Worth a fight?

ricksang

Look. You should pay for the cake and (carrot cake if you want carrot cake) and if your mom wants to pout and get mad over cake, that is her problem. She is acting as if it is her wedding, not your's.

eastunder1

I can not even comprehend people who let their parents run all over them and bully them into decisions. It doesn't even compute.  I get that kind of behavior when you're 19, because you have barely left the nest and are used to them telling you what to do.  But in your mid twenties?  Really?  FFS, cut the cord.

MidniteSun383

tide- You're right.  She's steamrolled me a lot.  I just pick my battles, because most of the time I just don't care-whether it's wedding related or not.  But FI and I talked and we came up with 3 things we really wanted.  And I feel like I need to stand up for myself to at least get those things.  My parents would be so horribly offended if I didn't let them host the wedding, I'm not sure if they would even come.Thanks ladies for all of your answers!  I'll think about all of your suggestions (including the carrot flavor too)!

tidetravel

I understand picking your battles, and I agree that if there were 3 things you are set on, then you should stick to your guns on them. I do like the suggestion of the carrot cake as a grooms cake.  Get a cheaper, more traditional cake for your mom, and you can purchase the carrot cake on your own.  (it also gives your guests a lot more options).  I think it's a really great compromise.  If your mom isn't open to this, then I don't know what else to say. 

[Deleted User]

How about a mother daughter arm wrestling match? Winner gets to pick the cake.

brookelynpaisley

Personally, I don't think you should be offering only one kind of cake any way. Just because YOU like carroet cake, it doesn't mean everyone else does. Go for one tier or the groom's cake with carrot and do something else a little more everyrone-friendly for the rest. If this isn't a decent compromise for your mom, I personally would give up the fight. Losing my sanity isn't worth a baked hunk of eggs, flower, and water.

brookelynpaisley

Or flour. It's not worth flour, either.

louisvillebride21

Personally, I don't think you should be offering only one kind of cake any wayPeople have more than one cake? I understand offering something more versatile, but really, offering more than one cake?

MidniteSun383

cew-  I would love that!  I'd definitely win!  My mom hates anything that requires sweating or exerting oneself!brookelynpaisley-  I'll think about that for sure.  I just get really bored with the same old yellow or chocolate cake at weddings.  I had this kind of cake at another wedding (it was their only flavor) and all the tables near us loved it.  And it shouldn't be worth the fight.  It's more the principle in the form of a cake.  I should be the "bigger" person, but that's how things always go with my mom.

Kati0105

People have more than one cake? I understand offering something more versatile, but really, offering more than one cake?I think it's pretty common to offer multiple flavors of cake when you serve a multi-tier cake.  We will probably have three or four tiers and plan to have at least two different flavor options.

ricksang

Midnite, if you want carrot cake, get carrot carke. I understand trying to cater to guests, but you should have the cake you want. If guests do not want it, they can pass.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

LB - most people offer different flavors for different tiers. Especially if one tier is a really unusual flavor or combo. But with small weddings, I think 1 flavor would be fine. No carrot though. Probably white cake.

carrieoz_76

Don't ask your mom if you can pick the cake you want.  Don't try to convince her it's the right cake.  Just tell her you're picking the cake, and pay for it. With stuff like this, I follow the general rule that it's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

ricksang

White cake is nasty and plain.

louisvillebride21

Oh, ok, that makes more sense. We made sure no one had any allergies and just went with one thing. But it's only 2 tiered.

jennandnickgetmarried

LB - I haven't heard of multiple flavors of cake, either.  I have been to many weddings in my life and have only had one option.  It's not the type of thing I've ever complained about, either, as most people stick to generic cakes.Heck, I don't even think my gourmet cake place even OFFERED to make more flavors for us.  Not without charging us an arm and a leg, anyway.OP -  While your mother IS being ridiculous, I have to disagree with people who think there is more to this story.  My mom got upset with the most asinine things when it came to planning our wedding, up to and including - yes - the cake.  People can tell you to put your foot down, but crazy is crazy, and there's not much you can do about it.  We even fought on my wedding day and, without going into details, it didn't matter in the end.  She's been peachy keen since wedding day, once she realized that little stuff doesn't matter in the end.That said, if it was me, I'd really reconsider the carrot cake as your main option.  I love the idea of a groom's cake, or maybe you can serve it at your rehearsal dinner.  In addition to what I wrote LB above, I've never had to complain about someone's cake or not eat it because most people choose something neutral.  Carrot cake, though delicious, is an acquired taste for a lot of people.But... it's your wedding.  I know it's not a popular opinion on this board, but people can deal for a couple hours, or missing one dessert.

carrieoz_76

I haven't heard of multiple flavors of cake, either.Huh, the last couple I've been to have had multiple flavors - different layer = different flavor.  The last one I went to, one layer was carrot, one chocolate, one white.  It was tasty.

kmmssg

Her thought seems to be that what she's willing to pay for should be "good enough" for me. She is manipulating you and I'm a MOB......You can only be railroaded if you allow it.  You need to go put your big girl panties on and have a talk with her.  Remind her there are 3 non-negotiables for  you and FI and this is one of them.  Then let her know you and FI will be handling the cake. You are waiting for her to backdown on something wedding related and it ain't gonna happen.  You can take the bull by the horns or you can continue to let her steamroll you.About the cake:  please remember when you choose the flavor(s) of your cake, you need to have your guests tastes and likes in mind more than yours.  I think carrot cake is heavenly, but it is also commonly disliked.  Have part carrot cake and part something else.  You don't buy 665.00 worth of the flavor that is your and FI's favorite.  You buy 665.00 worth of flavors your guests will eat.You will have a reasonable number who won't care for carrot cake and it would be wise to offer a 2nd flavor (although I will personally eat any leftovers for you as my wedding gift.  Just trying to help).

squirrly

Let your mom pick the "bride's" cake & you and your FI order the groom's cake.  Don't discuss it, just inform her it will be at the wedding, and will be served.  Period.  Traditionally, that's picked and paid for by the groom & MOG anyway.  And - stand up to her.  Seriously.  My mother got to pick the groom and her cake for her wedding.  She had no say in absolutely anything else.  She's resented her mother her entire life.  And - her mother STILL tries to run over her and everyone else.  She's trying to plan our wedding right now.  The longer you let this continue, the worse it will be.  Trust me.  You don't have to be rude, but you do have to be firm.

jennandnickgetmarried

Carrie - Maybe it's just a bakery thing, or how much they're willing to give or rip you off, haha.  I believe with every fiber of my being that our bakery, though fabulous, wouldn't have just given us different flavored layers.I imagine that if it had been an option for us, I'd have been all for it.  As it stands, hubby didn't like our cake.  He really wanted chocolate, but we also didn't think everyone eat the chocolate, so we went for a more neutral vanilla poundcake with raspberry filling and buttercream icing.  I'm salivating just thinking about it.

Sooles

eww *shudder* carrot cake... vegetables dont belong in dessert.   anyway, get a generic cake your mom will like, and a small (not $600 freakin dollars) cake on the side. there is no way a carrot cake can be $600. wow.

lvrboxer

Maybe you could have your mom purchase the cake she wants then you could buy the carrot cake as a grooms cake. If groom cake is not popular in your area maybe you could just have it out out with the dessert. then your mom will be happy you and your fiance could have the cake you want and your guest that dont like carrot cake can have some cake also. Good luck in whatever you decide to do