Did you spend the night together?

mandysmear

i had the bridal suite for my bridesmaids and i.  H stayed at our condo with his groomsmen.

zippityb

I stayed at our house and he had a sleepover with his BM at the hotel. I had booked a room too, but I just had my dress and stuff there. I didn't want to do a sleepover or sleep anywhere but my own bed the night before. Once you go Tempurpedic, it's hard to get a good night's sleep elsewhere.

Belle2Be

We live together and have kids together, we're not going to share a room that night.
No real reason. I think mostly since we did everything "backwards" anyway, we might as well have one shred of tradition in the whole thing. And after a few years of being together, building up a little anticipation won't hurt us

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:a6a8f22e-855d-4fd0-808a-a5a346a861bf">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I am the different one here. The first night FI and I will spend together will be the wedding night. 
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

Actually, lots of people are saying they spent the night before the wedding apart.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:1a4c0fdc-770f-4213-85e0-230dda452418">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you spend the night together? : Actually, lots of people are saying they spent the night before the wedding apart.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I think she means they aren't sleeping together now? That's how I took it anyway.
When people post that, I always wonder A, how old they are, and B, how long they've been together.

Rosie109

I am assuming she means the first night they will ever spend together will be their wedding night.

Which must be a loootttt of nerves and pressure. 

heartxsongs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:e1211ff7-82f5-48b9-9b9d-39751f4fafe5">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am assuming she means the first night they will ever spend together will be their wedding night. Which must be a loootttt of nerves and pressure. 
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

This is actually how it will be for FI and I.  But we don't have expectations for it or anything.  We'll probably be too tired anyway.  For us, it's not really a religious thing so much as....  a really nice wedding present for each other, I guess. 

zippityb

OMG, what if he snores?

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:f4f97d02-c66e-4e52-a395-beddb58e91d0">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you spend the night together? : This is actually how it will be for FI and I.  But we don't have expectations for it or anything.  We'll probably be too tired anyway.  For us, it's not really a religious thing so much as....  a really nice wedding present for each other, I guess. 
Posted by heartxsongs[/QUOTE]

Ok I have a question, and please don't take this the wrong way, I would just love to hear a different POV. How could you not have an expectation for your wedding night? It seems like not having a expectation is actually just having a low expectation? What about moving in together and having to learn to deal with someone else's quirks is nice? Just the new-ness of it? ( I'm making the assumption that you haven't slept with each other or lived with anyone, it's a pretty big assumption though I'm sorry).

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:7f362c90-6c4b-4f7e-98e1-7bfc316d0623">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you spend the night together? : I think she means they aren't sleeping together now? That's how I took it anyway. When people post that, I always wonder A, how old they are, and B, how long they've been together.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

and C) why you want to marry that guy and D) why you're bragging about your sex life or lack thereof.

I know it's a personal choice, but her response was a bit holier-than-thou. Like we're all heathens for even considering sex before marriage and she's oh-so-different.

redheadfsu

We live together, so I wouldn't even think about not spending the night before together.

Ready2BMrsWade

Sorry if I came off holier than thou. I totally understand it is a personal choice and more power to you for whatever your choice may be. And if you're wondering I am 20.  I was just expressing my personal choice. Although I am slightly offended at the insinuation that I can not love my man because we haven't slept together "why she wants to marry him".  I thought this was an open question for those of us with different views but apparently because I choose to not sleep with my FI I am either immature or judgmental. I said it was different because the majority of the answers were  that they had lived together and were/ weren't  spending the night before together. Therefore, it was different. No judgement. Really. 

Rosie109

Wait was that legal advice?

