Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)

BrideJackie11

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to get some opinions on this issue.  I am getting married 6/11/11.  I am having 3 BMs and 1 MOH.   I am getting married in Vegas and most of us live in Florida.  I am starting residency on July 1st, as are 2 of the BMs also (one in Pediatrics and the other in internal medicine). When I asked the BMs to be BMs, I told them that the wedding will be in Vegas but I didn't want the expenses of a destination wedding to worry them.  I informed them that my mom wanted to buy thier dresses and we would pay for their rooms on Friday and Saturday. I didn't want them to not say yes because of financial reasons.  I told them that I would need them to budget for thier flight and that they would need to take Friday off to make it for the rehearsal dinner on Friday night.  Both of them agreed. 

On a side note, one of the BMs just got married this June and I, along with the other BM were bridesmaids.  They are aware of the responsibilities that come with being BMs.  She gave us responsibility cards. She required us to buy and wear a certain 4-inch high heel shoe even though I had broken my foot (and required surgery) the year before.  Her bachelorette party was an entire weekend in South Beach that she planned herself.  My fiance was not invited to the rehearsal dinner but the other BM's boyfriend was because "he is good friend's with" the groom.

We are just getting our rotation schedules and they informed me last week that they may not be able to make it to the rehearsal dinner.  they are "going to try to make it." and are using an excuse about trouble taking time off (which is BS because I am in the same situation).  They plan to leave work early on Friday instead of taking the day off to get there.  I told them that I just came back from there the weekend prior and my flight was 2 hours delayed and that leaving at 4 to get there 6 would not work because the rehearsal dinner is at 6.  I told them to let their department know (just as I already did) and it shouldn't be a problem since it is a year in advance.  Mine is letting me take all my vacation at once even though this usually isn't allowed.

I told one of them at the dress shop when my mom was here buying the dresses that it was important to me for them to be there and it hurt my feelings that they don't seem to care about being there.  She even said "you shouldn't be worrying about anything.  You're the bride." which is obviously a lie. I also don't want them showing up late to the rehearsal dinner and my FI foots the bill for the them and thier date.  They know that they are welcome to bring dates (even though I wasn't).  I feel like if they do not make it to the rehearsal dinner, I do not want to pay for their rooms even though I told them I would originally.  It's no different than them being wedding guests at that point, but they get a free Lazaro BM dress paid for courtesy of the bride.  I don't think it is fair for us to pay for thier rooms and they don't even show up to the rehearsal dinner. That would mean half my bridesmaids would not be in attendance.  I have other friends that are guests who have to pay thier way to come to our wedding.  At this point, it is cheaper to be a BM than a wedding guest because everything but their flights is paid for.  They could have said they weren't comfortable with being a BM and told me not to buy the dress, but instead let my mom pay for the dresses.

I wanted your opinions about this because I am not sure how to handle it.  It is making me aggravated and hurt.  I feel like they are not the friends I thought they were.  I think they may be encouraging each other that it's ok to show up whenever they want to Vegas.  I am also not sure what to do about paying for thier rooms.

-Jackie

brookelynpaisley

::backs slowly out of the thread::

ohwhynot

I think you are being unreasonable, frankly.  The fact that you are taking the day off  doesn't mean that they can just as easily take the day off:  you're the bride - of course you're going to get the day off and none of your supervisors will look askance at that. 

You seem to be harboring a LOT of resentment toward these women when they did what you invited them to do:  let you buy their dresses and pay their way to your wedding.  They'll get there as soon as they reasonably can, it sounds like, and your rehearsal dinner is really, really, not a big deal to anyone but you.  As long as they are there for the wedding, that's all you can reasonably expect of them.  I don't think they're being uncool about it - I think you are going overboard on your expectations of them and the importance they should put on your wedding day. 

banana468

I'm not sure what the big deal is here.

You have to realize that for your friends, taking time off for a friend's wedding is much different than taking time off from YOUR wedding.  They're being honest with you in advance and you need to respect that their careers are important as is your wedding.

If they don't make it to the rehearsal and RD on time or at all, you need to relax and go with theflow.

AND, if you decide to take back what you offered you're going to appear really small and venturing into the bridezilla territory.   Keep up your end of the bargain and be the gracious person that you offered to be.

