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Etiquette

Mini rant and opinion poll

My best friend of 24 years got engaged this weekend. (yeah for her!) She called to tell me, and hours after the engagement they already had their date set. For June 5, two weeks after my wedding. Okay, so here is my beef... obviously we are in each other's weddings, and obviously she knew the date of my wedding (which we set in july) but to me 2 weeks seems a little close... like we would be stepping on the toes of each other's weddings. So I am not all out pissed and bridezilla-y about this, but I am a little irked. And I am trying to get over it so i can be happy for my friend because i realize i am being a little petty right now... but I am wondering now:If you were in this situation, scheduling a wedding about the same time as your best friend... and lets just say you really love and respect your friend and want her, and yourself, to each have their respective moment in the spotlight... how much of a time gap would you schedule between the two weddings? A week? Two weeks? A month?
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Re: Mini rant and opinion poll

  • I would personally put more time in between, but you can't tell her when to get married, so you have to deal with what she chose.
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  • You get one day. Not two weeks. Sorry, but be happy for yourself, and for you're friend, and get on with your life.
  • I'd be annoyed - partially because that's a lot of pressure to put on both of you to pay for stuff for your own weddings on top of dresses/parties/gifts for the other person, and for all your mutual friends who will probably be coming to both.
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  • I would be a little irked as well. Two weeks after your wedding is way too soon. Are you still going to be on your honeymoon? It just seems like her shower and everything would overlap with your wedding. I'd say a month to separate both would be a lot better.
  • Better than two weeks BEFORE your wedding, yeah?Personally, I'd love to do that. I'd love to share that with my best friend.
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  • Personally, I wouldn't want to steal my friends thunder and I would also take into account how much money this is going to cost my friends in a short period of time. So I guess if it were me, I'd do at least a month apart. That being said, it really isn't that big of a deal. 2 weeks is plenty of time and you can look forward to having a good friend to plan with you.
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  • I agree with Kiki.My best friend/MOH got engaged and scheduled an august wedding this past summer. So when I got engaged a month after her, we picked fall no problem. To be snarky, its good yours is first. :)
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  • She is putting herself in the position to be frustrated and dissapointed when she puts YOU in the position of having financial requirements that close to your own wedding. Regardless of the fact that you/she only gets one day, she will have to resign herself to the fact that you may not be able to commit as much time/money towards things as you could if it was further from your wedding. I think its rude of her to do that.
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  • Sure she could have chosen a different date, but she chose what was special to her and her FI. You chose your date, let her have hers too. Maybe it does seem a little inconsiderate, but 2 weeks sounds like enough in between. If it was the day after, that would be another story.
  • I mean, I would be a little annoyed, just because I'm pretty broke right now with having to pay for my wedding, and it would suck having to dish out money for her wedding events.But in the end, if this is the date she has chosen, there's not too much you can do about it. You may not know the full story behind her choosing that date, so I wouldn't say anything.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Personally I would try and put a little bit more time between the weddings.  But life it not that easy.  They have families and other things to deal with also.  Maybe that was the best time for them.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • A two week gap wouldn't faze me one bit.  I guess the only thing that would worry me would be whether I could afford the BM dress whilst paying and planning my own wedding.If both dates are set, there isn't much you can do about it.  From my experiences as a BM and from planning my own wedding, I can't see either getting in the way of the other.All in all, you shouldn't worry about it - it'll be fine.
  • I don't think it's a big deal.  I'd be maybe a little annoyed if it was the day before or after mine, or if it was the next week and she knew I'd still be on my HM.  But two weeks?  I think that's fine.
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  • I would put a couple months in between my own friend's wedding and mine.  But, there's nothing you can do about this.  I'd just put a smile on and enjoy it. 

