Wedding Stress

Mrs.B6302007

Could you scrap the flowers completely and carry something else sentimental that's already in the family?  Girls could carry something else too.

mocha beans

Man, that sucks with the bank situation.Is there any way to do a cheaper dinner at the restaurant?Honestly, it sounds like you've cut and cut and cut, maybe credit carding it is the only option, aside from skipping the reception altogether.  Definately not a cool option, but it sounds like you're stuck in the hard place.

AmoroAgain

Changing my flowers to carnations would save me probably about $80, so that might be worth it.  You're right Nebb.  It might be about $100 if I scrap the other two bouquets also.  They might look a little funny, but eh.I think I'll cancel the pianist for the ceremony also.  She was $150 for the rehearsal and the ceremony. 

Mrs.B6302007

Do you want the big party or is that what your family wants?  If you don't, can you change the time so that it's not around dinner and just have cake?

danieliza1127

We could Dani. We'd lose the $300 rental fee though.Well that sucks, no sense in losing more money.  Are you paying for the rehearsal dinner too?  If so, skip the rehearsal and RD all together.  It's not that necessary especially since you're having such a small wedding.  You don't need to feed everyone two nights in a row.So, given all of this, what's the reason again as to why you dno't just elope like you really want to?  I mean I get you would lose the $300 ceremony fee but you'd save the photographer, flowers, food, everything else.  If his family can't come anyway...why did you guys decide against it?

danieliza1127

Also liking MrsB's suggestion of skipping dinner and just doing cake instead.  Also agree you should cancel the pianist, just use recorded music.  We did and it worked out great.

AmoroAgain

When I calculated dinner at the restaurant, I just went with the most expensive meal that we've chosen, which is $23.  However, that's about $4 more than the other two options, and considering that more people eat steak ($18) or  that there will be a lot of vegetarians who will eat that option ($15)... Also, pretty much everyone is coming from out of state.  Not just out of town, and FI doesn't want to repay them for flying or driving in from the south by saying "Here! have some cake and punch" and then send them home, kwim?

Mrs.B6302007

and FI doesn't want to repay them for flying or driving in from the south by saying "Here! have some cake and punch" and then send them home, kwim?True, true. I didn't' realize there were so many OOTers.

veronabrit

what are your skills? can you try to do some freelance work online or other services? why can't you babysit or be a nanny part time or teach English to people's kids there?Time to get innovative and market yourself to make a little extra cash, IMO.

AmoroAgain

Wow, um, math fail on my part, but hopefully you can figure out what I meant on the $23 vs other options.Basically, FI just doesn't want to elope.  His parents are on the *maybe* can make it.  We won't know for sure until probably the week of. 

Mrs.B6302007

Drop it to the $18 steak.  $4 extra for 70 people is almost $300.

Nebb

Not sure what your pianist was going to play, but I found a great Chopin torrent and ended up getting over 12 hours of beautiful piano music. Load that up on the ipod and save 150$!

AmoroAgain

The closest people are driving from 1-2 hours away.  And that's a total of 10.  Everyone else is coming from out of state.

katiewhompus

I think I still have my 2 matching bm's bouquets (silk) somewhere around here. I don't know if they go with anything but check them out in bio and they're all yours if it would help.

veronabrit

ps- I know your fiance is in Italy for work, but why are you there?  I know it would be hard to be apart, but think of all of the money you could be making to support your future and your wedding. I agree with some of the others that you should be looking for work now, and go home early to make a little extra cash.

jilybeans4

IDK how much you have used credit cards in the past, so what I am saying may not be any shock.We currently owe about 7k on a credit card (for various reasons...we are working to pay it off). Our interest is about $50 each month.So if you had 7k on your card and could pay it off in 6 months, you'd be spending about $300 in interst if you had a card with a comparable rate.For me, that $300 would be worth what you'd be missing if you had to cut back drastically. Since you could be paying your full mortgage payment into the CC each month, you would probably even have LESS interest.Many cards (used to, at least) offer introductory 0% APRS. They often would last 6 months or more.So while under most circumstances a CC for a wedding is a terrible idea, I really think you could swing it under this circumstance.

AmoroAgain

ps- I know your fiance is in Italy for work, but why are you there? I know it would be hard to be apart, but think of all of the money you could be making to support your future and your wedding. I agree with some of the others that you should be looking for work now, and go home early to make a little extra cash.Verona, I understand what you're saying.  In hindsight, obviously, I should have stayed in the US.  However, at the time we were just so excited to have the opportunity and of being here together that we decided to come over here together.  We've sold everything in the house (were expecting to sell the actual house, but....) and our cars.  At this point, in order for me to work in the US, I have to buy a car, and have a decent enough job to be able to afford the car payment, and living expenses back in Michigan, which is not exactly a hot bed of help wanted these days.  The job I had when we left has been eliminated, and even if I had stayed, I would have gotten laid off.  So, I can't go back to that.  It's all a lot more complicated than I can or want to go into right now, but suffice it to say, we've looked into everything deeply.