Ready2BMrsWade

I do know he doesn't snore. And just because we haven't spent the night together doesn't mean I don't know him well. We have personally chosen to have a emotional and spiritual intimacy and wait for our marriage for the physical intimacy. We aren't those people who are like "No touching or kissing till marriage!!" but we have our line that we are comfortable with. I think that is the important part, we are on the same page with the expectations. But I also get that others don't make that choice and to you I say, Have an awesome life! Hope your marriage rocks too.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:5efb8de6-82f3-4f25-9609-0c00317dad0d">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait was that legal advice?
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

LOL. I have it there to protect me for the threads that touch on legal topics. One can never be to careful. The Florida bar is crazy about the internet. (there are rules as to facebook and other sites, so just covering myself)

Bubbalub

I spent the night in the bridal suite with my MOH and BM. H spent the night at the house, then drove over the day of the wedding to get ready in another suite with the guys.

Celles

Undecided.  This is the one tradition I want to keep, and his parents have hinted rather strongly that they would appreciate it if he stayed at their condo...  but when I mentioned it to him, he gave me puppy dogs and asked if I was really going to make him sleep on his parents' couch the night before his wedding.  =\

heartxsongs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:76b632f8-fc5a-4e1d-a864-ef5e707f931f">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you spend the night together? : Ok I have a question, and please don't take this the wrong way, I would just love to hear a different POV. How could you not have an expectation for your wedding night? It seems like not having a expectation is actually just having a low expectation? What about moving in together and having to learn to deal with someone else's quirks is nice? Just the new-ness of it? ( I'm making the assumption that you haven't slept with each other or lived with anyone, it's a pretty big assumption though I'm sorry).
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

Sorry this is a little late, I was afk for lunch.

When I say I don't have any expectations, I mean that we aren't building ourselves up for whether or not we will do anything that night.  We've talked about it and know that if we're too tired from the long day to be intimate, that we have the next day for that.  I don't see that as low expectations, but rather... realistic maybe?  The gift to each other isn't the living together part, but the intimacy (aka, we're both virgins.)

And we spend a lot of time together.   It is not that we have never spent the night together, but when we do, I sleep in his bed and he sleeps on a blow-up mattress next to it.  We both still live at our parents houses, and will look into buying our own once we get closer to the wedding.  We save money that way, and both our parents are happy to have us stay as long as we'd like.

We live very close to each other, about 5 minutes away.  We spend every weekend together at each other's houses.  We know each other pretty much inside and out.  While it will still be an adjustment moving in together, it is not that I'm moving in with someone I'm unfamiliar with.

And as far as age goes, I just graduated from college and FI is finishing up his degree (in case you were wondering).  And we have been together for over four and a half years now.

ETA:   I in no means am trying to come off as judgemental here, if anyone takes it that way.  Our choice is personal, and I don't think at all that it is the choice all people should make. 

Trifury2007

We did not.  I would have but he wanted to be more 'traditional' which I thought was interesting since we had been living together for a year already.  Oh well.  It made him happy and that mattered to me.

salt78

Yes. We were at a resort and weren't trying to pay for two separate rooms. 

kayakrunhike

We did spend the night before together.  It was wonderful to be able to relax with him that night, after all the craziness of the RD, running into family in the hotel everywhere, etc.  We didn't see each other for most of the week beforehand bc I was at my parent's, wrapping up a couple details.  It was also wonderful to wake up next to him and geek out a bit together.

Plusalso, we did our pics before the ceremony.  *gasp*  Damn good thing, too, bc all my curls felt out due to the humidity by the end of the ceremony.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:77d9698b-5ef6-4dc4-b005-232ddc13b687">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you spend the night together? : Sorry this is a little late, I was afk for lunch. When I say I don't have any expectations, I mean that we aren't building ourselves up for whether or not we will do anything that night.  We've talked about it and know that if we're too tired from the long day to be intimate, that we have the next day for that.  I don't see that as low expectations, but rather... realistic maybe?  The gift to each other isn't the living together part, but the intimacy (aka, we're both virgins.) And we spend a lot of time together.   It is not that we have never spent the night together, but when we do, I sleep in his bed and he sleeps on a blow-up mattress next to it.  We both still live at our parents houses, and will look into buying our own once we get closer to the wedding.  We save money that way, and both our parents are happy to have us stay as long as we'd like. We live very close to each other, about 5 minutes away.  We spend every weekend together at each other's houses.  We know each other pretty much inside and out.  While it will still be an adjustment moving in together, it is not that I'm moving in with someone I'm unfamiliar with. And as far as age goes, I just graduated from college and FI is finishing up his degree (in case you were wondering).  And we have been together for over four and a half years now. ETA:   I in no means am trying to come off as judgemental here, if anyone takes it that way.  Our choice is personal, and I don't think at all that it is the choice all people should make. 
Posted by heartxsongs[/QUOTE]

