The Ex Text

mrsLesGrossman

I just got a text from an ex- hey it's (ex).  I'm in town from Austin for a few days...Thought I'd see if there is anything fun going on. Hope ur well.  We dated when I met the h.  He left for Austin when he had some break through about leaving the music biz to become a holistic healer and acupuncturist.  He visited before and the "anything fun going on" was me, all before the h and I were serious.  He knows I got married.  Do I ignore the text or respond with www.timeoutny.com? I am not good at shiit like this.   

eastunder1

I would just ignore it.  He'll feel dumb for sending it when it doesn't get a response. 

Nebb

I dunno but your new sig cracked me up.

Brie2010

I'm an ignorer.  It worked for my last ex.  We were "friends" for awhile after we broke up, until I realized his definition of "friendship" involved a whole lot of emotional fuckwittery.I just stopped taking his calls.  He eventually stopped calling. 

mrsLesGrossman

I think you're all right and I'll ignore.  I thought he got the hint when I sent wedding pics.  He was seriously hot though. 

georgia_bride09

I would absolutely ignore the text. Honestly, do you see yourself having a long-term (platonic, of course)relationship with him? Why waste your time?I made the mistake of talking to an ex before I met my husband. It just reminded what an asshat he was. Had I been with my husband by then, I wouldn't have given him two seconds of thought.Delete the text and move on.

punkyb2b

It depends.  Are you actually interested in a friendship with him?  I would ignore it if you dont want a relationship of any kind with him.

SwedishChick2011

I think responding with the website would be funny.  But also kind of mean.  But still funny. 

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

I would just ignore it. Or, if I had bad feelings toward the person, I might say something like "Yeah, I'll ask my husband to tell you how I was on Monday"

NuggetBrain

Tell him yes, there is something fun going on.  There is a party going on in your pants, but unfortunately he is not invited.  Ever again.

georgia_bride09

Is "alternate word for donkey" banned again?Ay-ess-ess hat got starred. AssHat

ootmother2

Ignore or send www.timeoutny.comIn 20 years, he will be married with kids and you will both be in the same situation.  I think then it's okay to get and  have a drink when he's in town and talk Glory Days.Before that, no

mrsLesGrossman

If we ended on bad terms, I would use nugget's comment fo sho. 

punkyb2b

I dont get what him being hot has to do with ignoring or not ignoring the text.  do his looks make it harder to ignore his attempt at contact? Or are you reminiscing about your time with him?

[Deleted User]

If you actually want to stop contact with him then just ignore it.  Otherwise he will probably continue texting.

NuggetBrain

Ask him if he'd like to go out for drinks to catch up with you.  And your husband.  Then you'll know if he's really interested in friendship (in which case he should be fine with it) or embarking on another journey to the center of your taco (in which case he'll decline, and you'll probably never hear from him again).

mandysmear

I see both sides.  My ex FB messaged me within the last month.  I wasn't going to respond.  But, then I remembered that he recently got out of rehab (yeah, real winner).  I assumed him contacting me was part of his 12 steps.  So, I responded with some lame small talk.  I told my H about it.  He doesn't care either way, but he thought that it was a good idea if ex had successfully completed rehab. 

punkyb2b

OOT- I'm genuinely curious about your comment.  Why is it ok in 20 years but not now?  I thik in 20 years, it would be more troubling.  I hang out (DH comes along sometimes) with people I know have more than just friends feelings for me.   I dont see it as a problem since I can control myself and I dont share the same feelings back.

mrsLesGrossman

No, just reminiscing about how hot he was.  We ran into him at a show right before he left and even my h commented about his looks.  If I was single, we'd be getting it on.  It isn't a closure thing, trust me.  He is the guy that you have an open relationship with before you get married to someone else.  He was just a lot of fun and hung, if you need being blunt to get it. 

aimerzkd214

I would ignore it.I also have a question for you mrsLesGrossman.  I saw in a post once that you spoke and read Hebrew and that you studied Judaism.  I was wondering if you learned to speak Hebrew in college or if you learned it from being Jewish.

