Bridesmaid Problem...how do I handle this?

jma1983

Ok, so to give a little background...the bridesmaid's dress that I picked out was going to be discontinued. So, my girls had to get their dress about 6-7 months prior to the wedding. They were all 100% ok w/ this when I asked them. I wanted their input, because if they weren't ok w/ it, then I would've just waited and hopefully found something else I liked. Anyway, my sister is one of my maids and she has gained a whole bunch of weight in the past 2 months. My wedding is in less than 5 months. She KNOWS she's not fitting in her dress right now but she refuses to try it on. When I asked her to put it on to see what the situation was...her response was "Why, so I can be depressed about not fitting in the dress for the next 5 months?" And, my response was "No, so you can do something about it now, instead of trying it on for the first time the week before the wedding." She's being extremely stubborn...and on top of that, now she told me that they want to try getting pregnant w/ their 2nd child. How do I handle this? She already has the dress...but, I CAN'T be down 1 bridesmaid because of this. Now, I'm a big girl myself, and I know losing weight is hard...but, she's so sensitive about it, that she just gets mad when it comes up. HELP!!!!!! Any suggestions?

angie74

[i]She's being extremely stubborn...and on top of that, now she told me that they want to try getting pregnant w/ their 2nd child. How do I handle this?[/i] I can't answer you, based on this statement.

Night_Sprite

You have few options.Make her stop eating (which isn't really an option at all)Get a different dressFind somewhere that'd have the dress in a bigger size like ebay.

Nebb

There are so many things to tackle here... I will stick with this. You suck and lack sensitivity. Stop.

danieliza1127

She's your sister.  You can't kick her out of the wedding.  She's an adult, she'll figure something out.  You need to calm down and stop being so controlling.  Worse case scenario, she tries on the dress the week of the wedding and can't get it altered and she can't be in the wedding.  You will still get married and you will still have an awesome day.  But in reality, when the wedding gets closer, she'll figure something out.  She can have the dress let out or she can buy a new one.  She is an adult though, you need to let her handle this.

Stackeye210

If she is important to your wedding then you'll find a way to make it work.  Even if she has to buy another style by the same designer.  It won't ruin your overall wedding look.  Not to mention, if she gets pregnant the dress of course won't fit.  She can't put her wishes of extending her family on hold so she fits in a dress for your wedding.  Just relax and let her deal with this.  At the end of the day the most important thing is that she is there for you on your wedding day.  Who cares if the dress is slightly different.

tidetravel

She's right.  5 months out is too early to worry about the dress right now.  Even if the dress doesn't fit, there's a possibility that she may gain/lose weight before the wedding, so alterations wouldn't do any good now.  Give her some space and worry about this a month or two before the wedding. Most dresses have extra material in the seams and can be sized up or down 2 sizes without major alterations.  If there is more of a difference, sister can have a corset back put into the dress, which will make up the difference.If she gets pregnant, be happy for her.  Allow her to pick out a different dress that she feels beautiful in and coordinates with your dresses.  There is no reason why you WOULD be down a BM, unless you make a big deal about it.

LauraW313

Another option could be to see if the dress can be altered. I might get skewered for this but you could also remove her from the wedding. If there is not a dress alternative, what are you supposed to do? You cannot tell her she has to wait until after your wedding to have a baby.

shannonalise

This is awful. You can't dictate your BM's weight - she's an adult. She'll figure out how to make it work herself without you telling her when she needs to start figuring it out and you certainly cannot dictate when she decides to conceive. Are you serious right now? Your wedding, while important, is not THAT important. Seriously.

charlsie26

I would have the same response if someone was trying to make me fit into a dress. She is aware of the situation and I'm sure she won't be out to ruin your day. If worse comes to worse, try and find her a different dress. It's not that big of deal. And if she drops out, it's ok to have uneven sides. don't stress, you can only control what YOU can do, you can't control others. Learn that, and live it while planning a wedding.

betrothed123

now she told me that they want to try getting pregnant w/ their 2nd child. How do I handle this?Whoa you are a train wreck and a half.  I'll leave this one for someone else....

Night_Sprite

I missed the pregnancy thing.  Really?  Really.  Trying to get pregnant shouldn't be something you are remotely upset about.  For shame.

shannonalise

10...9...8...7...6...

