Part 2 of the Facebook question...

seesawgirl

In regards to anything wedding related being a slap in the face to friends and family who are not invited, what would be the proper way to let everyone know after we are married? 

Just a simple "relationship status update", or should we send out formal wedding announcements? I received one of those once, and was unsure what to do, I wondered, was it a request for a gift? I don't want people thinking that I sent one to ask for gifts/money, but I do want them to find out some other way than logging in and seeing that my last name is different.

brilibby4

Wouldn't anyone you care about be invited to the wedding?  I would assume everyone else wouldn't mind finding out on facebook since they obviously aren't very close with you.

seesawgirl

Truthfully, If I had a creative bone in my body and/or unlimited funds, and felt like planning a huge reception for 200 people, there are many people in my friends and family that I would like to invite. 

But I had that wedding planned before, and it turned into a big fuss about "the day" instead of the marriage, Sooo...FI and I have decided to go with an intimate ceremony, with only immediately family. The only friends that we are inviting, are our wedding party. We're saving to buy a house, and this choice seemed smarter/less stressful/more intimate. 

Unfortunately though, that leaves a lot of people that I care about out, people that were a big part in helping me plan "the dream wedding that wasn't"  2 years ago. We had a 175 person guest list, even without +1's, activities planned for the kids, a DJ hired...When we postponed it, I fully intended on keeping the same guest list and all of those plans, but...priorities changed over the course of two years. I suppose that I grew up a bit, and didn't want an "event". 

All I care about now is saying the vows, and being his wife, I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings in the proccess. 

That's my big problem, I don't want my Aunt to log in and say "Wow, she got married, and didn't even tell me about it." and then be hurt because of all the help she had been giving me "last time".

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_part-2-of-facebook-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f9f365e-64f2-43b9-922f-e1851b92179ePost:7a402194-f260-41ac-a46e-fb847f145faf">Re: Part 2 of the Facebook question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Truthfully, If I had a creative bone in my body and/or unlimited funds, and felt like planning a huge reception for 200 people, there are many people in my friends and family that I would like to invite.  But I had that wedding planned before, and it turned into a big fuss about "the day" instead of the marriage, Sooo...FI and I have decided to go with an intimate ceremony, with only immediately family. The only friends that we are inviting, are our wedding party. We're saving to buy a house, and this choice seemed smarter/less stressful/more intimate.  Unfortunately though, that leaves a lot of people that I care about out, people that were a big part in helping me plan "the dream wedding that wasn't"  2 years ago. We had a 175 person guest list, even without +1's, activities planned for the kids, a DJ hired...When we postponed it, I fully intended on keeping the same guest list and all of those plans, but...priorities changed over the course of two years. I suppose that I grew up a bit, and didn't want an "event".  All I care about now is saying the vows, and being his wife, I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings in the proccess.  That's my big problem,<strong> I don't want my Aunt to log in and say "Wow, she got married, and didn't even tell me about it." and then be hurt because of all the help she had been giving me "last time".</strong>
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>They know you're engaged right?  I assume once someone is engaged they eventually get married, soooo it shouldn't be a big shock.  I would go with the FB status change.  If you are just concerned with saying your vows and just being his wife, then adding wedding announcements, etc.  is just going to add to what you don't want.  </div><div>
</div><div>I had a friend that was planning a wedding and one day on FB I saw a "we're married!" status and a bunch of pics from city hall with their immediate family.  It wasn't a big deal. </div>

seesawgirl

Awesome- Thanks for the advice!

rebarobert2012

I would assume that anyone close to you would be invited to the wedding, so obviously they would know that way.  Otherwise, word of mouth will travel.

jemmini6

Some of my friends did mobile uploads of wedding pictures while they were still at the reception, so I'm pretty sure that FB friends of mine that weren't invited to the wedding, knew that it happened long before I ever had a chance to post anything about it.

And I feel that wedding announcements are gift grabby.  To me, they say "hey, we didn't want you at our wedding, but we wanted to let you know (again, since you've probably already seen it on FB) that we got married so that maybe you'll get the hint that we still want a gift".  Back in the day, I feel they were appropriate because they were the only way to let people know, but with FB, email, etc, chances are they've heard already and an announcement is just bombarding them.

RyansBelovedBride

I'd just go with the status update, but if your people are mainly local, you could also do a newspaper wedding announcement. They can be pricey or not. In our tiny town paper it's free (they know people will buy more copies if someone they know's announcement is coming out) and at the more major paper in the county, it's like $200 base price with like $5 a word after that. Huge difference.