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safelanding92

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TiDa2009

What I would do in your situation is politley decline any financial contributions and invite the people you and FI would like there.  Without paying, your parents can't say who they'd like to see invited. HTH

banana468

Well, I'd start to look at a few places and come up with a budget - assuming you and your FI are paying for all of it.Then, come up with a guest list that makes sense to the two of you.  If others want to add more, figure out if it fits in the budget.  If it doesn't advise those who want to add guests that unfortunately, your checkbook is maxed out.

bombtones

You need to set yourseld guidelines for who you are inviting. Some people said things like, have in seen them in the past year? If I move/switch jobs, would we still keep in touch?Once you've established those lines and come up with a list, you will be standing on better ground to argue not to invite family you don't keep in touch with.I would probably invite your aunts and uncles, just not the cousins.

ffmaid

DH and I sat down and we each wrote out lists A,B,C A was people we woudl be very sad if they were not invited and did not attend B was people we would like to invite but would be ok if they decided to decline C was people we would liek to invite if infinite budget We combined our A lists and then emailed it to our parents and said that this was teh list and if we forgot someone taht they shoudl let us know. My parents added a 2nd cousin who takes care of my great aunt to the list and his added 1 couple they really wanted us to invite. That was the guest list

Calypso1977

dont take any money from anyone.  it sounds tempting, but 99.9% of the time it comes with strings attached, even if it isnt pitched that way intiially. we invited 106, had 74 or so show up.  it was great.  we ketp the guest list to just those that were closest to us and were involved with our lives.  i excluded many family members that i havent seen or spoken to in 10+ years as did my H.  our parents had no say, becuase they were plannign and paying for it.  we avoided so many headaches by keeping 100% control.

tigger9922

Take my advice, plan on what you want and can pay for without help....find a cutoff for guests and stick to it.  Pay for things yourself unless your parents offer and offer out of love and not to have control and invite more people.  Explain to them why you want it to be smaller and that if family is upset, then so be it.  This is for you and FI, you should pay for it and have the type of wedding that you both want.  Good Luck.

danieliza1127

I think everyone has to navigate this stuff at some point to some degree.  The easiest solution is that if you want total control over your wedding, pay for it yourself.  That way you choose the guest list and you make the decisions.  In a perfect world, if parents do contribute they would still let the bride and groom call the shots and create the wedding they want, but we all know that's not really realistic.We paid for the majority of our wedding with a small contribution from my parents and my husband's parents.  We made the guest and included our friends and family we were close to and then gave each set of parents 8 spots they could fill with whoever.  They chose to invite their best friends and that was fine by us. 

BrideBuddies

Well, it looks like there could be a fight over this extended family business.   Luckily, you're right at the perfect spot to exercise control over your own wedding and keep it small, if that's what you want.If you pay for your own wedding, you have that control.  If you allow your parents to start getting involved financially, you lose that control.Now if your parents balk at that and insist on contributing.. give them a very specific item or two that doesn't have anything to do with the invitees.  "Mom, Dad.  It would mean so much to us if you could help with my dress/flowers/cake."   When it comes time to do the guest list, don't ask for their input.  Get your own addresses and don't enlist their help.  It will just open up more hurt feelings if they don't agree with your plans.If all else fails, remind them that you can always send out Wedding Announcements after-the-fact if they think extended family should be informed.  An invitiation isn't the only way to go.  That's a good compromise.

meriamjuicy

How I got to 40 people - if your answer is no to the question, cut them.  If my blood link to the person died would I still have contact? (If my mother passed I would never see her family again.  No interest.)If I change work places will I still converse or meet up with this person? Does this person really even care about me/spouse?  ( FI's *friend* at work who likes to pump him to get girls phone numbers. )Can this person hold it together in public?  (FI's aunt gets rabid with crying and screaming.  Often.)