Do you think it's rude to give a wedding gift in person?

anna.oskar

That's the topic on the Registering and Gifts board.I had no idea so many people think it's rude to give a gift in person.  I would think any bride would be thankful for a gift and would excuse any transportation inconvenience. (Destination brides would be an exception)http://talk.theknot.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=61996673&forumid=34Thoughts?

tlv204

I don't, but I've never had or gone to a wedding where the couple had to travel to get home afterward. I like bringing gifts in person actually, although recently I've started shipping them just because it's easier for me too

amandasw

no, those girls are nuts, sorry. 

bel138

The first time I heard that it was rude to bring gifts to the wedding was on the Knot. There's always a HUGE gift table at the weddings I've been to, even the really classy ones. Since I've been on here, I've just sent them to the B&G's house for their convenience, not because I think it's rude.

mocha beans

We always bring ours to the reception, and there's always a gift table set up in the corner.  I never knew it was "bad".  No couple ever has had to travel more than a few miles to get home either, travel would make a difference.

lyndausvi

 I was a OOT bride and I still did not see it has rude.   I was thankful that they thought of us.  We just shipped the gifts home.  No easy feat to ship to the USVI, but I never once thought our guests were rude from giving us gifts at the wedding.

Golfer'sLady

I don't think it is rude really, it is just not correct etiquette. I've always been taught to send the gift before the wedding. I've never brought a gift to a wedding.

anna.oskar

That's what I thought. Does anyone happen to have a link to the proper etiquette for this situation? i wonder if Emily Post addresses this.

MissSarah786

I've always seen gift tables at weddings and a lot of people put quite a bit of effort in wrapping their gifts nicely, at least some of my relatives did. I don't see why it would be rude. However, I do have to say, getting the gifts in advance is nice because it's easier to do TY cards before the wedding and honeymoon.

Golfer'sLady

Here's what Emily Post says:Preferably, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon thereafter. In some regions gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. Contrary to a current rumor that you have a year to send a gift, it really should be sent right away or within three months of the wedding.

amandasw

actually, this would be the first time I've ever heard it was bad etiquette to bring a gift to a wedding.  Doesn't etiquette esist usually to prevent people from being rude/offensive/etc?  I wouldn't be offended to receive a gift unless people woke me up at midnight every night to deliver them.

[Deleted User]

I don't think it's rude at all. I've always brought gifts to the reception. I can see the whole inconvenience piece of it, but it would have never occured to me as being rude.

eastunder1

I could see it being an inconvenience if it is some HUGE gift that you need a forklift to take out.  Barring that though, it's a GIFT.  Quit your b*tching and just be appreciative someone got you something.  Sure, shipping it may be more of a convenience, but that doesn't make bringing it to the wedding a horrendous offense by default.  OMG you have to carry them from a table to your moms mini van.  How awful for you.  Whatever will you do to make up for that lost five minutes of your life?

elf828

This is something I have never thought of.  How could it ever be rude to give someone a present?  Personally if I am giving someone an actual gift for their wedding, I have it gift wrapped and shipped because I'm lazy, but I will be happy to accept gifts at my wedding, even though I'm getting married 4 hours from home.  I mean, it's not like I'll be walking home and carrying all of my gifts...

duckie1905

I don't think it is rude really, it is just not correct etiquette. I've always been taught to send the gift before the wedding. I've never brought a gift to a wedding.This was my point in that post.  I don't think it is horribly offensive to bring a gift to a wedding, I was just always taught that proper etiquette dictates to mail it to the couple before/after the wedding as to not inconvenience them.I have never brought a gift to the wedding and while we received a few at ours, most were sent before or after.  Plus, while I would never be ungrateful for a gift, I don't think guests consider the logistical issues with having to schelp and transport a truck full of gifts at midnight, which is why I never bring one to the wedding.  As a BM the job of packing and storing gifts usually fell on me-which is more the fault of the couple than the guests but nonetheless irritating when you were raised to ship.

tlv204

Plus I really really enjoy wrapping gifts nicely, so shipping takes all of the fun out of it.  I didn't think it was an "inconvenience" to get our gifts home at the end of the night, so I refuse to believe it's that big of a deal for someone else.  Again, though, I've never been to a wedding where the couple had to travel more than 30 minutes. And I've never seen a wedding without a gift table.

amandasw

I don't think it is rude really, it is just not correct etiquetteSee, I feel like that is a contradictory statement - unless I'm wrong, etiquette is in place to prevent rudeness.  How can it not be rude but also incorrect etiquette? 

jaimebeth9

At every wedding I've been to there has been a giant gift table covered with gifts.  If it's rude then everyone I know is also rude.

duckie1905

I guess I don't find it horribly offensive, but I suppose I do find it rude.  But again, that was the way I was raised, that's what I've seen at the weddings I've attending in my family, and I happily accepted gifts at ours. So go figure.

