Fiance says No Videographer!

msgirl2010

Hello,I am new here, so I hope I am posting in the right place (I did read the rules!).Anyway, my fiance and I have had typical disagreements for the most part, but we cannot come to terms on this one.  I want a videographer.  He says he "actively doesn't want one".  He said he barely wants a photog and he caved on that.  He is shy about the attention.  Have any of you run into this?Thanks,msgirl

salt78

Personally I think videographers are pointless, so I'll be no help here. My little brother is going to hold a camcorder.

pumpkinpumpkin

No, but videographers are most certainly not required. If my FI was that adamant on something, I would agree that we don't need to have it. It's his wedding too.

temerityjane

I run into situations with Buddy where we don't agree. We discuss it like adults and whoever it matters more to wins.For example, it seems as though not having a videographer is very important to your fiance. So, in that situation, I would not have one. Because it's his wedding too, and it sounds like that would make him miserable.

Golfer'sLady

I didn't have a videographer.I don't think it is a "must have" thing for a wedding. His opinion is valid.

*BeachBride0410*

I think they are a waste of money, you can have a family member with a video camera.  we did have a short argument about open bar, he wanted to have a cash bar during cocktail hour then open bar, all because we will be taking pictures during cocktail hour and he wouldnt get to drink much.....i put an end to that real quick, and he saw my way : ) honestly he has not been part of much of the planning, he said whatever I want to do.

danieliza1127

We didn't have a videographer either.  If he's that shy and that serious about not wanting one, just don't have one.  It's not a requirement and while it's nice to have, you don't want it if it's going to make him that uncomfortable on  his wedding day.  It's stressful enough as it is.

bbyckes

I think you should compromise with your FI.  Not having a videographer is not going to detract from your wedding or the memories.  It's his day also and he should have some say.  Chuck the videographer.

vicmo5

I personally think they are a big waste of money.  Why are you so adamant about having one?

aerinpegadrak

Please don't take this the wrong way, but why is it so important to you?  I'm not saying it's wrong to have one (we are), but is this something that you're willing to possibly make him really uncomfortable on his wedding day over?  If it's something that's really important to you, is there a way you can compromise (maybe have a family member film just the ceremony)?

SwedishChick2011

We didn't have a videographer.  Kind of last minute my BIL offered to record the ceremony, which he did.  We haven't even asked for the recording yet, and that was almost 3 months ago.  Does anyone actually watch their wedding video?

tidetravel

Marriage = compromise.  If you can't do it now, you better learn it quick. We know why he doesn't want one.  Why is it important to you? One compromise is to spend the money that you would have spent on a videographer and put it towards getting a really great photojournalistic photographer; someone that you know will capture all of the special moments.  Personally, we didn't have one and don't miss it.  The pics that we have from that day spark vivid memories that we get to look back on for years to come.

Kati0105

My FI didn't want one either, but my mom is paying for the wedding and she insisted so we're having one.

kikibaby

It sounds like he'd be really uncomfortable with it.  So, think of it that way: he probably couldn't enjoy the wedding and be himself. As a shy person myself, who is marrying another VERY shy person, I understand this completely.  Don't force this on him, or he'll be really unhappy at the wedding.

iamjoesgurl

My Mom says that she wishes that there was video capability when she got married.  She would love to have a video of the day.  I would also love to be able to see my parents' wedding. I have the same issue as you.  My FI doesn't want one for ours.  He is a little shy and doesn't want other people watching a video of him.   Also, he can't see spending the money to have a videographer and doesn't want just the raw footage (he is a videographer himself so if it isn't edited, it is no good in his mind).I don't mind not having a pro video and saving the money, but I want to have that video to be able to watch in the future (I am sentimental and I DO watch old family videos from time to time).  We haven't worked it out yet, but I'm going to suggest that we ask someone to videotape it just for me.  He doesn't have to watch it and we won't pay to have it edited.  Hopefully once he understands why I want it, he will meet me half way.I didn't want alcohol at our reception and he does.  We are having alcohol.  It bothers me but it seemed like it was important to him for his friends and family so I consented.  So sometimes you don't both get what you want.

georgia_bride09

We briefly discussed having one, but it was pretty low priority and was one of the first things to get cut. Thank God, because I would not have wanted my crying jag captured for life. It was (slightly) embarrassing in real time, so I doubt I'd ever want to re-live it.

Aimee8314

Rate how much you want one (1-10) and have him rate how much he DOESN'T want one (1-10) and go from there.  Do you know why he doesn't want one?  Does he not want it filmed at all?  Or would a friend with a camcorder be a nice compromise?  Or will he feel nervous knowing he's on camera?  You definitely don't want him worried about the camera so much that he's not focused on getting married.  That would be very bad.  

meganfauer

The video from my wedding is one of my most favorite things that I have. I could not of lived without it. It captured so much more than just me and him it captured my family and the elderly ones that I will always be able to look at the video and see them. Also I never even noticed the video it was very much in the sideline. Again I loved mine!

