Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)

justinsfiancee

This is not really ettiquete related but you all respond so fast.  I got married about 2 months ago.  One GM and his girlfriend were a particular pain in the butt right before the wedding and at the reception.  We have not spoken since the wedding now.

The GM is his friend, gf is a ........, they actually live in the apt. right below us.  We've all hung out the 4 of us before but her and I were friendly and nice but would never actually be friends.

We told all the groomsmen how much tuxes were, when to order, where to get them.  I even found the message to all of them saying how much (8 months before the wedding) but they were all told after that is just my only physical evidence.

Thursday night before my wedding (sat. wedding) I get nasty texts from his gf.  "He has to PAY FOR A TUX?!?!"  "That was really lame of you not to give us a heads up we didn't have the money". 
- Number 1- "WE"? they don't share money, he spends his money on her and she has a ton
- Number 2- Tuxes were pretty cheap and he was told multiple times
So I said sorry but what were you expecting?  Did you think we were paying for them or did you think they were free?  Or cheaper?  She just would not answer and said never mind it's not a big deal now.  I said okay I'm sorry they were confused and asked what again they were expecting?  I was pretty peeved but let it go.

At Reception, this GM was next to the best man so really close to us.  Asked multiple times during dinner if he can go mingle.  AKA go sit with his girlfriend.  We had assigned tables and all the gfs were at the table next to the guys and I even told her this is how it was going to be and she said that was perfect.  We kept telling him just wait till cake is done and then told him he could go sit with her.

He then got up, took his tux off and hung it up at the reception, told my husband someone should take it back for him.  And left.  Now he did not need to stay for the whole thing but seriously?  could he go any faster????

We all thought they had another stupid little fight or she was being her bratty little self and wanted to leave.

JUST FOUND OUT, it's because I was mean to her in my response to their tux crisis.  All I did was say sorry but we told everyone and everyone else knew.  And asked what they were expecting, wanted to know if they thought we were paying or if they were cheaper or what!!!!  Apparently she wanted to leave before she got in a fight with me.  Which it's good she left if she was going to start yelling at me at my wedding, but still.  How stupid.

I'm annoyed.  I just have to see them kind of a lot since they live under us and it is super awkward and everyone looks at the ground.  Not that we're ever going to be friends but now my husband can't even hang out with his friend.

Was I wrong?  Either way I don't think I was and this is more of a vent.  Sorry it's so long!!!

emilyinchile

They sound immature, but you were rude to split them up at your reception. H and I would have peaced out of there pretty fast too in that situation (although honestly, if we weren't going to be seated together and knew ahead of time, I probably wouldn't have gone at all, especially if I was already mad at you).

PS. Etiquette - it's conveniently spelled for you at the top of the board.

alixzafiris

I'm with EinC. They were rude ad leaving like that was a douchey move, but not gonna lie - you sound a touch immature and rude yourself in this post so I can't even imagine how you handled it IRL.

justinsfiancee

Yes, I thought this would happen.  Where I live there is always a head table and significant others, girlfriends, wives, husbands, whatever are never never up there.  That's how everyone expects it and we told her and she was happy to be sitting with the other gfs and not stuck with people she didn't know.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You were wrong for sitting his girlfriend at a different table.

And it seems like the tux thing should have been cleared up loooong before the wedding. She was a brat, but I think you could have handled it better by saying something like, "We told them in February that that was the cost of the tux and he didn't have a problem with it. Traditionally wedding party members pay for their own attire. Would he prefer to find something cheaper? Would you like us to pay half?"

Beachy730

I think your response to her was a little rude if thats exactly how you worded it.  I can see why she got upset.  But I also see your side of it, especially if you gave them at least 8 months notice of them paying for the tux, and everyone else knew about it. 

I would probably go downstairs to her apartment and try and talk to her.  Be the bigger person and say I'm sorry how I reacted to your question, but I thought everyone was clear on the fact that the GMs and BMs were responsible for their own attire, and nobody told us they had a problem with it when we gave them the information 8 months ago.  You can tell her you were hurt that they left your wedding because of it.  Just be honest. 

emilyinchile

I understand that some people have no issue with head tables, but if your friend is asking to be excused from the table to go sit with his girlfriend, it's just mind boggling to me that you would refuse him permission. Just...wow.

If you just want to vent, then sure, they were wrong. But if your FI is interested in continuing the friendship, or if you want your living situation to be less awkward, I'd probably swallow my pride and start the conversation by saying "hey, I think there was a misunderstanding about the whole tux situation, and I know that on our part we could have been more understanding about the seating situation at dinner - can we talk about this?"

vhalbeck

Emilyinchile, is it really necessary to comment on her incorrect spelling?