NuggetBrain

I hang out (DH comes along sometimes) with people I know have more than just friends feelings for me. I dont see it as a problem since I can control myself and I dont share the same feelings back. I couldn't do that.  Not because I was worried about lack of self control or anything, but because I would feel very uncomfortable hanging out with someone I knew had feelings for me that I didn't have back.  I would be looking at every comment, every move, trying to figure out if they meant something more than they said or did...it would drive me nuts.  That's probably why most of the menfolk I hang out with are either 'mo or already taken.

NuggetBrain

I was wondering if you learned to speak Hebrew in college or if you learned it from being Jewish.....well, at least this one didn't ask about your Jewishness.Although I do love the idea that someone learns a language strictly from their religion.  Like, "did you learn to speak Latin in college or did you learn it from being Catholic?"

mrsLesGrossman

I saw in a post once that you spoke and read Hebrew and that you studied Judaism. I was wondering if you learned to speak Hebrew in college or if you learned it from being Jewish.  I studied Hebrew since I was three and spoke it from when I was a baby.  They spoke to me in Hebrew and English so it would be easier to grow on.  I did learn advanced ancient Hebrew and Aramaic in under grad. 

punkyb2b

E- I can get that he is hot.  That's pretty self explanatory.  I think about guys from my past and "adventures" I had too.  facebook is great for finding old boyfriends like my HS boyfriend who was voted best looking our senior year.  Wow.  time has not been good to him.   I wish he had never friend requested me.  I prefer my memories of him as a Rob Lowe lookalike

mrsLesGrossman

Unfortunately, I googled him based on your comment, still hot. 

Bubbalub

Did you ignore/delete the text? That was going to be my suggestion also. I have an ex that does this, too. Blerg. Although I do like the idea of sending that website back to him. But, like pp have said, any response might be seen as an opening to him, so it is probably easier to just ignore unless you see a longer-lasting friendship happening.

punkyb2b

Nugget- my closest friends are guys (with the exception of my BF).  I find guys way more laidback and less annoying in general.  I'm not hating on all girls, just find most of girls in my social circle are all about looks, spending money, and being seen.   It gets old and drama filled.

aimerzkd214

I was wondering if you learned to speak Hebrew in college or if you learned it from being Jewish.....well, at least this one didn't ask about your Jewishness.Although I do love the idea that someone learns a language strictly from their religion. Like, "did you learn to speak Latin in college or did you learn it from being Catholic?"I did not mean it that way, and I am sorry if it was taken that way.  I was not sure how to say it but i thought maybe you had learned it growing up in classes through your church like Sunday school but I was not sure what those classes would be called.Thanks for the answer mrsLesGrossman.  My brother just got his Masters degree religion and is now getting his PhD and he can read and write Hebrew but can not speak it so that is why I was wondering.

SwedishChick2011

....well, at least this one didn't ask about your Jewishness.Hardy har har.Although I do love the idea that someone learns a language strictly from their religion. Like, "did you learn to speak Latin in college or did you learn it from being Catholic?" Judaism is a religion, but one can be also be ethnically Jewish.  Correct me if I'm wrong, E. 

BecW2be

I'd ignore it. Boys take responses much differently than girls. Give an inch, take a mile sort of thing. I learned this the hard way with my Ex. He'd call to see if anyone had viewed our house that was for sale, I'd say "no." and he'd take that as "well no, darling, they haven't, and I miss you oh so much and I'm sick of being alone in this house and I wish oh wish you'd come home and we'd call this whole silly divorce off." I had to change my "no" to "Hell no, and I'm sick to fuckingdeath of trying to sell it for you. BTW, how's your mommy? Sick of living with her yet? Ha! Serves you right you fuckingloser!" and then hanging up on him. He understood that.

mrsLesGrossman

Judaism is a religion, but one can be also be ethnically Jewish. Correct me if I'm wrong, E.  Apparently my lessons are working.  Yes, you are most likely ethnically Jewish unless you converted to Judaism.