too much?

freckled*bride

So, I was at a wedding on the weekend...for a friend who has been married now for the 3rd time (26 years old). They had a big, fancy wedding...she got her pretty princess day...which she had at the last wedding of hers I was at (not sure about the first)...this is also his 2nd marriage. They had so many members in their bridal party that they had to have 3 head tables - on risers behind the main head table...it looked ridiculous.Come to think of it, I'm not sure why I bothered going...Would you have judged, too? Or am I the only Judgey McJudgerson?

ExpatPumpkin

Yes, I think it's too much. Sorry, but three big weddings by the age of 26 (unless you've been twice widowed, and even then...) is a bit much.

kikibaby

I would have judged.  But then again, I pretty much judge everyone/thing.

J&K10910

I personally wouldn't do something like that for my third (or even second, unless it was his first and he really wanted it) wedding, and I might give the side eye to someone that did, but I don't think it's a huge deal.  Unless they had major etiquette breaches like not inviting your FI or asking for cash or not feeding you enough because they couldn't afford it after spending thousands of dollars on centerpieces and bridesmaids' gifts.

lilgina64

I have to know how this is her third wedding by 26... please please pretty please spill the story on that if you know it!

freckled*bride

I think it's way too much too. And she hasn't been widowed. She married the first guy because she got pregnant (18 years old), she married the next guy because she got pregnant (22 years old). Both marriages lasted less than a year. FFWD a couple years, she gets pregnant AGAIN. This time waits a few years to get married, AGAIN. I really have been asking my FI why we bothered going. If she gets married a 4th time, I'm NOT going. I can't help but judge her.

baystateapple

Leaving out the whole multiple marriages thing -- three head tables?  How many people did she have in that wedding party?!?

kikibaby

Ohhh yeah, now I'm really judging her.  Has she ever heard of this magical thing called birth control?  Could also be known as marriage control for her.

freckled*bride

She claims to be allergic to the pill and to latex. Imagine that, there are other BC methods out there.... I think they each had around 12 BM/GM - she had a few more than him. I lost count, to be honest. And, you should've seen the BP trying to maneuver on these risers, they basically sat there like china dolls, afraid to move. And their invites said "presentation". I wish I was making this up.

baystateapple

I wanted four BMs and one MOH.  My mom told me that was too many.  I should tell her about your friend.A 24 + person wedding party takes "too many" to new heights.

ac_in_dc

There's definitely a "gray area" on the subject of how appropriate fancy second/third/fourth weddings are. So I try to be tolerant about these things, plus it's my second, so I'm particularly slow to judge lest I be judged, blah, blah, blah. That being said, this it totally fuucking ridiculous! WTF?

lilgina64

3 babies and 3 baby daddys... why do people think they HAVE to get married if they have a kid? my only thought here is that she's in need of some serious therapy.. and I hope the child support/alimony from the first two husbands didn't pay for her 3rd wedding haha

freckled*bride

we're good friends with her 2nd husband, he said the best part about her moving in with her now husband - he got to stop paying her alimony. She's not a good mother, either. Our friend has custody of their son, she gets him every second weekend. Where I come from (and probably most places) it takes a lot to have the child taken away from its mother.

TheSaltyPeanut

ug. No. Just NO.

lilgina64

back the train up to the part about their invitations saying "presentation"... explica por favor!

freckled*bride

"Presentation" means that they're asking for money.

Kati0105

Were the 3 head tables named after her 3 illegitimate children?

aMrsin09

presentation = Cash gift?  How exactly is that worded?  If I saw that on an invitation I would have no idea what it meant.

jamm2019

Wow that is just crazy... If you dont mind me asking why did she get her child taken away?  Did she just get 1 taken away, or all 3?

Night_Sprite

I think being a Judgey McJudgerson is totally appropriate in this context. 

jamm2019

Also why doesn't the 2nd husband have custody of the child?  It sounds like he may be a bad father to if your friend has custody...

lilgina64

I not only would have Judged, I probably would have gotten drunk enough to say something outloud... Sheesh! so they ASKED for money on the invitation? She doesnt even have custody of her kid(s?), and then she throws a huge blow out to celebrate the fact that she married a third poor sucker.... We have a winner. Let me know when she stars on the next "Rock of Love:Bus Tour"

freckled*bride

we're good friends with her 2nd husband, he said the best part about her moving in with her now husband - he got to stop paying her alimony. She's not a good mother, either. Our friend has custody of their son, she gets him every second weekend. Where I come from (and probably most places) it takes a lot to have the child taken away from its mother. I shouldn't have said "our friend" - by that, I meant the 2nd husband that we're still good friends with. That's actually how I met her. Her and I stay in touch still...She was just kinda neglectful of their son...she had bigger priorities (ie - partying, going to the bar, etc) than raising their son. Many people (even her friends) testified on his behalf, and I think ultimately, the courts just decided that the boy was in better care with his father.

kikibaby

We have a winner. Let me know when she stars on the next "Rock of Love:Bus Tour"hahaha

freckled*bride

presentation = Cash gift? How exactly is that worded? If I saw that on an invitation I would have no idea what it meant. I had no idea what it meant until a few years ago, when I bought a gift for a friend whose wedding invitation said "presentation". My mom scolded me...saying it was rude to bring a git if the invitation said to bring money. Once she exlained to me what "presentation" meant, I made the comment that perhaps it was rude to dictate that she wanted cash. I always thought before that that "presentation" meant that there was going to be speeches, etc. I'm dumb like that though.Anyhow...it usually looks something like this:Reception 6:30ABC HotelPresentation

BostonBride919

Everybody judges.... that head table sounds ridiculous

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's not necessarily wrong or rude... but I think most people would give it the side-eye. Just like I wouldn't have 5 showers, even if different people all offered to throw them for me, and they invited different people to each one. It looks AWish.I also think if I had been divorced twice by age 26 (I'm just assuming she has been) I might hold off a while on the third marriage. I'd also probably not want to pay for a big wedding if I was still paying off the other two, unless her parents are so gullible as to keep giving her money for these shindigs.

jilybeans4

I think a huge bridal party like that is pretty ridiculous. Three weddings by the age of 26....While I wouldn't make that choice for myself, I guess whatever floats her boat. I want to know where all the money came from though. Weddings are expensive and that sure doesn't give her a lot of time to save up!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

So by "not wrong or rude" I think I really mean - it's probably not against the book in any way, but it seems to be in poor taste.A girl I knew in high school got married over the summer and had a wedding party of 20, total. The girls were dressed in hot pink strapless numbers. I would have declined to be in that wedding party based on the dress alone. Though I think she has more leeway, as she's never been married before, doesn't have any baby daddies, etc.

ExpatPumpkin

Freckled - All this money talk has me curious... Do you know how she paid for the weddings? I can't imagine paying for mine 3 times in 8 years - I'd be in debt.

whits900

I would judge too. And I love that you incorporated 'Judgey McJudgerson' into the post. It made my day. LOL