MOH debate

futuremrsdavies

Ok girls, I'm reaching out yet again for some advice.  Bear with me because this probably will be LONG and confusing.  So at this point my bridal party consists of my sister (23), my cousin (17), my two best friends from college (28) and my two closest female coworkers (29 and 42).  I live in PA but the wedding is in NJ.  I've told all the ladies that i'd like them to be in the bridal party but as of yet I have no asked anyone to be my MOH.  The obvious choice would appear to be my sister, however, she just had her first baby, and more importantly is completely unreliable, irresponsible, self absorbed, and thinks i'm being ridiculous and wasteful in having a "large" wedding because thats not what she would do.  I know this sounds harsh, and trust me I love my sister to pieces but sometimes, we have to face reality.  I believe my cousin is too young to put the burden on and she is not good in social situations but she is almost more like my little sister than my cousin so I wanted her to be a part of this day. 

Long story short, I've been trying to choose between my two best friends from college.  Both live in NJ and are both married.  i've known them both about the same amount of time and we are probably equally all as close.  Choice 1 was my roommate and we have always been close.  When I was in law school we lost the close connection but since she has gone to and now completed law school we have become close again and talk more often.  In fact, she is the one I text and call when i am stressed about wedding stuff.  Choice 2 was always the "mom" of the group.  She is a teacher and is a HUGE planner, is majorly creative, but is trying to get pregnant and can be a little distractred and busy.  I've mentioned that it would be difficult to choose between them and they both said they wouldn't be offended and that they would obviously help each other.

So should I base my choice on who will be creative in planning my bachelorette/bridal showers or the person who will be an ear and a shoulder, but will leave all decisions to me?  Also, I thought about asking both, but then I felt I should have asked my sister and someone else, because then I can't say its because she isn't able to do it, because then she would have help...and really, i guess its only a title...AAAHHHH

Sorry this is so long and so overly dramatic but I'm starting to be questioned about my choice so I feel the heat is on!

em01092

I think you should choose the person you feel you have the closest relationship with, not who will plan you the most pimpin' party. I get where you are coming from, but MOH's are not required to throw you showers and parties. Customarily, they do, but you can't hold it to them if they don't. Sure you can be miffed, but that's all. If they are really as busy with their lives as you say, they may want to, but it may not be feasible financially, distance wise, etc. Being your MOH should be just that- an honor as your closest friend/family member (if you chose your sis), to stand by your side on that special day. 

If you really feel like no one has the time, is too far away, or is not good planners, then you may just have to hope that someone on your ILs side or someone else outside your WP will throw you parties. 

You also do not have to have a MOH, if you really cannot make a decision. Or you can have two. These days you have many options. 

So yeah, I would just evaluate how close you are with these women, which I know you have probably done already, but just pick...or decide not to pick. Questions to help: Who can you call at 2 am with a problem? Who do you feel like you connect best with? Who understands you best? 

I know this is frustrating, and I hope no matter what you decide your friends understand. Good luck! =D

em01092

Also, don't let anyone make you feel pressured to pick if you are not ready. Most ladies on the knot recommend waiting til 6-9 months out anyway, since friendships change and you don't want to be stuck with a decision you regret. 

futuremrsdavies

Thanks! Your questions actually helped bc I answered them with one lady. I think the prob is I was always sure my planner friend would be my choice through our friendship but since getting engaged my ex roommate and I are much closer. Also, I realize it sounds bad the way I said it but I meant more that my planner friend wouldn't stress about anything bc she is a planner but that trait makes it hard for her to understand my stress outs. I don't expect a great party or anything though I guess I know they will bc we already did both of theirs

KendallandAlbert

Don't forget, it is okay to have 2 matron of honors

em01092

I'm glad I helped! You still have some time to work it all out. 

Hahaha yeah I knew you meant well. I'm not like some of these other gals on the knot who say things so....harsh! I mean, they are just being honest and I guess they get tired of saying the same thing, but the way they say it really sucks sometimes. Like I guarantee if you said this on the E board, you would have been attacked, and I sure tried not to come off as condescending. It could also be a southern thing...we try to be like our tea: sweet! =D

cgyvhu

I think em's advice was spot on.  And honestly, when I first read your post I was ready to write something much more harshly worded because you sounded like you were expecting too much of your bridesmaids.  So just be careful with your wording

I would say based on what you wrote you either don't need a MOH at all, could choose one later, or just have both your college friends serve.

rardito

I personally am having two MOHs.  My sister will be the maid and my roommate from college will be the matron.  And then I am having 1 or 2 bridesmaids.

mybestfriend4eva

I agree that the MOH position should NO way be decided based upon a party or any kind of planning. I believe that it should truly be the person in your life you are closest to. That being said I think its perfectly okay to have them both serve in this role. Just consider yourself to be very lucky that this is even a hard choice for you and that you have 2 wonderful ladies who can serve as MOH for you. There are lots of girls who dont have they can ask at all! Good luck with your decision and like others mentioned take you time you dont have to have this decided tomorrow or anything!

LaceyCharles

It's ok to have 2, you dont have to chose either, but both! I have 2 really close friends, one is married and one is not, so I decided to have a Matron of Honor, and a Maid of Honor. They both know about it, and are perfectly alright with it, they didnt know one another before about 2 months ago, but are both really excited to be in touch about everything. It helps too that one is very Type A, and the other is a bit unorganized.