Wedding Etiquette Forum

Atlernative to clinking glasses?

I was at a wedding recently where this happened and I was wondering all night what the E board would think of it!

So the groom is a Iraq war veteran and now is a veterans disability attorney (fights the VA to get veterans their disability benefits). The bride hated the idea of guests clinking glasses to get the couple to kiss, so instead they had signs on the table telling guests that if they wanted to see the couple kiss they could donate a dollar to a veterans charity fund. So the guests went up to the DJ booth, put the money in the jar and then rang the bell next to it and the couple would kiss.

I know from lurking here that asking guests to open their wallets at your wedding is a big no-no. But I thought with the grooms background it might be different? I, personally, wasn't offended, but probably because I hate that tradition. So what do you think?

Re: Atlernative to clinking glasses?

  • I hate doing anything to make the bride and groom kiss at the reception. It's going to happen multiple times without prying from anyone in any fashion. I'm sure people will see it one of those many times.
  • I'm not a fan of the clinking of the glasses, but in my experience the more you make a big deal out of it the more it will happen.  I do know one couple that had people sing songs with the word love in them in order for them to kiss (bride & groom were both musicians).
  • For me, personally, despite the worthiness of the cause, I don't like being compelled to donate to a specific organization.  Yes, it was voluntary, and yes, it was a cause meaningful to the couple but I see this the same way I do donation favors - better to skip the public announcement and make a donation quietly.  There are other alternatives to make guests earn the kiss that don't involve money - I've heard of guests having to sing a love song or recite a love poem.

    DH and I also were wary of the clinking glasses tradition - but it happened twice anyway.  The first time we acknowledged the clinking with a quick kiss and the second time, when the clinkers timed it while we were both eating, we rubbed noses instead.  The clinking didn't happen again - maybe because we (IMO) had shown we weren't going to give the PDA people wanted. 

    I guess my point is that asking for a donation is well-intended, but there are other ways to limit the clinking and not make guests open their wallets.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    No, I don't think this situation is any different than other charitable donation requests. I wouldn't suggest this.

    Lizzie
  • I can see where it's tacky but I personally don't have an issue with it. Nobody is making me do anything, they're giving me the option to. That's how I see it.
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  • LP11509LP11509 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    We didn't do the clinking glass thing since I'm deaf and can't hear it.  Instead, people waved their linen napkins in circles over their heads.  We didn't make an announcement about it or anything, someone just started doing it and everyone else followed along.  Maybe that would work for you?
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  • We had minute to win it games.  If someone wanted us to kiss, they had to complete a challenge.

    My brother, our MC put together a bunch and ran it.  We had a few people come up and give it a go.  It was hilarious and people really enjoyed it. 
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  • Most of the time the bride and groom will ignore the clinking glasses, so people will get the hint.  I am not a fan of promoting any charity at a wedding reception, no matter what the cause.  Same thing at funerals, when they ask for a donation to XYZ in lieu of flowers.

    I like your idea Habs - sounds like it would be a fun thing to do!
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  • OP, I think the donation idea is lame. Partly because of the whole wallet opening thing, but also the logistics involved.

    I REALLY hate the clinking glasses thing. People get overly zealous about it and start clinking when the bride and groom aren't even near each other, are mid-bite in the dinner, etc.

    I've seen it where guests have to serenade the B&G to get them to kiss, or kiss their SO or someone else and then the B&G have to mimic that kiss. I liked the idea of doing something like that (or even what Habs did rocks!) and talked to my DJ about it. He sort of went along with it, but I could tell he wasn't a fan, nor did he really get it so I knew he would be terrible at leading it. So in the end, I accepted the damn glass clinking because anything else just seemed like it would be herding cats.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_atlernative-to-clinking-glasses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27aa5ebc-cfce-4ee0-830d-bd32916bca79Post:8c649ca6-b1b4-4124-965e-08cd3ff8d4bd">Re: Atlernative to clinking glasses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, I think the donation idea is lame. Partly because of the whole wallet opening thing, but also the logistics involved. I REALLY hate the clinking glasses thing. People get overly zealous about it and start clinking when the bride and groom aren't even near each other, <strong>are mid-bite in the dinner,</strong> etc. I've seen it where guests have to serenade the B&G to get them to kiss, or kiss their SO or someone else and then the B&G have to mimic that kiss. I liked the idea of doing something like that (or even what Habs did rocks!) and talked to my DJ about it. He sort of went along with it, but I could tell he wasn't a fan, nor did he really get it so I knew he would be terrible at leading it. So in the end, I accepted the damn glass clinking because anything else just seemed like it would be herding cats.
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    My aunt kept doing this on purpose.  I HATED it, but after 3 times, I just looked at her and kept eating.  Of course she came up to our table to scold us for not kissing and I proceeded to tell her that we spent a lot of money on our wedding food, and I was going to f'ing eat it, so to leave us the hell alone. 

