.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:53d93bcd-f12f-4889-a703-d18f3b7bbd1f">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]Possible...but I thought Catholics baptized children as babies...or has that since changed? If it is still the same, then the dress would be way too big...but it's a nice thought and a positive spin.
Posted by Kn310[/QUOTE]

But the dress can be altered, the material can be used, etc.  A lot of people make a baptism gown out of their wedding dress.

Why don't you just ask them (non-defensively, non-confrontationally) what their plans are, if that will make you feel better?

Kn310

Yes...her mom just said they decided she (and themom)wanted it back to "um, share". Not sure what that means...but that's the answer I got. I'm buying the shoes...maybe I should offer them up since they picked them out...so they can go with the shoes that match the dress..

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:57464e55-9f41-4a65-a781-274b5c642c3a">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe not baptism, but first communion, definitely.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Also a good thought.

jessicabessica

I was also thinking that she might want it for sentimental reasons--maybe to incorporate it into a quilt with other wedding things, make a pillow, etc.  I think it's a little strange, but I guess I can see it, and I think that the right way to do it is to pay for it and to be upfront that you want it back, which it sounds like she wasn't.  She should give the FG a small gift as a thank you for being in the wedding.  

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:db7b03af-784e-4c1e-aa00-c3ca6a064c62">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes...her mom just said they decided she (and themom)wanted it back to "um, share". Not sure what that means...but that's the answer I got. I'm buying the shoes...maybe I should offer them up since they picked them out...so they can go with the shoes that match the dress..
Posted by Kn310[/QUOTE]
It sounds like the Bride maybe knows someone who is also having a wedding and want to use that dress. <div>
</div><div>Keep the shoes. You paid for them.</div>

Kn310

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:f4cdac35-6db1-4e0c-bcd0-3ac7ba5e4653">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was also thinking that she might want it for sentimental reasons--maybe to incorporate it into a quilt with other wedding things, make a pillow, etc.  I think it's a little strange, but I guess I can see it, and I think that the right way to do it is to pay for it and to be upfront that you want it back, which it sounds like she wasn't.  She should give the FG a small gift as a thank you for being in the wedding.  
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]



Perhaps she will...

Kn310

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:b55597de-61c5-451d-a20a-7dc4dfcfa971">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bride keeps flower girl dress? : Thank you for reposting.   And to answer you: no, it's not common to ask for the dress back.  I actually think that's pretty tacky in my opinion.  But it is also incredibly CHILDISH to even think  about backing out of the wedding because the kid can't keep the dress at the end of the day.  I'd understand being pissed off and not wanting to travel to the wedding if they removed the girl as a flower girl and just wanted her to be a guest or something.  But just because she doesn't get to keep the costume?  Come on. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]



The dress wasn't the reason the for backing out comment...but as mentioned in an earlier post there were a lot of other mitigating factors...

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-keeps-flower-girl-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f38e8f8-b087-471a-a57e-a7ce344e2909Post:122e2cb7-7408-4a22-9f48-a850d04144f9">Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride keeps flower girl dress? : The dress wasn't the reason the for backing out comment...but as mentioned in an earlier post there were a lot of other mitigating factors...
Posted by Kn310[/QUOTE]

<div>If it is no longer feasible to go to the wedding due to something like finances or changes in family circumstances, I think it would be fine to explain that you can no longer make it, which means the FG won't be able to be in the wedding.  The bride keeping the dress has nothing to do with it.</div>

SparrowSong

This must be one damn fine dress to create such a catfight over keeping it forever and ever. Picture please.

Kn310

Okay...everyone...I think the horse is dead. And I appreciate all of the comments and feedback. Old school....says its not common to do. New school....no big deal...get over it. I got it.

freebread03

I think its common sense that says 'get over it' not necessarily the 'new school.'  You're making a mountain out of a molehill, and its ridiculous.  And this whole posting in the third person made it extra weird.

RamonaFlowers

I don't think has anything to do with the "etiquette of yesterday" ... if she let you keep the dress that she paid for, that would be a nice gesture, but there is no etiquette rule (From today or "yesterday") that would entitle you to something that you did not actually pay for.

The bride paid for the dress, therefore, it's hers to do what she wants with it (Whatever that may be).

andrea2473

My niece loves playing in her flower girl dress from my wedding. Other than that, why do you and your daughter think that she should keep it?  I agree with PP's that she might want to sell it or just keep it for sentimental value.   I also agree that you should ask why.  If she wants to sell it, just offer to buy it if you want it that badly.