Also, that your friends did things inappropriately isn't an excuse for you to be inappropriate.  When you  host a wedding or RD, the SOs of your guests must be included.  It was rude for your FI to not be invited to the previous RD but that's by no means license to repeat the rude behavior.  And that your BM planned her own bachelorette doesn't mean that you get to demand anything other than that your BMs be at your wedding. 

september's bride

Whoa. That's a lot to process. I understand that you feel hurt, but your friends have to do what's best for them in the long run. If they don't feel comfortable asking for time off or guaranteeing that they'll be at your RD, then you have to accept that. Realistically, it's only a rehearsal dinner - it's not like you can't get married if they don't attend. I understand as well that it's frustrating to try to make accommodations for people who don't seem to appreciate them, but really, you're doing the best you can and you have to trust that your friends will too.

You're their friend first and the bride second. I had friends unsure if they could attend various wedding events, and that was fine. They have their own lives, schedules and responsibilities. In the world's scheme of things, my wedding was pretty inconsequential, and I understood that. Maybe you need to take a step back and get some perspective on the whole thing.

LP11509

Are you having an actual rehearsal on Friday, or just a dinner?

You need to step back and breathe for a minute.  I promise you it is not the end of the world if they aren't there for your rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.  If they are in med school, I am assuming that they are smart people and can figure out how to get themselves down the aisle and stand in an appropriate place during the actual ceremony.

Honestly, if I were your BM and you said to me, "well if you're not coming to the rehearsal, I take back my offer to pay for your room",  I'd have to bite my tongue to keep from stepping down right there and then. Taksie Backies should not be used past the 4th grade.  All this does is make you look like an immature bridezilla.

And, it's not like they're POSSIBLY missing the rehearsal because they decided they'd rather go partying out on the strip. They're in rotations.  Yes, you took off for one of their weddings, but that was your choice. Let them make their own choices, and don't make them feel guilty about it.

Basically - get over yourself.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-rehearsal-dinner-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b96d4b4-cc66-47ec-ad6b-c5267f2d0c0fPost:a59387a2-ca27-48c4-b283-c838e70961df">Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, I just wanted to get some opinions on this issue.  I am getting married 6/11/11.  I am having 3 BMs and 1 MOH.   I am getting married in Vegas and most of us live in Florida.  I am starting residency on July 1st, as are 2 of the BMs also (one in Pediatrics and the other in internal medicine). When I asked the BMs to be BMs, I told them that the wedding will be in Vegas but I didn't want the expenses of a destination wedding to worry them.  I informed them that my mom wanted to buy thier dresses and we would pay for their rooms on Friday and Saturday. I didn't want them to not say yes because of financial reasons.  I told them that I would need them to budget for thier flight and that they would need to take Friday off to make it for the rehearsal dinner on Friday night.  Both of them agreed.  On a side note, one of the BMs just got married this June and I, along with the other BM were bridesmaids.  They are aware of the responsibilities that come with being BMs.  She gave us responsibility cards. She required us to buy and wear a certain 4-inch high heel shoe even though I had broken my foot (and required surgery) the year before.  Her bachelorette party was an entire weekend in South Beach that she planned herself.  My fiance was not invited to the rehearsal dinner but the other BM's boyfriend was because "he is good friend's with" the groom. We are just getting our rotation schedules and they informed me last week that they may not be able to make it to the rehearsal dinner.  they are "going to try to make it." and are using an excuse about trouble taking time off (which is BS because I am in the same situation).  They plan to leave work early on Friday instead of taking the day off to get there.  I told them that I just came back from there the weekend prior and my flight was 2 hours delayed and that leaving at 4 to get there 6 would not work because the rehearsal dinner is at 6.  I told them to let their department know (just as I already did) and it shouldn't be a problem since it is a year in advance.  Mine is letting me take all my vacation at once even though this usually isn't allowed. I told one of them at the dress shop when my mom was here buying the dresses that it was important to me for them to be there and it hurt my feelings that they don't seem to care about being there.  She even said "you shouldn't be worrying about anything.  You're the bride." which is obviously a lie. I also don't want them showing up late to the rehearsal dinner and my FI foots the bill for the them and thier date.  They know that they are welcome to bring dates (even though I wasn't).  I feel like if they do not make it to the rehearsal dinner, I do not want to pay for their rooms even though I told them I would originally.  It's no different than them being wedding guests at that point, but they get a free Lazaro BM dress paid for courtesy of the bride.  I don't think it is fair for us to pay for thier rooms and they don't even show up to the rehearsal dinner. That would mean half my bridesmaids would not be in attendance.  I have other friends that are guests who have to pay thier way to come to our wedding.  At this point, it is cheaper to be a BM than a wedding guest because everything but their flights is paid for.  They could have said they weren't comfortable with being a BM and told me not to buy the dress, but instead let my mom pay for the dresses. I wanted your opinions about this because I am not sure how to handle it.  It is making me aggravated and hurt.  I feel like they are not the friends I thought they were.  I think they may be encouraging each other that it's ok to show up whenever they want to Vegas.  I am also not sure what to do about paying for thier rooms. -Jackie
Posted by BrideJackie11[/QUOTE]

