Shower & Wedding inviting dilemma

bsmith289

We are having a destination wedding in Florida, and I already know that not everyone we want there will be able to make it, which is also a reason we chose to do a destination wedding, we wanted to keep it on the small side (mainly to save money on reception food! and to keep it initmate)

There are some people that I would like to have a the wedding, but I know will more than likely decline because of the travel, but if I know this, can I just invite them to the shower? Or is that rude? Or should I just send them the invite to the wedding and see whether they decline or not?

And all the others that we have on the B list, that we will more than likely not invite to the wedding because we wouldn't be able to accomodate them, would it be rude to invite them to the shower? They will understand that we can't afford to have everyone at the wedding, right? I don't want to invite them to the shower just to get a gift out of them, I want to invite them to the shower because of the fact that I wouldn't be able to have them at the wedding. And could I still invite them to the bachelorette or bachelor party?

alexirom

If they are invited to the shower they must be invited to the wedding.
It is rude to invite people to any prewedding event and then not invite them to the wedding.

aMrsin09

Just invite those that you would like to have at the wedding.  It is up to them whether to accept or decline.  Same with the shower.  They are invites, not a summons.

and as PP said, no wedding invite, no pre-wedding party invite.

quotequeen

It's fine to invite people to the shower that are unlikely to attend the wedding.  But anyone invited to the shower MUST also receive a wedding invitation.

Beachy730

If you think they won't be able to attend the wedding, you can still invite them to the shower as long as you are sending them a wedding invite.  No matter how small or intimate  your wedding is, it is very rude to invite anyone to pre-wedding events that is not invited to the wedding.  Especially a shower, since it is a gift-giving event. 

B-lists are bad, and IMO even worse for a DW.  I would really be upset if I found out that I was invited to your DW where I would be spending a buttload to get there, and come to find out I was only invited because others decilned.  Invite everyone the first time around.  Especially with a DW you want to give people enough time to book and save money.