Thanks for answering :) I didn't read yours as a holier than thou, so you're good (IMO anyway).
I always wonder age and how long because many that I read, the couple is young (fresh out of high school within a couple of years) and in reality, that's not really a long time to wait.  Relationship length, well I've known couples who wanted to have sex but didn't want to outside of marriage, so after less than a year of dating they get married for the sex.
How do you know you'll be sexually compatable? Have you guys fooled around at all? (Do you at least know his size? or yours?) If those are too personal I understand :D

Kniblet

We lived together before the wedding.  But the night before, he stayed with one of the GM and I bunked with my MOH in my hotel suite.   It was the spending time with people we had not seen in a long time that made us do that.  Kind of like a slumber party for me, since MOH lives in GA.

[Deleted User]

We lived together for a year before our wedding. We did not spend the night together before the wedding. Neither of us wanted to see each other before the wedding, we are just kinda traditional people like that.

mocha beans

We stayed together.  We could have split up and gone to different hotel rooms, but spending the night before the wedding together seemed more relaxing.  I'm glad we did too.

ichellemay1

Our wedding is still over a year away, but we have talked about it.  We will have lived together over 4 years by then.  However, in the interest of tradition (which he is not always a fan of) he suggested that he stay with a friend the night before. 

leia1979

We'll have lived together almost 2.5 years when we get married. I don't care one way or the other, but FI is adamant about being apart until the ceremony. I'll have a suite at the hotel, and my BMs will be more than welcome to stay with me if they like.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:3ebb6b17-257b-404d-baee-1ea2941ee34d">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you spend the night together? : Well, I say that we're waiting but that doesn't mean it has been easy.  I think it almost helps that we both still live at home in that respect, since most of the time we spend together we're at a house with family members around somewhere.  We have a lot of passion for one another and have to hold ourselves back at times, but we do that because we know that it would be really special to hold off that extra bit of time and save it for each other then. I'd prefer not to go too in depth into what we have and haven't done, but I can say that I've never seen him in anything less than his underwear (and the same for him).  <strong>We are not worried about sexual compatibility because we both love each other deeply and would do anything to make the other happy.</strong>
Posted by heartxsongs[/QUOTE]
 
That is a bit naive to me, I guess because I've seen my share of peni and there were more than a couple who literally would not be a good fit. With something like Marriage which I intend for life, sexual satisfaction is pretty important.

cm42878

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-spend-night-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1816e117-2153-4ca6-bddc-11d4f429b98bPost:0d13f30a-666f-45b7-82c0-56ef43bd568b">Re: Did you spend the night together?</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you at least napped on the couch together? The snoring thing is a big deal. For real.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

Zippity- This just made my day, I actually laughed out loud, but I have to agree, its nice to know the good and bad quirks about someone before hand!!

I can not imagine the nerves I would have on our wedding night if it was the first time. No judgement on you, just my observation.

Kristin789

Nope.
Traditionaly, the night before the wedding is a time for the RD and then the bride spends some very special time with MOB, or MOB+FOB.
My FI was busy with his parents arriving in the early afternoon, hanging out, then coming over to my town for the RD, then going back and going to bed, and making sure they had everything in the morning so they could drive to their home directly from the wedding reception because we were leaving on our HM.