Very very hurt by guests

MrsC102211

So both my FI and I are eastern european and most of his friends are first generation here in the states. Granted all are nothing but polite to me, etc I am shocked about what has just happened.

We had an engagement party back in march and my mom really went out of the way to get pretty invitations and we sent them to everyone invited. I really was not expecting gifts from anyone that day, but I did receive plenty, and of course-I wrote thank you cards to everyone who attended. Genuinley.

So our wedding is in October- and I just finished sending his side the save the dates.
I didn't know that it would bother people so much. My FI tells me today that 2 of his friends are saying "Wow she is spending so much time and money on invitations, etc- how many more invitations and thank you cards should be expecting?!" Granted-the way this was told was not in a funny way- but instead in a way in which they were almost making fun of me.


I can't tell you how hurt I am. I just want to have a nice special wedding and make everyone feel included.

How do I handle this?

FutureMrsTR

Put it out of your mind.  As someone who very recently had something I said repeated in a way that I did NOT intend it, hearing something secondhand isn't a good reason to get upset.

And if they're of a different culture then different strokes for different folks.

Just forget about it and enjoy planning your wedding!

kcscejal

Juat brush it off.  I know it's easier said than done, but you haven't done anything wrong.

[Deleted User]

Guys often don't get/don't care about those sorts of things anyway. Since they're your FI's friends, I'm not sure there's anything you can or should do about it. Just let it go.

lyndausvi

I would just let it be.

It does not sound like this is normal  for their family.  Getting 3 mailings about the same wedding 6 months out in the span of about a few weeks might seem 'excessive' to them. 

 Actually it's would cross my mind also even though I understand it's not meant to be.  It's just the way things ended up happening. 

jsleik

I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt.  However, it seems like there might be a cultural/language barrier going on here. 

I have lived in Eastern Europe and know that it can be easy to take things personally because they are not said the way they would be here.  But I have also learned that sometimes the tone used means something different than we think it does.  What does your fiance say about it?  Does he think they are making fun of you?  It could be that they are unsure of what the etiquette is for them and are worried about what they need to be doing. 

Sometimes taking a step back, a deep breath, and finding out more can clear up confusion and keep feelings from being hurt.  Clearly they like you and are ready to welcome you into their lives.  Find out a little more about where they are coming from and I think you'll find that everything is really fine.

Stackeye210

I think I would send them a thank you card letting them know you appreciate them noticing your effort.   

efj.btw2011

Though it is sad to say, someone always has something to complain about! Do what you feel is right for you and don't worry about those people!!! My own grandmother looked at me and said "what do you need those for" about my save the dates when she say them for the first time. For every one who had something bad to say there is at least one or two who thinks it was wonderful!!!!

GeauxTigers17

I think it might be a guy thing as well. My FI's friends think the use of stationery is excessive, but they aren't used to getting invitations for things - they all use email and e-vites and can't understand why it was necessary for our engagement party hosts to mail them anything. 

And another thing - tell your FI not to repeat it to you. There's no reason to subject you to it if you aren't hearing it in person, because there isn't anything wrong with what you're doing. Sending thank you notes=awesome, especially as so few people send them anymore.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-very-hurt-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c820b84-d0c2-4b07-b41e-5ddc22d7a8e3Post:b94f2479-d174-4adc-aa0a-4c761929cc5b">Re: Very very hurt by guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I would send them a thank you card letting them know you appreciate them noticing your effort.  :) 
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]
mwahaha

specialk84

They were probably just teasing.  You didn't do anything wrong.  In fact, more couples should send thank you notes and other genuine, written invitations.  

ajroark

I agree that you should brush it off. I can totally relate to how you're feeling though. My future-in-laws are very budget conscious and have expressed to me and my FI their disappointment in the amount of money we're spending on the wedding. I've learned to not talk to them about wedding plans, but they have brought up that they think the Save-the-Dates are unnecessary. This was very hurtful to me, but there wasn't much I could do about it. My best advice would be to realize that people come from different backgrounds and cultures and while some may not identify or agree with your choices, others are right there with you and making very similar decisions.

MiddlesexFells

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-very-hurt-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c820b84-d0c2-4b07-b41e-5ddc22d7a8e3Post:92c03b38-6138-453a-be22-59df9302a25f">Re: Very very hurt by guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Put it out of your mind.  As someone who very recently had something I said repeated in a way that I did NOT intend it, hearing something secondhand isn't a good reason to get upset. And if they're of a different culture then different strokes for different folks. Just forget about it and enjoy planning your wedding! :)
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

FutureMrs, you'll like this one: A friend recently introduced me to a third party, Mary, this way: "Mary used to be Joe". What she MEANT was that Mary used to do the job that Joe does now, but that is totally not what I thought!

Oh, and MrsC, I forgot to respond to you! Sorry! I would put it out of my mind, but if it still bugs you, maybe fh can explain that it's a cultural thing?

MrsTucker2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-very-hurt-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c820b84-d0c2-4b07-b41e-5ddc22d7a8e3Post:b94f2479-d174-4adc-aa0a-4c761929cc5b">Re: Very very hurt by guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I would send them a thank you card letting them know you appreciate them noticing your effort.  :) 
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

*facebook like*

jtmh2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-very-hurt-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c820b84-d0c2-4b07-b41e-5ddc22d7a8e3Post:f8055fd8-b112-4576-b3bb-9648a42707e7">Re: Very very hurt by guests</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt.  However, it seems like there might be a cultural/language barrier going on here.
Posted by jsleik[/QUOTE]

Sadly, I'm running into something like this too.  In my family, you send out invites to all the major relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, brothers/sisters).  Asked my fiance to get me a list of addresses/names of the equivalent relatives back home (she's from Thailand) and her mom pretty much told me not to send invites because none of them would travel and it would just look like we were asking for gifts.

It still bothers me.  More so because it's just one more thing in a long line of things.  She's not been home for almost 3 years and won't be able to go home for at least another year and all I'm trying to do is make sure they're included in her life, but I can't send wedding invitations, can't post pictures on facebook, etc...