Wedding Stress

veronabrit

I get it, point taken. But why can't she volunteer? I suggested this months ago. I don't see the harm in getting some additional experience/skills on her resume.

AmoroAgain

Verona, as I've said, there are a lot of reasons why things haven't panned out.  I don't really feel like I need to tell you all of the reasons for why things are the way they are.  I'm sorry, but I've already answered and told you a lot more about my financial situation than you have merit to know because I wanted to be clear on things.  But I don't know how to give you any more than what I have.  Other than the really obvious problem of language barrier.  I've attempted to volunteer, but they tell me no. 

tlv204

Verona, way to subtly put someone down for money troubles just because they don't want to risk getting deported.  I wouldn't risk it either.  And I also don't believe it's quite as easy as verona makes it sound to randomly get work.

veronabrit

I am absolutely not trying to put her down PP. I just personally know and understand and can relate to how frustrating her situation is (since I personally went through a similar situation) so I am trying to offer some advice. I get now that there are a lot of things i don't know about (and certainly don't think I have the right to know) and there are so many variables. I am just saying what worked for me, and I guess that is not working for her.

Mrs.B6302007

Amoro's been in Italy for a long time.  She'll be home in couple of months for the wedding so it's pretty much too late for her to try to get a job there when she's leaving so soon.  No point in telling her what she "should" have done before now because the past can't be changed.

AmoroAgain

It did come across as a little pushy britbrit.  Mostly because you just kept telling me there was something I hadn't thought of.  I was certain there were some very reasonable and obvious things that should have been thought of, like the language barrier.  Sure, I'm doing well with my Italian, but I'm sure as hell not fluent, and they don't want to deal with me. 

AmoroAgain

And yes, I was feeling rather put down.  I already feel like this is my fault (it isn't, but I feel like it) so being told that I'd missed something sure as heck wasn't helping me.

NuggetBrain

I must have missed the post about your mortgage - they overpaid? Why and how? That's some bogusness. I have to second the credit card idea - if you're not going to be paying any mortgage for the next 6 months, you should be able to pay at least a nice chunk of it off. Normally I am also against it, but it might be a good idea under the circumstances.

veronabrit

sorry amoro, I genuinely thought you were asking for tips and i didn't realize how much time you have left there. After your marriage, you will have a VISA and all will be solved.

veronabrit

adding: I agree with PP, go with the credit card and have the wedding you want. If you are confident you can pay if off later, the small interest charge is worth it.

AmoroAgain

Verona, I was asking for tips, but also venting.  I know you were trying to help, and that's why I didn't flip out on you.  I did appreciate what you trying to get across, but at the same time, there's a point at which trying to help becomes too pushy.I do understand where you're coming from in this, but I hope you can appreciate that my situation is definitely different from yours as well.We're probably going to CC it.  Ugh.

AmoroAgain

I must have missed the post about your mortgage - they overpaid? Why and how? That's some bogusness. We use a banking service to handle our US bills for us since we can't get them in time here (we pay many of them online, but some don't have it).  When our mortgage bill comes in, they cut a cashier's check and send it in, then our mortgage company immediately sends out another bill.  The bill says, "Next due: 1 month form last payment"  Well, the people haven't been looking at the date- they would just get another bill and pay it.  So, the more they paid it, the more often they would get a bill for it!  You'd think they would have noticed since they have access to our bank account and can see how many checks have been sent out to the one place, but apparently not.

lpstl

So, are you 6 months ahead on your mortgage, or were they applying payments to the principal?If you are ahead, there's no harm in borrowing it as long as you just take the money you'd use for the mortgage, and use that to pay it off. See if you can get a 6 month no APR CC, if you can't check out personal loans or borrow out of a 401k. If you know you can pay it off in 6 months, then just borrow it. It doesn't sound like you can cut back anymore than you already have.