Okay, fine, I'll bite because I'm bored.
1. Bridesmaids don't have responsibilities other than acquiring attire, showing up for the wedding, and smiling for photos. Responsibility cards are BS.
2. You chose your bridal party incredibly early - this could backfire on you, especially since you're all in an incredibly demanding situation with rigid schedules.
3. Have your bridesmaids mastered walking yet? Then I'm pretty sure they'd get the gist of your rehearsal
4. As for the dinner, life happens. Repeat that. Life happens. If they can't be at dinner, it's nothing against you. You're a medical student and understand the demands, surely you get that the obligations of schooling are great. As long as they're there the day of your wedding, that's all that matters.
5. You seem to be using buying their dresses as leverage. If you're going to be generous and buy their dress, it's a gift. You're treating it as a tool to make them feel guilty: "I bought your dress, you should be there."

There's more, but I'm going to sit back and see what anyone else comes up with.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-rehearsal-dinner-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b96d4b4-cc66-47ec-ad6b-c5267f2d0c0fPost:a59387a2-ca27-48c4-b283-c838e70961df">Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, I just wanted to get some opinions on this issue.  I am getting married 6/11/11.  I am having 3 BMs and 1 MOH.   I am getting married in Vegas and most of us live in Florida.  I am starting residency on July 1st, as are 2 of the BMs also (one in Pediatrics and the other in internal medicine). When I asked the BMs to be BMs, I told them that the wedding will be in Vegas but I didn't want the expenses of a destination wedding to worry them.  I informed them that my mom wanted to buy thier dresses and we would pay for their rooms on Friday and Saturday. I didn't want them to not say yes because of financial reasons.  I told them that I would need them to budget for thier flight and that they would need to take Friday off to make it for the rehearsal dinner on Friday night.  Both of them agreed.  On a side note, one of the BMs just got married this June and I, along with the other BM were bridesmaids.  They are aware of the responsibilities that come with being BMs.  She gave us responsibility cards. She required us to buy and wear a certain 4-inch high heel shoe even though I had broken my foot (and required surgery) the year before.  Her bachelorette party was an entire weekend in South Beach that she planned herself.  My fiance was not invited to the rehearsal dinner but the other BM's boyfriend was because "he is good friend's with" the groom. We are just getting our rotation schedules and they informed me last week that they may not be able to make it to the rehearsal dinner.  they are "going to try to make it." and are using an excuse about trouble taking time off (which is BS because I am in the same situation).  They plan to leave work early on Friday instead of taking the day off to get there.  I told them that I just came back from there the weekend prior and my flight was 2 hours delayed and that leaving at 4 to get there 6 would not work because the rehearsal dinner is at 6.  I told them to let their department know (just as I already did) and it shouldn't be a problem since it is a year in advance.  Mine is letting me take all my vacation at once even though this usually isn't allowed. I told one of them at the dress shop when my mom was here buying the dresses that it was important to me for them to be there and it hurt my feelings that they don't seem to care about being there.  She even said "you shouldn't be worrying about anything.  You're the bride." which is obviously a lie. I also don't want them showing up late to the rehearsal dinner and my FI foots the bill for the them and thier date.  They know that they are welcome to bring dates (even though I wasn't). <strong> I feel like if they do not make it to the rehearsal dinner, I do not want to pay for their rooms even though I told them I would originally.  It's no different than them being wedding guests at that point, but they get a free Lazaro BM dress paid for courtesy of the bride.  I don't think it is fair for us to pay for thier rooms and they don't even show up to the rehearsal dinner. That would mean half my bridesmaids would not be in attendance.</strong>  I have other friends that are guests who have to pay thier way to come to our wedding.  At this point, it is cheaper to be a BM than a wedding guest because everything but their flights is paid for.  They could have said they weren't comfortable with being a BM and told me not to buy the dress, but instead let my mom pay for the dresses. I wanted your opinions about this because I am not sure how to handle it.  It is making me aggravated and hurt.  I feel like they are not the friends I thought they were.  I think they may be encouraging each other that it's ok to show up whenever they want to Vegas.  I am also not sure what to do about paying for thier rooms. -Jackie
Posted by BrideJackie11[/QUOTE]

What I get from this is "wah wah wah...  I was a better BM to them than they were me."

