How do I say this with tact?

kaynix21

So my fiance and I realized we have very large families and a very small reception room.We can only have 120 people at the reception, and our families could easily take up all 120...and we wouldn't hardly have any friends there. So...We decided that we need to eliminate having young children there, like uner the age of 10. We don't like it but know it sort of has to be that way or we don't get to invite a lot of people that we would like to invite.So any suggestion on how to say that with tact? We just sent out our save the date cards with our Web site address, so I was thinking of putting it on our site...But do I also need to include that in my invitiations,or tell them personally, either face to face or over the phone?I just want to be tactful, and I want a lot of our families to come, but this way we can still invite our friends...So thoughts, advice, suggestions?

danieliza1127

When  you addressed the save the date cards, did you include the kids or put "& Family"?  If so, you need to let people know as soon as possible that kids aren't included in case they need to make travel or babysitting arrangements.How to Specify an Adults Only Wedding | eHow.com

ootmother2

Address the invitations to parents and if they reply with kids, they get a nice, polite phone call.

laurenclaire1386

Address invitation only to Mr. and Mrs. X.  Not X family.  If they RSVP with kids on, politely explain because of budget/venue constraints, children won't be in attendance. Word of mouth.  It's in poor taste to put it directly on the invitation.

kaynix21

I address the STDS to Mr. and Mrs. Whoever... And I figured on the invites I have the same on the outside, and if I do an inner envelope do like Bob and Jane or something like that. Not list the kids.

danieliza1127

Yep, then you got it.  Don't put "Adult Reception" or Adults Only or anything on the invitation.  Just communicate it by how you address the invitations.  If anyone rsvps and includes their kids, you will have to politely let them know that it's adults only.The age of 10 is an odd cut off. You might want to consider cutting off anyone under 16 or even 18 so you can say it's an adult wedding if anyone asks. 

tenofcups4me

Address the invitations to the exact names of people invited. And bring it up in conversation with those affected before the wedding so there's no chance of later midunderstandings.

kaynix21

Well the thing is, I have some cousins that I'm really close to that I want at the wedding....and eight months from now they'll be 17, 15, and 13. They're like my baby sisters. So I wanted to make a 10 or 8 cut off...I know it's wierd, but I'm at a loss!

BubbleJ

OP, if the youngest kid you want there is 13, why not make the cut off anyone 12 and under?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Some people will disagree with me, but I say invite those cousins and then no other children. If someone calls to complain their kid isn't invited, don't tell them it's an adult-only wedding, just tell them that due to space and budget, you can't accommodate any extra people. Ditto if they write their kid's name in on the RSVP card.

tigger9922

Yeah, I agree that 12 is a better cutoff.  Resturants seem to get away with it pretty easily....so you could too.  :-) I get why some people choose to exclude kids, but I think they have to expect that some people won't like it and try to be ready to handle that in a polite way, and try not to be defensive. 

ootmother2

You are not under any obligations to explain your guest list to anyone.It's not all or none, you are allowed to chose

jennylove810

I completely agree with OOTMother.  It's your wedding!  You have the right to compile a guest list of people whom you wish to share it withI mean really.. what is it about weddings that make some people feel they have the right to make a fuss about who you did or did not invite?  It's your party and if there are certain cousins you are particularly close to, then invite them.

chest173

Weddings I've been to without kids said on the bottom of the invitation "Adult Reception to Follow" I didn't find that at all tacky if it's against ettiquette.

zappatini

I agree with Chest183 and that is what my Fiance and I have decided to do. There is no way we can afford to have kids too-we would have close to 100 if that were the case. We have gotten the word out verbally but also plan to have it say "Adult Reception to Follow" on our invitations, save the dates (cause 200 invitees are coming from out of town), and on our website. We are not going to beat around the bush about it because it has already been an a big enough discussion with the family. Plus we do not want to have to call people after they RSVP with kids because they didn't "get it" and tell them sorry we just can't do it-money or space wise. I don't think it is tacky at all. I have been invited to soooo many weddings that are adult only at this point that I consider it common place.

AlissaLynn

We are doing kind of the same thing.. My fiance has some awesome nieces and nephews who live out of town and of course, they are invited. But some of our friends who live here also have kids who we do not want to come. I am terrified of having a baby start crying just at the wrong moment!!! It's also probably pretty easy to assume that most people who live in town will want a night out without their kids. So we are picking and choosing which kids will come and it's almost coming down to family kids and/or out of town kids.... One of my BMs just had a baby and she will be 6 months when the wedding is here, and she lives out of state. We are thinking to ask her husband to sit in the back row in case she starts getting fussy. Then he can easily walk out and not cry during my vows!!!

mrsdavid2be

I've seen it done both ways... with the invites addresses solely to the adults and also with "Adult Reception" on the invitation.  I didn't find it tacky one way or the other, but we decided to just address the invites to the parents and not include the kids' names.  That definitely backfired as just about everyone with kids is now writing their kids' names onto the response cards, which requires the "very polite but to the point" phone call explaining to them that it is an adult reception.  I can't believe how many people are astonished by that concept..... aren't adult receptions commonplace at this point in time???