Kati0105

joesgirl, would your FI be willing to do the editing since he was (is?) a videographer himself?  My FI is planning to edit ours, so we are just paying for the footage.

bbyckes

But Megan, did your DH not want one?  There's a difference if both of you are in agreement.  Here, they aren't. 

msgirl2010

wow, thanks for all the responses!It's important to me because I have a lot of family in other countries that I very rarely see, and my beloved uncle is getting old (he lives out of the country)...I think of him passing and I love his spirited laugh, i want to capture things like that so I'll always have that (tangible) memory.also, i have always wished i had more video of things growing up, and wished my parents had video of their wedding.i am considering what you guys said about it making him uncomfortable.  i certainly don't want that, but i also don't think he'll even be aware of it with everything going on.  he is wishy-washy sometimes and i think he is just getting sick of all the wedding stuff.  that being said, i've bent on most things.  he picked the venue, the band, AND i'm letting his sisters stand as his ushers (which I'm fine with now but at first didn't like).does that change anyone's thoughts who thought I should let it go?thanks!

[Deleted User]

Just wanted to add that watching my parents' wedding video was very special to me, definitely different from just looking at pictures. I would want to have mine videotaped not for me but because I would want to show it to my kids someday. But we'll probably just have a friend tape the vows and first dance rather than hiring a videographer. maybe having a friend do it and limiting the moments that get taped would be a good compromise for you.

NuggetBrain

I guess you have to sit down and look long term at it.  You said he picked the band and the venue - when you gave input, did he "actively" dislike your choices?  Did he try to push his ideas through regardless of what you wanted?  Did you pick someplace you really didn't care for or a band you really didn't like because he was insistant on it?  Is there anything else that you've picked yet that he's bent for in terms of letting you choose?  All of that matters.  Give it a month or two, bring it back up and see if he's changed his mind.  I have to say, if you had to talk him into a photographer that's just odd.  Did he not want anything to capture the memories of your wedding day?FYI, unfortunately you don't really have a say in regards to his wedding party.  It's up to him to pick who he wants to stand up with him, so you really didn't bend there because it wasn't your choice. 

tidetravel

he picked the venue, the band, AND i'm letting his sisters stand as his ushers (which I'm fine with now but at first didn't like).As far as him picking his attendants, that was his choice, and should have been his choice alone.Stuff like the venue and the band should have been a mutual agreement.  Compromise is learning to make decisions together - not about one person giving in.My answer still stands.  You don't get to "win" this argument simply because he "won" the others.  What you can do is actually SIT DOWN AND TALK to your FI about his concerns and why this is important to you.  If he continues to shoot you down (like it sounds like he has on past decisions) I would reconsider the entire marriage thing. 

ExpatPumpkin

We had one and it's also the best momento we have from our wedding - that and the pictures, of course. We did it for the same reason you mentioned - family in other countries, etc. Aside from the ceremony, they also recorded the toasts, etc. The best thing they made was a 6 minute highlight of the day. That's all we show people when they ask, otherwise we'd bore them to death. I have the highlight in my bio. It doesn't really focus on my DH, but on the day as a whole. Maybe ask him if he like something like that to share with your family who can't make it. Oh, and we never even noticed they were there, and they had two cameras...

iamjoesgurl

kati - the thing for him is that he doesn't want to watch it so the editing process would probably be miserable for him.  Also, since he wouldn't be running the camera, the video would be hard for him to edit because he'd be thinking of all of the things he would have done differently.  (It is a control thing which I totally understand.)

meganfauer

cacoffer- I guess for me it was never an option regardless of how he felt because I would of not had pictures that was how much it meant to me. And as a team I think he would see the importance it was to me. msgirl2010- I too love watching old videos and like I said I really did not feel like there were camera people around at all. There is so much going on you barely can notice half of it. But if you want one I think you should try and get one b/c you will love it! You know one of my favorite parts is when we are saying our vows and seeing my parents, his parents and are friends faces it is amazing and so special to have captured. Again it was something that came with the territory for me and I can understand not wanting one I am just letting you know how special it was to me.  

Travis&Cari

we are having a videographer because we wanted to document as much of our wedding day as possible.  Honestly, I don't see what the problem is.  It seems weird to me that he would be against having someone video your wedding.  I could see him saying they are too expensive or whatnot, but to not have someone record it because he doesn't want them sounds silly.  It almost sounds like a 5 year old saying no with their only reason being, "because."  Yes, marriage is about compromise, but it's not like her having a videographer is really going to negatively impact his day.  I don't see why he is saying no. If it were me I would explain to him why it was important to me and hope he would come around, but then again, why should this be his decision alone?

Kati0105

joes - ahh, that makes sense.  FI did editing back in the day so he is used to dealing with other people's footage.  He was more concerned that the editing would be totally cheesy and "cheapen" the wedding.  I guess this is the price we pay for marrying professionals with film backgrounds...

msgirl2010

good advice - thanks.  I will sit down with him and talk it out rather than casually mention it while watching tv :-)No, I didn't have strong feelings about the venue and band -- and I am terrified of being a bridezilla, so I figured I'd pick my battles.  We met with the photog we picked and he really liked him.  I think he was just throwing that in my face 'i don't even want to be photographed but i'm allowing that' to make his point.  I should mention he recently quit smoking and was very cranky.Along the same vein, did your fiance's help with the registry? 

ootmother2

I'd go with FI on this one.M opted for higher quality photographer over a videographer. All of the weddings I have attended with videographers have had the guy shoving a mike between the couple during their vows.