jilybeans4

Whatever you do, DO NOT borrow from your 401k. Leave that alone and do not touch it! I'm still voting for using a CC with low interest. Heck, even moderate interest will not add up to much if you pay if off at the same rate you normally pay your mortgage. What would that bank have done if you didn't have the money in savings? Not everyone has an extra 7k laying around....there should be something they can do to make up for it. Maybe they can loan you the money : )

lpstl

Jily, what's wring with borrowing out of your 401k if you'll have it paid back in 6 months?

lpstl

FYI: [url]<a href="http://tinyurl.com/q5necj" rel='nofollow'>http://tinyurl.com/q5necj</a>[/url]

APAW

Amoro, it sounds like you're planning a very budget-conscious wedding. Will you even have to put much on the credit cards? Is it mostly just the meal itself, especially if you nix the pianist and cut back on flowers? It seems like the credit card option isn't too bad, under the circumstances.

BecW2be

I'm WAY late on this, but I just want to say I hate this for you. It really sucks. The only suggestion I have is perhaps opening a new CC with o% interest until _____ 2010, or selling something. I know you sold most of your stuff when you moved, but do you have any jewelry that you could part with? Given the "iffy" weather in Oct., would it be possible to do an outdoor ceremony and keep your reception? Is there a nearby park with a covered area? Even if it's cold you can arrange so that you are all there and ready for the ceremony so that the least amount of time possible is outside, then move to the reception. Just a thought. I wish I could fix this for you. I'm so sorry.

scoetto

That really sucks, Amoro I hope it all works out for you. Are there any family members that could help out?

AmoroAgain

It's almost entirely the food.  We're expecting that alone to be around $3000.  I'll have a more clear idea when the final guest count is in.  Thank you for the advice LP.  I'm going to pass that along to FI and see what he says.  Sco, we don't want to ask family.  My grandparents are currently helping out my mom who has been unemployed for months, her husband who has been unemployed for longer, and FI's parents are as old as my grandparents, and in rather poor health.  So... we're not keen on asking for help. It all just sucks so much.

thesuninherhead

That really sucks, Amoro. I'm not sure I understand the mortgage issue (eg. if the bank over-drew your mortgage repayments, and you are now 6 months ahead, can you not redraw the extra?), and I guess my only suggestion is that you consider doing an evening wedding with cocktail reception, or potentially a lunch reception (if it is cheaper) to cut food costs.

veronabrit

ohh good idea on the chic evening wedding. I like that idea. Maybe heavy hors d'eourves and drinks, w/dancing

blenderdance

I am really late to this as well and I'm sorry that you are dealing with all of this...especially trying to coordinate everything from abroad.My only suggestion is that you were talking about cutting flower costs.  My best friend got married in June and she and each of her bridesmaids carried a single rose with a ribbon on it.  It looked beautiful.  If you did that for you and your 2 bms, and then a single rose for the guys/moms, you could get away with under a dozen roses...Then, it doesn't sound like you are throwing your bouquet...but what she did was gather all of the single stemmed roses together and tie them and throw that...

chitownshortie84

if you, your parents, or a friend/family member has a decent-sized house you can have an intimate wedding there. buy bulk flowers (or silk) and arrange yourself. Or dont use flowers at all, carry a small, carved candle lit pumpkin, or a candle lit lantern, or even a single stem instead of a large bouquet. (do you have a theme?) you can also buy a tent off ebay for like $100 and you can set itup n a park to protect everyone from the elements. an outdoor ceremony can be as short as 15 minutes so the cold shouldnt be tooo much of a problem. u can buy these things on ebay for cheap. for your reception, explain you situation to the restaurant manager and see if they can discount the plates of food for you or free dessert. for you cake, if u have one, buy a very small wedding cake that wont be too expensive and then have regular plain ol sheet cakes that can be cut in the back , the guests wont know what cake theyre eating. or possibly a cupcake stand might be cheaper than a cake. for music, scout out a cheaper dj or ask if your current dj candiscount his prices for you. otherwise you can go the ipod/computer route. if ur having centerpieces, dont use flowers, use branches, pumkins, lanterns, candles(again this all depends on if youre trying to have a theme).