Wedding Etiquette Forum

Crazy FSIL!


Re: Crazy FSIL!

  • Thanks :)I know what I need to do now and I really hope it all works out.Thanks for listening and sorry if my original post sounded a bit off.
  • YW and GL. I'd like an update when you figure things out. :)
  • Regretfully, I think it is best to let her know now that she is not invited unless she makes some major changes. I've posted before about people in my family possibly making a scene. FI and I came up with a solution-they will not be invited. She obviously needs help. However, I wouldn't risk her ruining your wedding with a violent episode. Wedding aside- Have you considered an intervention?
  • Yes we have done an intervention. It went awful. We did everything we were told and she walked in, freaked out, and left.I think like most posters have stated, her parents are not helpful. They pay for her things, let her take the car after wrecking the other one, she comes and goes as she pleases, has no job, etc.So I think it's hard to "help" someone when you really aren't helping them in other aspects of their life.
  • It's nearly impossible to help an addict who won't help themselves.What were the consequences of not going into rehab that were laid out in the intervention?Cocaine is a very hard drug to get clean from.  Possibly the only thing that will help is legal intervention and having the state commit her to inpatient program.
  • As an addict there is no way to help her until she wants help. Your FI's family needs to stop bailing her out. Once she has to face all of her demons on her own she will hit rock bottom. Not until she reaches this point will she understand the impact her actions are having on her and her loved ones. Forcing her into rehab won't do any good. An addict has to want to recover and unless they make that decision themselves they will get into their same habits. I understand how hard it is deciding how to deal with an addict, especially on your wedding day. My family always invites my brother, sometimes he is fine, other days he throws a fit and eventually leaves, or on the really bad days he doesn't show up. If you are set on inviting her, I would ask help from a trusted relative to help keep her in check a day before the wedding and the day of. To me it sounds like she's getting closer to hitting rock bottom so maybe she will seek help soon. If I were in your shoes right now I would not invite her. It sounds harsh, but things will be more enjoyable for you and your family if you are not stressing about her.
  • There is nothing really you can do if you have tried. If they dont want help its not going to work. My sister is an addict/alcoholic and was abusive toward everyone in the faimly. My father (not her bio father) would not tolorate it however my mom loved her and would pay for rehab. Nothing ever worked until she wanted it. She was clean and sober for 5 years, and started up all over again. My mom finally had enough, and cut her off from shelter and money.  Shes now 40 married to an addict and hasnt changed. She has been cut off from the faimly (some still opt to talk to her but dont see her) and I have not seen nor spoken to her in over 6 years. Truth of the matter is, you cant do anything if people are enabling her to continue. The best option, dont invite her to the wedding. Its your day you can choose what you want. Until her parents realize that they are enabling her and she needs help there is nothingyou or anyone else can do. You just need to forget it, and approch the situation when your closer to your wedding.
  • I would like to convey my sentiments to you, my heart goes out to you and your FI. From what your writting to us you sound like a beautiful person who loves her FSIL and is done all that you possibly and humanly can do.I know that denial is real for families who go through this with their addicted family members. Somewhere along the line this needs to be cut in order for this woman to get the help she needs and its not helping her to be enabled and not take accountability and responsibilty for her behaviors and actions.I do agree with the Intervention thing, unfortuntatly you seem to be the only one on borad for this and it won't work if the major role players like mom, dad and siblings don't want to accept that their is a problem and it will only get worse in time.I think what I would do is to tell your FI that you do not want to have her there if she doesn't get the help that she needs. I know that may be harsh but somewhere and someone has to make her see that she cannot contuine this abusive behavior and get away with it. I do hope that the rest of the family pull it together and do what needs to be done to save her life.  Your in my thoughts so keep us posted.
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