Divorced Parents and "Dates"

kac5560

Okay, so my fiance's parents have been divorced for a little over a year or so now, so I was wondering if giving them dates was the right thing to do. My sister-in-law (their daughter) just got married in March and didn't give them dates, and my mother-in-law-to-be complained about the fact that she wasn't given a date, even if it was just to bring a girlfriend...

It makes me nervous because I feel that if we did give them dates, and one or both of them actually brought one, it could start problems, leading to stress for me on my fiance's and my wedding day, and possibly problems after as well. I'm not sure what would be the right thing to do.

banana468

I think it's the nice thing to do.   You already know that your FMIL would be upset if she wasn't allowed to bring a date.    They're adults and should act accordingly.

Are there issues in the divorce that make you think they'll make a scene at your wedding?   That may happen whether or not a date is present.

sbc2013

If, when your invitations go out, either your FMIL or FFIL is dating someone exclusively (has a BF, GF, SO, whatever they want to call them), you need to invite that person by name.

As far as inviting them with a plus-one, I think you should ask your FILs (individually) what they would be comfortable with. Maybe they feel like if you offered for them to bring a date, they would need to bring one, so as not to show up alone. Maybe they would worry that their ex is bringing a date and would feel more comfortable coming with one themselves, too. Maybe they want to focus on their son and don't want to bring a date. Ask them what they would prefer. Your FMIL wanted to have the option of a plus-one for her daughter's wedding, so just go ahead and ask. Also, talk to your FI. These are his parents, and they just got divorced...if his parents don't care one way or the other, ask him what he is comfortable with.

Most importantly, these people are adults. Trust that they won't start problems. This is their son's wedding day. 

rajahmd

I'm in a similar situation, but it's my parents who recently divorced.  I know in my situation, my parents are extremely uncomfortable being in the same room together and do not talk to each other at all unless they absolutely have to.  I'm hoping this will be better by the time my wedding comes around, but who knows.  I do know that I would be uncomfortable with them bringing a random "date" to my wedding.  So we've talked about it, and came up with a compromise- they don't get a plus 1, but if they have a significant other they I have met at the time invitations go out, said SO will be invited with them.  It was originally 6 months, but I've since become more comfortable with them bringing someone they may have only been with for a few months.  

This is what I would recommend: your fiance sits down with each parent, either individually or together, and discusses what his comfort level is and what their comfort levels are.  It's important that each party be comfortable on your wedding day.  It'll probably require a compromise.  I would suggest you let your fiance handle it though, and support him in what he decides. If the parents do get to bring SO's/dates/friends, you then need to think about seating- ceremony and reception.  That could require more compromise.  I hope all goes well and your fiance is able to find a solution that makes every happy and comfortable. 

ootmother2

If neither one currently has a SO or dating someone excllusively, I see no reason for them to need to bring a date so soon after their divorce.  Unless, of course, they already had this SO which wouldn't fly with me at all.

My exH & I are on pretty friendly terms and neither one of us has remarried or is significantly involved with someone.  We pretty much acted as a couple during the wedding to keep all sides of the families comfortable.  No dance together though. 

I just though we were behaving as adults

SomethingBeautiful08

I'm sure part of the awkwardness is that they are worried that they won't have people to talk too, hense the reason to bring a non - SO plus one.  My FH's parents have been divorsed a long time, but they don't spend a lot of time togther and since we are close to FSMIL's family I can see where their might be some awkwardness.  My "solution" is to make sure that she always has someone that she is close to to talk to, namely her sister.  So outside of actually walking down the isle as a guest of honor, the aunt will be invited and welcome at really anything that FH's Mom is at.  Otherwise I expect adults to behave as such. 

crash2729

I would give them +1's espically since FMIL already commented that she was uncomfortable at FSIL's wedding. 

She can choose to bring a friend, a new date or no one. 

kac5560

I'm honestly not sure how things would go down if we allowed them to bring dates. I talked more to my fiance about it and we decided that if they do start dating someone exclusively, we'll allow them to bring that person, it's only fair. And then it's up to them to act accordingly... It can be a very dramatic situation, that's what makes it hard. Thank you for your opinion though.