Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Speeches

Are "welcome to the family" speeches common in your areas? If so, have you ever been to a wedding that divorced parents welcome the bride or groom to the family?My dad really wants to do a welcome to the family speech. Mark's parents are divorced, and he's a bit stressed about what should happen with his family reciprocating and welcoming me. I was hoping to just not do welcome to the family speeches, but my dad's heart is really set on it. Mark doesn't want to upset him because his parents are divorced. He also doesn't just want to leave it at my family welcoming him.
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Re: Speeches

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    at my brother's wedding my dad welcomed SIL to the jones family, then mom got up and welcomed her to the smith family. no biggie. we're not smith and jones. but you get the jist.
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    I've definitely seen the FOB do a toast at weddings, but I don't think it's necessarily a "welcome to the family" speech.  Traditionally, the FOB does a toast at the reception and the FOG gives one at the rehearsal the night before.  That's traditional though, not everyone follows tradition.I don't think there's any reason for your FI to stress over it though.  Just because the FOB gives a toast doesn't mean anyone in his family has to do it, especially since it's not expected at weddings. 
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    In my area, it's usually a sibling that does the welcome to the family.But, when my friend got married, her parents welcomed her husband, and her BIL welcomed her so maybe you could approach it that way, if Mark has any siblings?

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    Even though DH and I paid for the wedding, my dad got up and spoke at the reception. DH's dad spoke at the rehearsal dinner. Maybe you could do that...then the speeches wouldn't have to be comparable?
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    Why can't his parent's do a "welcome to the family" speech. I understand it might be awkward, but has he asked his parent's how they feel? My parents are divorced as well, but if my mother or father wanted to give my FI a "welcome to the family" speech (which I haven't heard of btw) being divorced wouldn't stop them, and they wouldn't stop my FI's mother from giving one either.
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    See, the welcome to the famly speeches are VERY common around here. I have never been to a wedding that didn't have one. I think I could probably be able to talk my dad in to just including it with a toast...but Mark just feels so - I don't even know what word to use - stressed about the whole thing, and keeps apologizing that his parents are divorced.
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    Angie - Mark's parents do NOT get along. On a lighter note - his dad claims he's coming to the wedding, but hasn't booked...maybe he won't come, and it won't be weird. Moose - good idea re: siblings.
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    Just don't tell them it was my idea.  Doing that speech for my brother's wife was painful.  I pretty much just made fun of my brother for 3 minutes :)Wait.  Why was that painful?

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    P2, are you getting married this weekend?  If so, yay!
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    P2, my parent's don't get along either. What I'm saying is if my mother (most likely it would be my mother) wanted to do a welcome to the family speech she wouldn't let her being divorced from my father stop her. I don't think she would EVER give a speech WITH my father. That would not turn out well at all. Maybe one of his parents wants to give a speech. Mark should just ask them (individually) how they feel.
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    I was the MOH at my brother's wedding, and at the end of my speech I did a welcome to the family statement saying, "We are honored to welcome you as a sister, daughter, niece, aunt and cousin." It wasn't anything big or dramatic, but it was just a little touch in it.  Maybe if the the speech isn't entirely about welcoming into the family he would feel more comfortable? 
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    I think he'll get over it in a few days...it was just bugging him last night, so I thought I'd post it here. FSIL may be a good choice, too. She's one of my BMs.
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    it is common for the parents to welcome their childs new spouse into the family.  i had quite the opposite problem, my mother refused to speak at our wedding and my husbands mother was angling the same way.  both of our fathers died about ten years ago and my brother died just before our wedding.  my husbands brother is not a public speaker... so i was feeling like it was very odd that none of our families wanted to speak, and felt that it looked like they were unhappy about the wedding (not the case, they were all just shy or dead)  anyways, my husbands mother spoke, as did my aunt (who is like my second mother) and a number of our friends.  virtually all of those who spoke made a welcoming reference, but we didnt title the speeches so much... it was nice and in the end, i think i stressed over nothing.  all of that to say - you don't have to call them welcome to the family speeches.  it is perfectly natural for your father to give a toast - in that he can say some things about you together and also welcome your husband to the family and talk about the ways that he has already been part of it.  similarly - your husbands parents, either together or separately, one or both would usually give a toast and in this would comment on you joining their family.  they dont have to do this together - i can't imagine it is a secret to anyone in the room that they have separate lives and families at this point, so they can welcome you seperately - this can be very natural... we are all used to blended families now so it is fine to do whatever makes all of you comfortable.
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