Proper way to say no children

MrAndMrsBishop0115

Hi! I know that it is considered rude to put Adults Only on the invitation itself. But my mom is badgering me to do it. My cousins have 15 kids between the 4 of them and I just don't to deal with that. I plan on making sure the envelope says To Mr & Mrs John Doe and not John Doe Famly, etc. I also plan on making sure that the RSVP says, X number of seats reserved for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, or something along those lines. And I am going to put it on the Save the Dates and the website. But I am wondering if these days, people really do think its rude to put "Adults Only" on the invitation. I don't have kids so I can't say that I would take offense to it but people who do might. Thoughts??

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:c4b4b80a-02e9-4673-99fb-4e4aeae9f091">Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I know that it is considered rude to put Adults Only on the invitation itself. But my mom is badgering me to do it. My cousins have 15 kids between the 4 of them and I just don't to deal with that. I plan on making sure the envelope says To Mr & Mrs John Doe and not John Doe Famly, etc. I also plan on making sure that the RSVP says, X number of seats reserved for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, or something along those lines. And I am going to put it on the Save the Dates and the website. But I am wondering if these days, people really do think its rude to put "Adults Only" on the invitation. I don't have kids so I can't say that I would take offense to it but people who do might. Thoughts??
Posted by MrAndMrsBishop0115[/QUOTE]

Yes.   It's really rude.

DH and I have a 2 yo.    We also know how to read.    If she isn't named on the envelope then part of deciding whether or not to attend means getting a sitter for her.   

Just because people have children does NOT mean that they think the child is going to be welcome everywhere.

I think what you're doing is fine except I wouldn't do the response cards the way you propose.   Instead, write them out so a guest just checks ___accepts or ___declines next to his/her name.   This eliminates the possibility for substitutions.

CallaLily25

Yes, I definitely still think it's rude to put "Adults Only." I don't have kids, but if I saw that on an invitation, it would be a little off-putting to me.

aurianna

An invitation is to invite people. An invitation should not say who is NOT invited. Putting adult's only pretty much says "In case you were too stupid to figure it out based on whose name is on the invite, your kids are NOT invited."
While this might not affect those without children as much, everyone can read that message.

We had people write their names next to their meal choices. That's another good way to avoid/pre-empt any substitutions.

AddieCake

Yes, it's rude. Address the invitations to the people invited. I am willing to bet that anybody who RSVPs with kids would still RSVP with them even if the invitation said adults only. If they ignore the names on the invitation and the absence of their kids' names, why wouldn't they ignore "adults only"? You would be making those phone calls either way.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:58e751c9-4760-4bd7-a232-6023df9f344f">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children: or, you could have a stripper themed wedding to justify the "adults only" comment. Just kidding. I agree with PPs its rude.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>New twist on the dollar dance? </div>

McRogol

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:58e751c9-4760-4bd7-a232-6023df9f344f">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children: or, you could have a stripper themed wedding to justify the "adults only" comment. Just kidding. I agree with PPs its rude.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Could become a new theme for weddings, right up there with baby theme because the bride and all bridemaids are pregnant.</div><div>
</div><div>too snarky???</div>

KyleenJeanette

We wrote "We respectfully ask that this be an adult only ceremony and reception" on our invitations and honestly we've gotten more compliments on it than we have pissed off guests. My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves (we're both college grads in our mid twenties with a farm and new careers - 115 people invited to our wedding) so when his mom started in on us why we chose that we simply told her to have everything we wanted on our special day that we're funding we had to cut the guest list somehow (Also I'm not feeding a 10 year old a $25 meal). She got the hint. After all, if it pisses people off that badly that they can always check the "Regretfully Decline" box

banana468

In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children:[QUOTE]We wrote "We respectfully ask that this be an adult only ceremony and reception" on our invitations and honestly we've gotten more compliments on it than we have pissed off guests. My fianc and I are paying for the wedding ourselves we're both college grads in our mid twenties with a farm and new careers 115 people invited to our wedding so when his mom started in on us why we chose that we simply told her to have everything we wanted on our special day that we're funding we had to cut the guest list somehow Also I'm not feeding a 10 year old a 25 meal. She got the hint. After all, if it pisses people off that badly that they can always check the "Regretfully Decline" box ; Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]


Do you really expect the p!ssed off people to come to you and tell you how rude that was ?

