Sister wants same wedding dress!

chricove

Let me start by saying my sister and I do NOT get along. We are night and day, black and white, complete polar opposites.

When I told her me and FH set a wedding date, she said getting married was a stupid idea and she wont do it because she cant afford it. A month later she has an engagement ring (I dont have mine yet because it is in layaway). She then picked a wedding date 6 months before mine.

For some reason unknown to me, she asked me to be in her wedding party. I didn't want to, but out of obligation I said yes. I thought maybe it was her way of making up for being such a b----. I am not having her in my wedding.

Now, she tried on a dress that is nearly IDENTICAL to mine. I bought my dress months ago, and she is just shopping now. My mom says the dress she likes is nothing like mine (my ass) and I am extremely offended that she would even think about it, as the dress I originally wanted I passed on because she claimed that that was what SHE wanted. I passed out of respect that she is the "elder" sister.

My mom thinks that I am overreacting, but I am extremely hurt by this. I feel like she is trying to one-up me on everything. I dont really know how to handle this either, because I dont want to upset my mom (who is going through chemo) and when my sister called me today, she told me the dress that is like mine has been her favorite but she "knew it was like mine so was trying to get away from it." It was almost like she was wanting to get my approval. But I told her as I already have my dress, and that I backed away from the one she wanted, there should be a certain level of respect towards me. 

Am I being too sensitive to this? 

Gismo123

breathe in, breathe out.....calm down.....ok now past that....be the bigger person and just let your sister buy whatever dress she wants...if it is as similar as you say it is she'll be the one who looks odd.  But like what PP's said focus on your day and don't worry about hers.  It's suppose to be a happy day!

mizjodi

I agree with the PPs, and your mom. Let yourself be upset, annoyed, angry, whatever, IN PRIVATE. You feel what you feel. But then put on your big girl panties and move on. You can only control yourself, no one else.

Just choose to enjoy this time in your life, and surround yourself with friends and family who aren't trying to compete with you

GL!

kayakrunhike

What the PPs said.  And FWIW, someone on here last year posted pics of her dress, from when she wore it to her wedding, and her cousin (or some close relation) wore it for hers maybe a year later, or less.  The dress looked completely different on the two women, especially when different crinolines were used with it. 

Truthfully, with 6 months inbetween weddings, no one will notice but you and your sister if the dresses are really that close.  It sounds like there is a lot more going on here than just a similiar dress.

bel138

Let me guess, they're both white strapless dresses with some detail on the bodice and at the hem.

There really isn't THAT much variation in dress styles, so unless she wore a bright red sequined mini skirt, they are always going to be "similar."

ShanaFry

I agree with PP's. Just take a deep breath and remember that a dress is just that "a dress". Nothing more nothing less! Your FI won't care if your sisters dress was the same or similar. Keep in mind that people will be attending your wedding to celebrate the joining of you and FI lives, not who has the most unique gown. Sister does seem like maybe she is trying to one up. This said she is the one who will look ridiculous, just concentrate on your day.

georgia_bride09

[QUOTE]Sorry couldn't  finish reading after I saw that your ring is on layaway, yet you are planning a wedding. I would be more worried about the finances involved in starting a new life with someone over your sister picking a similiar (but not the same) wedding dress.
Posted by jeanna85[/QUOTE]

Yes, this.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-wants-same-wedding-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:261f03cb-3a86-4239-838e-a83eda59b50aPost:9c2a0d66-03c3-4f4f-9e18-66e3e453ea83">Re: Sister wants same wedding dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]I barely remember the dress the bride wore at a wedding I attended 3 days ago.  In six months, no one will notice that your dresses are the same.  Really.  You two will look completely different in the dresses - your hair will be different, your veil or hairpiece will be different, your flowers will be different.  AND, the dresses aren't even identical - just similar, right?  I get that your sister is an irritant to you, but try to let this one go.  If nothing else, there's nothing you can do about it, so why expend teh emotional energy being upset? 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

This.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-wants-same-wedding-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:261f03cb-3a86-4239-838e-a83eda59b50aPost:62a7577c-ccc9-47f0-8345-2bf1931b240c">Re: Sister wants same wedding dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]Let me guess, they're both white strapless dresses with some detail on the bodice and at the hem. There really isn't THAT much variation in dress styles, so unless she wore a bright red sequined mini skirt, they are always going to be "similar."
Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

This.  I can only remember one wedding dress that a bride wore in the past decade because it was the only one that wasn't a white, strapless, bedazzled ballgown.

[Deleted User]

I'm getting a feeling here that you are heading down the "My Perfect Day" bridal path, and that is really one paved with rocks.  My sister and I had always had a very close relationship until our mother passed away and then we became estranged over issues of settling the estate.  My wedding seems to be bringing us back together and reuniting the family.  Having her back in my life and being my matron of honor is more important than any dress ever could be.  I really don't care if she comes in her underwear as long as she comes, and her daughter wants to be a flower girl.  Personally I think at nine she is too old (I was thinking junior bridesmaid), but if she is happy scattering flower petals, I wouldn't dream of not letting her.  Who cares?  She will be there with me, and that is everything in the world to me; it's enough that my mother won't be, at least not physically.  Your wedding should be about family - not about a dress or flowers or rings or any other frou frou - and your family ties will last a lifetime; you will only wear the dress for a few hours. 

srkropf

Think of it this way-- out there in the world hundreds of brides are probably wearing the EXACT same dress-- are you going to be mad a them too? I agree with your mom, relax and worry/enjoy your own wedding and don't let your sister/your own emotions destroy your wedding planning/day.

LD1970

My sister's friend had a dress similar to mine; it's the only reason I remember it.  I got a kick out of it.

m1schlueter

Although, I think your sister did it just to be a b!tch...don't let it ruin your day or get you in a fight with her or your mom. She sounds like sh!t disturber and wants that reaction.

I agree that no one will remember it and by the time you have kids you'll think it was a terrible choice anyhow (how many times have you looked at wedding photos from the 80's and though "Great dress!"?)

Have your day. Believe you'll look better in your dress anyway and be the perfect little bm for your hateful sister. She will have nothing to hold against you.