What it comes down to is this:  they may or may not be able to attend the rehearsal.  Big friggin deal.  Most adults I know are coordinated enough to walk AND carry a small bunch of flowers at the same time.  It's not like someone needs to practice that.  Does it suck?  Yeah.  Is it an end-of-the-world drama that requires 5 paragraphs to hash out?  No. 

FWIW - my entire WP had speaking parts in the ceremony and only 1/2 of them could make it to the RD because they had to work.  They still managed to show up, dressed appropriately, walk up and down the aisle AND deliver their spoken park without the need to practice.      

Oh yeah - and in reference to the bolded part - at that point, you're just being a petty child.

brookelynpaisley

Oh, yeah, I missed that lovely part highlight by Tide. That's incredibly petty. If I was one of your bridesmaids and knew you felt that way, I'd run, not walk, away from your zilla asss.

vsgal

Great googly moogly--take a chill pill.  Missing the rehersal dinner is not the end of the world.  I would think that they would be smart enough to figure out what to do at a wedding. If they can't make it, so be it.  Don't take away things that you have already promised to do for them.  It is childish.

Repeat these sentences again and again:

1.  My performance in previous weddings may or may not be reciprocated.
2.  Nobody cares about my wedding as much as I do.**


**Note: This does not read that nobody cares about your wedding.  They care.  They are not consumed by it.

 

BrideJackie11

Thank you for your opinions.  Nice welcoming group here on the etiquette board. 

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-rehearsal-dinner-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b96d4b4-cc66-47ec-ad6b-c5267f2d0c0fPost:dfc27687-c8b9-4f75-824c-c981fe099172">Re: Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your opinions.  Nice welcoming group here on the etiquette board. 
Posted by BrideJackie11[/QUOTE]
That's beebee code speak for, "I didn't get the validation that I wanted, so your opinions don't matter!"

Seriously, OP?  If 20 strangers tell you that you're acting like a brat, then maybe you need to take a step back and look at who you've allowed yourself to become.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-rehearsal-dinner-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b96d4b4-cc66-47ec-ad6b-c5267f2d0c0fPost:dfc27687-c8b9-4f75-824c-c981fe099172">Re: Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your opinions.  Nice welcoming group here on the etiquette board. 
Posted by BrideJackie11[/QUOTE]

Not sure what kind of response you were looking for.

"Sure!  Takesies backsies is a GREAT idea for a grown woman!"??

You asked for advice and received a ton of great advice.  It may not have been what you wanted to hear but hopefully you actually listen to it before you make a huge mistake.

BrideJackie11

I think it's ironic that you put a post on the etiquette board and you get attacked by almost everyone that responds. 
I didn't think I was being bratty, nor too high of an expectation, to expect the BMs to be at the rehearsal, especially since that is the only I asked them for.

Vsgal- thank you and I appreciate your advice.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-rehearsal-dinner-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b96d4b4-cc66-47ec-ad6b-c5267f2d0c0fPost:3cbbca80-77a7-4ff2-8038-7a198c01f922">Re: Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's ironic that you put a post on the etiquette board and you get attacked by almost everyone that responds.  I didn't think I was being bratty, nor too high of an expectation, to expect the BMs to be at the rehearsal, especially since that is the only I asked them for. Vsgal- thank you and I appreciate your advice.
Posted by BrideJackie11[/QUOTE]

Not getting the answers that you hoped for =/= getting attacked.  You asked a question and were told that you were being childish and your expectations were too high.  Good god woman, grow up. 

banana468

You weren't attacked.  You received advice.

You can ask people to make it to the RD but it's not a requirement - and it's really rude and quite petty to threaten to take something away if they can't make it. 

ohwhynot

You weren't attacked at all.  You asked for our opinions and you got them.  Every single person who gave an opinion thinks you're being unreasonable.  I hope that gives you some pause, but somehow I doubt it. 

SparrowSong

I can understand being hurt when you were a bridesmaid for them and you went above and beyond.

But it's best to keep your expectations low, particularly when it comes to a destination wedding. There are certain inconveniences that come along with that. The likelihood that all parties involved will be able to come to a rehearsal dinner is one of them.

Basically you can choose how this makes you feel. You can dwell in the hurt and resentment, or you can be the bigger person and let it go. Let them know you'll be very disappointed if they aren't there. Be sad. Be disappointed. But look up at the big picture, realize you did all you can to make it easier for them, and move on. It will be ok, even if they aren't there.

