Should your fiance ask your dad for your hand in marriage?

aMrsin09

FI scored HUGE points with dad when he asked for his blessing. 

megk8oz

I'm pretty traditional and I have a very close relationship with my mom and my "dad" (Step-dad that raised me, biological dad is pretty much a sperm donor), but I don't like the term "permission".When FI and I first began discussing getting engaged I told him that he didn't "have" to, but it would mean a lot to me to get my parents' "blessing" first (Both mom and dad). Turned out, he had intended to do that anyway, because he felt it was proper. I knew they were going to be okay with it, but it made us both feel more comfortable about it.Its really a matter of personal preference.

Leah&Christian09

I find it really patronizing. If a guy had asked my dad for permission first, I probably wouldn't have married him.  Why?  Because he obviously didn't respect ME enough to ask me before talking to my parents, and didn't get me. I'm super close to my parents, and they know me.  They would have laughed if my H had come to them first, and told him he was asking the wrong person.

clseale13

Yeah...I guess I'm blurring "permission" and "intentions" into the same thing. No man should actually need permission...we're all adults here. However, if getting a blessing or just stating intentions is important to a parent or a FI I still see it as a nice gesture.

Leah&Christian09

To me, permission/intentions/blessing is all the same thing.  The issue is who he would ask first.  I would feel disrespected if a man went behind my back and talked to my parents about the future of my life without discussing it with me first.

jilybeans4

Not necessary, but I think its a nice sign of respect.

moonlitmama

yep - i'm not traditional but liked it that FI asked for my parents for their blessing. i think it meant more to my FI than my parents actually. they aren't so traditional and thought it was funny but i thought it was really cute...

nhelman

People get all strung out over this issue..I'm gonna break it down for you how I see it...there is no right or wrong answer, it totally depends on your (the bride's) relationship with her father.My H talked to his mom and dad and my dad before proposing.  He didnt' talk to my mom because he knew my parents (he had vacationed with my family twice and we dated for four years) and knew my mom would blow it in a skinny minute.Would I have cared if he hadn't asked?  No.  Would my parents have cared?  No.  But my dad was tickled pink and thought it was the coolest thing that had ever happened to him that H asked. My parents were crazy hippies who got married in their 30's after many years of "exploration" and there was no parental involvement or even parental knowledge until it was all said and done.For the record, DH wasn't asking "permission" - he was letting my dad know he bought a ring and wanted to propose because he and my dad had a strong relationship and he wanted to include my dad in the moment.Basically, if your relationship with your dad is such that you'd want him to know, just hope that you and boyfriend (FI at this point?) are solid enough that he knows that...is all I have to say.

January Bride

My husband asked my Dad, and I thought it was cute and respectful. He did it more because he cares about my Dad and was being traditional.In no way does it mean I'm property or I needed permission.  To me, it's the same thing as your Dad walking you down the aisle.  It's tradition and it meant a lot to my Dad (and me).  He wasn't "giving me away".

MOBinFL2008

My SIL actually asked  us twice.  First he asked my husband for our blessing and then, by the time the weekend came when he was actually going to propose, my Mom's health had taken a very serious turn for the worse.  He then asked again if it would be alright with me for him to propose that weekend given the state of my Mom's health.  Knowing I needed some joy at that moment, my husband and I gave our blessing a second time and I'm so glad we did.  They drove 4 hours the next morning in order to visit us and to see my Mom;  she passed away two days later.   

SassyBrass

My FI went out with my dad and his dad and he let him know over a couple of beers. I don't know if he "asked" necessarily, but he did let my dad know a couple of days before. My mom was out of town at the time, so when she got back, he let her know right before she went to sleep so she wouldn't have time to tell me.It really didn't make much difference to me, he told me "I'm gonna go hang out with our dads on Saturday. You can't come". I knew it was coming anyhow though. I am close with both my parents, but I really wouldn't need "permission". I just couldn't believe he made my dad tear up. I've only seen my dad cry like, once maybe?

BubbleJ

Its not mandatory. My FI asked my mum, because I am not close to me dad and couldn't give a flying *beep* what he thinks. It was mainly so she would be the first to know, which he knew was important to me. So not mandatory, but depends on how traditional you are

sarges05girl

I don't think it's mandatory, but I feel it's an awesome sign of respect. Especially in a family situation where the bride and her mother/father are very close.My FI asked my parents for their blessing. I think his exact words were: "I love her and we've discussed getting married. I feel this is the right time to ask and would love to have your blessing to marry her."It wasn't really permission, but my parents thought it was awesome. They knew about it at least two weeks before he actually proposed.

megalsgv

My dad and I are very close and he has always said that if someone asked him for my hand, he would say no, regardless of who it was or how much he liked them.  It is not his decision to make and he knows that.  That being said, FI did kind of give him a heads up that is was going to happen and they went out for a beer the next night.  That was all I wanted, for the 2 of them to have a one-on-one kind of talk, for my FI to be comfortable enough with my dad to do so.  I know nothing of what was said that night, nor do i want to know, but I like knowing it happened.

denimdarling88

My FI asked my dad when we were over there for Christmas, and my dad said yes... Then came straight outside to ask me if I was sure if this was what I wanted. [Yeah, I know, right?] But I was crying, and step mom was crying, and it was great. I don't think it was mandatory, but it sure is a memory now.

saraphaerie

My dad died several years ago, and so I loved it when my fiance called to ask my mom... totally unexpected, and very romantic. We're not super traditional, but she's my mom, my best friend, the person I trust most, and so it meant a lot that he would recognize that before moving forward. (Not that is was a surprise proposal--to me or to my mom.)I agree with the others on the list: what matters is your relationship to your parents, possibly your age. I'm 31 and have been independent for a long time so this was not an issue, but again, I thought the gesture was great.

sunflower246

No, its not mandatory. A sign of respect, definately!My fiance called up my mom & dad and asked them before because he didn't know my parents real well at the time. They really appreciated the gesture, and finace earned major brownie points, especially with my granny Ha ha! I also appreciated it, it's not something I would have required him to do before, but the fact that he did showed me he wants to have a good relationship with my family.That being said, my dad's response was "well, I think she can make her own decisions about that"  

JessiesGirl13

If you have a good relationship with your dad I'd recommend it.  It's acknowledging the respect that's due to a good father.  But from your question, you're already calling him your fiance.  Are you already engaged?  If he's asked you already, and like you said, you plan to get married whether or not your dad approves, I'd say you've answered your own question.Good luck and best wishes whichever option you choose!