This board is about etiquette, so maybe we all need to remember that and use some.

justinsfiancee

The text messages she sent me were "He has to PAY FOR HIS TUX?"  then immediately "It was really lame of you not to tell us, we didn't really have the money."  I told her we told everyone a long time ago how much they were and everone else knew.  What were you expecting.  She said they just didn't expect it.  I asked did you think they were supposed to be cheaper?  she said no.  So then I asked if she thought we were the ones paying for them, and she said no.  I said ok well I'm sorry I don't know what you were expeciting but we did tell everyone multiple times.  That was the end.

Looking at it now I shoudl've just let him go, I know he probably would've left during the dinner, but whatever.  Who hangs their tux up at the reception and tells the groom to take care of it though....
My husband and his friend talked about it for the first time the other night, and they are both Okay with it, but since he is dating her  and she is being a ..... she won't let him hang out with my husband anymore.

emilyinchile

No, but it's also not necessary for anyone to post anything on here. I wasn't rude, I didn't say that she was dumb for not knowing, I simply pointed out the correct spelling and the fact that it's right at the top of the board - so use that resource instead of making the same mistake in the future and running the risk of looking less intelligent. Last I checked there's no etiquette rule about teaching someone something.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:e072ac89-049b-4835-a96b-2c7a77cf6a8d">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I understand that some people have no issue with head tables, but if your friend is asking to be excused from the table to go sit with his girlfriend, it's just mind boggling to me that you would refuse him permission. Just...wow. </strong>If you just want to vent, then sure, they were wrong. But if your FI is interested in continuing the friendship, or if you want your living situation to be less awkward, I'd probably swallow my pride and start the conversation by saying "hey, I think there was a misunderstanding about the whole tux situation, and I know that on our part we could have been more understanding about the seating situation at dinner - can we talk about this?"
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

THIS. Clearly they were both unhappy and I'm sure that was the last straw. That part reminded me of being in grade school and asking to be excused from the table at dinner. He's an adult, for godssake.

justinsfiancee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:6eee645e-293e-4856-9ea6-2ba3a9d30201">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Emilyinchile, is it really necessary to comment on her incorrect spelling? This board is about etiquette, so maybe we all need to remember that and use some.
Posted by vhalbeck[/QUOTE]



THANK YOU!

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:e0f9e309-ce00-4861-80a0-06871dc3fd92">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]No, but it's also not necessary for anyone to post anything on here. I wasn't rude, I didn't say that she was dumb for not knowing, I simply pointed out the correct spelling and the fact that it's right at the top of the board - so use that resource instead of making the same mistake in the future and running the risk of looking less intelligent. Last I checked there's no etiquette rule about teaching someone something.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Clearly you need to ask permission of the thread starter to teach her something.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:8168cb29-cca0-41f7-9512-2f56fb224258">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long) : THANK YOU!
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

Seriously, would you rather be told once and not make the mistake again or spell it wrong forever and have people judging you for it? Because all we have to go on here is how you type, so people do judge you based purely on that.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:ee31a02b-4531-4269-95fe-b2c44037d307">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long) : THIS. Clearly they were both unhappy and I'm sure that was the last straw. That part reminded me of being in grade school and asking to be excused from the table at dinner. He's an adult, for godssake.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Yeah I couldn't get past that part either. If someone told me I couldn't sit with my H when I even asked nicely, I would have left too. Her reaction to the tux was immature for sure, but telling someone they can't be with their SO after they've asked multiple times? That's just wrong.

justinsfiancee

It has nothing to do w/ the post.  I was trying to type fast and I misplaced the t.  It's not like I spelled it completely wrong.  It's not usually a word people spell everyday.  Move on.

georgia_bride09

[QUOTE]Emilyinchile, is it really necessary to comment on her incorrect spelling? This board is about etiquette, so maybe we all need to remember that and use some.
Posted by vhalbeck[/QUOTE]

Newbs. Not gettin' it since 2004.

arbolita

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:54f29ece-4719-4848-a254-722c2d480840">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I thought this would happen.  Where I live there is always a head table and significant others, girlfriends, wives, husbands, whatever are never never up there.  That's how everyone expects it and we told her and she was happy to be sitting with the other gfs and not stuck with people she didn't know.
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]


Obviously it's not how everyone expects it, since your GM expected he'd be able to hang out with his GF at the reception.

justinsfiancee

He was 5 feet away from her.  IT was in the middle of eating.  We were up there eating for like 30 minutes.  I didn't want him going because all of the other guys would get up and go other places too.  I didn't want it to look stupid having it look like it was a head table but only 1/2 the wedding party up there.  It's not like he couldn't go talk to her or talk to her from where he was.  I just didn't want him hauling his chair and plate down there.  It's not like there were open chairs by her either.
I'm not dwelling on it 2 months later.  I just found out last night why she is still all pissed about it.
And if what I said was so wrong in response to her nasty texts what was I supposed to say??