You offered to pay for their rooms. That was kind and generous. Don't take that offer back in retaliation. It would be really petty to retroactively demonstrate you had strings attached.

BrideJackie11

I agreed to pay for their room on Friday because they needed to be there friday for the rehearsal dinner.  Otherwise, they may as well come Saturday morning.

-the bride called "zilla ass" but "wasn't attacked"

SparrowSong

Well if they aren't coming there's no room to pay for, right?  I'd worry about it later  when you're actually booking the rooms and when you get a more definitive answer instead of wishy-washy maybes. Would their flights be cheaper if they flew in Friday or Saturday? Maybe that would sway someone on the fence to try to come earlier.

pnthrgrl343

I have a dumb question - why do they HAVE to be at the rehearsal? Most of our BP was out of town and at least half didn't make it out for the RD. They still figured out where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to do (a few of them did readings and the intentions and whatnot).

I'm not understanding why it's such a big deal that they aren't there for the RD.

mica178

Most interns have hard getting more than a day off depending on their rotation.  It's one thing if you're the bride, but most program directors don't have much sympathy for bridesmaids.

Your wedding will survive if two bridesmaids don't make it to the rehearsal.  Your friendship with these two women might not survive if you continue your current behavior.

You can ask your bridesmaids to let you know about the rehearsal/RD a month in advance so you can cancel the Friday night hotel reservation and save yourself the money.  

Midgie373

To put this as gently as possible, no one cares about your wedding as much as you care about your wedding.  This is also true for my wedding, and anyone elses.  Yeah, it sux that they aren't gonna be at the rehersal dinner, but you'll still be getting married.  I wouldn't let it bother me so much.  Besides, a lot can change in a year.  Just don't worry about it.

janedoe1113a

1 out of 4 of my bridesmaids were at the rehearsal dinner.  Those other 3 (including my MOH) didn't come into town until the morning of the wedding.  Our ceremony still went on perfectly.  Not a big deal at all.

If they're not coming in on Friday, then there's no room to pay for.

Their careers are obviously more important to them than your wedding.  You should not fault them for that. 

kirstenr

I am having a very hard time phrasing my response to this, because I have a thought but every time I write it out, it sounds completely wrong.

What time is your wedding on Saturday? Would it be feasible for the girls to fly in on Saturday morning and still have plenty of time to get ready, enjoy the day, etc? If so, just have them do that.  I see your point of view in not wanting to foot the bill for their hotel room the night before the wedding if they'll be coming in after your planned festivities.  I don't think you should be mad about it-- having your feelings hurt is one thing, because some people are just more sensitive than others, but expressing your hurt feelings is another story.  So, ask them to come in on Saturday morning instead, but don't do it angrily.  

That's my two cents.  I think that's the gist of what I'm trying to say.

Goldlie11

I think rehearsals are kind of silly unless the bridal party is really big or there is something out of the ordinary going on.  Like others have said, it's not that hard to walk and carry a bouquet.   

At this point, you really can't go back on any promises that you've made.  Unless you worded it like, "I can pay for your room if you are concerned about the extra money attending the RD will cost".  In that case, they shouldn't expect you to pay for them if they are not attending the event. 

WhatawagSBNy

Worrying now about things like this a full year away is silly.

If you already know the RD time will be a problem a year from now,  and you want them there,  change the time.  Or else realize that when the event rolls around, if their current supervisors will approve time off, fine, they can come.  If you get easy approval, as the bride, and they do not - because supervisors do not have coverage , then you will be traveling during the day, and be there well before 6.  They will not.

Go for an 8 pm cocktails, 9 pm dinner,  skip it entirely, or plan on just having the RD for those who are able to make it.

Rehearsal dinners are optional, and very secondary events to a wedding.   Rehearsals are not necessary for all participants.  As long as a few people know what is going on, they can fill the others in.

As for their weddings - water under the bridge.  If you objected to wearing heels then, you should have spoken up then.  It is not ammunition, a grudge to save up and use later.

  Meanwhile some decisions about guest list numbers etc. for their rehearsal dinner may have been determined by the hostess, not the couple.  If they set an overall numbers cap and MOB or MOG was involved, you cannot now say - well I feel slighted.

Let go of past things.  And if you are still 11 months ahead of the wedding, instead of thinking of grievances that far ahead  either think of solutions - like having a later RD.

Or else have the RD a week or 2 ahead, in Florida, or even have a bridesmaid's lunch or dinner for your attendants  there at home,  not at the destination.