LarissaAnn

Huh. I'd never heard you're *not* supposed to bring the gift to the wedding. Maybe it's different here because in this part of the country it's mostly cash & easier to carry around?

laurening

From the Emily Post website...http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/tips/wedding_gifts.htm How soon should I send a gift? Preferably, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon thereafter. In some regions gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. Contrary to a current rumor that you have a year to send a gift, it really should be sent right away or within three months of the wedding.

sucrets4

I think it depends on the area.  For my area, people give cards and cash/checks.  We didn't have a table, just a pedestal for the card box.  One couple brought us an actual gift and stuck it on the side.  It looked weird.Plus, our venue set that up, so I know that they are used to just the card box.  

SwedishChick2011

I think it's rude for the invitation to say to send gifts to the b and g's new address and NOT bring them to the wedding.  Plus include registry info on the invite.  Yeah, true story.

tlv204

Maybe there should be separate Emily Post books for every region of every country and religion.    Think of the arguments it could cause!!

eastunder1

I think if people are actually going to take the time to b*tch or find rudeness about the manner in which people brought them a gift, they need better things to fill their time with.  

Brie2010

I think they're nuts.  A gift is a gift.My family/area tends to give cash, though, so it's kind of not an issue.  I'd never seen a physical wedding gift until I went to a wedding in FI's area, where it's all boxed gifts. 

sucrets4

East, I get what you're saying, but what about from the guest's point of view?  I would hate to bring a present and have no place to put it, or as someone said (in the other post, I think), have to carry it around for awhile.

Leah&Christian09

I've always been taught that you should ship an actual gift, but you can bring a card. I don't think it's correct to bring them to the actual wedding, but I would never be offended or put off at the people that did bring us actual gifts. I arranged to have our DOC load them into my dad's trunk during the reception, and my parents stored them until we got home. NBD. From a practicality standpoint, I personally know 2 different people that had gifts stolen from their wedding. (In one, the front desk person in the hotel caught and stopped the thief.) After that, no way.

Bubbalub

I've always brought gifts to the wedding, as most people I know do around here. I never knew it was bad etiquette but I can see how shipping a gift to the B&G might make it easier for them. All the weddings I've been to have always had a gift table heaped with gifts, though, so what do I know?Plus, I like wrapping gifts and making them pretty and special. [/dork]

banana468

I don't think it's rude to bring a gift to the wedding but I don't think it's all that appropriate and I know it's not proper etiquette.  FWIW, I do think you can not follow etiquette without being rude.  What you may be doing is creating a bit of an inconvenience but that doesn't mean that what you're doing is horrible.  I'll compare it to the bride and groom NOT offering a vegetarian alternative to their guests.  It's not terribly convenient to them but if they're feeding their guests, it's splitting hairs to say that the meal provided wasn't good enough.I was taught this long before TK.  Gifts were sent before the wedding or given to the couple after the big event.  If you were bringing a gift to the wedding, it was cash only - because the couple was going to have a lot going on to bring them back.  Our wedding was not much different than that.  We had a few gifts on our gift table but most gifts were cards with money in them.  If we had any more presents at our wedding than we did, we would have had to make another trip from my parents' home to get them to our place.However any couple should be gracious about the gifts they get.  Hopefully though the gift giver understands the logistical issues that the couple may face so they won't be bringing something that creates undo pressure on the couple.

banana468

FWIW, I think the mentality that "I enjoy wrapping presents and how they look so I'm bringing the gift to the wedding," is rude.It's not about you.  The gift is about your love for the couple.  That's akin to the sentiment that a TY note is incomplete without the couple's photo.  (::Gag::)