STD and headcount

twohollydays

Im anal about my headcount. So I sent our STD and about half of our guests are so excited for us and happy to attend that they instantly told us they were coming. Now, I wondering about the other half? Do people usually tell you if they are NOT planning to come at all after recieving a STD?
Formal invites will go out soon but Im obcessed with the headcount. Is this normal or am I starting a ticker until I loose my mind the whole thing.

opalsky007

Sometimes people tell you, and sometimes, they don't. 

Everyone who got an STD needs an invitation, regardless.

aragx6

A save-the-date is to let people know the date of your wedding so they can make the necessary travel plans to attend. It's not a solicitation for an answer however, so don't assume that those who haven't responded (because the STD didn't ask them to) aren't planning to attend.

twohollydays

Im planning to send everyone including the wedding party invitations. Im just impatient and would like my final headcount NOW.

laurenclaire1386

No one has to tell you whether or not they plan to come until your RSVP date. And even then, it's polite to not start hounding people until a few days after the RSVP date has passed. Relax.

~Tuck~

You really won't have a final # until right before the wedding.  I still have 2 people who are being wishy-washy about it, and the wedding is in less than 2 weeks!

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-headcount?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25a067ce-fd51-4c49-bf92-bc956a54f470Post:3da0120d-5552-4e8d-b85a-ab3617523117">Re: STD and headcount</a>:
[QUOTE]Im planning to send everyone including the wedding party invitations. Im just impatient and would like my final headcount NOW.
Posted by twohollydays[/QUOTE]

good lord, chickie - in the words of Fishy - CALM DOWN.

You have 5 months. An STD does not equal that they have to RSVP...did it give folks a way to RSVP? That'd be weird if it did, IMO. Also, some people haven't planned September yet.

Best piece of advice I can give you: Your wedding means WAY more to you than it does to anyone else. Chill.

twohollydays

I havent hounded anyone. I wont make any calls until after the RSVP date. Our guests are about 90% local so travel isnt involved. Im just anal about headcounts. I cant invite friends over with knowing the EXACT number.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-headcount?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25a067ce-fd51-4c49-bf92-bc956a54f470Post:6fe3bd0d-4f2d-49ec-bb11-47d2b234d9b1">Re: STD and headcount</a>:
[QUOTE]I havent hounded anyone. I wont make any calls until after the RSVP date. Our guests are about 90% local so travel isnt involved. Im just anal about headcounts. I cant invite friends over with knowing the EXACT number.
Posted by twohollydays[/QUOTE]

Anal, party of you.

twohollydays

Im gathering that i need a drink. Im going to focus on other details of the day.

waitingformay

You have over 4 months, your formal invites should not be going out for a few months. Everyone would like their final headcount now. It would be a lot easier to plan. There is always some uncertainty. I don't have mine and my wedding is next month. You don't need it now.

I don't think sending formal invites super early is going to be the solution though. Some people probably haven't even decided if they're coming. Then, if you get responses too early, plans could change, messing up your headcount. It's best to just wait and relax.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-headcount?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25a067ce-fd51-4c49-bf92-bc956a54f470Post:9ee8e61b-b78e-4776-9ea7-366d825abdb3">Re: STD and headcount</a>:
[QUOTE]Im gathering that i need a drink. Im going to focus on other details of the day.
Posted by twohollydays[/QUOTE]

Atta girl. Good luck.

emilyinchile

You will know the EXACT number. About a week before your wedding.

twohollydays

Thanks Im going to go find a ring pillow and a guestbook or something a set I guess.

twohollydays

Actually I have the exact number that DAY. I will know for sure who comes and who cannot make it when the day gets here. LOL. Im calm now.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-headcount?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25a067ce-fd51-4c49-bf92-bc956a54f470Post:9ee8e61b-b78e-4776-9ea7-366d825abdb3">Re: STD and headcount</a>:
[QUOTE]Im gathering that i need a drink. Im going to focus on other details of the day.
Posted by twohollydays[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes to the first part, no to the second.  Honestly, if you focus as much time on your wedding as you make it seem on here, then you need a wedding intervention.  You are focusing on things you have no control over right now, like how many people will actually come. </div><div>
</div><div>You need to start enjoying more wine or drinks, and stop fretting about the small details that will change a million times between now and September.  You shouldn't let your wedding consume your whole life.  Not only will it drive you and everyone around you nuts, it will just lead to disappointment on the wedding day and when it's over.</div>

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-headcount?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25a067ce-fd51-4c49-bf92-bc956a54f470Post:3217cf39-f5cf-4b2c-a9dc-fa4c9c2d8477">Re: STD and headcount</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually I have the exact number that DAY. I will know for sure who comes and who cannot make it when the day gets here. LOL. Im calm now.
Posted by twohollydays[/QUOTE]

Well yes, but I thought telling you that might send you over the edge if you were worried about not having the count this far out :)

marinabreeze

Woo-sah!

Maybe a break from wedding planning period will be helpful.  It will drive you nuts if you don't pace yourself.

Your invites shouldn't go out until about 2 months before the wedding.  My wedding is about 3-4 weeks before yours and I have yet to send out invitations.  Unlike you, I didn't send STDs, but did start getting RSVPs already because I and my mom let definite, for-sure invites know about my website, and some of them have RSVPed there. However, you're not going to get any semblance of a final count until just prior to the wedding.  Budget for 100% attendance, and if you have fewer than 100% at the final headcount, it will save you money when you give your final payment to your caterer and other relevant vendors.

So, in short, it's not worth worrying about.  Sip some wine, do other non-wedding work, watch some Mad Men.  That helps me :-).

thesequel

When one of my close friends got married last summer - he had 10 cancellations two days before the wedding (due to family extenuating circumstances).

You will have an EXACT headcount....the day of.  Everything up until then is best guess.