Specific baby talk in here!

louisvillebride21

Here we go, Katie

louisvillebride21

So, attachment parenting...

What's your take on it?
How do you 'define' it?
Do you pretty much like everything about it, or want to pick and choose?
What do you dislike?
What do you think about babywearing?

katiewhompus

What's your take on it?
How do you 'define' it?
Do you pretty much like everything about it, or want to pick and choose?
What do you dislike?
What do you think about babywearing?

So far from what I've read I like the concept, I haven't spoken with anyone using it yet though so I'm not sure how far from the concept the crazies can get. For me it's just viewing the baby/mother as a partnership, as well as letting dad contribute. It's more family oriented and realizing that a baby changes things.
I love their take on crying. One statement I read that I liked was "A baby is not malicious or manipulative. They are not crying because they want to annoy you or keep you from sleeping. They are crying because they are wanting something, even if they don't know what it is."
I think it can be very difficult on people who chose/have to go back to work after the usual 6 weeks maternity leave. But like I said, I haven't gotten too deep into it yet.
I adore the concept of baby wearing and had been planning on getting a baby sling before I heard about AP. When I was little my dad had a little baby harness/backpack thing and I loved it. I hated strollers as a kid and this way I could go anywhere. I also think it ties into some evolutionary traits/fears we have. I mean, if you look at our evolving world, a baby who is placed on the ground is pretty much a snack for a wild animal. Babies would be passed from mom to sister to aunt, whoever had arms free.
I guess to me a lot of it makes sense. But I know a lot of people have major issues with it, so I don't know if I haven't gotten to far into it yet.

Brie2010

I don't know anything about attachment parenting, but I will contribute to the baby thread that I feel like the world's largest asshole because my uterus is saying BABY BABY BABY even though my brain knows we should wait.  But...our reasons to wait aren't really that compelling, which makes the whole thing sucky.  DH is better at being logical than I am, but he still gets the "OMG baby" moments, too.  I know he wouldn't be open to TTC yet, but in a year or so it's not out of the question.

I guess I'll throw out the question: how do you KNOW when it's time to TTC?  Are you ever really prepared for it? 

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:e8c8fa73-7631-460e-b2aa-87bb88de72f1">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]What's your take on it? How do you 'define' it? Do you pretty much like everything about it, or want to pick and choose? What do you dislike? What do you think about babywearing? So far from what I've read I like the concept, I haven't spoken with anyone using it yet though so I'm not sure how far from the concept the crazies can get. For me it's just viewing the baby/mother as a partnership, as well as letting dad contribute. It's more family oriented and realizing that a baby changes things. I love their take on crying. One statement I read that I liked was "A baby is not malicious or manipulative. They are not crying because they want to annoy you or keep you from sleeping. They are crying because they are wanting something, even if they don't know what it is." I think it can be very difficult on people who chose/have to go back to work after the usual 6 weeks maternity leave. But like I said, I haven't gotten too deep into it yet. I adore the concept of baby wearing and had been planning on getting a baby sling before I heard about AP. When I was little my dad had a little baby harness/backpack thing and I loved it. I hated strollers as a kid and this way I could go anywhere. I also think it ties into some evolutionary traits/fears we have. I mean, if you look at our evolving world, a baby who is placed on the ground is pretty much a snack for a wild animal. Babies would be passed from mom to sister to aunt, whoever had arms free. I guess to me a lot of it makes sense. But I know a lot of people have major issues with it, so I don't know if I haven't gotten to far into it yet.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I think it can get super crazy. One thing that 'bothers' me is co sleeping past a certain point. I don't know what that point is for me, but I think once they're up walking and talking is too much for me. I think I feel the same way about breast feeding. If you're old enough to ask for it, it's time to stop. But that doesn't mean I judge others that do it longer. That's just long enough for me.

I don't know what I think about the crying. I don't agree with CIO, but I think we'll do some kind of sleep training. I can't see myself being ok with picking him/her up every.single. time. it cries. I mean, as a newborn, yes of course. But once they get to a certain age, I think it's healthy that they can get themselves to sleep.

I LOVE baby wearing. I have a bad back, so I'm really, really praying I will be abel to do it for quite awhile. I have no problem with strollers or anything, it just seems SO easy to just wear them. But then again, I'm not to crazy about the idea that they are never sat down. Constantly being held doesn't seem healthy to me either.

katiewhompus

I realized it was time when my period was late and instead of thinking "please show up please show up" like I had for the last 9 years I was thinking "please let me be pregnant, please don't show up period."
But no, I don't think you're ever really prepared for it. There's always one more surprise bill or step in the road that makes you think "Maybe we should wait another year."
Also when I started wanting to steal (not seriously) babies every time I saw one, that was a big hint.

