Wedding hijack! WTF?

jajph1974

I posted a couple of days ago about Tim's dad acting like a douche and how Tim hasn't spoken to him in a couple of months and blah blah blah ...Anyway, Tim is on the phone with him now, which is great because they shouldn't stay mad at each other. However, a few minutes ago his dad mentioned something about using our officiant for him and Tim's mom to renew their vows RIGHT AFTER OUR VOWS! WTF?Their 40th anniversary is the 17th, three days after our wedding. We were already planning a surprise anniversary dance for them AND I was going to get them their own cake to cut while we did our cake cutting.His dad seriously has to make everything about him all the time. Am I overreacting, or would this rub you the wrong way too?

sucrets4

Wow, that's shiitty.  Especially since it sounds like you have been so considerate about acknowledging their anniversary at your wedding.  I'd be annoyed, too.

julezlee

That would totally rub me the wrong way. It's just ridiculous.

brookelynpaisley

You're not overreacting at all. I'd be very put off by that.

missy68

Yes, I think that's a step over the line.Unless they go to the officiant's office and do it privately, out of sight of the other guests, and after you and your guests have left the building.  Even then, it's still over the line.

New MIL

I can not imagine why anyone would think it is okay to renew their vows at your wedding! Is he serious??

janedoe1113a

Yes, that would completely rub me the wrong way.

jajph1974

His dad is the kind of guy who always tries to get something for nothing ... I guess since we're paying for the party he figures this is a good opportunity for him to get something for himself. Now I'm pissed at him.

carrieoz_76

Um, no.  The answer is no.  The officiant is not available/busy doing something else/must be taken immediately elsewhere/whatever you can come up with. That's ridiculous that he would even think it's ok.  Family, gah.

TnJBonnell

That is wrong! They should do it like the weekend before or some other day! Its supposed to be you and your FI day not theirs!"His dad is the kind of guy who always tries to get something for nothing"Thats makes it even worse! What a a--hole! (sorry)I hope they dont get into another fight when hes told no.

jajph1974

Yeah, my blood is boiling right now.He wanted to surprise Tim's mom. Surprise her on your own time and your own dime, buddy.The worst part is, Tim's still on the phone with him so I can't get all of the details and it's killing me. This is definitely NOT going to happen.

carrieoz_76

Might I suggest big piece of paper with "HELL NO" written on it? 

sucrets4

ja - if you weren't planning on doing nice stuff for them, I might feel differently.  Can you let him know what you're doing for them and maybe that will make them feel special enough?  I know it ruins the surprise, but it might be for the best.

banana468

Not only do you need to talk to Tim but you also need to talk to your vendors and instill a NFW policy when it comes to Tim's dad.

mwhitson14

Time for a chat with the officiant!

missy68

I'd be standing in front of him, doing the old "guillotine chop" demonstration to him....I've done that before to DH when I hear plans that I know aren't gonna fly with me.  To quote Will Smith, "AW HELL NO!!"

RachNRich

If you were a random, I would say "you only get one day" yadda yadda. But, the backstory here makes me understand why you are pisssed; I would be too. Chances are that Tim's dad doesn't even recognize he's being a douche.

carrieoz_76

banana - does NFW = no fuucking way?  B/c in my mind it does, and I love that that means that you cussed. It almost makes up for you being a Yankee. 

jajph1974

sucrets - when Tim saw the look on my face, he told his Dad what we were planning to do.whit - I ABSOLUTELY planned to call the officiant first thing in the morning.

squirrly

I would tell him that you unfortunately don't have the photographer/vendor/etc long enough to include that in the wedding day, but you'd be happy to arrange time for them to do that with the officiant the day of the rehearsal.  And that the officiant's fee to him will be $XX.

[Deleted User]

That's just weird.

megk8oz

Your FFIL=FAIL.Seriously, every time you post something about him, I just keep thinking "I'd be telling FI his dad just can't come". I'm not sure where he gets the idea that 1/2 the things he says and/or does are acceptable or appropriate on any level.And, yes, this WOULD be a wedding jack, especially since you went out of your way to do right by them with a special dance and cake. The "vow renewal" should be nipped in the bud now.Best of luck.

jajph1974

squirrly - as soon as he hears there's a fee involved, his plans will change.I really do love his parents, and I haven't had any zilla moments. I've been very "go with the flow" through the entire planning process, but seriously, I think I might have a minor freak out over this.Oooo... he getting off the phone. I'm gonna get the scoop now.

NotNumbers

Yeah, I'd be saying a big HELL NO to that too.  I think it's lovely that you're doing an anniversary dance and special cake, and that is perfectly sufficient. Our wedding day is the 40th anniversary of my mum & dad's engagement.  I'm sure FI will mention that in his speech, but I'd be p!ssed if they told me they wanted to renew their vows right after ours. 

Night_Sprite

Tim's dad is ridiculous.  Ridiculous.

squirrly

jajph, that was sort of my intent.    Give him a concrete reason why you CAN'T accommodate him on your wedding day for any price, and a reasonable price at the rehearsal.  Then he gets to be the bad guy to himself. 

baystateapple

That's horrifying.  I hope Tim sorted him out.  Hijacking your wedding day is completely unacceptable.  It's bad enough when it's the friend of the bride and groom...but a parent?

banana468

Carrie, I just burst out laughing next to DH!

username2010

If he's this much trouble for your wedding, imagine if you two have a kid. "I know you're in labor but I just need your doc to check out this mole for me first"

jajph1974

Ok. Tim is my hero. He talked him out of it. Crisis averted.I'm pissed at his dad that he even thought this would be ok, but I'm going to put on a smile, pretend it didn't happen and let it go. But if he tries to pull some surprise shiit like that at the wedding, I'll discreetly pull him aside and tell him he needs to get over himself real quick.

ZRex

That is INSANE! I'm glad that your FI talked him out of it, because I felt my own blood start to boil as I read your post!