     Just have a family dinner at the destination, and a quick rehearsal run through, if you need any, on Sat. am. 

When you decided on a destination wedding, you knew relocating everyone would be a hassle.  You made your choices.   Now you must realize, whether you plan 1 year or  5 ahead,  when the last couple of weeks before the wedding comes around is the only time people - guests as well as bridal party - will know things like work schedules. 

Guests too may know a bout your wedding a year in advance - but even if you ask for RSVP's early,  until 30 days before the event,  many guests will not get work time off approval if they work Fri, Sat or Sunday.

  You could be like someone on a club board of recently married people - of 60 invited,  many sure they could come, all but 2  cancelled.   Before you think of taking an attitude with friends, realize,  the fact that these ladies do intend to be at the wedding, is a lot, the most important thing.  Don't alienate them. 

The idea that a full 11 months ahead you are thinking of taking away promised free lodgings at a destination wedding, to punish them for what you perceive as them not treating you as well as you feel you should be treated -  well, that attitude does not say anything good about your maturity.

strlzfan11

Weddings aren't tit for tat.  Just because you did something for them does not mean they have to do the same for you.  The responsibilities of a bridesmaid consist of getting the attire and standing next to you during the ceremony and pictures.  Anything else is optional and to be decided on by the BMs, not you.

Your wedding isn't nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you, except maybe your mom.

I was at a wedding & rehearsal a few years ago where a BM & GM couldn't make it for the actual rehearsal because of flights.  It was no big deal.  When we arrived at the restaurant for dinner they were just getting out of the cab from the hotel.

I'm pretty sure that you can't even book flights for next June yet, so you really have no idea what time they will get in.  A direct flight from FL to Vegas is about 5 1/2 hours and if you knock off the time difference it's really only 2 1/2.  So if your BMs leave at 3:00 EST they'd arrive in Vegas at 5:30 PST.  What time were you planning on having your rehearsal?  You could easily push things back to 7:00 and be able to have them there.

banana468

Wait a sec, you're not getting married for almost a year and you're already this stressed and threatening to pull stuff?

Go take a bath or drink  some wine.  It isn't even worth thinking about flights that can't even be booked yet.  Chil out.

arv266

Just a thought... is it possible that they are sensing your hurt feelings and shying away from you?  Is it possible that your actions/reactions towards your friends is making them feel less than honored to be in your wedding party?

 Your post makes it seem that your generous offering of buying their dress and covering their lodging is being taken advantage of -- and this is the part that I do not understand... do you really think that your BM will do anything but stick their dresses in their closets after their wedding? Do you really think that they only agreed to be in your WP for the free perks you offered?  You may feel this way, but do you really think that of the women who you thought close enough to call your friends and ask to be your BMs? 

The only thing that will make this situation better is for your to change the way you feel, and only you can do that.  The advice that you received was sound.  It may have been painful to read, but it was sound.  As much as you want things to run exactly as envisioned and planned, you need to remember that life does not happen on cue.  I am not sure why you are focusing so much on your RD.  Can you ask yourself why you are holding on so dearly to this?  And with a year out to make contingency plans, why are you holding so fast to your original plan? 

This is just a hunch... but I think that there is a bigger issue here and it has nothing to do with dresses, flights, time off or RD....  it seems like you feel you do more for your friends than they do for you, and its that emotion that is rearing its ugly head. 

I hope you are able to get something quasi postive from this post. 

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-rehearsal-dinner-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b96d4b4-cc66-47ec-ad6b-c5267f2d0c0fPost:3cbbca80-77a7-4ff2-8038-7a198c01f922">Re: Bridesmaids and Rehearsal dinner (long*)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's ironic that you put a post on the etiquette board and you get attacked by almost everyone that responds.  I didn't think I was being bratty, nor too high of an expectation, to expect the BMs to be at the rehearsal, especially since that is the only I asked them for. Vsgal- thank you and I appreciate your advice.
Posted by BrideJackie11[/QUOTE]

Um, thanks, I think. Although I have to say that nobody blasted you.  Banana, Tidetravel and Brooke have been on these boards and have seen everything.  They know what they are talking about.  Just like me, we don't sugar coat things.  We shoot straight and we are call the situation like we see it.  Most of the time, when planning a wedding, friends and family will tell you what you want to hear.  This, to me, is ruder than pointing out questonable behavior. 

Hopefully, one day during this process, you will appreciate these women and their saged advice without getting upset.

Just like Banana said, have a glass of wine and revisit this later.