Oh, and I hated kids as of about 3 years ago. Hated and was completely terrified, so this was a huge mental shift.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:2ad68731-5579-452f-9804-4546224bfd0c">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know anything about attachment parenting, but I will contribute to the baby thread that I feel like the world's largest asshole because my uterus is saying BABY BABY BABY even though my brain knows we should wait.  But...our reasons to wait aren't really that compelling, which makes the whole thing sucky.  DH is better at being logical than I am, but he still gets the "OMG baby" moments, too.  I know he wouldn't be open to TTC yet, but in a year or so it's not out of the question. I guess I'll throw out the question: h<strong>ow do you KNOW when it's time to TTC?  Are you ever really prepared for it? </strong>
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]
I don't think we can EVER really KNOW. I don't think we can ever fully realize the emotion and financial strain it's going to have until we're in the thick of it.  Of course you can be more prepared at times than at others, but I've always heard if you wait until you're totally ready, you'll never have kids.

louisvillebride21

I've always been pretty baby crazy, but it went away when we moved in together. I've wanted to steal babies for a long time now.

One time, something came over me and I randomly touched a baby. A mom had it on her shoulder and it's tiny little hands was reaching out to me. So I touched her hand. Had I been that mom, I would have reached back and bitchslapped me. But something came over me and I didn't even know I was doing it. Weird.

Morfudd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:72de4954-51ea-4ec1-9db5-9ef387821999">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Specific baby talk in here! : I don't think we can EVER really KNOW. I don't think we can ever fully realize the emotion and financial strain it's going to have until we're in the thick of it.  Of course you can be more prepared at times than at others, but <strong>I've always heard if you wait until you're totally ready, you'll never have kids.</strong>
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

One of our professors told us this when we got engaged. "Have kids in grad school, you'll never have so many willing baby sitters and if you wait until you have tenure, you'll be too old."

Of course, being in grad school is like doing a second major in late-night drinking (of both coffee and alcohol), so it's hard to imagine doing something that would so impair our social lives, having only single male friends as we do.

Eventually, of course, I'm sure the pull of the pub night will be out-pulled by the desire for babies.

Brie2010

Yeah, part of my problem is that I know we'll never be as ready as I'd like to be.  We both have massive amounts of student loan debt that will take at least 20 years to pay off, so...we're going to have some kind of significant debt while TTC, no matter what.

We have a plan, which is basically to be on BC until next May, then do NFP/casually TTA for another year without BC (prepared for and okay with a surprise), and then actively start TTC the May after that if something hasn't happened.  But lately I just want to say "fuuck you, plan" and go for it. 

katiewhompus

I haven't read a lot about the co-sleeping, but I do think it helps as an infant. During one of my medical anth. classes we studied a lot about co-sleeping and the benefits for both the child and parents. A few studies found a fairly large correlation between co-sleeping and decreased episodes of babies dying in their sleep. The thought was that babies experience sleep apnea, since many adults do on a minor level, but because they haven't had enough experience breathing they forget to start again (that's it as the very base level). By being close enough to hear mom and dad breathing the baby's instinct is triggered to begin breathing again.
I think at some point they do need to move into their own room, but Dh and I agree on an open door policy, even to our room, when we have kids. When I was little I would always come in my parent's room just before bed and we would talk about the day. (no not in a goodnight games way). I also used to have horrible dreams about someone coming in my window when I was 10, so I would sleep on a fold out bed in my parent's room when the nightmares were particularly bad (also tied to a ghost story if you want to hear that).

I feel the same way about breastfeeding. Once they are capable of eating on their own consistently I think I'd be done. Also talking/walking yeah you're done. One of my sil's friends is still breastfeeding her 4 year old and it freaks me thefuck out. To each their own sure, and I would never say anything to her, but when the daughter asks for milk and mom takes her into the bathroom it's a bit odd. I think at that point it's more the mom not wanting to let go than anything else.

Brie2010

I think that part of what's so scary, too, is that you have no idea how long it could take to get pregnant.  Could be on the first try, or it could take years.  The graduated timeline scares me, because I'm a planner and would love to be like, "We'll get pregnant in June 2011," but that's totally not the way it works.

louisvillebride21

I HAVE to get off BC because of health issues, so I filled my prescription through Dec or Jan at the student clinic and after that, we're switching to NFP. We're fucked if it happens before he graduates, but we'll figure it out, I'm sure. It's such a weid pull to want to have kids. I feel like sometimes I feel a physical pull on my ute. Weirdest thing ever.

LP11509

I know next to nothing about AP, but i have to agree that it doesn't seem healthy to hold a baby ALL the time.  i do plan to use slings/carriers, but I think balance is also important.

