Wedding Etiquette Forum

9/11 wedding: ok or faux pas?

My fiance and I just found the PERFECT wedding reception venue, it's gorgeous.  It's an old renovated post office turned beautiful banquet hall.  The only problem is that the only date available in September and October of 2010 is 9/11.  We didn't want to do it later than October, but the next date they have is 11/6.  Should we suck it up and take the 11/6 date, or go ahead with the 9/11 wedding?  We were originally fine with the date, but I have gotten so many negative responses from friends and family that I am starting to reconsider.Thanks!

Re: 9/11 wedding: ok or faux pas?

  • I think as long as no one you know died on that day it's ok. People get married on Pearl harbor day (12/7).
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  • There was a thread about this a few weeks ago.  Consensus was mixed.I personally don't see a problem.  IMO, the people who were killed on 9/11 probably wouldn't have wanted to stop others from celebrating love and relationships, so I say go for it.
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  • [i]The only problem is that the only date available in September and October of 2010 is 9/11.[/i]There is a reason that is the only day that is available.
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  • Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  If December 7th was available and you wanted to wed in that month, you wouldn't just because it was the day Pearl Harbor was bombed, right?I wouldn't however, do 9.11.11 - I think the 10 year anniversary would probably be a bit much.
  • I would be fine with the date, personally. Yes, what happened that day was beyond tragic--but that does not mean people cannot be respectful of lives lost while celebrating new beginnings.
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  • As long as no one you will be inviting lost anyone, I don't think it is bad.

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  • What's the problem with doing it after October? 
  • i get why people are sensitive about 9/11, but really, i think enough time has passed that having an event on that day isn't a faux pas - 9/11 is, of course always going to be remembered for what happened 8 years ago, but we cant spend the rest of our lives avoiding doing anything happy on that day - the impact that day had on us as a country has nothing to do with what day of the year it was....had it happened on december 25th, would we cancel christmas? i could see where its not exactly "ideal" but in the grand scheme of things, its just a date. your venue sounds incredible and very unique!
  • It's up to you. I wouldn't take offense to it. It's not like you're picking that date for any reason. It's what you could get. Go for it. If anyone puts up a fuss, don't invite them!
  • I think it would be fine.
  • I personally wouldn't do it.  And since you're getting negative responses from friends and family, that would make me not do it even more.Could you do it earlier than September instead of after?  Also, why don't you want to wait until November?  It's not that much longer.
  • thanks for the input so far, the only reason i wanted a September/October date is because I start full time nursing classes in the end of September, and I'll be working full time as well.  Just trying to tie up the loose ends before the ruckus of the nursing program starts.  I need to talk it over with my fiance.  My family and my fiance have so far been completely fine with the date, but I have gotten so many responses from others that I'm freaking out!  Thanks.
  • I may be totally wrong but wasnt the date picked due to the US's use of 9-11 for emergencies?  The number wasn't changed after the fact.  Good things can and will happen on Sept 11th. In 30 years, people will remember it like they do Pearl Harbor.  A catastrophic event, but not life stopping.
  • We ended up in a similar situation--we were fine with it, parents were not--and went with a different date.I've noticed this is really generational. When I ask my friends about it, they all say "it might be a little awkward, but people need to stop thinking the world has to halt". But my parents were totally mortified by the idea, even though nobody we know is currently in the military, or died that day.