Stephanie0405

We didn't put it on the invitation, but we did put "Adult Only Reception" on the Reception Card and made sure it was clear on the inside envelope who was invited.  Almost everyone I talked to said this was a good way to go. Hope this helps!  Good Luck!

amandanw017

I just got married in August, and it was an evening ceremony at my church. I wanted it to be reverent and quiet, so I didn't want kids at the ceremony. So, on the bottom of the invitations in small font, I put "A nursery will be provided for the duration of the ceremony for children under the age of 6." I thought it was kind of a nice way of saying "Hey, don't bring your kids to the ceremony. Take them to the nursery." It worked well...I only had one person keep their kid in the ceremony.Since you have a wedding website...maybe you could just say "Because of the small holding capacity of our reception site, we ask that no children under 10 years old attend the reception." Most people will respect that: after all, its your wedding!

fkprice

If the children aren't named in the address or on the inner envelope then it is generally understood that they aren't invited. There shouldn't be a problem. You could also mention it to key family members and the word would get around.

Budnotes

Make sure you address the outside AND inside envelope Mr. & Mrs. Smith or Ms. Jane Smith & Guest.  Do not include & Family or children.  Also, for your Reception Card you can include a statement that says "Adult Only Reception."  You should still be prepared to have to make phone calls though!

cukimerrydoll

Since we're doing all our own invitations and stationary, we are specifically addressing the invitations for Mr. and Mrs. X or The X Family...And to reiterate who can come, we are putting on all our RSVP cards "We have reserved X seats in your honor." Just in case.We're also putting all their names on them, so all the have to do is put a check next to accept or decline.

katiequinn

I agree with the others about making the cut off 12 and over, at least that's not quite as random. We didn't invite anyone over the age of 21 to our wedding, and all we did was send out the invites to Mr. and Mrs. X. Though, we also talked about it with our parents so that if they got any questions about it from guests they could let people know. I wouldn't put it on your website though - that may be perceived in the wrong way.

lpar

A friend of mine got married in June.  Her Reception cards were titled "Adult Reception".  It worked great for them.   It can tough to cut off at 10 yrs but just address your inner envelopes correctly and you should be fine.

jeffloveslaura

I diasgree with those that suggest "Adult Only Reception" on the invitation. My sister-in-law recently did this for her wedding. It ruffled many feathers, in fact it pssd many off. Perhaps some brides think it worked great for them, but perhaps their guests were too polite to tell them how offended they really were. It's really not proper to indicate who is NOT invited, rather indicate who IS invited.

hmfernandez

I have the same problem. I consulted Crane, a large invitation company who have etiquette experts. They actually recommended putting "Adult reception to follow" on my invites, and added that it is not at all inappropriate to do so. It's actually quite common. I hope this helps!

hmfernandez

You really need to gauge your own family and friends, though. If you feel this is cause for family drama, then you should probably avoid it. I went ahead with the option to add "adult reception to follow" on my invitation, it's sounds much better than "no children, please", or something like that. Besides, an overwhelming majority of my friends who are parents welcome adults-only evenings out!

jbll326

We are doing the same thing that cukimerrydoll suggested. Beyond just addressing the envelopes to the specific invitees (because most people honestly do not pay attention to that, especially busy parents!), we are also writing each of their names on the RSVP card with "Attending" and "Not Attending" check boxes next to each name. PIB. This way they know exactly who is invited. We are DIYing the invites though, so if you're having them professionally printed, I doubt that this would be an option for you. I feel like it's a much more subtle and respectful way to say that children are not invited. Additionally, if you just address the envelopes, people still might rsvp for their children and then you'll be forced to make a polite, yet very awkward and uncomfortable phone call. That's just something I don't want to deal with leading up to the wedding! HTH!

foxforce5480

If you addressed the save-the-date w/o adding "& Family" then I don't think you'll have to say anything at all... just address the invitations the same way.Is having children attend your family weddings a must?  Why not make it a 21 and over reception?  This way, you'll have a little bit more wiggle room with inviting friends.

Maggie Morris

We are battling this issue as well. We have tentatively planned to hire two babysitters to watch the children that come in town for the event at the guests' hotel. However, the wedding and wedding reception are a good half hour from the guest hotel (in another community actually) so I don't know how comfortable everyone will be with this. I had thought to put "adult reception to follow" as well. We are planning a wedding for 200 and have a conservative 430+ guest list right now. Have to start trimming somewhere.

Jen and Mark

You should have planned ahead to ensure that your reception venue could accomadate your guest list.  At this point your only polite options are to eliminate all children or limit the number of non-family members who are invited.  It would come off as rather rude to pick and choose which children are invited.