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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Very very hurt by guests
So both my FI and I are eastern european and most of his friends are first generation here in the states. Granted all are nothing but polite to me, etc I am shocked about what has just happened.
We had an engagement party back in march and my mom really went out of the way to get pretty invitations and we sent them to everyone invited. I really was not expecting gifts from anyone that day, but I did receive plenty, and of course-I wrote thank you cards to everyone who attended. Genuinley.
So our wedding is in October- and I just finished sending his side the save the dates.
I didn't know that it would bother people so much. My FI tells me today that 2 of his friends are saying "Wow she is spending so much time and money on invitations, etc- how many more invitations and thank you cards should be expecting?!" Granted-the way this was told was not in a funny way- but instead in a way in which they were almost making fun of me.
I can't tell you how hurt I am. I just want to have a nice special wedding and make everyone feel included.
How do I handle this?
We had an engagement party back in march and my mom really went out of the way to get pretty invitations and we sent them to everyone invited. I really was not expecting gifts from anyone that day, but I did receive plenty, and of course-I wrote thank you cards to everyone who attended. Genuinley.
So our wedding is in October- and I just finished sending his side the save the dates.
I didn't know that it would bother people so much. My FI tells me today that 2 of his friends are saying "Wow she is spending so much time and money on invitations, etc- how many more invitations and thank you cards should be expecting?!" Granted-the way this was told was not in a funny way- but instead in a way in which they were almost making fun of me.
I can't tell you how hurt I am. I just want to have a nice special wedding and make everyone feel included.
How do I handle this?
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Re: Very very hurt by guests
And if they're of a different culture then different strokes for different folks.
Just forget about it and enjoy planning your wedding!
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I have lived in Eastern Europe and know that it can be easy to take things personally because they are not said the way they would be here. But I have also learned that sometimes the tone used means something different than we think it does. What does your fiance say about it? Does he think they are making fun of you? It could be that they are unsure of what the etiquette is for them and are worried about what they need to be doing.
Sometimes taking a step back, a deep breath, and finding out more can clear up confusion and keep feelings from being hurt. Clearly they like you and are ready to welcome you into their lives. Find out a little more about where they are coming from and I think you'll find that everything is really fine.
[QUOTE]I think I would send them a thank you card letting them know you appreciate them noticing your effort. :)
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]
mwahaha
[QUOTE]Put it out of your mind. As someone who very recently had something I said repeated in a way that I did NOT intend it, hearing something secondhand isn't a good reason to get upset. And if they're of a different culture then different strokes for different folks. Just forget about it and enjoy planning your wedding! :)
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]
FutureMrs, you'll like this one: A friend recently introduced me to a third party, Mary, this way: "Mary used to be Joe". What she MEANT was that Mary used to do the job that Joe does now, but that is totally not what I thought!
Oh, and MrsC, I forgot to respond to you! Sorry! I would put it out of my mind, but if it still bugs you, maybe fh can explain that it's a cultural thing?
[QUOTE]I think I would send them a thank you card letting them know you appreciate them noticing your effort. :)
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]
*facebook like*
[QUOTE]I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt. However, it seems like there might be a cultural/language barrier going on here.
Posted by jsleik[/QUOTE]
Sadly, I'm running into something like this too. In my family, you send out invites to all the major relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, brothers/sisters). Asked my fiance to get me a list of addresses/names of the equivalent relatives back home (she's from Thailand) and her mom pretty much told me not to send invites because none of them would travel and it would just look like we were asking for gifts.
It still bothers me. More so because it's just one more thing in a long line of things. She's not been home for almost 3 years and won't be able to go home for at least another year and all I'm trying to do is make sure they're included in her life, but I can't send wedding invitations, can't post pictures on facebook, etc...