And I also agree that you may never really just KNOW when you're ready.  For us, we decided to wait until we're more financially stable before we start TTC.  Plus, I think it's good for married couples to have at least some time to enjoy their marriage child-free and just focus on each other and the relationship. Once you have a baby, there's no going back! 

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:5504473b-e655-4b96-91a6-720a0120dad6">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that part of what's so scary, too, is that you have no idea how long it could take to get pregnant.  Could be on the first try, or it could take years.  The graduated timeline scares me, because I'm a planner and would love to be like, "We'll get pregnant in June 2011," but that's totally not the way it works.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

This completely. I still remember when I got off bc in September and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to finish the school year because of course it was going to happen right away. Now Dh and I are starting to say "Ok, when do we start doing fertility tests?"

And yes, I know I talk about this stuff a lot. All of my current friends either already have babies or are years away from even thinking about it, so this is my only outlet aside from my ttc weight board. That place gets pretty emotional after awhile so I need frequent breaks or I'd go nuts.

louisvillebride21

The only way I'm going to be comfortable with cosleeping is if I have one of these things http://www.armsreach.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3_18_1&products_id=16

That way there is no chance of rolling over on her. H sleeps like the dead and I could easily see him forgetting she's there and rollin gover on her. I don't know about leaving our door open. For us, I think it's important to have mommy and daddy time too. With a 7 yr old between us, I don't see that happening. Not to say that if they're sick or have had a night mare they couldn't come in, but not as a nightly thing.

How does H feel about AP? H is only mildly on board. I want to make my own food, baby wear and co-sleep. He's not on board with cosleeping yet and I have a feeling he'll want to do CIO. It's going to be a bit of a struggle.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:5504473b-e655-4b96-91a6-720a0120dad6">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that part of what's so scary, too, is that you have no idea how long it could take to get pregnant.  Could be on the first try, or it could take years.  The graduated timeline scares me, because I'm a planner and would love to be like, "We'll get pregnant in June 2011," but that's totally not the way it works.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]
Gah, I wish I could plan it! I'm so scared I won't be able to get pg whenI want to. Right now, our tentative plan is for him to graduate, both of us work for a full year and then start TTC. Thinking it will take at least 6 months to concieve and then another 6 months of me working. Then I'll stop working and be a SAHM for a few years.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:987999a0-1a4f-4546-b290-f3857ac76bd2">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know next to nothing about AP, but i have to agree that it doesn't seem healthy to hold a baby ALL the time.  i do plan to use slings/carriers, but I think balance is also important. And I also agree that you may never really just KNOW when you're ready.  For us, we decided to wait until we're more financially stable before we start TTC.  <strong>Plus, I think it's good for married couples to have at least some time to enjoy their marriage child-free and just focus on each other and the relationship. Once you have a baby, there's no going back! </strong>
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

See, I keep hearing this, and a part of me gets it, but on the other hand...we've already been living together for a few years (albeit engaged/unmarried) and I don't totally understand the whole "you have to take time to just enjoy being married" thing.  I honestly feel like our relationship is exactly the same as it was before the vows; it's just legal now. 

louisvillebride21

Also, H is being REALLY dumb about something. He knows we have to switch to NFP at the end of the year. So when it's time to TTC, he wants me to stop charting and temping and everything. He doesn't want it 'planned' and to be 'natural'. So I'm supposed to completely know all my rhythms and then suddenly stop when it really matters??

Morfudd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:5504473b-e655-4b96-91a6-720a0120dad6">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that part of what's so scary, too, is that you have no idea how long it could take to get pregnant.  Could be on the first try, or it could take years.  The graduated timeline scares me, because I'm a planner and would love to be like, "We'll get pregnant in June 2011," but that's totally not the way it works.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I know. I'd reeeeally like to get pregnant right after my comps (rather than, say, right before my thesis is due), but...

Not to mention, we should at least wait until he's decided whether he wants to drop out of academia and do something else (which wouldn't go over well in the dep't; he's one of their big fellowship winners, but he's not sure he loves it).

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:95d67677-374f-46c7-900d-73422a139556">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Specific baby talk in here! : See, I keep hearing this, and a part of me gets it, but on the other hand...we've already been living together for a few years (albeit engaged/unmarried) and I don't totally understand the whole "you have to take time to just enjoy being married" thing.  I honestly feel like our relationship is exactly the same as it was before the vows; it's just legal now. 
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]
I think that saying comes from before people really lived together. We just moved  in together 3 weeks before the wedding. So for us, it is enjoying married life first. But had we been living together for a few years, that would have been pretty pointless advice.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:d9a2fcf7-2c7a-4473-ba2e-4b6059201e9b">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]. I don't know about leaving our door open. For us, I think it's important to have mommy and daddy time too. With a 7 yr old between us, I don't see that happening. Not to say that if they're sick or have had a night mare they couldn't come in, but not as a nightly thing. Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]
That's my plan for co-sleeping too. They do have other little bed barrier type things, but that makes me the most comfortable. Even moving the crib into the bedroom has been said to help. That's what my parents did with me. Dad said it was great when I was a newborn because when I was up at all hours of the night and hungry neither of them had to fully wake up. Otherwise it would be get out of bed, walk down the hallway, pick me up, find a place to sit, walk back to the bed, parent is wide awake.