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:aca5ea5b-0ab4-4a35-a539-cea25feb58e4">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]The text messages she sent me were "He has to PAY FOR HIS TUX?"  then immediately "It was really lame of you not to tell us, we didn't really have the money."  I told her we told everyone a long time ago how much they were and everone else knew.  <strong>What were you expecting</strong>.  She said they just didn't expect it.  I asked <strong>did you think they were supposed to be cheaper?</strong>  she said no.  So then <strong>I asked if she thought we were the ones paying for them</strong>, and she said no.  I said ok well I'm sorry I don't know what you were expeciting but we did tell everyone multiple times.  That was the end. Looking at it now I shoudl've just let him go, I know he probably would've left during the dinner, but whatever.  Who hangs their tux up at the reception and tells the groom to take care of it though.... My husband and his friend talked about it for the first time the other night, and they are both Okay with it, but since he is dating her  and she is being a ..... she won't let him hang out with my husband anymore.
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]


OP, if you are looking for a response, here is mine in detail.

The bolded parts are the parts where I felt like you were being a little antagonistic. Yes, she was in the wrong for writing you a nasty text message. However, the way you supposedly wrote her back was just as rude. Obviously since they supposedly weren't expecting to pay for the tux they 1) were obviously expecting for you to pay for them based on her response 2) weren't expecting them to be cheaper and 3) yes, she thought you were paying for them.  At that point, I don't blame her for being mad.

And I agree with Emily in that if he asked if he could sit with her, it probably would have been best to just say yes.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:ce2a4cfb-3de6-4ff9-804a-16da5daef852">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]It has nothing to do w/ the post.  I was trying to type fast and I misplaced the t.  It's not like I spelled it completely wrong.  It's not usually a word people spell everyday.  Move on.
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

Somehow I feel like if it were really just a typo you wouldn't have gotten all offended at someone pointing out the mistake. The "t" probably also would have been closer to where it actually goes in the word rather than placed where it contributes to one of the most common misspellings.

And etiquette is actually a word people spell every day on here, which is why I mentioned it so you could avoid embarrassment in the future. Just like if you talk about your male fiancée on a wedding website, people will point out that it's actually fiancé whereas in other contexts they might let it slide.

Beachy730

OP- I'm glad you clarified the texts.  Still though I stand by my original idea of you being the bigger person and going downstairs to talk to her.  Especially is she is forbidding her BF to see your H.  Put in the effort, go down there and apologize, even if you think you are right, and see where it goes.  If she still is a bitch after, at least you, and your H, know that you tried to mend the situation.

justinsfiancee

He could hang out with her.  I didn't chain him to his damn chair all night.  I just didn't see the need for everyone leaving and going and sitting with whoever.

NuggetBrain

Why did you not let him go sit with his girlfriend when he asked?  Would it really have been that big a deal?  It's not like it would have ruined your entire wedding or anything.  She sounds like a right nasty b*tch, but you could have handled the tux situation a litle better (I personally would have said that if he had a problem with the tuxes, he could certainly contact my husband and they could work something out). 

Also, if your fiance's friend isn't seeing him anymore because he's not "allowed", then he's making that choice.  He's a grown ass man, and nobody can make him do anything he doesn't want to do.  He's obviously chosen to placate his girlfriend over continuing with his friendship in the same capacity as it was before.  That's his choice.  Don't put all the blame on her.

justinsfiancee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:45e0b132-bb56-4205-b57d-499abc5abc13">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long) : Somehow I feel like if it were really just a typo you wouldn't have gotten all offended at someone pointing out the mistake. The "t" probably also would have been closer to where it actually goes in the word rather than placed where it contributes to one of the most common misspellings. And etiquette is actually a word people spell every day on here, which is why I mentioned it so you could avoid embarrassment in the future. Just like if you talk about your male fiancée on a wedding website, people will point out that it's actually fiancé whereas in other contexts they might let it slide.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