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  • I say go for it. The people who died that day wouldn't want our lives to be put on hold at every anniversary of it. Yes it was tragic but life must go on and why not have a celebration of the joining of 2 families on that day.
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  • I, personally, do not think I could say, "my wedding day/anniversary" is September 11."If I'd been married in 2000, and Sept. 11 was my anniversary, that would be one thing. I have such personal issues still dealing with the whole tragedy, I could not do it. Every time I see that date, my breath stops for a moment and my heart skips a small beat.That said, it is a call you will have to make.  Choose September 11th, take the November date, or find another date.One thing I think we'll start to see, is people who are young teens now will be like we are about December 7th. It will mean something, but it won't have the shock value that 9/11 has to people currently in their late 20s and up. IMO.
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  • My fiance and I found ourselves in the same situation when we got started on our search for reception venues for our September 2010 wedding. We had considered this same date, and had opted against it as well, for the same reasons as you and your fiance find yourselves in currently. Generally, we got the same reaction from people upon mentioning that date (and I am not even an American - I live in Canada).... So, we felt hesitant about booking on that date for sure! Just to be sure though, we wanted to see what kind of reaction people would still be having towards that tragic date in history - unfortunately, it was still a touchy subject it seemed... it was still all over the news, and upon watching the video coverage, it still brought tears to my eyes and feelings of sadness to my heart. I, right then and there, opted out of using that date as my September 2010 wedding date. Luckily, we were able to book the following weekend at our chosen venue! My advice to you, I see your thoughts on the big difference between a September and a November wedding. I'd say try for another venue that has that date open if you are not really that willing to budge on the date. OR, if you love the reception site and definitely don't want to sacrifice that venue for the date, then go with that date at your venue. Afterall, there's always going to be someone who has a problem with something a bride & groom do at their wedding; can't please everyone. At the end of the day, you just have to know that you and your fiance are pleased, because that's all that truly matters. Good luck!
  • I personally wouldn't have scheduled my own wedding for that date, but I wouldn't have a problem going to a wedding as a guest on 9/11.
  • I just wouldn't want to deal with explaining why I picked that date or getting weird looks from people when I tell them my wedding date or anniversary.  I don't think there's anything wrong with having it one this date & I'd definitely attend a 9/11 wedding, but personally I wouldn't want everyone to think of terrorism as soon as I said my wedding date.  I'm sure one day it won't have that connection, or it won't be as strong, but it still does today. 
  • I personally wouldn't do it, but I would go to a wedding on 9/11.  Of course, I know people who died and am good friends with people who lost people close to them.  For them, I think it would be strange. The difference to me about Pearl Harbor Day and 9/11 is that the attacks of 9/11 are just referred to as "9/11."  I'm not sure Pearl Harbor was ever simply referred to as "12/7" or "Dec. 7." 
  • I don't think it is an issue. The day isn't cursed or anything.One of my best friend's birthday is 9/11- should I also stop celebrating her birthday? Let's move on people.
  • One of my best friend's birthday is 9/11- should I also stop celebrating her birthday? Let's move on people.Of course you should celebrate her birthday.  I just know I spent that day in a panic having several good friends who worked in the WTC and not being able to reach them.  And then consoling friends, including a friend who lost his entire office that day.  I've moved on, but I haven't forgotten.  It is just personal to the couple.  Like I said, I'd attend a wedding on 9/11, but there is no way at this point in time I'd want my wedding day associated with a day that was personally hard.
  • I would be fine with it.  Yes, it is an important date, and we will all remember it forever, but life goes on.  As long as you didn't lose loved ones in the tragedy, I don't see a problem.
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  • I didn't read the other responses, sorry if this is a repeat. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, but it's more important in my opinion to go by what your guests would think. If you keep getting negative responses from friends and family, they clearly have a problem with that date for one reason or another, so if I were in your position I'd pick 11/6.
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  • Penny, I totally understand if you don't want to have that as your wedding day. However, as a whole I think other people shouldn't be so concerned with it. Unless someone in her family lost someone in the attacks, I think it is fine.
  • As long as you don't have any immediate family with losses on that date, go for it.  To me, part of moving on is MOVING ON.  The people who died did not do so in vain.  To set aside that whole date is to give the people who committed such an atrocity CONTROL of that date for all time.  I think we best honor the victims and HEROES of 9/11 by LIVING on that date.  Have your wedding that day, and have an awesome wedding.  If you feel compelled, have an "in memory" note in your program somewhere. 
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  • I don't think it is an issue. The day isn't cursed or anything.One of my best friend's birthday is 9/11- should I also stop celebrating her birthday? Let's move on people.PP, I find that last sentence very offensive. I'm guessing you didn't live around NYC when this happened. Perhaps you don't know anyone who died, but you never know who on this message board did.Personally, I know someone who lost their spouse, and I almost lost an uncle. It may seem like forever ago to you, but you might want to try to be more sensitive about the subject.
  • My birthday is 9/11 and I will tell you the same thing I tell people when they say "I guess you don't celebrate your burthday anymore".  If we change our way of life in response to the actions of terrorists, then the terrorists have achieved their goal.If you are comfortable with the date, then go for it.
  • I still personally couldn't choose that date. I would celebrate with someone else, and I would absolutely celebrate someone's birthday; I believe I said that.However, because of the way I personally have reacted to the situation, I could never choose that date. I had a very visceral, personal, emotional reaction to what happened and the subsequent coverage. I do not know anyone who lost their lives; my family knows someone who should have been in one of the buildings but had a meeting change locations that morning. That's as close as it is for me. The difference I see in people's reactions to this corresponds to how old they were 9 years ago - that seems to make a big difference. Those who were already of an adult age seem to have a different reaction than those who were in their early teens/preteen years. The perspective is different. Not wrong, just different.  The kids I taught my first year were 4 when it happened. They had little, if any, recollection of it. My last year of teaching, they were 7.  Their memories were a little stronger, but it was still along the lines of "my mom and dad were really sad and my teacher cried in the classroom."  Teens remember tests being postponed; etc.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
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    Personally I would not pick that date. My DH had friends who died and knoew a lot of other people effected ( firefigther, police, etc). But if that was not the case I would not have an issue. Bad stuff happens everyday. People lose loved ones every day. Sometimes it's expected, other times it's not. It does not mean once persons tradedy is more or less important than anothers. As in the end the loved one is gone regardless of the circumstances. If it works for you fine. If not it's still fine.

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