veronabrit

We've sold everything in the house (were expecting to sell the actual house, but....) and our cars.sorry I am not being snarky at all...I guess I am just having a hard time understanding how if you sold all of these things and put the money into your savings...and your FI makes a salary...?  I am missing some details?  Did your FI's company pay for him to come there and do they pay for your living expenses? I just think you are best off trying to get some babysitting or nanny gigs...have you tried to do that?  I knew moving to Texas when I first did would be hard, because I couldn't work, but instead of being at home (which would have bored me to death) I volunteered at a non profit full-time and even though i was a volunteer, it was a real full time position. When I got my green card, they hired me immediately and gave me a salary.  I worked there for 8 months without making a penny, but it was a lot better than doing nothing at all since it was good for my resume (and eventually, for my wallet).  How much longer are you going to be there for?

a_schaal

That really blows.  It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into cost-cutters, so I'm not much of a help.   But if you go back to MI, you have to buy a car to work?  They don't have public transport there?  Or cheapie cars?  They might be embarrassing to drive, but $1k on something that gets you from point A to B is all you need.  I had to do it once and was mortified at driving the little shiit-brown '89 rustbox Civic, but it worked.  Most of the time.  And was only $750.

katiewhompus

I would think that the costs of moving from Italy to Michigan to buy a car (even a clunker) to get a job (how many people have been unemployed in their own cities for how long?) would be significantly greater than the interest of a credit card...

AmoroAgain

I guess I am just having a hard time understanding how if you sold all of these things and put the money into your savings...and your FI makes a salary...?The company paid for us to move, but it didn't come to us until we'd been here for 3 months.  Also, this isn't the first time the bank has f'd us like this. I am missing some details? Did your FI's company pay for him to come there and do they pay for your living expenses?They do NOT pay for our living expenses.  We have to pay for our car, our apartment, and our house in the US.  We are not expatted, he is paid as a local employee.They do have public transport in Michigan... in like, Detroit, which is not where we have a house. 

veronabrit

thanks for clarifying. Did you keep your old house in MI because you are unable to sell it? so you are still paying a mortgage on it?I still think you could have tried to look for work before going to Italy as a nanny or English teacher, but that is neither here nor there. I know many people who have gone to Paris to be an AuPaire and teach English to the family's kids.

agk0125

Wow Amoro, that really sucks. WTF is wrong with your bank? That's insane.I ditto opening a new CC and putting everything on that. If you pay it as if it's your mortgage (assuming your FI makes enough to cover that and you weren't just paying it out of savings) you would be able to get rid of it in six months or so.If I were in your situation I'd be putting it on a credit card.

AmoroAgain

The house was on the market for over a year.  We just happened to put it up at the exact time that the market crashed.  Go us.  Verona, the type of visa I'm here on doesn't allow me to work.  Could I work and get paid under the table?  Sure.  Could I get deported if they catch me?  Yup.  How fun would that be- get deported and not be able to re-enter Italy for x amount of years while my FI is working here. No good.

veronabrit

how long will he be there for?are you guys getting married in MI and then going back to Italy? Will you be able to get a VISA once you are married?I don't think you would ever get caught for babysitting or being a nanny. Look at all of the illegal immigrants in the USA who work everyday and they never get caught. Trust me, you are the least of immigration's problems.

AmoroAgain

how long will he be there for?We don't know right now.  We have options to move to Sweden or moving back to the US.  Both of them are contingent upon my being offered a job.are you guys getting married in MI and then going back to Italy? YesWill you be able to get a VISA once you are married?Yes.While I am sure that I most likely would not get caught, is it something you would take the risk for?  Not being able to enter the country your FI or husband lives and works in because of that?  If FI were to move to Sweden, do you think they'd be super willing to give me a visa? 

mocha beans

I definately wouldn't risk being deported by working under the table.  It's just too risky, and who knows what other problems it may cause, like you say, with Sweden, or maybe back here.  I have no idea how immigration works if you get deported, but it's not something I'd want to mess with.  Yeah, lots of people don't get caught, but quite a few still do, and is all that worth the risk for the wedding?

AmoroAgain

I definately wouldn't risk being deported by working under the table. It's just too risky, and who knows what other problems it may cause, like you say, with Sweden, or maybe back here. I have no idea how immigration works if you get deported, but it's not something I'd want to mess with. Yeah, lots of people don't get caught, but quite a few still do, and is all that worth the risk for the wedding? Exactly.  It isn't something we were willing to risk.

veronabrit

I just think that during your time there, you aren't doing anything to advance you own personal career goals.  You could work online for US companies or offer consulting services.  What is your background? what previous positions did you hold? You have a laptop and a phone I am sure you could work something out. I am not saying I would risk it (working illegally)....but I also wouldn't just not work at all.  Like I said, i volunteered full time at a company and because of my willingness to work hard, I was able to basically create a full time position for myself there later. I don't think it is against immigration rules to volunteer- I was able to do it. I am pretty sure you can't get deported for occasionally babysitting for someone. Who would ever find out? I get that you are paranoid...but you live in a rural area...immigration officials aren't calling you to make sure you are not working each week. You'd be working for private families who have no interest in anything but your childcare services.I know you live in a rural area, but aren't there places of business you could volunteer your time at? Just to have something on your resume and build some skills?

Nebb

Let it go - shes not willing to risk it, she can work after the wedding, the end. Drilling this point isnt going to make her change her mind.