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Wedding Etiquette Forum
cscheela
member
Donation Jar at bar?
Has anyone encountered this at a wedding reception? My friend suggested this to my FI and I, as she has attended informal weddings where this was done instead of having a cash bar, (which would require us to legally hire a bartender, costing us more than the alcohol itself!!)
I'm just curious if anyone has done this or been to a wedding where this has occured and what they thought of it.
I'm just curious if anyone has done this or been to a wedding where this has occured and what they thought of it.
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Re: Donation Jar at bar?
[QUOTE]Has anyone encountered this at a wedding reception? My friend suggested this to my FI and I, as she has attended informal weddings where this was done instead of having a cash bar, (which would require us to legally hire a bartender, costing us more than the alcohol itself!!) <strong>I'm just curious if anyone has done this or been to a wedding where this has occured and what they thought of it.</strong>
Posted by cscheela[/QUOTE]
No, thankfully. It's horribly rude and inappropriate.
[QUOTE]Even Darth Vader thinks that's tacky.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]
hehhehehehe
Either way, no.
Where we live a registered bartender must serve alcohol if it is being sold, but bartender is not required if not being sold. Cost for hiring bartender for reception would be more than the cost of the alcohol we have purchased.
I am looking for more honest opinions on this because I have never been to a reception where this occurred.
[QUOTE]You're not a charity and your wedding is not a fundraiser. Don't ask for donations.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
This.
[QUOTE]No, it's rude. But, my question is, how are the guests going to get their drinks if there's no bartender? Are you just going to set a bunch of beers out on a bar and have people help themselves? I must be missing something.
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]
I think what OP is saying is that they don't want to have a cash bar, because they have to purchase liability/permits. If they are not <em>selling</em> the drinks, but offering them for free, no permit needed. So OP was asking if she could offer the drinks for free with a "donation" rather than a charge.
Oh, and OP, please don't :)
ETA: I reread the OP and now I'm not sure. OP, you should definitely hire a bartender. It will very likely save you money, too - a good bartender will pour a proper drink, whereas a guest will likely pour heavy and thus go through your booze a lot faster.
As for the charity or fundraiser comment, I'm pretty sure thats what a gift registry is, not to mention bridal showers??Where you are expected to shower people with gifts? The reason my friend suggested it is because we are letting people know we do not have a gift registry or expect gifts, but many people have been asking us about registries and about how they can gift us, suggesting things like honeymoon registries, so people can just give us money to drink on the beach, but honestly I think its tacky to ask for or expect gifts, or to give people a list!
So I am going to go ahead with our original idea of having a wishing well for accepting cards. If someone wanted to donate/gift us they could do so there - after all if my friend suggested it so perhaps that is what she has in mind.
[QUOTE]As I mentioned in my posts, we are already planning on having an open bar. In our area it is customary to have a cash bar or what we call a toonie bar ($2) As for the charity or fundraiser comment, I'm pretty sure thats what a gift registry is, not to mention bridal showers??Where you are expected to shower people with gifts? The reason my friend suggested it is because we are letting people know we do not have a gift registry or expect gifts, but many people have been asking us about registries and about how they can gift us, suggesting things like honeymoon registries, so people can just give us money to drink on the beach, but honestly I think its tacky to ask for or expect gifts, or to give people a list! So I am going to go ahead with our original idea of having a wishing well for accepting cards. If someone wanted to donate/gift us they could do so there - after all if my friend suggested it so perhaps that is what she has in mind.
Posted by cscheela[/QUOTE]
If you have connected registering and gifts to asking for donations to cover the cost of your bar, I think you are overthinking this.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Jar at bar? : Um, no. A gift is something decided on by the giver and given to the receiver. It is never required, never expected, and the giver is in control. A donation is money given to charity or other not-for-profit cause or organization. Also, it is NEVER okay to solicit money for personal use. This includes honeymoon and house registries, "donation" jars, and wishing wells. Guests KNOW that money is appreciated, they don't have to worry about matching it to the size or decor of your home. Therefore, if they want to give money, they will. If they don't give it sans wishing well, it's because they don't want to.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Yes I agree with not soliciting gifts which is why we are not having a registry. I wanted to have a wishing well for people to put cards if they brought them (we will have an old birdcage decoration with signs saying CARDS and possibly another one saying THANK YOU) but was not under the impression that the term wishing well meant an expectation of money. Its not like we will have a sign saying anything related to money.
I appreciate the feedback without attacks on my personal character or my wedding. I find it very difficult to post on TheKnot as people seem very eager to assume the worst of people's intention. I was just wondering if anyone has seen this at a wedding and if they did what they thought of it.
[QUOTE]It's really not that hard to accept gifts--not having a registry or a shower sends the message that you would like cash, without asking for cash. And that's ok. OP, a gift registry is NOT a charity or a fundraiser--where would you get that idea? <strong> You seem to have some strange views on what is appropriate etiquette wise. </strong> Having a donation jar sitting at the bar is a lot different from a gift registry. A registry is a suggestion for those who ask on what you might want. It's not something that is thrown in your guests' faces (like a donation jar). I don't think you need a "wishing well" to convey that you'd prefer monetary gifts; not registering does just that.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]
Yes, I have never been married before or organized my own wedding before.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Jar at bar? : Yes, I have never been married before or organized my own wedding before.
Posted by cscheela[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't think it takes being married or planning a wedding to know that asking your friends and family for money is a bad idea (i.e. having a wishing well as you suggested). But that's just me.</div>
@doliphan you should read the post in the above link.