Should your fiance ask your dad for your hand in marriage?

LuvMe79

Is this mandatory or just a sign or respect? Regardless of what my dad says we are still getting married. I am anxious to hear your thoughts. thanks!

jasmineh7777

It really depends on your relationship with your dad. My father and I aren't close, and I wouldn't have been cool with FI asking his permission.

Brie2010

No.  I'm not property.  As my FI put it, "I don't want to marry a woman who needs her parents' permission."My mom was ticked about it for awhile, but she got over it.

Audrey_03

If the answer doesn't matter don't ask the question.

[Deleted User]

I don't think it's mandatory at all. Although, it did really mean a lot to my dad that my FI asked.

nda_roxybabe

Oh, its mandatory, if your dad doesn't say yes you can't get married

katiewhompus

My dh husband did and got about 5 million + points from my dad. That being said, no it's just mostly a sign of respect or an old tradition. Honestly, if my dad said "no don't marry him" I would think about it really hard, because my dad wouldn't do that without a really good reason. But, that's my dad, and everyone has a different relationship.I think dh just liked the fact that everyone knew he was proposing but me! You should have seen my mom trying to keep it a secret...

sapphirebaby926

I see it as a sign of respect but definitely not mandatory. I told my fiance that if he felt he needed to ask my parents he should just ask for their blessing.I don't like the asking for permission thing - it's just too antiquated of a tradition for me.

sarah0725

Not mandatory, but it's good for your FI to have the kind of relationship with your parents where he can call them up and ask them stuff if necessary. FI asked my dad, and my dad said, "Well, I think you need to ask her that."

samurai21

My fiance did. Not so much because he wanted to, but because he knew how important it was to my fairly old school and protective parents, and therefore important to me, in this case.And he didn't ask for my hand. He asked for their blessing. My hand is mine to give. Obviously if you are getting married regardless of what your parents do or don't say, not mandatory. Considered sign of respect for some.

bel138

If FI has asked my dad, I wouldn't have married him.

brookelynpaisley

It depends on your relationship. My FI asked both parents and my sister for their blessing. Phrasing it as "permission" changes the perception drastically. FI and my dad both see the gesture as a sign of respect and I was perfectly with with that. It should be what your FI wants, not you or your dad, in my opinion.

mocha beans

No.  FI did because he's a bit old fashioned like that, but I certainly would never have expected him to do it.  Dad was flattered, but would never give permission to marry me.  I'm no one's property, I make my own decisions.

ThePinkSuperhero

FI talked to my parents about it, and that meant a lot to them, particularly my Dad.

katiewhompus

And you never know what the dad will say either, my dads response was "Well of course you can ask Kristi to marry you, do you think she'll say yes?"Gee thanks dad...

nda_roxybabe

It's honestly up to you. Theres no real "Rule"

ootmother2

My now SIL asked for my blessing and I thought that was sweet.She was not mine nor her father's to give however so asking for permission was pointless.

aerinpegadrak

Very little about a wedding is mandatory, you'll find.  FI intended to ask, but my parents live in different states and he just couldn't wait.  In the end, he didn't end up meeting my parents at all until after we were engaged.

Hwrd2be

My FI did it... I have to say.. It meant alot to me and my dad... We wouldve gotten married reguardless but he just felt it was the right thing to do..

eskiimobby

my FI didn't ask permission, but he did call my dad and let him know what was going on (we live about 2 hours away from them). My dad appreciated it a lot and was a good move I think. i don't think "permission" is the right way to phrase it anymore.

bigvoice3

  I think its respect.  He didn't really ask, but told my dad "I love your daughter.  I want to marry her.  Will you hate me forever if I take your baby girl from you?" My dad thought it was the sweetest thing.  He already loved FI, but that gave him major points.

clseale13

Well my dad passed away 9 years ago so FI went to my mom since we are very close. FI and I have been together for 9 years so he didn't really ask permission. It was more of an "I love your daughter. I love this family. I want to be apart of this family. This is what I'm planning to do...I hope this makes you happy." I know it meant a lot to her.

clseale13

"If FI has asked my dad, I wouldn't have married him." ^^^ Really? Because unless you have a horrible relationship w/your father that statement is just ridiculous. You don't have to believe in that...but if it would have meant something to your FI or your dad and it's something he chose to do, what's the big deal?

Britton&Jim

No.  I asked my husband to marry me.

amblizman

FI didn't so much ask my dad for permission as he did tell him he was going to propose.  Dad that that was cool, and he appreciated the gesture.

lpstl

My father passed away about a month before he proposed. He asked my mother for her blessings, but he kind of had to since she had the ring (family ring).

peachkins

I think it's a sign of respect.  I don't know exactly how their conversation went, but I know FI talked to my dad about us getting engaged.  I don't know if my dad would've cared had FI not said anything, but I know it meant a lot to dad that he did.

eastunder1

Mine did, but it wasn't like anything would have changed if my dad had said no.  I mean, we were already living together and had been for a while.  It was just a show of respect I guess.  But my dad really, really appreciated it.  I'm glad he did, even if it was basically just for show. 

shanwalk2

Nope, I didn't neen permission from my dad to get married. My husband also didn't need permission to propose. It was my decision, not my father's. That said, DH did go to them a week before and tell them "I bought the ring... I'm going to propose next week... I'm not asking permission - but we certainly hope for your blessing and I wanted you to know it's coming. It made my parents super happy to know. They were all in a tizzy about us moving in together the next month, so this helped settle them. Not necessary, but in my situation - it was nice that my parents knew in advance.

ggmae

No it's not mandatory, but it is tradition for some families. DH just went to my parents to tell them his plans to propose. They gave him their blessing, but he would have proposed regardless. Asking a father for permission to marry his daughter is not common in my family.

stella218

I had actually told FI when we started talking about getting engaged that I didn't want him to talk to my parents first.  His response was "good thing you told me, because that's exactly what I would have done."  He's traditional like that.I just didn't like the whole "permission" aspect of it.  I also felt like I wanted it to be our moment and have the excitement of telling my parents and not having them already know when it actually happened.