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  • but she chose what was special to her and her FIShe did? Did I miss that part?
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  • i would put at least a month between our weddings to allow us to really be there for each other. if it's already scheduled, just make the best of it and just be prepared for neither of you to be as interested in each other's wedding as you normally would be.
  • My best friend got married 3 weeks before me. It wasn't the most convenient thing in the world. We were really busy with our wedding, so I didn't get a lot of time to help her with any last minute things (same with her and my wedding). I was strapped for cash, so she didn't get the gift she normally would have gotten from me. But, we both made it through, and now we think it's cool that our anniversaries will only be 3 weeks apart. We plan to take one of the weekends in between and celebrate our anniversaries. When we planned our weddings, we went at least 3 months out from the closest wedding we knew about. But, we also had a 15 month engagement and things got planned in between. Not our problem, really. We can only control our own stuff.
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  • Cost wise, that could be a PITA, but what can you do really? Personally, I wouldn't schedule less than a month away, but everyone is different.
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  • When I got married the first time, there were three of us who were best friends who got married within a month or so of each other. It was fine, there were no hard feelings, we all went and did our shopping together for most things...Don't make it a big deal, and it isn't. 

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  • I think it's just gonna suck because of the money situation... and I don't want to miss anything because I will be on my honeymoon the week before... I'm not angry and wouldn't even consider saying something to her about it, just a little taken aback at first. Meh, just need to get over it so I can be happy for her... give me to the end of the day, and I'll be fine. haha
  • I would also put more time between my wedding and if I knew a friend was getting married around the same time I wanted to.  But like others have said you can't control what she is planning.  I also agree that you guys will probably not be as interested in each others wedding as you normally might be since you will be so wrapped up in your own. 
  • Your wedding is over the night it's over.  Two weeks later is perfectly fine for someone else to get married.  You don't get the whole year leading up to your wedding.  Surely you can spare time some weekend in the months before your wedding to attend or help plan her shower.  The only conflict you may have is your honeymoon.  You'll need to make sure you're back in time to be at her wedding.  Other than that, I see no conflict and I think you need to get over it.
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  • Personally, I wouldn't have done that to my best friend, and she wouldn't have done that to me.  Does she understand this means that you won't really be there for her also? Clearly this isn't ideal, but you just have to roll with it. 
  • Yeah, it sucks that you may not be able to go to her b party or shower, but she can't be upset with you about it.
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  • I agree.  Your wedding date is your wedding date. Two weeks later isn't a big deal, unless it conflicts with your honeymoon.When we booked our date (13 months in advance) we had 2 possible dates to choose from.  Sometimes people just don't have a lot of flexibility. I would also look at it from the POV where you get to share this with your BFF.
  • Yeah, it sucks that you may not be able to go to her b party or shower, but she can't be upset with you about it.Why wouldn't she be able to go?  You don't spend every minute of every weekend doing wedding planning.  I'm sure you'll be able to attend any pre-wedding parties she has, unless they're out of state and you can't afford to travel, which is perfectly understandable.
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  • I just meant if she's either on her HM or if she can't afford to go.
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  • I'm surprised at the answers like, "I wouldn't do that to my friend." Like Stage, when we moved our date, we actually only had two days (March 12th or March 19th) to get married without pushing it back even farther to the summer.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Outside of the fact I took a 2.5 week HM, I could have easily been in a wedding 2 weeks after my own wedding. I think I'm a freak of nature. I've been a BM a lot of times and yes  I'm happy about my friends wedding but it's not like it totally consumed my time.  Actually I did very little work other than going dress shopping and planning a shower.  Oh and yes the few days leading up to the wedding I tend to help out a lot with last minute stuff.  But on the whole I did not give more than a few hours here and there during their engagement (outside of the few days before).Oh and my BM only gave me a few hours here and there for my wedding.Now if it was my sister getting married 2 weeks after.  Then yes that would have been more of an issue.  But that is mostly because my parents paid for our weddings so they were pretty involved in the planning of both weddings (and their pocketbooks would have needed a break)






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Yeah ditto everything Lynda just said.  I've been a BM five times and I was MOH for my best friend.  You really don't do all that much.  It's money that might be a problem for you but as long as you're always up front about your shower budget or dress budget, you should be fine.
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