    Yeah...forced kissing makes me stabby...so I'd advise against it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_atlernative-to-clinking-glasses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27aa5ebc-cfce-4ee0-830d-bd32916bca79Post:9b8a10f8-37fc-4621-9f5d-8770f2655b15">Re: Atlernative to clinking glasses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atlernative to clinking glasses? : My aunt kept doing this on purpose.  I HATED it, but <strong>after 3 times, I just looked at her and kept eating.</strong>  Of course she came up to our table to scold us for not kissing and I proceeded to tell her that we spent a lot of money on our wedding food, and I was going to f'ing eat it, so to leave us the hell alone.  Yeah...forced kissing makes me stabby...so I'd advise against it.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    That's pretty funny. When I mentioned pre-wedding that I hate the glass clinking, my MIL said "well, you'll have a lot of Pollocks there, so you better get used to it." I had no idea it was a Polish thing (and still contend she's crazy and that it isn't)

    Ours wasn't actually that bad. Happened right when we got seated a lot, but then my cousin came by and told me to stand up and do it -- we weren't on a stage so people couldn't see us because we just stayed in our seats. The next time it happened, we stood up and it actually died down.
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  • I guess I'm alone in the fact that I liked the glass clinking at my wedding!   Although as a guest, I've thought it was annoying for the B&G.
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  • That is funny jemm.  I do not blame you - you did not spend all that time and money to stand around a be a pair of kissing monkeys. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_atlernative-to-clinking-glasses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27aa5ebc-cfce-4ee0-830d-bd32916bca79Post:19b97ccb-6494-4233-b234-23f281e35d2e">Re: Atlernative to clinking glasses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is funny jemm.  I do not blame you - you did not spend all that time and money to stand around a be a pair of kissing monkeys. 
    Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

    I wouldn't have minded it if it was after we were done eating, but my aunt was purposely doing it to annoy us and because "you aren't supposed to eat at your own wedding anyways" (<- she literally said that when I told her I was eating the food I paid for). 

    I mean seriously, you make the B&G kiss because it's sweet to see them in love, not to be an annoying asshole and starve them on their wedding day.  But once everyone saw my aunt get turned away at our table, the rest of the guests figured out pretty quickly why and let us finish our meal in peace.
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  • I was thinking of waiting for the first person to clink their glass and jumping on my FI and wildly making out with him in a nobody-needs-to-see-that type of way. I wonder how many people would do it after that!

    But in reality I would never do that and will probably just suck it up.
  • I'm dreading this. 
    My fiance and I are not into PDA at all haha.  So we'll probably just ignore it. 
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    It seems like this is really common, but I don't feel like I've seen it happen hardly at all at the weddings I've attended. Maybe once or twice.
    Lizzie
  • My FI's BM's sister (lol) got married a few months ago and it was set up that if they wanted to get the bride & groom to kiss they had to shoot a ball thru a hoop. There was various difficulties for this & each one had the bride & groom do/kiss in a different manner.

    FI & I went to his friends wedding & there they had it set up if you wanted to bride and groom to kiss you had to go up to the mic & give words of advice for a good marriage.

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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2012
    if someone clinks their glasses for us to kiss at our wedding, I really want to stand on top of the table and scream I'M NOT YOUR SHOW PONY !!      We will kiss when we feel compelled to do so.   Ugh.  that would drive me friggin nuts.
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