KyleenJeanette

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:b59b72de-4e9f-4f27-87b0-db28c3db4046">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children:


Do you really expect the p!ssed off people to come to you and tell you how rude that was ?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]



Actually yes, and the one guest did. We simply explained it was our personal decision and we couldn't make any exceptions.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:20149151-ae9a-4f87-9023-86b59b686e88">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : Actually yes, and the one guest did. We simply explained it was our personal decision and we couldn't make any exceptions.
Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
So you did piss someone off with your wording. Then, why would you suggest someone else use it?<div>
</div><div>Also, I want to hear more about these people who complimented you on your wording because it's a very strangely random thing to compliment a person on. </div>

banana468

In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children:In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children:


Do you really expect the p!ssed off people to come to you and tell you how rude that was ?Posted by banana468

Actually yes, and the one guest did. We simply explained it was our personal decision and we couldn't make any exceptions. Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]

You're missing the point.

Hosting the way you did was fine. Writing that phrase on your invitations was patronizing.

misshart00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:be155ead-8ea6-4844-898d-c6f65e24bfbe">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : So you did piss someone off with your wording. Then, why would you suggest someone else use it? Also, I want to hear more about these people who complimented you on your wording because it's a very strangely random thing to compliment a person on. 
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]



I'm guessing people were excited to have an adults only wedding and that's what they were complimenting her on, not the wording.

Having an adult only wedding is perfectly acceptable. Stating on your invitations who's not invited was the rude part.

KyleenJeanette

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:be155ead-8ea6-4844-898d-c6f65e24bfbe">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : So you did piss someone off with your wording. Then, why would you suggest someone else use it? Also, I want to hear more about these people who complimented you on your wording because it's a very strangely random thing to compliment a person on. 
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]



Regardless of whom the envelope was addressed to, we knew some of our guests would completely ignore that. I'm not suggesting it, I'm just saying that's what we did and WE are happy with the outcome. Our guests that complimented us were couples WITH kids and friends in their mid twenties without. Those with children said they we're looking forward to a weekend away because they planned on making it a mini vacation. Most children won't care, appreciate, or enjoy a formal wedding anyway.

KyleenJeanette

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:ccbac176-0174-4bb0-86f1-215ffa76281f">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children :

I'm guessing people were excited to have an adults only wedding and that's what they were complimenting her on, not the wording.

Having an adult only wedding is perfectly acceptable. Stating on your invitations who's not invited was the rude part.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]



Yes exactly, people were excited about an adult only wedding so they could truly enjoy their evening.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:734dfba6-510d-4474-9ed6-a81d99a598b1">Re:Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : Regardless of whom the envelope was addressed to, we knew some of our guests would completely ignore that. I'm not suggesting it, I'm just saying that's what we did and WE are happy with the outcome. Our guests that complimented us were couples WITH kids and friends in their mid twenties without. Those with children said they we're looking forward to a weekend away because they planned on making it a mini vacation. Most children won't care, appreciate, or enjoy a formal wedding anyway.
Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
There is nothing wrong with only inviting to adults to a function, whether it be a wedding or what ever.<div>Stating on any invitation who is not invited is rude. This is why you put names on the envelopes. If any guests RSVP with their kids, then you call and explain to them that the invitation was intended for those on the envelope. </div><div>
</div><div>It's not even just etiquette, it's basic common sense. You don't send a letter to a house with multiple people living in it and put everyone's name on the envelope, but only wish one person happy holidays. It works both ways. You put the person's name on the envelope that the card is intended for. </div><div>
</div>

KyleenJeanette

The common sense part you speak of is lacking from some of our guests, namely my fiancés extended family (the root to many issues during the whole wedding planning experience). Forgot to add, we did also add the contact information for a few babysitters in the area on our wedding website.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:2d8a7bcf-25ac-4fd8-8029-3deb2e3feab2">Re: Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]The common sense part you speak of is lacking from some of our guests, namely my fiancés extended family (the root to many issues during the whole wedding planning experience). Forgot to add, we did also add the contact information for a few babysitters in the area on our wedding website.
Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
Which is why, when they RSVP with their kids, you call them and let them know the invitation was for the people on the envelope.<div>
</div><div>If they ignore the envelope, there is a chance they'll ignore the note on the invitation, anyway. </div>

Ella and Pedro

What I seen recommended is to not say "only adults" or "no children" but rather to be very, very clear who specifically is invited.

