So what is the OTHER reason people get prenups?

IrishBrideND

I'm Catholic and we are actually a Pre Cana couple that speak at retreats and such. I still think "planning for divorce" is smart. I think ignoring the possibility is naive and hurful. Its like living in a pretend world where you are safe from all bad things.That doesn't mean we plan to get divorced, but we have dicussed all the bad things that could happen.

IrishBrideND

And I was talking about FOR ME. If you don't want a a prenup, don't get one. But don't tell me who I should and shouldn't marry since you seem to think I'm not committed. And now I am a bit angry.

duckie1905

I do not believe in going into a marriage with the possibility of divorce in your mind. Don't get married if you are considering this. Only marry someone you are 100% sure you WILL be committed to until you die. Good for you.But, if you weren't interested in stirring sh!t up I would suggest not telling those of us that have prenups that we shouldn't have gotten married because our prenup means we aren't truly committed.I'm Catholic, by the way. Do you get a special dictionary that doesn't include the word divorce?  To deny its existence and say it isn't a possibility is horribly naive.

meagan_faith

Wills, trusts, and prenuptual agreements can be complex legal documents, and the effects and advantages of each differ from state to state.  There are a lot of misstatements of facts and law in this post, so I would strongly encourage anyone who is truly interested to seek out a lawyer in your state and talk this through.

dojo1

I realize my earlier post might have sounded anti-prenup.  I'm not.  I'm for what ever choice makes you feel comfortable.

dojo1

IrishBride - I don't think I missed the point, given that I was not privy to your earlier thread.  I just find it a little ridiculous when people say "we're not getting a prenup because we plan for divorce.  We're getitng one because we plan for death." Take a deep breath, I'm not trying to jump down your throat or tell you that you made the wrong choice.  I see that this thread causes a lot of tension but we don't need to be mean to each other.

IrishBrideND

Your first post came off as very condescending and judgemental. Hence my tone. Once again, it varies by state. In some states, this is not an absurd concept (prenup for issues of death) so whether or not you think ithats absurd or not valid is up to you.

202987

I gotta ask...I used to be Catholic, but now I'm Agnostic.  Does that mean I don't realize how hard marriage is?  Because right now I'm living in sin with my boyfriend, and I think it might be giving me a better idea of what marriage is than the advice of a non married priest.  (BTW, I have nothing whatsoever against those who choose to not live in sin-I'm just outraged that some believe it means I have no idea how hard marriage is because I didn't take a class.  Let's assume we are both well educated on the subject).  Also...no one plans on getting divorced-if you did you wouldn't be getting married.  But personally, I'd rather put something on paper while I have a cool head and we are talking, rather than doing things out of spite until our lawyers straighten it out.  Particularly if there are kids involved.  OK, back to lurking :-).

cindylynn25

Well look at this way, a prenup is similar to insurance - you never intend to have your house burn down or to get in a car crash, but it happens.  You hope to NEVER use it, but as a just in case it's there.  Well at least that's my opinion.

colorguardgirl

You do not plan for a divorce. That is insane. That is the reason that America has such a high rate. If people would go to therapy, and realize at the time of the marriage that it is for better AND WORSE and that when things are hard you dont just give up and leave. It is becoming a problem in America that it is just easier to get a divorce than to make the effort to make the marriage work. If people had more consequences for getting a divorce then maybe they would think twice before getting one. Marriage is for Keeps is a great book that all engaged and newly married couples should read. It helps answer a lot of questions that will come up in your relationship.

CoyFish

meagan_faith,  YES!

CoyFish

I'm an estate planning atty and where I practice there are tax issues where it would matter whether property is community or separate.  Clients have entered into prenuptial and postnuptial agreements in case the IRS wants to know whose property paid for what, or was transferred, sold or gifted (for example).  This has an effect on who gets taxed and how much.  Of course, this type of thing doesn't affect a whole lot of people-- mostly high net worth individuals/families.

IrishBrideND

Thank you Coyfish. I knew we had disccused something to do with that in my FedTax class. I just couldn't remember :DAnd don't worry, we've been to lawyers about it. Ours is already signed and done (we're already married).