I agree on the temporary thing. I dont' want them in there permanently, but I also had a lot of friends whose parents closed and locked the door at night. If they had a nightmare or were sick they were told to deal with it themselves, even as early as 6 years old. So now they deal with everything by themselves and their parents don't understand why they never talk to them about emotions or non-superficial subjects.

louisvillebride21

I just think there's a balance in everything. Can't fall asleep? Deal with it yourself. Sick or legit scared? Sure, come on in.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:0355a9d3-cf0e-49d1-94bf-c83fc5fabd95">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Specific baby talk in here! : I think that saying comes from before people really lived together. We just moved  in together 3 weeks before the wedding. So for us, it is enjoying married life first. But had we been living together for a few years, that would have been pretty pointless advice.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]


Yeah, i think it does also depend on if you're lived together for years or waited untill right before/after the wedding to move on together too.  FI and i have lived together for a 11 months already (wedding is this August).  As much as I want a family, I think having another year or so with just us would be nice too.  2 years of living alone together is still not a lot of time compared to the 18+ years that we'll have kids living with us afterwards.

Morfudd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_specific-baby-talk-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d2c7198-1191-410a-96b1-42b4e6aaa307Post:33df4e9e-512f-4512-8dbc-ea72a3d0439c">Re: Specific baby talk in here!</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, H is being REALLY dumb about something. He knows we have to switch to NFP at the end of the year. So when it's time to TTC, he wants me to stop charting and temping and everything. He doesn't want it 'planned' and to be 'natural'. So I'm supposed to completely know all my rhythms and then suddenly stop when it really matters??
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Wait, what?

On AP: This sounds awful, but in a two-bedroom apartment I'd rather co-sleep (and then have a crib in the bedroom) than give up my office.

louisvillebride21

He thinks that if we're charting, we're 'trying too hard' and not just letting nature take it's course. So it's cool if I chart for TTA (because I can't be on BC), but he wants to do it the old fashioned way when it's time to TTC.

Haha, that's great! Our spare bedroom will jus tbe a guest room, so that won't be a problem to give up.

katiewhompus

Exactly LVB.
People always told us to enjoy our married time too. Um..we've been living together for over 2 years, nothing has changed. At this rate we'll have celebrated our 2nd year anniversary before we have a kid anyways so there's plenty of time together!
I think it also depends on what type of person you are though. Dh and I are total homebodies and don't do much traveling, social life, etc. I could see if you like to travel a lot, have dinner parties, have a night life, etc that you would want to wait a bit before having kids. I don't really feel like I will have to give up anything when we have a kid. Obviously it will be a huge lifestyle change, but it's not like I'm giving up my monthly trip to London or something.
I love charting. If nothing else you know when your period is going to show up and can be prepared for that, or you know why you are feeling the way you do. I can tell based on my temps if I'm feeling crappy that day or out of energy, whatever.
And really, you're going to be thinking about it anyways, so just take the extra 3 minutes in the morning to chart if it makes you feel better. It also helps because if its not working you can bring your charts into the dr and have a better basis where to start from.
For example, based on my temps I started to suspect I had a thyroid issue. I started using a progesterone cream and the temps went up, I was no longer freezing all the freaking time, and had more energy. It gives you a basis to go from instead of going to the doctor and going "It's not working".

Brie2010

Yeah, and I think part of it, too, is just your personality.  We're homebodies.  We like to travel, but I do enough of that for work and DH hates to fly so it's not a huge deal to us.  Neither of us are big drinkers/partiers, and we're both very family-oriented.  We're happiest when we're just home together with our animals, relaxing, and neither of us want much more than that.

Our major deadlines were not to get pregnant before the wedding (accomplished) and not have a baby until after DH's big raise in September (also accomplished).  I also don't want to run a marathon pregnant, so that puts us at least until October.

louisvillebride21

Yeah, I totally get it. I can't wait to start doing it (while praying it works!). I can't wait to know what's going on. No way to really know with my BC.

Brie2010

Katie, have you heard anything about What to Expect Before You're Expecting?  I wanted to read TCOYF, but it's not available for Nook. 

louisvillebride21

I've read parts of it. It's pretty good, but a lot of stuff you should probably already know. And I can't believe that TCOYF isn't available! I'm trying to read it, but I feel like it's really dense and confusing at times.