For example-
Dr. Marion Smith and Mr. Kevin Smith

or,

Dr. Marion Smith and
Mr. Kevin Russell (if they are living together but not married, and he is on a separate line on the envelope)

or,

Dr. Marion Smith,
Mr. Kevin Russell, and family (if you want their two kids coming also)

and then, if choice 3 above-on the RSVP card, write:

____ Dr. Marion Smith (___) accepts (____) regretfully declines
____ Mr. Kevin Russell (___) accepts (___) regretfully declines
____ Miss Elizabeth Smith (___) accepts (___) regretfully declines
___ Master Robert Russell (___) accepts (___) regretfully declines

This makes it clear it is a four-person, family invite.  If you did not want the two kids,
you'd do the first two listings above on the RSVP but not the children's names.

So, yes, a lot of indiviualized, handwritten RSVP cards, but no confusion and no etiquette dilemmas.

rachelm13

I did not post on invitations, stds or website. I worded my RSVP and addresses as pp suggested. FI called our VIPs who have children prior to and had conversations. We also used word of mouth. So far we have only had one issue. PLEASE DO NOT PUT ON INVITATIONS or STDs or WEBsITE! You will be inviting drama/bad feelings. It is also horribly rude.

MoxieMickie

I'm team address carefully and use word of mouth. The problem with "adult only" is some people will assume only the reception is adult only and bring their hyperactive, pew climbing, guest kicking, screaming angels to the ceremony.

Kellybee33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_proper-way-to-say-no-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b1d2a73-ca92-492c-8b0e-c9cd25de9c80Post:c4b4b80a-02e9-4673-99fb-4e4aeae9f091">Proper way to say no children</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I know that it is considered rude to put Adults Only on the invitation itself. But my mom is badgering me to do it. My cousins have 15 kids between the 4 of them and I just don't to deal with that. I plan on making sure the envelope says To Mr & Mrs John Doe and not John Doe Famly, etc. I also plan on making sure that the RSVP says, X number of seats reserved for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, or something along those lines. And I am going to put it on the Save the Dates and the website. But I am wondering if these days, people really do think its rude to put "Adults Only" on the invitation. I don't have kids so I can't say that I would take offense to it but people who do might. Thoughts??
Posted by MrAndMrsBishop0115[/QUOTE]

I am dealing with the same situation and although I have discussed this with my fiance' he insists that we are to invite children of his friends that are "like family" but really they are not! On our reception cards it says :
Please join us to celebrate immediately following the ceremony for an adult reception @ etc.  That way they know ahead of time that children will not be there just adults~ I hope this helps and good luck! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

alexwa12

I definitely just send out my invitations for a no kids allowed reception and i got positive feedback actually.  Other than it keeping only 2 couples from attending, my other guests said they were grateful for a night out without the little ones.

On my invitaiton, I put "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor".  I then filled in whatever number appropriate.  So for my friends with 3 kids,when they saw the number 2 and their two names on the envelope, they knew there were only 2 dinner seats reserved for them.

 

MrAndMrsBishop0115

Thanks ladies. All of your tips, are beneficial. We have spread it by word of mouth and I have stated that I do not want to put it on anything but it is my mother who is insisting.....she's one of those "I don't care who I piss off, if they don't agree don't come" type of mothers. And that's not who I am. It is just one headache after another with her and this wedding planning and I was trying to avoid another. But I will tell her it is just not acceptable and we will do it my way. She is paying for the reception (we are paying for everything else). So she wants to have a say in every decision, which I can accept but some things she just needs to get over