Possibly controversial...

Swolf67

i'm definitely not a fan of church 'shopping'- we're getting married in my church despite it being a rather unattractive building. don't assume that everyone who's not religious but getting married in a church Can't respect the church. FI is atheist and he is much more respectful of my beliefs and church community than many religious people i know. He thinks my faith is beautiful and respects my feelings on it and he loves my church community. Should we not be able to get married in the church because somehow despite his kind and polite behaviour to the church he is disrepsecting it? i think where churches stand is on a fine line between culture and faith, in terms of their place in weddings. FI is from Scotland and I've been to several weddings in the Scotland and England of friends and family. They've surprisingly ALL been in a church, despite the fact that out of say 10 weddings only 1 couple has had any religious convictions. Most ppl are agnostic or atheist, but to them it would be unthinkable to not get married in a church or baptize their children in one because it's just a fundamental ritualistic part of their lives and their culture.

andyandhillary

Stagemanager:My friend rips on anyone who will state that they believe in a specific God (gods).  She says things like, "Fu** Jesus" if that gives you any kind of an idea of her feelings.  Granted, she has a lot of reasons to be weird about religion, her parents change their church religion every few years but still. 

Moneypenny424

This also bothers me.  It is disrespectful to those who believe.  I should hope that if you're old enough to be getting married, you're old enough to stand up to your family on something as important as religion.  I mean, that isn't the same as pacifying your family by inviting Aunt Milly to the wedding when you can't stand her and don't have much room. A church to me is more than a building.  It isn't just about being respectful to those who believe.  If I were more religious, I too would be upset by non--believers getting married in my church.And yes, there is a difference between people who identify as Christian but aren't going to church more than once a year (or even that) and people who do not identify.

pinkiemo

I know I'm going against the grain here, but I have to say that for me tradition is playing a large part in our ceremony.  I'm not sure it's such a cut and dry issue of pretty princess day vs deeply religious.  IMHO if your family and you like to hear certain words said or have the ceremony in a particular place to follow the traditions you were brought up with, then that's what you should do, regardless of your personal relationship with any god.  That said, we're not getting married in a house of worship but are having an interfaith ceremony to celebrate and honor the traditions and faiths of our parents and families.

pinkiemo

andy- whoa, in that case, i agree it is disrespectful and downright weird that she would even want to have it in a church.  i would bet she's going to have a hard time finding a church that isn't going to do a lot of talking about god and jesus in her ceremony.

dsouldiva

because I don't think marriage is a contract the government has a right to hand out. So it would be a church or nothing.So if someone is not religious you do not think they should be able to marry? You obviously chose to ignore the next paragraph where I clearly stated that I don't see people's "non religious" marriage ceremonies as being worth any less, it just wouldn't work for me.  I'm not berating other people's choices but I am entitled to my own beliefs.When I get up and make my vows I want them to be in front of God and the church, but if others don't want a religious wedding/marriage that is fine if that's what works for them.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I currently do not attend church and neither does FI, but we were both raised in fairly religious households and we are having a non-religious service in a chapel. Sometimes, it's about your background and that of your families. I personally originally wanted an outdoor wedding, but we love this location and I know my mom is happy with me being married in a church, even if it's not a "real" church. Another example: some people have their groomsmen wear kilts and hire a bagpipe player, even though they are American, because their families are of Scottish or Irish descent. I don't find that offensive at all.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

That said, I would be uncomfortable having a Catholic ceremony or something very religious, because it is not something I believe.

Swolf67

andy- based on what your friend says, i'm absolutely shocked she wants to get married in a church. however if she says those kinds of things about religion, I imagine she's not the most well-mannered, considerate person to begin with...so you never know, she might have a hard time finding a vicar/minister/priest to marry her, esp. if she goes through premarital counseling at the church.question: i have an atheist friend who comes from a Jewish family. The man she's marrying is agnostic from an Episcopalian family. She says she would like to get married in a church because she respects the role that churches play in the wedding 'culture' and has no ties or feelings for her Jewish heritage. It's not about having a 'pretty princess day' because she wants a very simple, minimal wedding and isn't into AW-ing. What do you ladies think? I find it a wee bit strange but I love her too much to judge impartially...

Swolf67

oh and stage- i do definitely see the difference, i was just addressing one angle of the discussion. i think Christians in a mosque, or synagogue, or vice versa just for their perfect backdrop is beyond silly.

irshis20

I think it's out of line for a couple that doesn't believe in the words of the church to get married in a church. My church gives priority to members, anyway, but also requires premarital counseling and a series of meetings with the officiating pastor prior to tying the knot. I just don't understand why anyone who rejects the tenants of a religion would want to get married in a building that represents everything they stand against. Same goes for people who reject Christianity yet celebrate Christmas - I know it's PC these days to say that Christmas is about loving your fellow man, peace and giving, but...no, it's not about that at all really. It's a celebration of the birth of Christ, and if you don't believe in the holiness of Christ, you shouldn't be celebrating his birth or really care at all about his birthday.

Swolf67

stage, good to know i'm not crazy to think that her plan is more than a wee bit strange.