How etiquette works - long rant

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

That's unfortunate future, because I really like your kitty sig.

louisvillebride21

Stage, I'm really not trying to be dense or 'make' someone do anything. But really, I can't get into my dress by myself or some of those other things. I thought that was the one thing that my MOH was supposed to help me with (not like, you HAVE to do this or you'll be fired). I can't imagine having a personal attendant to specifically do those things for me.

isnatural4me

Isnatural, no one jumped you for being a newbie. They jumped you for taking offense and jumping them for an inside joke that you were not a part of. If you chill, they will.Thanks for this, really! But, just because I'm not choosing to agree with ur crap or just pass by it does not mean that i'm taking offense and i think i made that crystal clear. It's called asserting mho the same way you did. It would have been of better manners and etiquette to tell me it was an inside joke than to take the too much estrogen B!&*% path and do what we have above. p.s. i don't like threats and i'm always chill

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

LB, I doubt your MOH would refuse to help you into your dress. But she also gets to do fun things, like carry a bouquet, and maybe help open your presents or something. And give a speech (if she thinks that's fun). I don't think that helping the bride pee is an honor in and of itself.

eastunder1

MeryMac - While I agree with everything that you say, I find you very annoying. You have this air about you like you think you're better that everyone else. It's like you point out other people's flaws just so that we will know how perfect you are.Agreed.  I thought it was just me. 

louisvillebride21

Oh, ok. Makes much more sense now. I was really confused. I knew better than to give a list like the knot checklist says, but there are things I 'expect' her to help me with the day of, and its just really simple stuff of helping me get ready. I really don't understand that job at all. It sounds horrible and useless.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Agreed. I thought it was just me. Nah. I'm pretty sure Moose would agree with you guys too.

louisvillebride21

Ok, I do have a question then. We can't afford a DOC and I don't want my mom or my MOH doing those things...so who should be asked to help make sure the vendors are there? Is that my responsibility? FIs? I don't want to put family members to work, but I have no clue as to what to do...

ExpatPumpkin

LVB - You can probably hire a DOC for $300-500. She'll help with set-up and take down, and make sure everything runs smoothly... I'd find the money There is no way we could have pulled off our wedding on our own.

louisvillebride21

Expat, there are soo few things we would need one for though, we really can't justify it. We're having a tiny wedding (40-50 people) and we just have a large private room at a nice restaurant. They do all the setting up and taking down. Pretty much the only thing we need it for is to make sure the cake and flowers end up getting delivered. We're not having a DJ, so that's not an issue and then everything else is taken care of.

ExpatPumpkin

In that case, you should request extra help from the restaurant manager. I'm sure they'll have someone there overseeing the event, and they'll be happy to help with those details. Or, you could find room in your budget for a DJ and assign those duties to him. Good music makes a party My wedding was small, too - 60 guests - but it was still as complicated as a larger wedding

tjcarter87

Wow, you just made me want to re-think my membership to the knot, because if everyone on this site is as pretentious and judgemental as you, I woud rather not be involved. You need to take it back to kindergarden, "If you don't have anything nice to say..." I'm sure you know the rest. I get it, 'etiquette' rules your perception of things, however, please remember that there is more than one society, and therefore more than one code of etiquette. I'm not saying you are wrong, but surely there's a more polite way to say it.

ExpatPumpkin

TJ - Hate to break it to you, but this is one of the nicer threads on P&E

louisvillebride21

I get it, 'etiquette' rules your perception of things, however, please remember that there is more than one societyso...it's ok to be rude to people as long as they are in a different society?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I get it, 'etiquette' rules your perception of things, however, please remember that there is more than one society, and therefore more than one code of etiquette. Specifically? Yeah. But most of the girls on TK are in the US/Canada/Australia and we all have similar rules of etiquette, which are NOT the same as local customs.I'm not saying you are wrong, but surely there's a more polite way to say it.Definitely. But I'm ranting on the P&E board because I'm sure a lot of regulars here have encountered things like this on other boards/at other weddings/in other real life situations and can commiserate. And I think it's understandable if someone might get a little snappy on a message board after seeing post after post with ideas that fly in the face of etiquette and people who are actually hostile to the idea of doing something that goes against what they want, no matter their guests' comfort.

louisvillebride21

Expat, can't afford a dj either (I really feel like I'm having the worst wedding of all time-I wish I could have convinced FI to just get married on the beach with just our parents). We are having a iPod reception. I have hired a friend (he's very musical) to control that and he's going to perform "The Way You Look Tonight acoustic version for us". I'm afraid to leave him in charge of the cake, because I don't think he could handle anything that came up. But I will talk to the restaurant manager and see if they cant work something out for me.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

LB, as long as you confirm everything a day or two before the wedding, I think you should be fine. Just hand the phone numbers of the cake and centerpiece people to the restaurant manager and ask if he can call if they don't show up. I don't think it's common that something like that will go wrong.

ExpatPumpkin

LVB - Now I feel bad It's not going to be the worst wedding ever! I think it sounds perfectly lovely. Ditto what msmerymac said about those things not going wrong... I'm sure the restaurant will help and it will be no big deal.

tjcarter87

louisvillebride- I have read my post over and over and I'm not quite sure how you got that interpretation so... What I was saying is that what's rude (or against etiquette) isn't always the same in different societies. And overall, I thought the knot was simply a place for brides to help each other out and share experiences, not a shark tank where you have to defend yourself (and your wedding choices) at every turn. I stand corrected.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

TJ - P&E might be a little more of a "shark tank" thank the other boards, as you put it, but very few people come here to defend their ideas. You don't even have to share your ideas if you don't want to. Lots of posts here aren't about wedding planning at all.BUT if you announce something you are doing and lots of people question it, perhaps you should reconsider. That's all.

SarahPLiz

Have any of you seen the "raffle ticket" thread onthe budget board today? The poster was asking on behalf of a friend, but seriously. Who would ever think that is ok?

SarahSmile23

Wow, you just made me want to re-think my membership to the knot, because if everyone on this site is as pretentious and judgemental as you, I woud rather not be involved. You need to take it back to kindergarden, "If you don't have anything nice to say..." I'm sure you know the rest.Bwahahaha this was amazing.

MadamePiranha

half of you who preach your etiquette rules have truly no clue. there are a few who do it with class and grace which I admire, but the rest, ha. sad attempt.

WinterBride910

So I've really never posted here but this topic caught my eye since it relates to something that just happened to me...A few months ago my grandma told me that my aunt had been complaining and dropping hints that I havent asked her to "do" anything at the wedding yet.  I had no idea what she wanted to "do", so I asked my grandma who said "cut the cake or pour punch.  But I think what she would really like is if you asked your cousin to be a personal attendant."  I didn't really respond because I didn't see a need for any of these things.  Well, a couple days ago my grandma mentioned this to me again, and said that my aunt was getting offended.  So, I asked my cousin to be my attendant, because hey, it made my family happy.  So while this was something I never even thought of doing, it apparently is considered an honor to some people out there.