I get that I spelled it ettiquete.  I put the t with the first t instead of the second, that is also considered a typo.  I am annoyed by it because it has nothing to do with anything.  People on here like to ignore the original issue to whine or complain about something non related.  I also know how to spell fiance.  I spelled it fiancee because it was already taken if I only used one.  ugh

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:8e3ae740-8af3-4460-9719-56d66524194f">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]He was 5 feet away from her.  IT was in the middle of eating.  We were up there eating for like 30 minutes.  I didn't want him going because all of the other guys would get up and go other places too.  I didn't want it to look stupid having it look like it was a head table but only 1/2 the wedding party up there.  It's not like he couldn't go talk to her or talk to her from where he was.  I just didn't want him hauling his chair and plate down there.  It's not like there were open chairs by her either. I'm not dwelling on it 2 months later.  I just found out last night why she is still all pissed about it. And if what I said was so wrong in response to her nasty texts what was I supposed to say??
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

First, I wish we could tell girls beforehand that the only people who notice where other people are sitting are themselves. Seriously, I can't remember what happened during dinner time from any wedding I've ever been to. And if half of the head table got up and sat somewhere else, I wouldn't have cared or thought it looked stupid. I would be too busy eating my chicken and drinking my alcoholic beverage of choice.

Secondly, I can't think of a great response specifically right now, but there are a lot of girls on this board with great ideas. However, I would have suggested being kinder and more gracious, even in the face of rudeness.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:9425adac-4ee2-41d4-b0c7-9fb88030726f">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]He could hang out with her.  I didn't chain him to his damn chair all night.  <strong>I just didn't see the need for everyone leaving and going and sitting with whoever.</strong>
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

But he clearly did, and at that point in the evening he is a guest. The reception is supposed to be for your guests, and as hosts you're supposed to make your guests happy and comfortable.

Again, I think they were immature about things. I would have either agreed to a head table and stayed there during dinner or I would have discussed it with you beforehand. I'm not excusing her behavior over text or his during dinner. But I think that you and your H also acted poorly, and I really don't see why during your wedding dinner you were more focused on how things would look with someone missing from the table than on your happiness at being married and/or your H's best friend's happiness.

Beachy730

I'm usually never one to say something about how people are responding, but I think this is getting a little ridiculous.  The wedding is over, she can't go back and change how she sat people, how she reacted when they asked to move, or how she responded to texts.  What she can control is how she handles the situation from here on out, which is what she asked for. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:8e3ae740-8af3-4460-9719-56d66524194f">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]He was 5 feet away from her.  IT was in the middle of eating.  We were up there eating for like 30 minutes. <strong> I didn't want him going because all of the other guys would get up and go other places too.  I didn't want it to look stupid having it look like it was a head table but only 1/2 the wedding party up there.</strong>  It's not like he couldn't go talk to her or talk to her from where he was.  I just didn't want him hauling his chair and plate down there.  It's not like there were open chairs by her either. I'm not dwelling on it 2 months later.  I just found out last night why she is still all pissed about it. And if what I said was so wrong in response to her nasty texts what was I supposed to say??
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

Well, good job. Because your desire not to have your head table look stupid cost your husband a friendship. Hope it was worth it!

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-annoyed-stupid-girls-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:160f03af-8035-4be6-bc55-569bdb3746f5Post:757bcd7a-bb82-475d-ae1d-68f22fd57dd4">Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confused. Annoyed. Stupid girls... (long) : I get that I spelled it ettiquete.  I put the t with the first t instead of the second, that is also considered a typo.  I am annoyed by it because it has nothing to do with anything.  People on here like to ignore the original issue to whine or complain about something non related.  I also know how to spell fiance.  I spelled it fiancee because it was already taken if I only used one.  ugh
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

Ha, I didn't even notice your entire username - that really wasn't a dig on you, it was just another common spelling mistake on here.

If you reread my first post, I responded to your post and made mention of the spelling error only as a final note. I didn't come in saying "oh my god, learn to read, why can't you spell." I'm not trying to take away from the main point, it was a little aside, and only since you responded has it even become a discussion.

ETA: Actually, your username is correct. As a woman, you are his fiancée. So apparently you don't know how to spell that one either and just got lucky?

Birdie1483

I agree beach. Thanks for bringing me back down! Things escalate pretty quickly sometimes...

I agree with Champagne on everything she said about letting crazy chick be mad if she wants and how her boyfriend needs to grow his balls back and stuff. I would try to be the bigger person and make nice. But at the end of the day if they want to be douchtastic, then all you can do is put your feet up, drink a glass of wine, and say welp that sucks.