BecW2be

Someone forgot her Bridesmaid Contract, specifically stating no weight fluctuations greater than 13.4 pounds in either direction. Tsk Tsk! My sister wasn't even in the wedding and I delayed my ceremony by 5-10 minutes because she lost her dress the day of and was rushing trying to find something else to wear. She's your SISTER, not a damn prop. Let her worry about the dress and you worry about important things like rings and vows.

tidetravel

Also - you need to take a step back from your wedding and find out what's really going on with your sister.  Rapid weight gain over the period of a couple months could be an indicator of a serious health problem, or a culmination of stress, among other things.  You need to be there for her, and not make her feel like shiit for not fitting into her dress.

shannonalise

This isn't a bridesmaid problem - it's a perspective problem.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

This is your fault. You were worried about dresses at 6-7 months out, when clearly you should have been formulating a feeding schedule and work-out plan for your maids. Don't you know that they can't function day-to-day without your input? The second they agreed to be at your service, they entered into a verbal contract with you to wear that dress, even if it means they put their lives (and meals) on hold.You're insensitive and unrealistic. Step back and look at the big picture, and then try not to be a azzhat to your sister.

jma1983

The problem with getting another dress for her in a bigger size....it's $150 and she borrowed the money for the first one. That was hasn't been paid back, so I know she doesn't have the money for a 2nd one. I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant. That way, she'd only be a couple months into the pregnancy. I just don't know how to handle this deal w/ her refusing to see just how far she is from fitting into her dress so she can have a plan of attack to remedy it? All of my girls are wearing the same dress, so I can't just put her in a different style. I've always thought that brides who talk to their maids about weight were nothing but bridezillas....I feel terrible "encouraging" her to lose the weight and fit into the dress...but, I'm really stressing out about this!

iamjoesgurl

I would just wait until the wedding gets closer and work with her to get her a dress that will fit.  My sister was my MOH and she was not pregnant when we ordered the dress but she was 6 months pregnant at the wedding.  I just worked with her to help her fix the dress so that it would fit and be comfortable for her.If it turns out that she decides not to be a part of your WP, you will need to work around that.  You say that you can't be down a bridesmaid but I think you can figure out a way to make it work.  People have weddings all of the time without "even sides" (if that's your concern).

Night_Sprite

You clearly missed a whole lot of sarcasm. You sound like a jerk.  You seem unreasonable.  You shouldn't have asked her if you were more concerned about money.

tidetravel

I might get skewered for this but you could also remove her from the wedding. If there is not a dress alternative, what are you supposed to do?THIS IS HORRIBLE ADVICE.  There is ALWAYS an alternative.  Even if she has to wear jeans and a tee-shirt.  She's your sister for crying out loud.  I would hope you value your relationship with her more than to ruin it over a stupid dress.

lyndausvi

Paragraphs are you friend. Really there is not much you can do except let it go.

BecW2be

I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant.I'd be fuckinglike rabbits every single day, praying to get pregnant just to spite you. You are horrible. Really??? You care more about a dress than her conceiving? Holyshit I've seen it all.

danieliza1127

I repeat:You need to calm down and stop being so controlling. Worse case scenario, she tries on the dress the week of the wedding and can't get it altered and she can't be in the wedding. You will still get married and you will still have an awesome day. But in reality, when the wedding gets closer, she'll figure something out. She can have the dress let out if she can't buy a new one.

charlsie26

I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant. That way, she'd only be a couple months into the pregnancy. HONEY, it's her BODY, you can't tell her what to do

Stackeye210

I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant. Wow really?  So she has 1.5 months to lose all the weight she needs for your wedding and then hold that weight for the first 3 months of her pregnancy?  Interesting.  Do you hear yourself speak?

shannonalise

Don't you think she's probably also stressing about this? It isn't necessary for you to micromanage the situation for her - do you think she's really going to show up the day of the wedding with NOTHING to wear? Even IF that happened, the important thing is that you're getting married - not that you have a perfect wedding with everyone in the right dress. I would hope that even if your sister had to wear a BAG on your day that you'd rather have her up there with you than not at all. Step back, take a deep breath, and think about what's important. After your special day, you might regret the way you treated her. It's only one day.

Nebb

Youre awful, talking her into getting pregnant on your schedule. Are you listening to yourself??Have you thought that maybe it upsets her that she has gained weight, that it is making her feel insecure, and you are making her feel even worse about it. Take a step back and reassess how unbelievably selfish you are being!

betrothed123

I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant. That way, she'd only be a couple months into the pregnancy. I just don't know how to handle this deal w/ her refusing to see just how far she is from fitting into her dress so she can have a plan of attack to remedy it? All of my girls are wearing the same dress, so I can't just put her in a different style. I've always thought that brides who talk to their maids about weight were nothing but bridezillas....I feel terrible "encouraging" her to lose the weight and fit into the dress...but, I'm really stressing out about this! No, you're not a Bridezilla.  You're a bitchzilla.  Seriously get the fuuck over yourself.  I'm so glad you're not my sister.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant. Are youfuckingkidding me? I realize that your wedding may be the most important day in your sad little life where your priorities are clearly more than a little off. But it IS NOT the most important day of most people's years, let alone lives. The very fact that you are so self-centered that you think someone should put their LIFE on hold for your PARTY speaks volumes of your character.

tidetravel

I've always thought that brides who talk to their maids about weight were nothing but bridezillas....I feel terrible "encouraging" her to lose the weight and fit into the dress...but, I'm really stressing out about this! Yeah.  Brides who convince their SISTERs to hold off on having a baby so they can fit into a stupid bridesmaid dress aren't bridezillas.  They're just bitches.